“It will be all right, I think!” he murmured to himself, as he closed his eyes wearily— “At any rate, so far as I am concerned, I have done with the world! God grant some good may come of my millions after I am dead! After I am dead! How strange it sounds! What will it seem like, I wonder, — to be dead?”
And he suddenly thought of a poem he had read some years back, — one of the finest and most daring thoughts ever expressed in verse, from the pen of a fine and much neglected poet, Robert Buchanan: —
“Master, if there be Doom,
All men are bereaven!
If in the Universe
One Spirit receive the curse,
Alas for Heaven!
If there be Doom for one,
Thou, Master, art undone!
“Were I a Soul in Heaven,
Afar from pain; —
Yea, on thy breast of snow,
At the scream of one below,
I should scream again —
Art Thou less piteous than
The conception of a Man?”
“No, no, not less piteous!” he murmured— “But surely infinitely more pitiful!”
CHAPTER XXII
And now there came a wondrous week of perfect weather. All the lovely Somersetshire coast lay under the warmth and brilliance of a dazzling sun, — the sea was smooth, — and small sailing skiffs danced merrily up and down from Minehead to Weircombe and back again with the ease and security of seabirds, whose happiest resting-place is on the waves. A lovely calm environed the little village, — it was not a haunt of cheap “trippers,” — and summer-time was not only a working-time, but a playing time too with all the inhabitants, both young and old. The shore, with its fine golden sand, warm with the warmth of the cloudless sky, was a popular resort, and Helmsley, though his physical weakness perceptibly increased, was often able to go down there, assisted by Mary and Angus, one on each side supporting him and guarding his movements. It pleased him to sit under the shelter of the rocks and watch the long shining ripples of ocean roll forwards and backwards on the shore in silvery lines, edged with delicate, lace-like fringes of foam, — and the slow, monotonous murmur of the gathering and dispersing water soothed his nerves and hushed a certain inward fretfulness of spirit which teased him now and then, but to which he bravely strove not to give way. Sometimes — but only sometimes — he felt that it was hard to die. Hard to be old just as he was beginning to learn how to live, — hard to pass out of the beauty and wonder of this present life with all its best joys scarcely experienced, and exchange the consciousness of what little he knew for something concerning which no one could honestly give him any authentic information.
“Yet I might have said the same, had I been conscious, before I was born!” he thought. “In a former state of existence I might have said, ‘Why send me from this that I know and enjoy, to something which I have not seen and therefore cannot believe in?’ Perhaps, for all I can tell, I did say it. And yet God had His way with me and placed me here — for what? Only to learn a lesson! That is truly all I have done. For the making of money is as nothing in the sight of Eternal Law, — it is merely man’s accumulation of perishable matter, which, like all perishable things, is swept away in due course, while he who accumulated it is of no more account as a mere corpse than his poverty-stricken brother. What a foolish striving it all is! What envyings, spites, meannesses and miserable pettinesses arise from this greed of money! Yes, I have learned my lesson! I wonder whether I shall now be permitted to pass into a higher standard, and begin again!”
These inner musings sometimes comforted and sometimes perplexed him, and often he was made suddenly aware of a strange and exhilarating impression of returning youthfulness — a buoyancy of feeling and a delightful ease, such as a man in full vigour experiences when, after ascending some glorious mountain summit, he sees the panorama of a world below him. His brain was very clear and active — and whenever he chose to talk, there were plenty of his humble friends ready to listen. One day the morning papers were full of great headlines announcing the assassination of one of the world’s throned rulers, and the Weircombe fishermen, discussing the news, sought the opinion of “old David” concerning the matter. “Old David” was, however, somewhat slow to be drawn on so questionable a subject, but Angus Reay was not so reticent.
“Why should kings spend money recklessly on their often filthy vices and pleasures,” he demanded, “while thousands, ay, millions of their subjects starve? As long as such a wretched state of things exists, so long will there be Anarchy. But I know the head and front of the offending! I know the Chief of all the Anarchists!”
“Lord bless us!” exclaimed Mrs. Twitt, who happened to be standing by. “Ye don’t say so! Wot’s’ ‘ee like?”
“He’s all shapes and sizes — all colours too!” laughed Angus. “He’s simply the Irresponsible Journalist!”
“As you were once!” suggested Helmsley, with a smile.
