I could depend on Crimson and Scarlet, my two besties, but lately, I seemed to be shutting them out, too. I’d missed Stone during the last week, and I’d wanted to pick the phone up and call him several times. It was only through sheer willpower that I’d been able to refrain. I’d seen him during the graduation rehearsal, but I had avoided him. I wanted to sort through my feelings, and I’d never been good at doing that when he was near me.
In a way, it felt like a cleansing process. With so many things happening so quickly, my emotions were a jumbled mess, and I hoped that my time away from him would clear my head and help me make the right decision regarding the future of our relationship.
Breathing in the crisp, morning air, I felt renewed. I could almost imagine Granny sitting in the rocker next to me, and being in one of her favorite spots, I felt closer to her.
When the sun finally topped the horizon, its golden glow cast on the world below, I stood, letting its rays penetrate my soul. It was just the boost I needed to give me the strength to make it through the day. Reluctant to leave the porch, I finally dragged myself inside to shower and get ready for graduation.
Mr. Milton and I arrived early, so that he would get a good seat and he wouldn’t have to fight the crowd as they poured into the gymnasium. Since it was a Saturday morning, Crimson and Scarlet would be unable to attend because it was one of their busiest days at the salon. Many of my friends had huge families filling large sections of the seating, and I tried to remind myself that it didn’t matter how many people were here to see me graduate. The only thing that mattered was that I had people who loved me enough to come. I wrung my hands, hoping that my mother would keep her promise. I scanned the crowd in search of her, but the attempt to find her was futile.
My eyes locked on the entrance, and I saw Stone enter with his family. His parents laughed, and his mother wrapped her arm around him and stood on her tiptoes to whisper something in his ear. I squelched the tiny bit of jealousy that bloomed in the pit of my stomach, knowing that I should have no ill feelings toward him if he was fortunate enough to have loving parents.
Stone looked handsome as always in his crisp, white shirt, black tie, and dark slacks. His graduation gown was folded over his arm, his cap held loosely in his hands. It was good to see him happy.
When he moved to the left to shake another student’s hand, I saw his brother. I’d never met Dylan before because he rarely came home from school, but I’d seen pictures of him. He and Stone looked a lot alike, but Dylan wasn’t quite as tall and he had a slimmer build.
Stone had told me once that his brother hated him, but he never told me why. It seemed like a shame to me, and I wondered if they all knew just how lucky they were to have each other.
I glanced at the clock, noting that it was time to line up backstage. I tried to call my mother’s cell phone. She didn’t answer, and I had the sinking feeling that I wouldn’t see her today.
As luck would have it, Stone was two people behind me after we lined up in alphabetical order. He temporarily switched places with the one guy who stood between us and whispered in my ear, “Hey, Dara.”
Normally, he would’ve wrapped his arms around my waist, but he kept his distance. I was glad because I knew the minute he touched me, all my resolve would drift away like a thin wisp of fog.
“Hi, Stone,” I said, only partially turning my head in his direction.
“I just wanted to congratulate you on graduating high school.”
“Thank you. Congratulations to you, too.”
He started to say something, but Mrs. Wilhoite, the teacher in charge of the line, clapped her hands and asked if everyone was in order.
Stone returned to his spot, and the ceremony began.
I felt an amazing sense of accomplishment when I received my diploma. All of the years of hard work had finally paid off, and I could literally feel the new phase of my life beginning. My life was changing in a lot of ways, and as I looked back over the last few years, I knew that I was strong enough to handle whatever may come, that even though things didn’t always go the way I wanted them to, I was in control of my own destiny.
After the ceremony, I found Mr. Milton.
Hugging me, he said in his rough voice, “Dara, I know your Granny’s watching you right now, and she is so proud of you. I’m so proud of you.”
“Thank you, Mr. Milton.” I wrapped my arms around him, my cap firmly in my hand as the tassel swayed with the motion.
“If you want, we could go get something to eat.” He pulled back and looked at me with his kind smile.
“If you don’t mind, I think I’ll hang around a little while. Why don’t you go on? I can get a friend to give me a ride home.”
“I don’t mind waiting,” he said, running his hand across his thick, white hair.
“I know you don’t, but it’s not necessary. I’ll see you at home later.”
“Okay, if you’re sure.”
I reassured him and gave him another hug. Once he turned to leave, I walked over to a large group of my friends.
As we ended our tearful goodbyes, someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned to see my mother in a simple, white dress, her sandy-colored hair pulled up in a bun with loose curls framing her face. She wore light makeup, and although she couldn’t hide the hints of a rough life, I’d never seen her look more beautiful.
“Mom, you’re here!”
She smiled at me and held out her arms. Instantly, I stepped into her embrace, and she hugged me tightly. “Honey, I’ve missed you so much,” she whispered. I closed my eyes, savoring the moment. Relief that she had kept her word flowed through my body, and I realized that she had no idea how much I had needed her to. With that one hug, I felt a little less lonely in the world.
