by Krista McGee
Dallas rubs Kristie’s back the way I have seen her rub his. “You don’t have to talk about this.”
“Yes, I do.” She looks at me, her eyes wide, full of pain I wish I could remove. “We cannot ever allow what happened that day to be forgotten. You need to know about it.”
“What did you see?” I can barely get the words out. I do not want to know. But Kristie is right. I need to know.
“It happened so fast.” Kristie’s lips tremble. “One minute we were watching the sidewalk in front of the Capitol building in Washington, DC. Tourists were taking pictures and lobbyists were picketing. An average day. Then it all stopped. We saw a flash of light and then the people were gone. Just—gone. Everything was gone. I thought the cameras malfunctioned.”
“It was the nuclear bombs.” Dallas holds Kristie tighter to him.
“Joseph switched to other scenes: New York City, Chicago, LA.” Her voice is shaking. “Then overseas: London, Paris, Tokyo—they were all gone. I started screaming. I knew the nuclear threat was possible on paper. But I never imagined it would happen. Never.”
The ground seems liquid, and I place my palms flat on the grass to steady myself.
“We begged Joseph to check the smaller towns, rural places—we needed to see that there was still life.” Kristie runs a hand through her short brown hair. “Those images were worse.”
“I thought everyone died when the bombs hit.” I repeat what I was always taught.
“Everyone died, yes. But not all died immediately. Some of the people, in outlying towns, were suffocated because the firestorms removed all the oxygen in the air. Many burned to death. So many. And the ones who managed to survive that . . .”
Kristie can’t continue. Dallas’s eyes are hard, the muscles in his jaw tense. We sit for several minutes.
“The ones who survived that died horrible, excruciating deaths.” Kristie shakes her head. “We couldn’t help but watch the screens. We’d switch from big cities to small towns. Malls and office buildings. Everywhere people were bleeding and screaming. And then all the cameras shut down. The screens went black. The last images we saw of the outside world were of people with blood streaming out of their eyes and ears, skin literally melting off bone. It has been forty years, and I can still see those images as clearly as I did that day.”
“And Loudin is responsible for it,” Dallas bites out, hate lacing every word.
“We didn’t know that then,” Kristie says. “But even he wasn’t prepared for what that would look like. He didn’t speak for days. We were all in shock, but Joseph . . . he was worse than any of us.”
“Because he pushed the button. He pushed it.”
“Yes, he did, Dallas. And he has to live with that every day of his life.” Kristie’s voice is sad as she continues. “When he finally broke his silence, he was a different person. His humanity seemed to have been destroyed with the world above. What was left was . . . what you see.”
“An evil man drunk on power.” Dallas stands and wipes debris from his pants.
Kristie takes my hand in hers. “But he wasn’t always like that.”
She is asking me to feel compassion for this man? Never.
“Could I speak with you?” Berk leans his head into my cube.
We slept late this morning. After talking to Kristie last night, I needed to be alone. And then I needed to be with the others, to know I am not alone.
We ended up praying together late last night. We sat and talked about the Designer, reminding ourselves that he is sovereign, he is good. That Loudin is not the final authority. Each of us heard the Designer in different ways—me through music, Rhen through the logic of his Word, Berk through the complexity of the earth. Alex is still unsure of what to believe. He listened to us, asked us questions. We all understand his doubts. We had them too. We will answer whatever questions he has to the best of our abilities and trust that he, too, will hear the Designer and choose to believe in him.
I pull my hair back into an elastic band, slip into some shoes, and follow Berk down the hall, past the kitchen, into the isolation chamber.
“Am I in trouble?” I try to make the moment light, but it is not. Berk and I have not had a moment alone together since I left New Hope.
He opens the door and allows me to pass through first. I sit on the couch and Berk sits beside me. We are not touching, not even looking at each other. The space between us on the couch seems as wide as the distance from here to New Hope.
