Convince Me (Holton Series #1)

by B. L. Blair

  Slowly, Steven walked toward the shop. Unconsciously, he had walked here. It was the one place that he knew he would always be welcome. Walking up the sidewalk, Steven wondered if he would find the answers he needed.

  Dan was in the shop. His back to the door, he was bent over the large table that lined the longest wall of the building. Steven could tell he was working on the handle of a chair. He stood in the doorway watching silently debating about disturbing his father.

  He was startled when his father suddenly spoke, "Are you just going to stand there or are you going to come in?"

  In spite of his mood, Steven had to smile. Dan was not a man to mince words. Steven moved into the room and glanced around. He hadn't been in the shop in a while and was surprised to see there were several changes. There was new paneling on the walls and several new tools including a brand new floor saw that took up most of one corner.

  Dan had turned around and was watching him. "I am going to retire from construction and work solely on building furniture."

  Blinking in surprise, Steven walked farther into the room. It was something his father had often talked about but had never done. It appeared this time he was actually going to do it. He knew his parents were financially secure and was pleased that Dan was now getting the chance to fulfill his dream.

  "That's great, Dad," he said now. "I know it is something you have always wanted to do."

  Dan nodded. "You kids are settled now. I no longer need to worry about money so your mother and I decided it was time."

  "You should have done it years ago, Dad. We would have been alright."

  "Maybe," Dan said slowly, "but it's hard to acknowledge that your children are all grown up and no longer need your help."

  Steven smiled at that statement. Considering he had come to his parents for advice now, he wasn't so sure he was all grown up and he certainly needed his father’s help. Strolling around the shop, Steven thought about how much his parents had sacrificed for him and his brother and sister. After hearing Anna's story, he realized he had been very lucky. He looked at his father with new eyes.

  Dan simply watched him. Taking a deep breath, Steven said, "I guess, you're wondering why I'm here."

  "Not really," Dan replied. "Something happened between you and Anna."

  Laughing softly, Steven walked over to a bench that lined the other wall and sat down. "I guess you could say that."

  "Do you want to talk about it?"

  "She's afraid of me, Dad. Physically afraid of me."

  Steven saw the surprise on his father's face and nodded once. He was having trouble believing it too. "I know, Dad. I was shocked too. I don't know how to fight something like that. How do you convince someone that they have no reason to fear you?"

  Dan laid down the wood he had been holding and walked over to join Steven on the bench. "How did you find out? I mean, what happened to make you think she is afraid of you?"

  "We were arguing. I grabbed her arms and pulled her toward me. I was angry, I admit that, but I would have never hurt her. Suddenly, she paled and practically begged me not to hit her. I was shocked."

  "There has to be a reason for her fear, Steve."

  Steven paused a moment. Anna had refused to talk about her father and he now knew why but would she consider it a breach of confidence if he told Dan? He looked at his father and knew he had no choice. Steven needed some answers and he didn't know where else to turn.

  "Her father used to beat her mother," he said slowly. "Anna said he didn't beat her but I am not sure about that. Either way, you know she had to be affected."

  "Very affected," Dan muttered as he quickly rose from the bench and walked back to the table. He turned to look at his son and then his eyes moved to the window. Steven knew that look and he waited patiently for his father to speak.

  "I'm going to tell you something, Steve. Something I hoped I would never have to tell any of my children."

  Steven's eyes widened at his father's words. Dan walked back to the bench and sat down again. "You know that my father died when I was thirteen. You have heard that story many times. What you don't know is that I was glad he died."

  Suddenly knowing what his father was going to tell him, Steven's heart began to pound. Could this wonderful, gentle man have really been the victim of abuse?

  Dan nodded. "You guessed already. He used to beat me and my brothers and sisters and, of course, my mother. By the time he died, I had begun to fight back. I was a big boy and there was a lot of anger in me. The day he died I had taken a pretty good swing at him and he had left the house with a swollen lip. When we heard he was dead, I worried that I had killed him but it was a heart attack."

  There was a long silence as Steven absorbed his father's words. He thought about all the years of his youth. His father had been angry at him and Mitch so many times but not once had he ever raise a hand to them. His respect for his father grew and Steven was very proud to be his son. He started to tell him when Dan spoke again.

  "When I met you mother, there was a lot of anger still left in me. Abuse is not something you forget. At first, I was afraid I would hurt her like my father hurt my mother but Patricia knew better. She trusted me even when I didn't trust myself. Your problem is the opposite. Anna is afraid to trust you because of her father."

  "So what do I do?" Steven asked.

  "You have to convince her that you are not her father."

  "And how do I do that?"

  "I have no idea," Dan said with humor tracing his voice.

  Laughing, Steven replied, "Thanks a lot, Dad."

  "You'll think of something, son. You always do. Just remember, Anna is operating under a completely different set of rules. She will never forget what her father did but she needs to learn to live with it."

  Steven rose from the bench and wished his father a good night. He slowly made his way back to Anna's apartment and his car. He thought about what is father had said and tried to think of some way to convince Anna to trust him. He drove home searching for the answer.