“No, I was never ‘irresponsible,’” declared Reay, emphatically. “I may have been faulty in the following of my profession, but I never wrote a line that I thought might cause uneasiness in the minds of the million. What I mean is, that the Irresponsible Journalist who gives more prominence to the doings of kings and queens and stupid ‘society’ folk, than to the actual work, thought, and progress of the nation at large, is making a forcing-bed for the growth of Anarchy. Consider the feelings of a starving man who reads in a newspaper that certain people in London give dinners to their friends at a cost of Two Guineas a head! Consider the frenzied passion of a father who sees his children dying of want, when he reads that the mistress of a king wears diamonds worth forty thousand pounds round her throat! If the balance of material things is for the present thus set awry, and such vile and criminal anachronisms exist, the proprietors of newspapers should have better sense than to flaunt them before the public eye as though they deserved admiration. The Anarchist at any rate has an ideal. It may be a mistaken ideal, but whatever it is, it is a desperate effort to break down a system which anarchists imagine is at the root of all the bribery, corruption, flunkeyism and money-grubbing of the world. Moreover, the Anarchist carries his own life in his hand, and the risk he runs can scarcely be for his pleasure. Yet he braves everything for the ‘ideal,’ which he fancies, if realised, will release others from the yoke of injustice and tyranny. Few people have any ‘ideals’ at all nowadays; — what they want to do is to spend as much as they like, and eat as much as they can. And the newspapers that persist in chronicling the amount of their expenditure and the extent of their appetites, are the real breeders and encouragers of every form of anarchy under the sun!”
“You may be right,” said Helmsley, slowly. “Indeed I fear you are! If one is to judge by old-time records, it was a kinder, simpler world when there was no daily press.”
“Man is an imitative animal,” continued Reay. “The deeds he hears of, whether good or bad, he seeks to emulate. In bygone ages crime existed, of course, but it was not blazoned in headlines to the public. Good and brave deeds were praised and recorded, and as a consequence — perhaps as a result of imitation — there were many heroes. In our times a good or brave deed is squeezed into an obscure paragraph, — while intellect and brilliant talent receive scarcely any acknowledgment — the silly doings of ‘society’ and the Court are the chief matter, — hence, possibly, the preponderance of dunces and flunkeys, again produced by sheer ‘imitativeness.’ Is it pleasant for a man with starvation at his door, to read that a king pays two thousand a year to his cook? That same two thousand comes out of the pockets of the nation — and the starving man thinks some of it ought to fall in his way instead of providing for a cooker of royal victuals! There is no end to the mischief generated by the publication of such snobbish statements, whether true or false. This was the kind of irresponsible talk that set Jean-Jacques Rousseau thinking and writing, and kindling the first spark of the fire of the French Revolution. ‘Royal-Flunkey’ methods of journal
ism provoke deep resentment in the public mind, — for a king after all is only the paid servant of the people — he is not an idol or a deity to which an independent nation should for ever crook the knee. And from the smouldering anger of the million at what they conceive to be injustice and hypocrisy, springs Anarchy.”
“All very well said, — but now suppose you were a wealthy man, what would you do with your money?” asked Helmsley.
Angus smiled.
“I don’t know, David! — I’ve never realised the position yet. But I should try to serve others more than to serve myself.”
The conversation ceased then, for Helmsley looked pale and exhausted. He had been on the seashore for the greater part of the afternoon, and it was now sunset. Yet he was very unwilling to return home, and it was only by gentle and oft-repeated persuasion that he at last agreed to leave his well-loved haunt, leaning as usual on Mary’s arm, with Angus walking on the other side. Once or twice as he slowly ascended the village street he paused, and looked back at the tranquil loveliness of ocean, glimmering as with millions of rubies in the red glow of the sinking sun.
“‘And there shall be no more sea!’” he quoted, dreamily— “I should be sorry if that were true! One would miss the beautiful sea! — even in heaven!”
He walked very feebly, and Mary exchanged one or two anxious glances with Angus. But on reaching the cottage again, his spirits revived. Seated in his accustomed chair, he smiled as the little dog, Charlie, jumped on his knee, and peered with a comically affectionate gravity into his face.
“Asking me how I am, aren’t you, Charlie!” he said, cheerfully— “I’m all right, wee man! — all right!”
Apparently Charlie was not quite sure about it, for he declined to be removed from the position he had chosen, and snuggling close down on his master’s lap, curled himself up in a silky ball and went to sleep, now and then opening a soft dark eye to show that his slumbers were not so profound as they seemed.
That evening when Angus had gone, after saying a prolonged good-night to Mary in the little scented garden under the lovely radiance of an almost full moon, Helmsley called her to his side.
“Mary!”
She came at once, and put her arm around him. He looked up at her, smiling.
“You think I’m very tired, I know,” he said— “But I’m not. I — I want to say a word to you.”
Still keeping her arm round him, she patted his shoulder gently.
“Yes, David! What is it?”
“It is just this. You know I told you I had some papers that I valued, locked away in the little cupboard in my room?”
“Yes. I know.”
“Well now, — when — when I die — will you promise me to take these papers yourself to the address that is written on them? That’s all I ask of you! Will you?”
“Of course I will!” she said, readily— “You know you’ve kept the key yourself since you got well from your bad fever last year — —”
“There is the key,” he said, drawing it from his pocket, and holding it up to her— “Take it now!”
“But why now —— ?” she began.
“Because I wish it!” he answered, with a slight touch of obstinacy — then, smiling rather wistfully, he added, “It will comfort me to know you have it in your own possession. And Mary — promise me that you will let no one — not even Angus — see or touch these papers! — that you will take the parcel just as you find it, straight to the person to whom it is addressed, and deliver it yourself to him! I don’t want you to swear, but I want you to put your dear kind hand in mine, and say ‘On my word of honour I will not open the packet old David has entrusted to me. When he dies I will take it my own self to the person to whom it is addressed, and wait till I am told that everything in it has been received and understood.’ Will you, for my comfort, say these words after me, Mary?”
