“I will stay if it soothes you, Vin,” she whispered softly and Vin nearly choked on a self-disparaging laugh. Was it possible to be soothed and aroused simultaneously?
“It does,” he couldn’t help but confess though his conscience fought him. “Still, you shouldn’t be in my room. It is hardly proper.”
“No one knows.”
“I could not deprive you of your own rest though.” Vin frowned. “I’m ashamed that I must have been the source of so many sleepless nights.”
“I don’t mind.”
“I do.”
“I want to help you, Vin,” Moira insisted, glorying in the feel of his rough beard against her palm. “I have seen these past few days how your ordeal has made living life difficult.”
Vin grimaced at the thought of being so transparent even to Moira.
“I’m sick and tired of it, frankly,” he admitted. “I feel as if everyone walks on eggshells around me fearing to awaken the beast.”
“I know,” she hummed quietly. “I would give anything to help you make those moments a thing of the past…including a few sleepless nights.”
Moira, I…” Vin could reason and argue with her all night but in the end, he knew he wanted her there with him. He hadn’t been honest with himself about much in his life. He had always been better at denying his failings than facing them. Anything to make life drift along more gently but he supposed that this was the moment that recognizing his inadequacy would grant him what he wanted most. The irony almost made him laugh aloud. “Oh, bugger it!” he relented. “Turn about then while I put a shirt on.”
“You needn’t…”
“Aye, I do,” he insisted as he backed out the opposite side of the bed to find his clothes. Normally a man wearing naught but his small clothes would pull on trousers first, but Vin gathered his shirt up first and pulled it on before turning and looking for his pants.
“Vin,” Moira said softly. “I’ve seen your back already.”
Vin stiffened and again closed his eyes as if lack of vision could rebuff a simple truth. Never in one night had so many humiliating moments been heaped on him one after another. First the nightmares and now this? To his knowledge, no one knew of his scars beyond Temple and the doctors who examined him in London. He’d been content with the knowledge that what had happened to him was his own business. That Moira, a lady, had seen the results of his imprisonment… Vin swallowed back the bile that rose in his throat as he pulled on his trousers. “Perhaps you should leave.”
“No.”
Vin ground his teeth in frustration. Never had he known such an aggravating woman. “Damn it, Moira, just get the hell out of here. I can’t… Fook!”
“It’s all right, Vin.”
“Bloody hell, no…it…is…not!”
Moira bit back her dismay seeing the effect her admission had on Vin. She could easily read his self-disgust as if the scars were a mark of shame. As if they somehow reflected the man he had become. She knew that he had changed in many ways. He had lost his humor, his easygoing nature. What he seemed unable to grasp was that there was still much of him to love and those who did so might help him on the path to finding those missing pieces once more. It was those scars, unseen by the eye, which worried Moira the most.
Coming around the bed, Moira touched his cheek until he finally turned to look down at her, his dark eyes awash with shame and a touch of anger. Slowly, deliberately, Moira ran her hands up under his shirt and around him back, brushing her palms up and down the rough texture the scars left in their wake. He shuddered, Moira thought with disgust, but she kept her gaze locked with hers. “You do not need to be ashamed of this, Vin,” she whispered softly. “No one who loves you cares what your body looks like. It will not disgust us. These scars are a mark of what you bore not who you are. Though I know you would not bare them to the world, Vin, you needn’t to hide any part of yourself from me.”
Vin stared at Moira for a long moment before a reluctant smile lifted the corner of his lips. She certainly knew how to set him at ease though the touch of her hands on him had not eased at all but aroused him enormously. Before he could mentally process the action, he ducked his head and captured her lips with his. Vin came to his senses quickly enough to keep the kiss brief and fond though his body urged him to take her in his arms a ravish her thoroughly. He pulled back and pushed the arousal aside though his voice became rough with desire. “You have become an amazing woman, lovey.” Moira blinked as if dumbfounded then blushed in pleasure at his words. “I don’t know why you put up with me though.”
“Well, it’s not because of your sweet and gentle nature,” she teased after a moment and pecked him lightly on the cheek. “Come and lay down now, I will tell you a story to put you to sleep just like my nanny used to.”
“Nanny May?” Vin grinned when Moira nodded, curiosity plain in her eyes. “Aye, I remember Nanny May! She had the nicest set of…”
“Vincent MacKintosh!” she scolded but could not contain her laughter. “My goodness! You and Jason both? Truly? Nanny May?”
“But Moira!” he protested with a laugh, holding his hands up in front of his chest.
“Oh, just get in bed!”
The laughter died as suddenly as it had come and Vin was again faced with the flaring lust that seemed to plague his every other thought. Slowly he crawled back into the bed, wishing he could prowl across it, capture this sparkling Highland lass in his arms, and make passionate love to her through the night before they both slept. “I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep with you here after all.”
“Just try it for a moment.”
Vin shed his shirt and settled back against his pillow pulling the blankets more modestly up over his chest. “I feel foolish,” he grunted. “This whole thing is foolish. I’m a grown man…”
“Oh hush!” Moira admonished, sitting on the edge of the bed and taking his hand between hers. “Let’s just see what happens, shall we?”