“We never really got to speak of what happened in Athens.” Berk breaks the silence. His voice sounds tentative. I have never heard Berk sound anything but confident. I look over at him, into his eyes, and see insecurity there too. I know he is asking me about my feelings for Alex.
I close my eyes. No one on earth knows me better than Berk. Not even Rhen. Berk has always understood my differences. He has always appreciated them. Even when we were separated, he never left my thoughts, never left my heart. When I was taken to the Scientists’ quarters, it was Berk who protected me. He saw me as more than an anomaly. He loved me. Loves me. When I was scheduled for annihilation, he planned the escape from the State. He gave up everything for me.
But so much changed in Athens. I changed in Athens. I discovered I do not need to be rescued. The Designer showed me, through the difficulties I endured there—the drugs and the manipulations, the false accusations and imprisonment—that he can give me strength when I have none, that I can walk through the valley of the shadow of death and not be afraid. That I can come out of those valleys stronger and better than I was when I entered. Love for God rushes through me as I am reminded of what he did in me during my weeks in Athens. He will do the same here. I can trust him.
“Thalli?” Berk’s voice shakes me from my thoughts. He is still waiting for an answer about Athens.
I open my eyes and tell him everything—from the first time I saw Alex on his horse outside the city walls to meeting Helen, visiting the city, meeting King Jason. I tell him how our engagement was announced, and how confused I was, how I tried to fight it but the drugs the king used to manipulate people’s minds kept me from thinking clearly.
I don’t need to tell him the next part. Berk knows about the imprisonment—he was there, captured with me in an attempt to rescue me. I tell him how I returned after we were released and how Alex knew that his father had to be stopped, had to be killed, or all of New Hope would be destroyed.
I tell him of Peter’s sacrifice—killing the king to avenge Helen’s death. Tears cascade down my cheeks as I recall helping Peter to Helen’s room so he could die there, near her. And I tell him how Alex is ruler now, if we ever escape and are able to return. He is King of Athens, and he is alone. He is frightened. But he will make a wonderful king. He will rule with compassion and wisdom.
“But he does not wish to rule alone.” Berk is not asking a question. He does not need me to answer this. He knows. His jaw clenches, and his eyes focus on something in the distance.
“There is so much to be done.” I think of all that the Athenians have been taught—about New Hope, about their rulers. “It is similar to what will need to happen here. The people have been slaves for years—the pharmaceuticals their Scientists developed kept the people completely submissive to the king. I felt the effects of those drugs. I saw the effects of them on the people, and on Alex. They are strong. And now the people are breaking free from that and seeing reality for the first time. It will be chaotic.”
Berk leans forward, his elbows on his knees, head in his hands. “I knew Athens had more advancements than New Hope. But I didn’t know how like the State it was.”
“But they are free now.” That knowledge fills me with joy. “Alex will not rule like his father.”
“Back to Alex.” Berk sits up and his gaze meets mine. He still doesn’t touch me, doesn’t take my hand or even brush my shoulder with his. But the look in his eyes is full of heat, his breath is quick. He releases a long sigh before he speaks. “Do you lo
ve him, Thalli?”
The pain in his voice makes my heart ache. But I have to be honest with him. He will know if I am anything but. “He needs me.”
“No, he doesn’t.” Berk moves closer to me and his leg touches mine. In that touch, there is electricity—but the opposite of what I experienced from Loudin’s weapon. This spark is pleasant and beautiful. It leaves me wanting so much more. But I cannot say that. Not now. I drag my gaze back to his as he continues. “Alex needs the Designer. He wants you.”
“You don’t know him.” I stand and walk to the other side of the room. “He watched every member of his family die. His father was responsible for his mother’s and his sister’s deaths. He lives with that knowledge. He won’t admit it, but I know he also lives with a fear that he will be like his father. That’s why he does not want to rule alone. He wants someone there to keep him from becoming like his father.”
Berk walks toward me. He takes my hand in his. “And that someone is you.”