When I opened my eyes again, I saw Stone. He stood a few feet behind us, and once I took in the entire sight, I was shocked into speechlessness. He held a baby carrier, and I instantly began working scenarios in my mind as to whose baby he held. Had he gotten someone pregnant right before he and I had gotten together?
My mom pulled back, blocking Stone from my line of vision. “I’m proud of you, Dara,” she whispered with tears in her eyes. “You’ve grown up to be so smart and pretty and kind.” She patted me on the shoulder.
“Thanks, Mom,” I said, offering her a smile.
She dabbed at her eyes with her index finger. “When you get through here, maybe we could go somewhere and talk.”
Curiosity raged in my mind, but I looked around and saw all the friends that I had gone to school with over the years. “Give me a few more minutes, and we can go to Granny’s house.”
“Okay,” she agreed.
I turned back to look for Stone, but he was gone. Was he carrying his baby?
I forced myself to keep calm and not to let crazy notions swarm my head. If he had an ex-girlfriend who was having his baby, he wouldn’t have kept that from me, would he? I took a deep breath and cleared my head. I needed to stop before my imagination ate me alive from my brain outward. I knew better than to start making assumptions.
My mother waited patiently while I spent another half hour hugging and congratulating my friends. As the crowd started to thin, I realized that I hadn’t seen Stone again.
“Are you ready to go?” my mother asked as I approached her.
“Yes. I don’t have my car here, though. Did you drive?”
She nodded. “My car’s in the parking lot. Do you want to ride with me?”
“Sure.”
My car wasn’t much, and neither was my mother’s. It was an older model, midsize car that was a pretty shade of blue.
“Where do you want to go?” my mom asked.
“Granny’s house,” I said. “Not Mr. Milton’s, but Granny’s,” I added.
“No one lives there?” she asked.
“No. Granny was gonna rent it out, but she said she couldn’t bring herself to let strangers move in. All her furniture’s still there.”
“I’m r
eally sorry about your granny. I wish I could’ve come to the funeral, so that I could’ve been there for you.”
“I had Mr. Milton and Stone and Granny’s family from Nashville.” I wondered why she couldn’t come. What could’ve been so important that she couldn’t be there for me when I needed her? I quickly decided it didn’t matter. She’d never been there for me, and I had learned that it was better not to expect much.
“I’m glad they were all there for you.”
A few minutes later, she pulled into Granny’s gravel driveway. I’d been here a few days ago to put some drinks in the refrigerator. It was exactly the same as when Granny and I moved in with Mr. Milton, except for maybe a little dustier. The yard hadn’t been cut yet this year, and it was badly in need of a mow. I made a mental note that I would need to handle it in the next couple of days.
Stepping out of the car, we made our way to the front porch. The wind chimes jingled as the May air made them come alive.
I unlocked the front door, and we went inside. Even though I’d dropped by a couple of times in the last week, a musty smell penetrated the house.
“You want a drink?” I asked.
“No, thanks, sweetie, but I need to use the little girl’s room, and I need to make a phone call.”
I pointed her down the hall. “I’ll be out on the porch,” I called as she left the living room.
“Okay. Be there in a minute.”
I wondered what she needed to tell me, what had kept her away from me, her only child. It had to be a man, and I wondered what he was like. Was he a bad influence?
I set my cap down on the coffee table and removed my gown, draping it across the couch arm. I kicked off my heels by the front door.
Walking through the living room and the kitchen, I raised the windows, so that the rooms could air out. Even though Mr. Milton had a nicer house, it just didn’t feel like home the way this house did, and I was elated just to be here.
I grabbed a soft drink out of the refrigerator and went to the front porch, plopping down in the rocker that my grandfather had made. I opened the can and took a swig before sitting it on the small table beside me. I liked the way the porch slats felt under my bare feet as I gently rocked back and forth.
I felt an immense feeling of freedom, knowing that high school was over and that I had my entire future ahead of me, but all of that was overshadowed with the curiosity of what my mother had to tell me that was so important she insisted on doing it in person.
I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the rocker, listening to the wind rustle the leaves of the huge oak in the front yard. Whatever my mother needed to say, it must be really, really bad, or she would’ve just told me over the phone.
And just to make things really interesting, my mind threw in a shot of Stone at the graduation ceremony with a baby. Was he the father? Was everyone keeping secrets from me? What was next? Was Mr. Milton an international spy?
The door creaked as my mother stepped out onto the porch. I opened my eyes to see her smiling at me. She laughed, and I had the impression it was a nervous reaction. It must really be bad.
She walked in front of me and sat in the rocker on the other side of the small table.
“It’s beautiful here,” she said as she took off her shoes and set them carefully in front of the table. She pushed her chair into a rocking motion and soaked in her surroundings.
I admired the fact that she could see the beauty in this place because most people would just see an old farmhouse with a crappy driveway and an unruly yard. Most people thought that the bigger and newer something was, the better it was. That in itself wasn’t a problem unless the pursuit of those things kept people from seeing the beauty in places like this. Maybe I was partial because of all the happy memories I had here.
“Yes, it is,” I agreed with her assessment.
“I’m glad that Helen did such a wonderful job of raising you.”