“Of course I will!”
And placing her hand in his, she repeated it slowly word for word. He watched her closely as she spoke, her eyes gazing candidly into his own. Then he heaved a deep sigh.
“Thank you, my dear! That will do. God bless you! And now to bed!”
He rose somewhat unsteadily, and she saw he was very weak.
“Don’t you feel so well, David?” she asked, anxiously. “Would you like me to sit up with you?”
“No, no, my dear, no! All I want is a good sleep — a good long sleep. I’m only tired.”
She saw him into his room, and, according to her usual custom, put a handbell on the small table which was at the side of his bed. Charlie, trotting at her heels, suddenly began to whimper. She stooped and picked the little creature up in her arms.
“Mind you ring if you want me,” she said to Helmsley then,— “I’m just above you, and I can hear the least sound.”
He looked at her earnestly. His eyes were almost young in their brightness.
“God bless you, Mary!” he said— “You’ve been a good angel to me! I never quite believed in Heaven, but looking at you I know there is such a place — the place where you were born!”
She smiled — but her eyes were soft with unshed tears.
“You think too well of me, David,” she said. “I’m not an angel — I wish I were! I’m only a very poor, ordinary sort of woman.”
“Are you?” he said, and smiled— “Well, think so, if it pleases you. Good-night — and again God bless you!”
He patted the tiny head of the small Charlie, whom she held nestling against her breast.
“Good-night, Charlie!”
The little dog licked his hand and looked at him wistfully.
“Don’t part with him, Mary!” he said, suddenly— “Let him always have a home with you!”
“Now, David! You really are tired out and over-melancholy! As if I should ever part with him!” And she kissed Charlie’s silky head— “We’ll all keep together! Good-night, David!”
“Good-night!” he answered. He watched her as she went through the doorway, holding the dog in her arms and turning back to smile at him over her shoulder — anon he listened to her footfall ascending the stairway to her own room — then, to her gentle movements to and fro above his bed — till presently all was silent. Silence — except for the measured plash of the sea, which he heard distinctly echoing up through the coombe from the shore. A great loneliness environed him — touched by a great awe. He felt himself to be a solitary soul in the midst of some vast desert, yet not without the consciousness that a mystic joy, an undreamed-of glory, was drawing near that should make that desert “blossom like the rose.” He moved slowly and feebly to the window — against one-half of the latticed pane leaned a bunch of white roses, shining with a soft pearl hue in the light of a lovely moon.
“It is a beautiful world!” he said, half aloud— “No one in his right mind could leave it without some regret!”
Then an inward voice seemed to whisper to him —
“You knew nothing of this world you call so beautiful before you entered it; may there not be another world still more beautiful of which you equally know nothing, but of which you are about to make an experience, all life being a process of continuous higher progress?”
And this idea now not only seemed to him possible but almost a certainty. For as our last Laureate expresses it: —
“Whatever crazy sorrow saith,
No life that breathes with human breath
Has ever truly longed for death.
’Tis life whereof our nerves are scant,
Oh life, not death, for which we pant —
More life, and fuller, that I want!”
His brain was so active and his memory so clear that he was somewhat surprised to feel his body so feeble and aching, when at last he undressed, and lay down to sleep. He thought of many things — of his boyhood’s home out in Virginia — of the stress and excitement of his business career — of his extraordinary successes, piled one on the top of the other — and then of the emptiness of it all!
“I should have been happier and wiser,” he said, “if I had lived the life of a student in some quiet home among the hills — where I should have seen less of men and learned more of God. But it is too late now — too late!”
And a curious sorrow and pity moved him for certain men he knew who were eating up the best time of their lives in a mad struggle for money, losing everything of real value in their scramble for what was, after all, so valueless, — sacrificing peace, honour, love, and a quiet mind, for what in the eternal countings is of no more consideration than the dust of the highroad. Not what a man has, but what he is, — this is the sole concern of Divine Equity. Earthly ideas of justice are in direct opposition to this law, but the finite can never overbalance the infinite. We may, if we so please, honour a king as king, — but with God there are no kings. There are only Souls, “made in His image.” And whosoever defaces that Divine Image, whether he be base-born churl or crowned potentate, must answer for the wicked deed. How many of us view our social acquaintances from any higher standard than the extent of their cash accounts, or the “usefulness” of their influence? Yet the inexorable Law works silently on, — and day after day, century after century, shows us the vanity of riches, the fall of pride and power, the triumph of genius, the immutability of love! And we are still turning over the well-worn pages of the same old school-book which was set before Tyre and Sidon, Carthage and Babylon — the same, the very same, with one saving exception — that a Divine Teacher came to show us how to spell it and read it aright — and He was crucified! Doubtless were He to come again and once more try to help us, we should re-enact that old-time Jewish murder!
Delphi Collected Works of Marie Corelli Page 694