by Dima Zales
"Or if you would have talked to us we could have helped you get blood," Steve retorted.
"Maybe I would have felt like I could—if you guys hadn't locked me in a room like a criminal."
"If you could figure out how to go through a wall, you could have gone through to the house instead of outside to act like a savage."
"I didn't know how until I went through that wall on the outside. By then I was already outside."
"You could have knocked on the door and someone would have gotten you."
"Maybe you should have left me a note instead of letting me wake up locked in a strange room all by myself. Or better yet not locking me in a room by myself."
"Enough, you two." Brooke looked back and forth between the two of us. "Arguing isn't going to find him. There were mistakes on both sides, and we're going to all have to answer for our own mistakes."
"Who do we have to answer to?" I asked.
"Your parents, of course," Steve said, rolling his eyes.
"I'm pretty sure that they will find me the victim in all of this," I told him.
"You don't know them too well, do you?" Steve asked with a smirk.
"How would I, since I haven't seen them since I was so young?" I demanded. "Everybody has been so busy all of these years trying to 'protect' me that it's all turned around to work against me now. If I would have known what I was, I would have been prepared for this transition. I would know what to expect, and it would be a lot more natural. Instead, everything catches me by surprise, and I haven't a clue about anything. You've all left me to figure this out on my own."
"It's clear that you see yourself as the victim," Steve muttered.
I narrowed my eyes. "Easy for you say. You haven't gone through what I have. I grew up not even knowing who or what I was. Now I have all of this to deal with. I'm smart, and I could figure this all out on my own if I had to. Wait, I pretty much have had to do that! I would make a lot fewer mistakes if you guys would tell me more and keep me out of the dark."
"Back to that again? You could have just as easily come to us when you had a question or the need for blood. We're vampires, so we can help you out. In fact, it's our job."
"I'd say you haven't been doing your job." I got up from the couch and stormed out of the house, slamming the door.
I heard Steve say, "She's making Cliff's transition look like a stroll in the park."
I decided to sit on the front steps and listen in with my supersonic hearing.
"Don't you think you were being rough on her?" Brooke asked.
"You know that we have to be tough when someone is in their transition, Brooke."
"She has a point about being blindsided by all of this. We should have told her about turning into a vampire long before we did."
"Life is tough, and she's been dealt some rough cards. You know what I think?" Steve asked. "It's going to make her into a better leader. Everything that she's gone through will make her stronger and will give her compassion for others."
"If you keep acting like this, you're going to push her away. Yes, we need to be tough on those going through the transition, but we need to extend her some of that compassion that you're talking about. We can't even imagine what it's like for her. Cliff has more of an idea because he's gone through an extra crazy transition, but he's obviously not here. None of us knows what it's like to be raised by humans, thinking that we're one too. Much less being the Sonnast."
"You know, it might be for the best that Cliff isn't here to talk us into babying her. Maybe that's the reason that he's staying away. He knows that he's too close to make any rational decision regarding her. He would wrap her up in bubble wrap and give her everything that she wants, if he had his way."
"He's away because he's hurt by what she did," Brooke said. "He's giving himself time to think and calm down because he doesn't want to react with jealousy. He knows his own strength. He doesn't want to do anything to compromise his relationship with her."
"I can buy that too, but at the same time, I think that he knows it's best for him not to make any decisions regarding her right now. Even with his jealousy and anger, he would still want us to go way too easy on her."
"What are we going to do, Steve? Cliff is gone, our parents are back at the castle and now she's mad at us."
"Let's hope that she doesn't do anything stupid. That's all we can really do right now."
Remembering why I had stormed out of the house in the first place, I got up from the steps and got into my new car.
15
I sat on the park bench, watching the lake to calm my nerves. The longer that Cliff was away without knowing where he was, the worse that I felt. It was like someone had torn out a major part of me. I was raw and exposed.
There was a growing emptiness deep inside like I had never felt before. I wasn't sure if this was what it felt like to be depressed, but I felt miserable. I wanted to go into hiding myself.
Then there was the guilt. I couldn't stop beating myself up for what I had done. I knew that it was because of the blood and the transition, but I couldn't forgive myself. Before all of this had begun, I was the most level-headed, rational person around. People had made fun of me for it.
Since the transition had begun, I had been acting like someone else, and it was driving me crazy. I didn't know who this irrational, stylish and popular girl was.
I believed there had to be a way to find or communicate with Cliff. We were unique even for vampires, and there had to be a way. The only problem was that I didn't have any clue where to begin.
I heard a crow in the distance. That was the last thing that I wanted to deal with, so I got up and ran to my car.
Once at home, I got into my pajamas and crawled into bed, even though I hadn't had dinner. I didn't care about eating or other than finding Cliff and making things right again.
I tried to fall asleep, but sleep wanted nothing to do with me. My ears were picking up all kinds of strange noises. I heard what sounded like a small animal eating. I could hear the freezer making ice downstairs. I heard something scurrying on the roof. There were also a great number of sounds that I didn't recognize.
