It clung to her hourglass figure, gloriously full on top and sweeping in deeply before flaring out over her generous hips. Her breasts were nearly pushed up over the top of the gown where a large sapphire nestled between them drawing his eye to her cleavage.
My God, he thought again, time had changed her! He cursed himself for his baser thoughts before covering his eyes once again to block out the enthralling image. He was appalled by his reaction. Clearly, he had spent too much time in captivity and without a woman if one of his closest friends could inspire such a rush of lust.
“I repeat, what are you doing?” the vision repeated, moving farther into the room to glare down at him. “Your entire family has been waiting downstairs for almost an hour!”
“I can’t do it!” he mumbled into his arm.
“What do you mean you ‘can’t do it’?” Moira scolded, forgetting that she was supposed to be soft and alluring. “They are your family! Your brothers! Fiona! Think of how much this will mean to them!”
“Moira!” Vin peeked out again to find Moira leaning over him, her bountiful bosom closer now and just spilling over the edge of that gown. He groaned again, biting back the unwelcome arousal that sliced through him. Damn! How long had it been? His self-abasing chuckle won out over his fears and worries and he welcomed the distraction from the torment that had been plaguing his mind for the past two hours. Years. Many, many years since he’d had a woman and even longer since he’d seen true beauty. While the sheer loveliness of Eve and Kitty had numbed his mind, Moira’s glory staggered him. She was magnificent! And those breasts! When had she gotten those? Even when he’d first noticed her blossoming at sixteen; her bosom hadn’t been this tempting. He just wanted to reach out and cup them in his palms.
Damn, but he needed to get out soon and find a body to slake his lust on before he offended her! Vin hadn’t wanted sex since his return or perhaps for even years before that, but his body must be healing well as it was roaring back to life with a sudden vengeance.
“Come one, Vin! Get up!”
I am up, he thought but drew his thoughts back to his dilemma. “I can’t, lovey.”
“Why ever not?”
Vin heaved himself to sit on the edge of the bed, careful not to look too far up the brilliant gown lest he become distracted once again. This was Moira MacKenzie. He had told her so much in his letters that he never told another, things he couldn’t begin to talk about with another. Her letters had always been kind and compassionate and Vin long felt as if she understood him. That he could tell her anything. He wanted to tell her so many things but words were a extraordinary thing these days and difficult to compose.
“I’m not the same, Moira,” was all he said.
“And you think they won’t understand that?” she replied perceptively. When he nodded, Moira pulled her short train aside and sat next to him on the bed. After a moment’s hesitation, she took his hand between hers. His palm was rough against hers but she savored the feel as she studied his face. There was no humor there any longer. His once dancing eyes were serious. He had not yet smiled fully that she noticed. Vin almost looked incapable of such a thing so serious was his expression.
Yes, life had treated him badly and there was no doubt that he carried many more scars than those he bore on the outside, but he was alive. He needed to understand the importance of that. “You have changed, Vin. What you have gone through, what you’ve experienced has left you a different man than you once were.”
Vin released a breath and felt some tension loosen from his shoulders. He knew she would understand. Moira had always known him so well. Even as a child she’d been able to look right into him and see things no one else did. She knew when he’d done wrong, when he lied, when he was hiding something. In the years since Jason died, Vin had forgotten what it felt like to just be with someone who knew him. A friend. He had been dead in a sense for many years having no one to care for or have care for him. A welcome rush of feeling flooded him and Vin squeezed her fingers looking down at their entwined hands.
Her white hand looked ghostly pale and frail in his larger, darker one. It was silky soft where his was calloused. Cool, comforting in his. Not only had he forgotten what it was like to have someone who knew his mind, he had nearly forgotten what it was like to touch the flesh of another whether for comfort or affection. Vin had experienced it ever so briefly with Francis in London, but this gentle touch of a woman’s skin! How splendid it was to savor that feeling once more! Flesh against flesh. He closed his eyes, relishing the moment.