I lower my head and swallow back tears. “Yes.”
“But do you love him?”
That question is so complicated. I feel like a timpani being struck over and over again with two mallets. Alex. Berk. Alex. Berk.
Berk pulls me toward him, and I cannot resist. I lean into his chest, listen to his heartbeat, smell the scent that is Berk, enjoy the current that runs between us. I close my eyes and relax into him, my arms around his waist. When I am with Berk, he is the one I want. The one I love.
Do I feel the same when I am with Alex?
I don’t know. I cannot even process all these feelings. I feel the tension in Berk’s muscles. He is waiting for an answer. Do you love him?
The door opens before I have to respond.
CHAPTER 22
There you are.” Dallas enters the isolation chamber. “Hate to intrude, but we are being summoned by Dr. Loudin. His big, ugly face just popped up on the wall. He wants us all in the living area right now.”
I pull away from Berk, avoiding his eyes. He places a hand lightly on my back as we exit the chamber and make our way back to the living area. Rhen and Alex are already there. And, as Dallas said, Loudin is on the wall screen, his smile too wide.
“Excellent.” Dr. Loudin’s white teeth fill the center of the screen. “Alex, it seems there is much you did not tell me. I am disappointed. The news of your sister is not all that intriguing, though it sounds as if her death was quite dramatic.”
Alex takes a step forward, as if he could reach Loudin through the wall screen. Dallas pulls him back.
“Now, now.” Loudin smile remains firmly in place. “No need to get upset. I do not wish to know about your sister. I do, however, wish to know about your father. More specifically, about those drugs your father used. To subdue his people? Fascinating. Our Scientists, I am sure, developed that. Emile was my Pharmaceuticals Expert. I felt his loss deeply when he left. But we didn’t have time to train someone in that field. It didn’t seem as important as maintaining the oxygen and securing the infrastructure. Those five deserters left us operating at a loss. Unlike you, I find I cannot possibly forgive them.”
He heard everything. Our discussion in the living area last night, Berk’s and my conversation in the isolation chamber today. Every word I told Berk went straight to Loudin. Bile fills my throat and I swallow it down. Angry at Loudin for invading our privacy and angry at myself for not knowing that he would. I have allowed my emotions and my exhaustion to cloud my thinking.
“I know I said you would stay there in Pod C, but I am afraid I will have to rescind that offer. You are needed here. All of you. A transport is being sent as we speak. Gather whatever belongings you need and be prepared to depart in five minutes.”
The wall screen goes black, but the five of us stand where we are, staring at it.
“How did he know about my father’s pharmaceuticals?” Alex looks at each of us. “I purposely kept silent on that during my testing.”
“It is my fault.” Berk’s jaw clenches, the words coming out like a growl.
“No, it’s mine.” I walk to Alex. “I told Berk about it. The isolation room has always been camera-free. I assumed it still was.”
Alex punctuates each word with his hands. “I’ve been here a few days, and I know better than to assume Loudin isn’t listening to every word we say.”
“She’s lived here her whole life and never knew that room to be monitored.” Berk narrows his eyes as he steps toward Alex. “It’s an honest mistake.”
“And now the most diabolical man on the planet knows about my father’s pharmaceuticals.” Alex does not move. “All because you made her talk.”
“I’m sorry.” I step between the boys. “Truly.”
“It seems as if the Designer is giving us many opportunities to practice forgiveness.” Rhen smiles at me, and I feel even guiltier because of the kindness she is demonstrating.
The door to our pod opens, and Monitors enter. Rhen moves quickly to our cube. The rest of us walk outside, and the transport is waiting. I look beyond it. I want so badly to escape. To run as fast and as far as I can. But even if I did, there would be no real escape. There is no way out. Not while Loudin monitors our every word and our every move. He cannot be overpowered. He cannot be outwitted. How can a man so evil be permitted to rule? Images of the Nuclear War fill my mind, and I feel a renewed fear at what Loudin was—and is—capable of doing.