I pulled my pillow over my head and tried to drown out all of the noises, but they would not go away. I sighed and hoped that I would learn to ignore these noises in the same way that music becomes background music.
Somehow, I must have managed to fall asleep because my dad was shaking my shoulder and asking if I wanted dinner.
I rolled over and said, "I'm not hungry."
"Mom says that you've been in here for a long time. Are you sure you're not hungry?"
"I'm not hungry and I'm not eating."
"Is everything okay, honey?"
"I'll be fine," I told him. "I just need to be alone for a while."
He patted my head and said, "If you want to talk, just let me know. You know I love you."
"Thanks, Dad."
I tried to fall back asleep, but the new sounds were driving me crazy. I could hear squirrels chattering and chasing each other. I could hear some birds that had yet to fly south. I heard the rustling of leaves and twigs snapping. All from the comfort of my bed with my window tightly closed.
Imagining that the sounds were relaxing instead of annoying, I managed to fall asleep again.
I was in the garden just outside of the castle of my childhood. I was chasing a bunny along the path and darted into a patch of bright orange flowers. I dove into the flowers after it, tumbled around and got stuck because the flowers were on some sort of vine plant.
Frustrated, I started kicking and punching to get the vines off of me, but they were sticky, and my struggles only seemed to make matters worse.
"What have you done?" asked a voice walking in my direction.
"I'm stuck. Would you get me out of here, Mattie?" I asked my watcher.
"Look at you. You're a pitiful mess. Did you forget that your parents told you to stay clean today? There are special guests due to arrive and you are
supposed to look your best."
I started squirming around even more and pulled a flower off my face. "Would you just get me out of here?"
She reached down, picked me up and set me on the ground. "You've got dirt everywhere and your dress is stained with green and orange. What are we to do?"
I sighed. "I almost got that bunny. I was this close." I held my finger and thumb out about a hair's width apart.
She smiled. "You're not going to stop until you make that poor thing your pet. Well, let's get you cleaned up."
I heard footsteps behind me. "Don't worry about that. We just got word that our guests are a day behind schedule. Let me take care of her."
I turned around. "Cliffy!"
He smiled at me and gave me a bear hug even though he probably got dirt on his clothes.
"If you want to be in charge of her, that's fine by me," Mattie said. "She's on a wild streak today. More than normal."
"No worries, Mattie. See you at dinner," Cliff said and started patting my hair and clothes to get some of the dirt off. "You sure have a mind of your own, princess. Our life together will always be interesting and fun."
"Of course I have a mind of my own. Who else's mind would I have?"
He laughed. "That's one of the things that I love about you, little one. You're three and I'm ten, and we adore each other like friends or brother and sister. But my parents said that before we get married, we will love each other so much more. I can't wait! We're going to have so much fun!"
I smiled wide. "It's going to be the best. You're my favorite, and I'm glad that we'll be together forever."
"No matter what happens, I'll always love you. Always."
"What if I step on your toe?" I asked, giggling.
"Even if you step on all of my toes."
"What if I get your clothes dirty?"
"I'll still love you if you get my clothes all dirty."
"What if I eat your dessert?"
"Hmm….Yes, even then I'll still love you."
I poked him and ran the other direction. He chased after me and caught me. I laughed as he picked me up and threw me into the air. I had no doubt that he would catch me.
"I'll love you even if you poke me and run away from me." He was still holding me.
I grinned and kissed his cheek.
I sat up in bed. When I realized where I was, the happiness from the dream dissipated immediately and I was quickly consumed with guilt and grief. I threw myself back onto my pillow and let the tears flow until it was soaked.
When I had no more tears left, I grabbed the other pillow on my bed and lay down on it. I could hear all kinds of noises that I didn't want to hear. I could also feel the beginning pangs of wanting blood. I didn't care about the blood. My guilt and grief were both much stronger than the desire for blood. For now, at least.
The memory dream had me feeling even worse than I had before. His love for me was so pure and true. I had stomped all over it.
The next day, I refused to get out of bed to go to school.
"What about your perfect attendance record?" my mom asked. "Surely you don't want to ruin that. It's always been so important to you."
"I don't care about that anymore."
"Are you sure that you won't care about it in a few months?"
"I won't care then, either."
"If you need to take a day or two for yourself, then I'll excuse you from school. I just want to make sure that you won't regret missing your record for the first time."
"The record doesn't mean anything to me anymore. I didn't think that it mattered to you anyway."
"I don't understand it," she said. "I never have. But before I call in to excuse you, I want to make sure that it's not important to you anymore."
"Like I said, I don't care."
I spent that whole day in bed crying, and when I had no more tears, I slept the rest of the time. Natalie had brought my homework and left it on my desk.
Days went by, and I barely noticed when one became the next. The pile of homework got bigger, and I knew that I was going to need a shower soon.
