by Dima Zales
“Ameana, where are we?”
“The Golden Gate Bridge.”
Panic is not the right word, but it’s the only thing that comes to mind. She took me to San Francisco to throw me off the bridge. I’m gonna die. My heart pounds inside my chest. At any moment now it is going to jump out of my body.
“Calm down, I’m not going to push you,” she says. I try to take the panic away from my voice.
“Then why are we here?”
“Look down.”
“I’m not scared of you Ameana,” I lie.
“Yeah, I got that impression. Maybe you should rethink that.”
“Screw you. Get me off of here.”
“I see you’ve sobered up.”
“Get me down,” I yell from somewhere in me that is too pissed off now to be scared.
“I brought you here to talk.”
“Ever hear of Starbucks?”
“I was actually feeling bad for you. I thought, this girl has some family issues. And let’s just say I’m more than a little familiar with family troubles. In fact, I think one of the major requirements to being chosen as a Guardian is that you have a messed up home life. But you can ask Marcus about that. Wait, you can’t because he has yet to tell you anything about his Core.”
“What’s your point?”
“The point is, I felt bad. I could relate and I gave you some slack. But now I see that you and I have nothing in common. For one thing you are the most selfish person I have ever met. And you don’t know my mother but she owned the rights to selfish. But you’ve even outdone her.”
“I gave him up. What else do you want?”
“He wasn’t yours to give.”
“Are we done here? ‘Cause you’re acting like a lunatic, and I’d like to go home.”
She waves her hand carelessly and lifts me off the pillar of the bridge. I am now in midair, just like her. But unlike her, I don’t have any wings. Terror washes over me. My face is frozen with fear. I stand perfectly still as if that will convince gravity not to take me down, should she decide to let me go.
“Watch how you speak to me, human. I’m trying really hard not to kill you. Help me, won’t you?”
“What do you want?”
“I want you to come to terms with the truth.”
“What truth?”
“You’re a liar, Emerson Baxter. You act and talk like you’re in love with Marcus. That can’t possibly be the case. Because if the most powerful human on Earth had told me that I would bring Marcus to the end of his life and the failure of his only mission, I would do anything to make sure that didn’t happen.”
“I gave him up.”
“Gave him up? Every time I turn around he’s rescuing you, holding you, comforting you….”
She’s right. I had not been the distant, unobtrusive girl that I said I was going to be. I had been in their love life, and even in their kiss. I wasn’t out of the picture. I was the picture.
I remain silent. She drops me and I quickly fall several feet. I scream all the way down. I’m going to hit water. I can’t swim. Even if I could, I’d still die. Oh, no. My mom will never stop crying.
I am halted in the air just as abruptly. Ameana flies down to my level.
“I just wanted to make sure you were paying attention.”
“I hate you.”
“Yes, well there’s something we have in common after all.”
“Don’t drop me again, okay? If you want to get rid of me, then do, it but stop toying with me.” I am hardly able to get the words out.
“All this time I have been talking to you, I have done so as Marcus’ girlfriend. I love him and I want him to be protected. But now I am talking to you as the Second-in-Command. Don’t mix up the two. As his girlfriend, I want you to back off and get a life.”
“As the second Guardian, what do you want?”
“To succeed on this mission. Nothing else can matter besides that. I would even give up Marcus if that’s what the mission called for. I will do any and everything to ensure we are successful. And if you get in the way of that, I can circumvent Marcus by calling in the council and presenting my case to them.”
“You’d betray him like that?”
“I would even take myself out if that is what needs to happen.”
“I love him.”
“Than start acting like it and do what’s best for him. Let him go.”
“I can’t.”
“You will, or I will destroy you.”
She comes even closer and wipes the tears that are running down my face. She holds my face gently in the palm of her hand.
“Your courage is in your tears. Every time you cry, you lose a little bit more of it. That’s why you’re so breakable. Not because you’re human, because you’re always shedding courage from your eyes.”
I look away from her while keeping my face in her hand.
“Emmy, look at me.” I do as I am told.
“Cry for Marcus and the love you will never have with him. But then be done with it. Shed no more courage. You’ll need all of it to save the other humans.”
The thing that gets to me isn’t what she just said, it’s the thought that I am destroying Marcus by wanting him. I can’t allow that. So here, on the Golden Gate Bridge, I cry my last tears and say good bye to the thought of Marcus and Emmy, good bye to the love that really never stood a chance.
17
I wake up at home in the safety of my bed. I have come to three conclusions. One, drinking is the stupidest thing ever invented. My head is pounding. Every single sound in my apartment is amplified a billion times over.
But the one cliché about drinking that isn’t happening to me is memory loss. I unfortunately remember every embarrassing moment of my party.
Now I am moving like I’m one hundred and ten years old; every movement somehow reminds my head that it should be pounding, and so it does. I brush my teeth and that pisses off my head and makes it hurt even worse.