Rhen joins us, carrying a worn book in her arms—the words of the Designer she has been reading. I look at the ancient tome. I should read it too. Reading its words has certainly helped Rhen. Changed her. Perhaps it can bring light into the dark places in me.
The five of us are silent as we step into the transport. I look up as we travel, and I see one of the viewing panels. There, far above us, I see the sun. Evidence of the Designer, a reminder that there is a world above waiting for us, a world where there is freedom and love. I think of John, lying beside the pond, eyes looking up toward that sky, smiling at the unseen. I think of the water he loved so much, the baptisms he performed in that water—the cleansing, the new births those represented.
Rhen stands beside me and follows my eyes. She opens the ancient book and points to a section that is underlined. My eyes are momentarily blinded from looking into the sky, but as they adjust, the words come into focus: “Nothing is impossible with God.”
CHAPTER 23
What do you mean you do not know how to make it?” Loudin is yelling at Alex.
We have been brought directly from Pod C to Loudin’s office. Alex was right. Loudin wants King Jason’s pharmaceuticals. I push down the feelings of guilt that threaten to choke me.
“I have told you everything I know,” Alex yells back.
“Liar.” Loudin lowers his voice, almost to a whisper. “You have withheld plenty of information from me. You were taught well. Your father may have been less evolved than I, but he certainly understood leadership. And he taught you what he knew because he wanted the Athens he ruled to be strong when you became ruler.”
“He did not know how to make the pharmaceuticals either.”
“How could he not know something so important?” Loudin is louder again, pacing the floor. “The Scientists could have chosen to use that knowledge against him. They could have subdued your father and taken over the throne.”
“They would never do that.”
“Why?” Loudin stops in front of Alex and curls his lip. “Because they are loyal?”
Alex does not answer.
“No.” Loudin raises his eyebrows. “They were not loyal. Of course not. Your father was well aware of the dangers of his subjects. He knew what all those opinions and emotions could lead to. That’s why he had the drugs developed in the first place.”
Alex’s jaw tenses.
“But if they were not loyal, then what was it that made those Scientists do what your father asked?” Loudin smiles. He knows. Or he thinks he knows. And Alex believes Loudin knows because his face is tu
rning red, he is breathing in short puffs of air, barely keeping himself contained.
“He threatened them.” Loudin claps his hands together. “He threatened those they loved.”
Alex closes his eyes.
“Yes, I do believe your father and I would have gotten along very well. It is an excellent plan. Use those dangerous emotions to your advantage. Do what I say or I hurt someone you love. So they did whatever he asked and they never considered betrayal.”
Alex opens his eyes. They are hard. “My father died at the hands of one of his subjects. He was not as successful as he imagined.”
“Yes, but that subject had no one left, am I right? I heard all about it, how poor Peter loved your sister.”
“Peter was a better man than you will ever be.” I cannot remain silent.
Loudin waves me off, refusing to take his eyes off Alex. “When your father had your sister killed, Peter was angry, wasn’t he? And as soon as he knew his own sister was safe from the king’s men, he returned to seek his revenge. And he could because there was no one left in Athens he loved. No one left to threaten.”
Alex looks like he is going to burst out of his skin. I want to go to him, comfort him. But I cannot show weakness and neither can Alex. I pray he is able to resist Loudin’s taunts.
“And that was his error.” Loudin shakes his head. “Peter felt the freedom to kill the king because it was only his own life he was putting in jeopardy. He was gladly willing to sacrifice himself, especially since he lost the only woman he ever loved.”
The door opens and Kristie is brought in, a Monitor on either side of her, holding her arms.
“I know what it is like to lose the woman you love.” Loudin looks at Kristie. “Your father was wise not to love your mother. He was very wise to kill her when he discovered she was not faithful to him. Had she been allowed to live, who knows what damage she could have done? People may have even used her against him. She herself may have tried to defy him.”