One day, my mom came in and said that the school had told her that if I missed another day, I would be forced to repeat the semester.
"Okay," I said.
"What does that mean? Okay, you'll repeat the semester or okay, you'll go back?"
"I'll repeat it, I don't care."
"How can you not care? Do you want to graduate with your sister?"
"I don't care because it doesn't matter."
"What has gotten into you lately?" she demanded. "I've been patient and I'm trying to be understanding. For once, I've been on the side of arguing with your dad on your side. He doesn't think I should let you miss so much school."
"My priorities have taken a drastic shift," I told her.
"I can see that. I'm going to have to put my foot down here, Alexis. I'm not going to excuse you from school anymore. You've missed over a week and a half, and you need to get up and face life again."
"What if I just don't go?"
"I imagine that the truancy officers will come and either force you to go back to school or put you in a juvenile detention center."
"They'll send me to juvie for missing school? You've got to be making that up."
"Obviously, you have no knowledge of truancy issues since you've always had a perfect attendance. If you miss too many days of school, it is against the law."
"Do I have to go back tomorrow?"
She sighed. "Tomorrow is Sunday. You have a day and a half to pull yourself together. You might want to start in on that homework."
"Sounds wonderful," I mumbled as she left the room.
I stayed in the same position and watched the clock move for a half an hour before I willed myself up. My body ached because I'd only gotten up to use the bathroom a few times a day. Dinner had been brought to me in bed, which I had barely touched most days. Lying in bed didn't require much fuel.
I looked at my cell phone lying on the floor, unplugged and dead. I knew it had to have died the first day that I climbed into bed if I hadn't plugged it in. It needed to be charged every night. I stared at it for a few minutes before plugging it in. I had missed 137 texts and 78 phone calls. Ugh. I would check those later.
Once in the bathroom, I had to pull my pajamas off my skin, and I thought about throwing them away instead of trying to clean them. I looked in the mirror at my severely greasy hair and dried out skin. I was surprised that I hadn't accumulated a single zit. Maybe that was another vampire perk.
I took the longest shower of my life. I had never been one to hog the shower, but after a week and a half, it was necessary. I could see why Natalie could spend a half an hour in there on a daily basis. It felt wonderful.
After I showered and dressed, I felt noticeably better. I went to my room and began sorting my huge pile of homework into classes and dates. I was glad for the distraction from any thoughts that might upset me.
I decided to start with history and found myself enjoying it. I hadn't poured myself into my studies in so long that it felt good. I had actually missed it. I was glad that popularity couldn't kill my love for learning.
When I had finished the first three days' worth of homework, I decided to get some food. As I was on my way to the stairs, I could hear my parents talking about me in the kitchen. At least there were some advantages to this hearing ability.
"I'm so glad that she got up and took a shower," my dad said. "We can't let her spend that much time in bed again. It's not healthy."
"Jack, haven't you ever experienced a heartbreak? It's her first, and that's always the hardest. I remember that I felt like I couldn't breathe the first time it happened to me. It's overwhelming. She needed the time to heal."
I couldn't get over my mom's sudden interest in me. It would take some getting used to.
"Now it's time for her to get up and move on. She needs to get those grades back up and start preparing for the college entrance exams."
&n
bsp; "Let her take the path that she chooses. She may change her mind and decide not to go to an Ivy League school, after all. She might wake up and realize that it's never been her idea, but that it's been you pressuring her all of these years."
"I haven't been pressuring her, Janet. She has a gift. She should have been in a school for the exceptionally bright all of these years. Even the honors classes that she's had haven't been much of a challenge for her."
"At least she and her sister have been able to go to school together. That's important."
"Who is it important to? You? They don't have the same friends, they don't play sports together, and they don't hang out together. The only reason that Alexis has had to go to public school is because you didn't want Natalie to feel bad."
I decided to go back to my room instead of eating. I didn't want to walk into the middle of that. I plugged in my laptop and turned it on. I had a long list of new emails awaiting me. Glancing over them, it looked mostly like they were from people at school hoping that I'd feel better soon.
I wondered why people thought I was gone from school. Surely my mom hadn't let it be known that I was moping in bed all that time.
There were a few emails from my teachers, so I read those, figuring that they would help me to get a better idea of what I had missed in my classes.
I felt like I was getting into a groove, and I felt like my old self. Not popular Alexis, or transitioning vampire princess Alexis, but plain old me. I liked it, and I pretended that all of the new stuff was just a bad dream from when I was in bed sick.
While we were eating breakfast the next morning, my mom said, "We have some exciting news for you two. The foreign exchange student is going to be arriving soon."
"That's going to be so much fun." Natalie smiled. "Where is she going to sleep?"
"We're going to give her the guest bedroom."
"Don't you mean the storage closet?" Natalie asked, smirking. "It's full of random stuff."
Mom looked like she was trying not to laugh. "Would you like to help turn it into a room for a teenage girl?"
"Of course. That will be fun. After you guys clear out the junk, that is."