The second thing I know is that I have to recommit myself to forgetting Marcus. I mean it this time. Ameana’s tactics were less than angel-like, but she was right. I come out of my room with faded jeans and a messy ponytail. I don’t have the strength to pull my hair back and make it nice. Did I mention that drinking sucks? Okay, just checking.
My mom is on the phone when I walk into the kitchen. She says good bye to whomever she was talking to and hangs up.
“Hey, birthday girl.”
“That was yesterday.”
“Well I’m your mom; I can extend the celebration if I want. How was the party?”
“Good.”
“What is it about teenagers refusing to give up more information? Miku called and said you may not be feeling well.”
“Yeah, I ate something that made me throw up. It was fun.”
“You ate something or you drank something?”
“What?”
“I came into your room last night and I smelled alcohol and vomit. I’m not an idiot Emerson.”
“Well….”
“Don’t lie to me.”
“I’m sorry. It was just one time.”
“So what? You’re only 16 years old. Who else was drinking?”
“No one.”
“So, you got the alcohol on your own?”
“Yeah, no one gave it to me.”
“I told you I don’t want anymore lies.”
“I’m not lying. I went and got it myself.”
“From where?”
“I had some guy get it for me at the store.”
“What guy?”
“Some guy. I don’t know his name.”
“I don’t believe this. What is going on with you? Is it Marcus and his friends? Are they driving you to break the rules?”
“No, I just wanted to try it.”
“You know better than that.”
“Mom, please stop shouting. My head hurts.”
“Well, maybe that will teach you about under-age drinking, bu
t just in case you did not get the message I will help you. You are grounded for two months.”
“What—two months? But I said I was sorry.”
“I’m sorry too, Emmy. I’m sorry that I trusted you to make the right choice and that you let me down.”
“I just did it that one time because I was stressed out. I needed to blow off steam.”
“You can blow off all the steam you want for the next two months in your room. You will not go anywhere. You will not use the phone and you are not allowed company.”
“That’s not fair. You have no idea what I’m going through.”
“Then tell me, Emmy. What is happening with you?”
“Forget it,” I snap and head off into my room. She calls after me.
“Get back here, now.” I reluctantly turn back.
“Do not walk away from me. I never said our conversation was over.”
“What else is there?”
“Sit down.” I do as I’m told and take a seat at the kitchen table.
“Why were you drinking?”
“I just wanted to try it, I guess.”
“Who else had drinks?”
“I was the only one. I told you that.”
“We’ve talked about drinking. We’ve talked about drugs and we’ve talked about sex.”
“Mom—”
“No. You and I have talked about every uncomfortable subject there is. I did that so you would know that you can turn to me. I’m worried about you, Emmy. I love you and I want to know that you’re okay.”
The look on her face is one of deep sadness. She thinks that she’s losing me to the angels and that I will somehow end up like a bad after-school special.
“Marcus and Ameana being together was hard for me to deal with. Then yesterday I saw them kissing and I made a stupid mistake. They didn’t tell me to drink. They tried to stop me but I didn’t listen.”
“That’s all this is about? Your crush on Marcus?”
“It’s not a crush. I love him.”
“Okay, this is only about loving Marcus? Nothing else?”
I think about telling her that it hurts to be unwanted. She’d say that she loves me and wants me. But that wouldn’t help. She didn’t want me before she had me. It wasn’t like she planned to have a baby and poured over fertility books to figure out the best time to have me. Her life was on the right path until I came.
“Nothing, Mom. I just need to come to terms with not being chosen, that’s all.”
“Well, drinking isn’t a way to come to terms with anything.”
“I know.”
“If you ever drink again, when you get out from being grounded, you’ll be so old you’ll need a nurse to help you get around. Do you understand me?”
“Yes.”
“Oh, and there is no TV or radio.
“But—. Okay, fine,” I mumble bitterly.
“I left your present in the living room. After you open it, come and give it to me.”
“Why?”
“You’ll see,” she says mysteriously.
I walk into the living room and on the coffee table is a gift the size of a shoe box. It is wrapped in dark blue paper with confetti printed on it. I tear it open.
“Oh, no,” I moan in misery. It’s the new iPod I had wanted. I never mentioned it to her. But I’m sure she must have seen the look on my face when the commercial would come on. It holds five thousand more CDs than the one I have now. It plays movies, videos and has like a billion games. I’m in hell. How could I not use it knowing it was right here in my own house? Why is my mother doing this me? Maybe she and the council have gotten together to torture me.
“Bring it over here, miss,” she calls out. I walk back into the kitchen and think maybe I can salvage things and get her to let me use my present.
“Mom, this is so nice. Please, please, let me have it.”
“Hand it over.” She extends her hand.
“You already brought it, Mom, what’s the use of keeping it from me. Please?”
“Now.” I hand the box over to her and go back to my room.
By the time I get to school I am inconsolable. Rio sees me in the hallway and says something about the dangerous waves of females. Whatever. I am in no mood.