“You should just…”
“Hush!” she commanded. “Now let’s see… Which story? All right then. Once upon a time…”
Vin scoffed.
“I said hush now and close your eyes!”
He went silent but couldn’t close his eyes as he watched her begin to speak, loving the way her lips formed the words. “Once upon a time, long ago the terrific Viking hoard invaded our country’s shores. The frightful warriors ravaged our land and our women leaving behind blood enough to flow as strong as a river…”
“This is a story Nanny May told you as a wee lass?” Vin interrupted skeptically.
Moira shrugged. “Nanny May was always a little bloodthirsty. Shall I continue?”
“By all means. Please.”
“They swept across Scotland like a whirlwind, ransacking our monasteries for their wealth and our villages for slaves…”
Chapter 17
A kiss is a rosy dot over the 'i' of loving.
- Cyrano de Bergerac
The last thing Vin recalled when the early morning light woke him was Moira’s voice, soft and soothing – a direct contrast to the words she spoke – relaxing him in the darkness. He took a trembling breath and released it slowly. He slept through the night with nary a dream at all! By God but Moira was a miracle worker! As gruesome as her story had been, Vin would have thought his nightmares would have been even worse but no! The only dream he could even recall having was of a beautiful Scots lass who stood against the Vikings and repelled their advances. A lass who bore a strong likeness to Moira.
A little smile lifted the corner of his mouth as he became aware of a weight on his chest that was beyond what a blanket might weigh. Looking down, he discovered that his new blanket was a mass of bright auburn hair spread across him. Reaching down, Vin gently pushed the hair aside, smoothing it back from Moira’s face and tucking it behind her ear.
She was as lovely in sleep as she was awake, he thought. Her cheeks rosy, her lashes a dark crescent against them. Moira must have been ex
hausted to fall asleep in such an uncomfortable position! Her feet still dangled over the edge of the bed while she bent from her side to use his stomach as a pillow. He wanted to adjust her so she might lie down but feared the movement would wake her. He couldn’t even carry her back to her own bed, he realized with a self-disparaging grunt. While he continued to regain his strength, he knew that after the fatigue following his long walk with Moira and his vigorous ride yesterday with Richard he would not be able to carry Moira up a flight of stairs.
Instead, he tried to keep his breathing light and even so, she might continue to get her hard-earned rest. Vin stroked her temple lightly hoping the movement was as comforting to her as it was to him. Tucking his other arm behind his head, Vin watched her sleep as the bedside clock ticked off the minutes.
What would he do when she married and left once more? He was a selfish bastard, he realized if he would gladly deprive her of a good marriage so that he might have her to ease his sleepless nights! But he would. He felt revived this morning. Rested in a way he hadn’t felt in years. It made him feel powerful and able to take on the world. And Moira gave it to him. He didn’t know how or why, but her presence allowed him that peace and he wanted it again.
Vin was afraid it might be the most addictive thing he’d ever known. He wanted this moment, this serenity each morning. Needed it. Of course, it might just be the presence of another person. He pondered the idea as he idly stroked her cheek. Perhaps anyone…
Moira shifted and inhaled deeply. Her hand crept up next to her cheek and smoothed over his chest, changing the course of Vin’s thoughts. His body tensed as Moira started to awaken, rubbing her cheek against his stomach even as her hand stretched upward. Her palm stroked across his chest before her fingers curled in the light covering of hair there and fisted.
Her eyes fluttered open and met his before closing again, a smile softening her lips as she hummed so deeply it felt to Vin as if a cat’s purr vibrating against him. His body responded unbidden to the feel of her hand on his flesh, to that soft inviting smile and that purr of pleasure. Moira turned her head again rubbing her nose against the flat planes of his stomach before placing a kiss there.
Vin’s body clenched. He wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms and make that sleepy invitation into reality!
Moira stretched. Her eyes flickering open once more, she turned to prop her chin on his stomach and smile up at him. When she pushed herself up scooting farther up the bed until she could rest her cheek against his chest and her arms came up to encircle his neck, Vin knew she must still be half-asleep. She was not aware of her actions. Still she hummed once more as she snuggled against his chest as she hugged him tightly!
Caught between disbelief and lust, Vin’s body roared to readiness as his arms came around her of their own volition. His hands thrust into her hair, pulling until she raised her head once more. Her eyes were still half-open and sleepy, but she smiled at him again and stretched upward to press her lips against his.
Vin’s breath caught for a moment before the fire and electricity of her kiss overwhelmed him, feeling both new and familiar at the same moment. Feeling aflame with lust, he devoured her mouth with his, plunging his tongue deep as she parted her lips to welcome him. Again and again he tasted her sweet lips, parried his tongue with hers before moving lower to nip and suck at the tender flesh of her neck. Her frenzied moans of delight set him on fire. He wanted more. His hands were just moving around to cup her glorious breasts at last when Moira murmured, “Oh, Vin.”
Time suspended for them both as they pulled apart and stared at each other in shock. Moira’s eyes widened as she came fully awake and read the frozen expression on Vin’s face; the dismay and perhaps…self-loathing?