“Vin, look at me,” she commanded, recalling him to their conversation, and he raised his eyes to meet her warm brown gaze. He felt the force of it down to his soul. “You have changed, but so has everyone else. We all have. That is life. You take what life has dealt you, absorb it into yourself and it changes you for good or bad. But you can’t hide from it. I have hidden for years and now I regret it. I won’t let you do the same.”
“But to go down there and see them all.” The very thought of the chaos was enough to make Vin’s head ache, but it wasn’t just the noise he worried about, but rather that they would see the changes in him. That they would see and be disappointed.
“I’ll admit your family is a hard pill to swallow all at once,” Moira’s lip lifted slightly, “but your brothers, every single one of them are different men now because of what life has dealt them. Including what your death had dealt them. You might not even recognize who they are any more. You’ll have to get to know them again as they will you. No one expects you to be the same person, because no one remains unchanged by time.”
Vin digested her words, shaking his head in denial and saw the light change in her eyes. “You think they’ll be disappointed in you, don’t you?”
He couldn’t believe that she’d hit the nail right on the head so quickly but knew he shouldn’t be surprised. That was Moira. He’d often thought she must be able to see into his very mind, so perceptive were her letters.
“My God, Vin,” she uttered with a measure of disgust that surprised him, having expected her sympathy. “Do you honestly think that after discovering you are alive that any one of them will be disappointed in you? I know you are not that big of a fool!”
Vin was a little offended. He couldn’t deny it, but before he could say anything, she drew a suddenly shaky breath and continued in a voice that became slightly tremulous with emotion. “You’re frightened. So what? Think of how good it feels to have a life again! You sit up here for days avoiding life because you’re scared. Well, you know what? Too bad! That’s right! Too bad! You think…”
She swallowed, her voice quivering, “you think of my brother and how much he would have liked to have had a chance to live life again! Think on that and then tell me that you’re going to deny the same for yourself!” Tears sprang to her eyes and Vin could feel the pain radiating in her chest as if it were his own. “You will go down there, Vin, not only because they deserve it but because you do, too. You’ve gotten a second chance at life. You are the lucky one! And I’m not going to let what you’ve experienced keep you from living once more. In fact, it’s even more reason to get out there and truly live. You owe it to Jace and you owe it to yourself. And, I swear to God, you’ll come down there and do it, Vin MacKintosh, if I have to drag you down every one of those bloody stairs myself!”
Though he would have denied it, Vin felt his spirits lift immeasurably at Moira’s sound scolding. Aye, he was alive though he barely felt so at times. It was as if his body had survived but his spirit was still deadened within him. Still, she was right, rather than hide out from the uncertainties ahead, he should embrace them. He could live in the way that he did indeed know Jason MacKenzie would have if he had been the one to survive. Jason would have lived with his whole heart. He would have embraced every new experience as if it were a gift. Jason would have taken his regrets and made the world right. God, he wished Jason were here.
Vin sighed heavily.
Whil
e he didn’t have those same kinds of regrets – he’d never regretted a moment of his service to the Crown until the moment of his capture – he could still spend the balance of his life living it to the fullest. And it could begin tonight with becoming part of his loud, boisterous, rowdy family once more. Moira was right; he deserved it as much as they did.
Rising to his feet, Vin awkwardly straightened his ill-fitting dinner jacket, squaring his shoulders with resolve. “Do I look all right? It doesn’t fit well.”
“Well, you’re a bit scrawny these days,” Moira answered honestly. The scowl eased from her brow and a new twinkle gleamed in her eye. “But I’m sure all your big, brawny brothers will refrain from beating you into the ground…for tonight at least.”
Vin spread his arms wide looking down at himself before lifting a wry brow at Moira. “You should have seen me a month ago.”
Moira shuddered at the thought but remembering the lean muscle that lay below his clothes felt another shudder with an entirely different feeling. Vin might not be as thickly built as he once was, but his body was still beautiful. Without all the bulk, his body was more like it had been in his early twenties, all long limbs and lanky grace. Shaking away the misplaced thoughts, Moira rose shaking out her skirts, moving to bypass him and head to the door. “Shall we go down then?”