Everyone is talking about the party just like I thought they would. Now every other kid that sees me in the hall asks me to “save them.” It’s humiliating.
“I’m surprised you’re here, Em,” Jay says.
“Why?”
“The way you pissed off Meana last night? I thought that was a wrap for you. I was waiting for the call to ID your body,” Jay jokes.
Marcus clenches his Jaw. He hates any kind of joke where I end up getting hurt. Especially because his girl had thrown me into the wall once already.
“I’m fine. No need to ID anything.”
“So, Meana just took you home last night? She didn’t play dodge those knives with you or anything?”
“No.”
“Wow, Meana, good for you,” Jay mocks. I don’t want them to know about the bridge. It has nothing to do with them. It’s just between Ameana and me.
“Look, you guys, I’m sorry about last night. I was…out of line. You guys went to a lot of trouble, and I ruined the party.”
“It’s okay, but next time you’re on clean-up duty,” Rio says.
“There won’t be a next time. I’m grounded.”
“Why?”
“My mom found out I was drinking when she came to my room last night and found my clothes reeking of alcohol so, I’m out for the count.”
“For how long?”
“Two months.”
“That’s not gonna work. We have to leave the country and we can’t let you stay here by yourself,” Marcus says.
“Where are you guys going?”
“I’ll tell everyone the plan back at the house.”
“I can take you home and when the coast is clear, the rest of us will come to you,” Miku says.
“Okay, but first I need to talk to Ameana,” I say casually. She looks up at me, surprised by my request. They all look a little taken aback.
“Sure, that classroom is empty. You guys go talk in there and we’ll stay here.”
“What is it?” she asks.
“I didn’t tell anyone about last night because I think that you were right. I do need to let him go. Not because I couldn’t have him, but because the Sage thinks it’s what’s best for him.”
“You think you could actually take him from me?”
“I didn’t ask you here to talk about Marcus. I don’t know what your Core is. I don’t know what horrors happened in your life. And I don’t care. The next time you put my life in danger on purpose again, you better have the balls to kill me right then and there. Because if you don’t, I will come after you.”
“And what will you do?”
“Whatever I have to. I don’t care if I have to get Omnis himself to come down. I will. Because angel or no angel, I will not be bullied.”
“You think you can threaten me?
“I’m not afraid to go to the house of fire.”
“Good, ‘cause I’m not afraid to send you there.”
My mom was not joking about my punishment. When I get home, she had taken my stereo, TV, and something far more valuable—my books.
“Oh, c’mon,” I moan in frustration. Aargh! I should have hidden a few books where she wouldn’t think to look. Damn it. My mom had learned years ago that I was more than okay with missing out on TV. I could even suffer without my radio for a day or two. But my heart was in my books. She took all the good ones. The ones I read repeatedly and have all but memorized. All my favorite authors had been taken hostage.
I look around the shelves in my room to survey the damage. It’s worse than I thought. She had taken all things Shakespeare, Hawthorne and Faulkner. Then just as I am recovering from the great wrong that has been committed against me, I spot a gaping hole where there was once a huge collection
. I go over to the bookcase across from my bed.
“She took Harry Potter? The woman is ruthless.”
“Emmy, I’m off,” she calls out to me.
“You’re telling me.”
“Excuse me?”
“Nothing.”
“Come say good bye.”
I drag myself off the bed and out to the front door where she stands.
“Okay, bye,” I say. She smiles at my doomed expression.
“The Harry Potter thing really hurt, huh?”
“You couldn’t leave me even one?”
“No.”
“Because you hate me and want me to suffer.”
“Yes, that's it. It’s not because I love you and want you to make better choices. Nope, that’s not it at all.” Sarcasm. Great.
She smiles sadly and kisses me on the forehead.
“I’ll be back before you get up. And remember to take the pills the doctor gave you for your wrist.”
“Yeah, yeah I will.” She turns to go then looks back at me.
“I love you, piglet. I’m only doing what’s best for you.” She leaves and closes the door behind her.
A few minutes later the angels come up to see me.
“You’ve changed since you’ve been in the big house Em,” Jay jokes.
“Ha, Ha. Just sit down and make sure you leave everything the way you found it. I don’t want her knowing I had people over.”
“Mommy got you on lock, huh?” Ameana jokes. Suddenly everyone thinks they’re so damn funny.
“Can we just get on with the business at hand?”
Marcus takes the hint and starts the meeting.
“We intercepted a Runner high on the food chain and found out where the Akons are keeping Julian,” he says in his “all business” tone.
“Where?”
“In a small village in Togo, West Africa.”
“They are keeping him there because of the amount of evil that surrounds the area. The humans there are in the midst of a civil war. It’s bloody and absolutely without point. That means the Akons will have the advantage because, unlike them, we can not kill the humans should they get in our way”
“And they will,” Miku says, almost to herself.
“Absolutely. It does not matter that we aren’t interested in their war. They will aim to kill any and all of us if they get the chance.”