  When he arrived home, he checked his phone. He had turned it off earlier when speaking with his father. There were two messages. The first was from Victoria. She said to call her as soon as he got home no matter how late. The second message was from Anna.

  "Steve, it's Anna." Steven could hear the tears in her voice and his heart went out to her. "I'm sorry about tonight. I know you think I was behaving strangely and I guess, maybe, I was. It's not that I don't trust you-not really, it's just, well, forget it. Look, things are just not going to work out between us. I'm sorry, Steve, I really am."

  He heard the words and knew she meant them. Her fear was greater than her feelings for him and that was something Steven could not fight. Dishearten, he picked up the phone to call his sister.

  She answered on the first ring and despite his misery he had to smile at her happy voice. Victoria could always make him smile.

  "Hey, sis, what's up?" he asked her.

  "Oh, Steve, guess what? Whitman's has finalized their plans to open a branch in Dallas. My supervisor told me that if I could wait until the fall they would transfer me to the Dallas branch as soon as it opened."

  "That's great, Tori. Do they have a set date in mind yet?" Steven was thrilled for his sister. He felt much better about her move knowing she had a job.

  "They have already started working on the negotiations for the lease. The only problem is the current tenant will probably not leave until the end of August. Unfortunately, that means we can't start moving in until September. I don't think I will be able to move before sometime in October."

  As it was only March, Steven knew how disappointed she had to be. Victoria was not the most patient person in the world. "I know it's hard to wait, Tori, but it's for the best."

  "I know that, Steve. I am just glad things are beginning to fall into place."

  "Me, too."

  There was a laugh at the other end of the line. "Are you sure you can handle me being around all the ti
me, Steve? I know I drive you crazy."

  A grin split his face at her words. "I think you do it on purpose but it doesn't matter it will add a little spice to my life."

  "I thought Anna was doing that," Victoria said quickly.

  The pain that rushed through him was so strong that he was unable to answer. His sister immediately sensed something was wrong.

  "Steve?" she asked. "What is it?"

  "Nothing, Tori," he replied. Victoria had really liked Anna and she was so happy now that Steven did not want to give her any bad news. His protective instinct would simply not allow him to make his sister unhappy.

  There was a long pause before she said softly, "I know you worry a lot about me, Steve, but what you probably don't know is I worry about you. I know we don't really talk about feelings or emotions but I will always be here if you need me, bro."

  "Have you ever been physically afraid of a man, Tori?"

  Steven had to give his sister credit. There was only a short pause in the conversation as she digested his question.

  "Once," she replied.

  "Tell me about it."

  "When I was in college, there was this guy who kept asking me out. I wasn't interested but he wouldn't take no for an answer. Finally, I told Jack, the guy I was dating at the time. Well, Jack said he would take care of it. When I saw Jack later, he was furious. He was a large man and physically intimidating. I had never seen anyone so angry. He was pacing the room and he turned his anger on me. He really frightened me."

  "What happened?" Steven asked, wondering why his sister had never told him this before.

  "He realized I was frightened and he backed off. He wasn't really angry with me. I was just a convenient target. Later we talked about it and Jack told me that he would never have hurt me."

  "Did you believe him?"

  "Yes, I did but only because I trusted him."

  Trust, thought Steven. It always came back to trust. "Why did you trust him, Tori?"

  "Oh that's simple, Steve. Jack left it up to me."

  "I don't understand."

  "Jack knew I was afraid of him so he told me that he really liked me and that he wanted to be with me but that what I wanted was more important. He said that if I didn't feel safe with him than I shouldn't be around him. When I realized this twenty year old guy, who had a reputation to uphold, was really more concerned about my feelings than his reputation, well, that put everything into perspective."

  Steven thought about it a minute. "So you were no longer afraid of him? Just like that?"

  "Well, not just like that. Jack knew he would never hurt me but that didn't matter at all. He also knew that I had to know that he would never hurt me and he couldn't make me not fear him. Once I understood that the fear went away. Once I realized Jack was willing to let me go to make me feel safe then I knew I had nothing to fear. But Jack was smart enough to know that it had to be my choice."

  Was that what Anna needed? Steven asked himself. It seemed so easy and yet so hard but Victoria was right the decision had to be hers. Steven had to let her go to see if she would ever come back.

  Chapter 11

  The following morning Anna woke with a pounding headache. Her eyes were gritty and her throat raw. She rose slowly and made her way to the bathroom. After she washed her face and brushed her teeth she felt a little better but one look in the mirror told her that her crying jag had taken its toll. Her eyes were swollen and red and her face was pale.

  She made her way into the kitchen and started the coffee. The room was almost back to normal. The cabinets and counter tops were now dry. She had taken down what was left of the curtains and had thrown them away along with the burnt towel. The only reminder now was the black streaks on the walls from the smoke.

  When the coffee was ready, she poured herself a cup and sat at the table. Her mind replayed the previous evening's events over and over. Her anger had been directed at herself but she had been unable to keep from lashing out at the others. Steven had been right. They were her friends. They had only wanted to help her and she had rejected them. She owed them all an apology and perhaps an explanation.