Vin caught her arm as she passed and turned her to face him. The top of her head was just below his chin, and the arm that minutes ago seemed an extension of a voluptuous body suddenly seemed small and delicate under his hand. Unconsciously, he ran his palm down the silky softness over her elbow and down to her hand savoring the feel of skin against skin. Taking her hand in his, he raised it to his lips in a gesture that was rusty for lack of practice and kissed it lightly before bending to kiss her cheek. “Thank you, lovey.”
At his gruff whisper, she lifted her head. Their faces were just inches apart and Vin was caught by the moment, staring into soft brown eyes that were filled with feeling. He’d never before noticed how thick and dark the lashes were that surrounded those eyes. And now, on closer inspection could make out a freckle or two on her nose. Her lips were full and red. When her tongue darted out to wet them, Vin felt his stomach knot. Luscious, he thought.
Moira could feel his gaze like a caress. She could feel it settle on her lips so fully that they tingled in response. One kiss, her heart begged as she swayed slightly toward him before catching herself and pulling back with a frown.
She wouldn’t do it. She might cast lures and attempt to attract him, but when that first move came – if it ever did – it would be his, not hers.
“You’re welcome, Vin,” she replied softly. “Come, your family awaits you.”
Chapter 9
Every man dies. Not every man really lives.
- William Wallace
They could hear the beginnings of the cacophony that was the MacKintosh clan before they even made it halfway down the stairs. Though his step did not hesitate, Moira could feel Vin’s arm tense in expectation as they approached the drawing room on the main floor. It was the ruckus of a dozen and more people talking over one another, punctuated with laughter and an occasional shout.
As one might expect, the fracas that ensued when more than a trio of the brothers gathered could easily overwhelm or simply terrify those unaware or unprepared. The large MacKintosh clan was comprised primarily of men who were still young lads at heart. Because of that, they still had a tendency to collapse into fits of physical confrontation and revolt against the hierarchy of their familial fiefdom.
Moira loved the melee. Having just one brother herself, she’d never experienced anything like the clan before her first visit to Glen Cairn as a child. She thought it all pleasantly chaotic but even she could admit that an absence from the experience tended to dull one’s resilience and tolerance. One must readapt and that was the struggle Vin would face shortly.
Just short of the door, Moira paused ,drawing Vin to a halt with her. “If possible,” she teased softly, “a smile might be in order when you go in.”
Vin didn’t take up the challenge, but instead regarded her seriously. She couldn’t know, of course, the demons that haunted him, how her own brother haunted him. He rarely found a moment of peace, much less humor. Happiness and laughter were foreign things to him now. They were first things Vin wanted to find again but they weren’t with him yet. “If you only knew, lovey, I would offer a limb in sacrifice for some levity in my heart. Sung Li says the time will come when what has occurred doesn’t constantly linger on the edges of my mind. When the past no longer haunts my days…” or nights, he added silently. “I will try. That is all I can promise.”
Moira felt her heart compress in regret for she hadn’t imagined he carried his imprisonment with him constantly. She thought it only a burden of nightmares gone with the morning light. She chastised herself; did she honestly believe the scars on his back were the only ones that he carried with him? After what he revealed that morning? He was a haunted man. That much was clear. She could even feel the weight of speaking of it pressing down on him. “I’m sorry, Vin. I wasn’t thinking.”
“No, you’re right, of course,” he assured her, surprising himself with his willingness to talk to her when words normally came haltingly to his lips. “It will do much to ease everyone’s mind if I at least appear to be the same old Vin.” He squared his shoulders and turned toward the door. “Shall we brave the mob then?”
“After you,” Moira gestured him forward.
The corner of his mouth lifted ever so slightly as he stepped to the portal.