I just nodded. What could I say? Granny had been the only mother I’d ever really known, but I didn’t want to state the obvious to my biological mother.
“Where’ve you been, Mom?” I asked, a surge of anger and hurt bubbling to the surface.
She stared at her hands, and I knew that she had no good excuses. I remembered Stone telling me not to jump to conclusions, but when someone disappoints you over and over again, you begin to lose faith.
And I had lost faith, no matter how much I wished it otherwise.
“Dara, I wanted to be with you on your birthday. I really did.”
“Then why weren’t you?” I knew my voice displayed a hint of anger, but I couldn’t help it.
I watched her as she fiddled with the hem of her dress. Finally, her eyes lifted to mine.
She laughed again. “I’m really nervous. I want to explain everything to you, Dara, and I don’t know how you’re gonna take it. I know I haven’t been much of a mother to you.” Her eyes shifted back to her hem.
“No, you haven’t.”
She pursed her lips and nodded.
“But that doesn’t mean it’s too late,” I added.
Her eyes flew to my face, and I recognized the look of hope in them.
“It also doesn’t mean that you can keep stringing me along, Mom. I can’t take it. And now I don’t have Granny. So you either need to be my mother or you need to leave me alone.” I knew my words were a little harsh, but they needed to be said. And I meant them. Now that Granny was gone, it was up to me to protect myself, and my heart couldn’t take my mother’s hot and cold behavior.
“You’re right,” she said, “and I’m sorry that I’ve hurt you.”
“So why did you?”
“I met a man,” she said softly.
Why did I know this was going to have something to do with a man?
“So I was your second choice?” I asked, annoyed.
“No, it’s nothing like that,” she quickly responded. “I was in love with him.”
Gravels crunched, interrupting her story, and we both looked up to see Stone pulling into the driveway. He was in his mother’s car, and I wondered how he knew to find me here.
I stared at him in amazement as he got out of the car and proceeded to retrieve the baby carrier from the back seat. Seriously?
I noticed that he had changed into jeans and a tee shirt as he approached the porch, the outline of his bulging bicep clearly defined under the weight of the baby carrier. Once he was closer, I noticed that the baby was a newborn, and my heart sank as I wondered if he was the father. Why else would Stone be carrying around a baby?
“I’ve got someone for you to meet,” Stone said solemnly. He glanced between my mother and me.
I swallowed hard, my heart thundering in my chest. I wanted to put my fingers in my ears as if I were a five-year-old and refuse to listen to what he had to say. A girl could only take so much in the span of a couple of weeks.
He stopped beside me, setting the carrier on the worn, smooth planks of the porch. The baby was sleeping soundly.
“I want you to meet Emma,” he said quietly, a smile touching his lips as he looked at her.
I didn’t know whether to be sad or angry or jealous, and I thought maybe I was a combination of all of them.
“You came here to tell me that you have a baby?” I asked, dreading his answer.
A look of surprise crossed his face, and he looked at my mother. “You didn’t tell her?”
It was my turn to be surprised, and I turned to my mother. “Tell me what? You knew that he had fathered a baby?”
“No!” she shouted.
Stone glared at me. “You really think I could’ve fathered a baby while we were together?”
“Well, it could’ve happened right before we started dating,” I said defensively.
“And what? I had a pregnant ex-girlfriend all this time, and I didn’t tell you?” he thundered.
I gaped at him.
“You’re like everyone else,” he said quietly through clenched teeth.
“You always expect the worst from me.”
“Maybe you give people a reason to expect the worst.” I regretted my words as soon as they left my mouth. The hurt and anger were evident on his face.
He turned and strode quickly to his car, leaving the baby on the porch.
“What about the baby?” I called after him.
After he turned a cold glare in my direction, he pulled the base of the car seat out of his backseat and set it in the overgrown yard. Then, he got in the car, slammed the door, and left in a flurry of spinning gravels.
“Emma’s your sister,” my mother said quietly.
I spun around and stared at my mom. “My what?” What the heck was going on?
“Your sister. That’s why I couldn’t come to your birthday party. I was in labor.”
I couldn’t have been more shocked if my body had just been submerged in the icy waters of the Artic.
My mother continued, “She was born prematurely, so she’s been in the hospital until this week. It was a little scary at first, but she’s fine now.”
I looked at the sleeping baby. She was my sister?
My mother took my hands in hers, and I looked her in the eyes, seeing a myriad of emotions in their depths. “I know I should’ve told you that I was pregnant, but I was too afraid.”
“Afraid of what?”
“Afraid that you’d think I shouldn’t be having any children because of what a terrible mother I am, because of what a terrible mother I’ve been to you.”
Truthfully, that might have been exactly what I would’ve thought, but she shouldn’t have kept her pregnancy a secret from me.
She squeezed my hands. “I want to be a good mother to her, Dara. And I know it’s late in the game, but I want to be a good mother to you, too. If you’ll let me….”
Stunned, my gaze dropped to the tiny baby asleep in the carrier.
“You want to hold her?” my mom asked softly, fumbling with the straps that secured her.
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