  The sound of someone knocking on the door pulled her from the chair. Opening the door, she was not at all surprised to see Steven standing on the step. She had known that last night's phone call would not satisfy him. He would want to talk. Anna knew she owed him that much but she had hoped to have a little more time. She wasn't ready to analyze her feelings.

  Stepping back she opened the door wider and he walked into the room. He did not say a word and Anna closed the door quickly. He was dressed in a suit with her favorite tie. This one was blue with tiny faces all over it. The color was a very soft blue but the faces were comical and Anna always enjoyed looking at it but it brought her no pleasure today. As it was Sunday, she assumed he was going to church. She glanced at the clock and noted he had only twenty minutes.

  Steven followed her glance and nodded once. "I won't stay long. There is just something I have to say to you."

  Anna wasn't sure she liked the sound of that but she offered him a seat, which he refused. She walked farther into the room and waited.

  "Anna," he began, "I love you and I want to marry you. I have done everything in my power to convince you that we belong together. It is now up to you."

  The words struck her heart. She had dreamed about this moment. As a little girl, she had always hoped that a handsome man would one day sweep her off of her feet. Steven fit her image of a prince charming but now he had finally given up. She was suddenly more frightened than she had ever been before. Steven was putting the decision into her hands and she had to decide what she wanted.

  "I can promise you that I will never hurt you but it will not do you any good unless you learn to trust me." Steven turned to walk to the door. "I can't make you believe in me. You have to take that step. I can't stand anymore. I won't try to see you again but try to remember that I love you. If you ever want that love and you learn to believe in me, you know where to find me."

  The door closed quietly behind him. The pain was so intense that it forced Anna down onto the couch. She wrapped her arms around her sides and began rocking back and forth but there were no tears. Then blissfully, a numbness settled over her. She was grateful that she couldn't feel anything. Her mind was blank and she sealed up her heart.

  She spent the rest of the day in a controlled frenzy. She cleaned every inch of her apartment, ironed all her clothes, and worked on some of her accounts. She did everything she could to keep her thoughts at bay. She wasn't ready to think about what Steven had said. In her mind she had known this day would come but it was harder to accept than she had thought it would be.

  The following week was one of the longest in her life. She was functioning on one level while her heart and emotions were sealed up safely inside her but every night she dreamed. The nightmare was back. It was the same except this time her father had been replaced by Steven. She would wake drenched in sweat as she fought with the fear.

  Julie continued to join her for their morning coffee break as if nothing unusual had happened and Rachel met her for lunch. Anna was thankful for their friendships and she was able to deliver her apology without any awkwardness. She explained as best she could without talking about her father. She still could not bring herself to confide in them even though they had been victims of her anger.

  On the surface everything was normal. Her business was booming and she had been asked to serve on the city council. No one mentioned Steven and Anna did not see or hear from him. She was not really surprised. He had made his position very plain and now Anna knew that the next move had to be hers. She just didn’t think she could make it.

  She did run into Patricia Carson at the grocery store. It was a difficult meeting for Anna but Patricia simply asked how she was and never once mentioned Steven. Unfortunately, the rest of the town was not so sensitive. Everywhere she went people questioned her about the fire and asked about Steven. Soon it was al
l over town that they were no longer dating.

  On Friday, she was having lunch at Mabel's when the owner approached her. Mrs. Dorman had been out of town for several days and Anna had missed seeing her. She was a friendly person and always had a smile for everyone. As Anna was having an early lunch, the bakery was nearly deserted and Mrs. Dorman joined her at her table.

  "Anna, dear, I just heard about the fire at your place. I hope no one was hurt?"

  Try as she might, Anna could not keep the resentment from her face. The fire had been the talk of the town and once again Anna had found herself in the middle of all the gossip. She had fought off all the questions and had so far managed to keep her temper in check but it was getting harder day-by-day.

  She looked at Mrs. Dorman, ready to cut her short, when she suddenly noticed her eyes. Yes, there was curiosity there but there was also something else. Anna realized there was genuine concern. Mrs. Dorman might enjoy talking and she wanted to know everything that was going on but she also cared. For the first time, Anna began to understand what Steven had meant about this town always being there to help.

  No longer worried about the gossip she gave Mrs. Dorman a bright smile. "No, no one was hurt. Actually, the fire wasn't too bad until I panicked."

  "Well, I'm sure I would have panicked too if I had opened my oven and found it on fire." She reached over and patted Anna's hand. "I'm just glad no one was hurt. Enjoy your lunch."

  Anna watched her go with a smile. It was a nice feeling knowing that someone was concerned. It helped soothe some of the hurt Anna was now feeling. The numbness was beginning to wear off and the pain was growing stronger.

  She returned to work and finished the day. Her work was the one thing that had kept her from falling apart. It was the middle of tax season and Anna had very little time to miss Steven but miss Steven she did. She longed to see him but knew she couldn't approach him until she had made a decision about her future. It simply wasn't fair to him. Unfortunately, she wanted his advice. She needed to discuss the love of her life with her best friend but Steven was both.