It took a moment for his presence to be noticed as he neither spoke nor moved past the door. The detection, when it came, arrived in the form of a feminine scream that halted all conversation. Eyes from around the room turned not to him but to his lone sister, Fiona, as she wavered unsteadily, her skin as white as her debutante’s gown. Her eyes fluttered and rolled and several nearby men leaped to catch her imminent fall.
“Och, Heather Blossom, you're not going to faint, are you?” Vin’s crusty voice cut across the room and more than a dozen pairs of eyes shot like bullets in his direction.
For a long stunned moment, silence and disbelief choked the room as most of its occupants stared at Vin until Francis’ voice broke in. “I told you I had a surprise for you!”
Fiona, the first affected, was also the first to recover. Her cheeks flooded with color as she straightened and raced with a squeal into her brother’s arms, throwing her arms around his neck. “Vin, Vin!” she cried over and over, as he held her clumsily to him.
Gasping for air from her near strangulation, Vincent set Fiona back on her feet and stared down at her radiant face. He almost hadn’t recognized her. He cast a thankful glance at Moira for her whispered hint. Gone was the knobby-kneed lass of twelve years who had been the terror of their household and in her place was a lovely young woman. Tears sprang to his eyes before he blinked them back. He had missed so much if that little brat had time to become a lady in his absence. “Did you miss me, Blossom?” he choked out as she squealed and hugged him again.
He tucked his sister in one arm as a swell of stomping boots approached. Caught up in the strong arms of seven of his younger brothers, Vincent was passed around for hug after back-pounding hug from Jamie, Sean, Colin, Tam, Ian, Connor and Dorian. Changes and more changes. Young lads become men, everyone of them. He hardly recognized any of them. Vin thought it a miracle any of them had recognized him.
Then a deeper, even more emotional voice cut over the din. “As I live and breathe! Is it truly Vincent MacKintosh?”
“It is! It is!” Fiona declared happily, clapping her hands.
Brother to brother, Vincent faced Richard with deep affection noticing the years on the man’s face, the tears in his eyes. Vin almost truly smiled and then each man pulled the other into an embrace. Richard, his brother who had been captured with him but managed a successful escape. For years after that escape, Vin wondered if his
brother yet lived, whether he had made good on that getaway. He had never known until Temple had found him. Though he wouldn’t have wished him back, Vin missed Richard after his escape, missing the one family member he’d had with him.
They remained in that embrace for several long minutes. Vin could feel the emotion pouring from his brother as Richard stifled the sobs of anguish and relief and joy at finding his Vin alive and well in front of him. When they finally parted, Vin caught a glimpse of Moira standing nearby with tears in her eyes and he nodded, recognizing she had been right. They all needed this.
Richard clasped Vin’s shoulders and released a watery chuckle. “Good God, old man, didn’t they feed you after I was gone? As I remember it was all beef and brandy while I was with you!”
“I guess they didn’t like me as much as they liked you,” Vin returned the quip, stepping back though the urge to embrace his brother once again was incredibly strong. Giving in, he hugged Richard once more fiercely before moving away. Not wanting the conversation to fall into his experience with imprisonment, Vin quickly added, “I’ve hear you wed wee Abby Merrill.”
“It’s true,” Richard turned and held out an arm for his wife who came to them and hugged Vin as well.
“My, but you’ve become a beauty while I was gone,” Vin whispered to her as they embraced.
“Welcome home, Vin,” she returned, her tears of joy flowing freely down her cheeks. “I am so happy to have you here safe and sound. Richard has never forgiven himself for coming back without you.”
Vin released her and met Richard’s eyes once more, noting the sadness and regret there. He could feel that emotion coming in waves off him and gave him a nod that spoke volumes. A reluctant smile lifted the corner of Richard’s mouth.
After that, there was little time for deeper thought. Vin was passed around and introduced to his other new sisters-in-law, Ilona and Coline, who married his brothers Sean and Colin the previous year. Thankfully, none of the others had wed, sparing Vin more introductions but just noting the changes time had brought to each of his brothers was enough to remind Vin of all he had missed.
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