Moira scrambled off the bed and pulled her robe more tightly around her before smoothing her hair down in a nervous gesture. “I’m so sorry, Vin. I must have fallen asleep. I must have been dreaming or… I didn’t mean to wake you. I must have imagined… I’m sorry I woke you! Did you sleep well? Oh!” Flinging her hands in the air, Moira cut off her own nervous babble before turning and running from the room to flee anywhere she might wallow in embarrassment in peace.
Vin watched her go knowing that he should have stopped her tirade. Should have taken some of the blame on him. He was certain the situation had upset her. Surely, awakening from a dream to find herself locked in the embrace of a partially naked man would distress any lass.
He lay back once more willing his still raging erection into submission. It was becoming harder and harder to do so, especially after holding the object of his lust in his arms. She had been dreaming, she said. What could she have been dreaming of to prompt such a passionate episode? Who had she been dreaming of? Her unnamed love? That Aylesbury fellow?
Then why had she whispered his name?
Chapter 18
I no doubt deserved my enemies,
but I don't believe I deserved my friends.
- Walt Whitman
Moira managed to avoid Vin for the balance of the day by inviting herself to Abby’s and spending the morning and afternoon there, playing with her friend’s twin toddler’s, Bryn and Corri. She read stories to them – not at all like the ones Nanny May had told! – played with dolls, soldiers when Trist joined them and was now building block towers for them to destroy. Even when Richard came to tell her he was going to Carlton Terrace to ride with Francis and Vin and offered her a lift there, Moira stayed where she was. It was unbearable to think of how humiliating it would be to face him again.
How had it even happened? She had no idea! Oh, she lied to him flat-out in saying that it had all been a dream! She had been having the most pleasant dream and awoken in Vin’s arms. She was aware of where she was when she faced him but perhaps still caught in the lingering web of fantasy. It seemed so natural to be in his embrace and kiss him good morning. Perhaps he, too, hadn’t been fully awake but Moira thrilled when he had crushed her in his arms and plundered her mouth as if he were a man starved! She shivered remembering the jolt of desire that had energized her to her very toes.
Then she spoke aloud and burst the illusion fully awakening them both to the reality of the moment. How appalled he had looked! How ashamed! Moira wasn’t ashamed in the least. Instead, she wanted more. But that look in his eyes! She doubted he would ever be comfortable in her company again. Perhaps she even risked their friendship by putting her fantasies into action.
“Would you care to talk about it?” Abby asked when Moira sighed heavily for what seemed to be the hundredth time. Abby had known Moira her entire life. Had been her closest friend for what seemed an eternity. They shared much in their lives, from friendship to the love of a MacKintosh lad. It took a lot to separate them as girls. When Abby was sent to England to attend a boarding school at her stepmother’s whim, Moira begged her father to send her as well. And too, when Abby was nearly crushed by a horse at Ascot, Moira spent a month at her bedside determined to see her through the tragedy.
Abby always thought Moira would never keep a secret from her until she concealed Vincent MacKintosh’s survival and impending return from her in the past month. She understood why Moira had done it, of course. Abby would never have been able to keep the secret from Richard, but still!
Now something was troubling her friend and Abby wanted to help her as Moira always helped for her, but first she needed to know the details!
Moira shook her head. “It’s just too humiliating!”
“Come now!” Abby chided. “It can’t be that bad! Come. Spill it!”
Moira continued stacking wooden blocks for the pair of toddlers, joining them in laughter when they destroyed her work before beginning again. Abby said no more simply waited patiently as if she knew that Moira wouldn’t be able to deny her for long. “I kissed Vin this morning,” she whispered finally.
“Why, Moira! That’s wonderful! I knew for certain when I saw you two together the other day at luncheon that everything would work out for you!
And he could hardly keep his eyes off you at the theater!” Abby beamed at her friend before leaning forward and whispering conspiratorially, “How was it?”
“It was everything I always imagined it would be, but,” Moira corrected the misconception, “you’re missing the point entirely. I said I kissed him.”
Abby frowned. “Are you saying that he didn’t kiss you back?”
“No, he did,” Moira’s lips too turned downward. “But I had taken him unawares when he was half asleep. The moment he realized what he was about, he looked completely mortified!”
“But he did take part in it while it lasted?” Abby clarified. When Moira nodded morosely, Abby just chuckled. “I would consider that a very good sign then, don’t you? I had it from Kitty just yesterday that Eve is convinced Vin wants you more than he knows. She has said as much to you, hasn’t she?”
“She has and Harry has as well, but…” Moira just shook her head denying her friends’ optimism. “I’ve told them both and I’ll tell you also, it is not I in particular that Vin is attracted to. Let’s consider the truth, shall we? Vin was imprisoned for five years and it’s very unlikely they ever allowed him to…well, you know while they had him there. I’ve been around enough men in my life to know how they are, Abby.”
“You think that any woman would do, don’t you?”
“Well, of course! Don’t you agree?” Moira continued insistently. “Vin is a Scotsman to his very core, Abby. Everyone knows they are a lustful lot.”
Abby’s eyes danced merrily but she could not disagree having been wed to very lustful Scot for almost five years. “I can assure you Vin would not bed just any woman who offered herself to him!”
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