“I don’t.”
“You tried to make me choose, Olivia.”
She tilted her head back and looked up at him. “And I lost, didn’t I? You didn’t even have to think about it.”
He didn’t answer the question. “If you care about somebody, you don’t put them in that position. You don’t make them choose like that.”
Her heart beat hard. “You don’t get to say whether or not I cared about you. Only I get to say that. And I was scared of losing you.”
“You wanted to control me.”
She closed her eyes and pulled in a breath. “You won’t ever see my side of it, so why are we going there? It’s been over between us since you left for that last mission, and I know I’m to blame for it.” Her eyes snapped open again. “But so are you, Billy Blake. It takes two to have a relationship. And you weren’t ever going to give me more than a warm body in my bed for a few weeks at a time.”
“We were together for six months. How in the hell do you know what I was going to give you if we’d been together longer? I said we’d talk, but you weren’t there when I got back. You ran away, Olivia. Like a brat who didn’t get her way.”
She hated the way those words sounded on his lips, but how could she argue? She had run away. And part of her had regretted it since.
“I was leaving the Army and you knew it. What did you want me to do? Hang around and wait for you to come back every few weeks? I had résumés out, and you knew I could get picked up anywhere. But you never said a word about what came next. It was like you just thought I would be there, no matter what.”
He glared daggers at her. “You were planning to leave the Army when we met. Why would I think you might need my input on a decision you’d already made?”
She gripped the mug tight. “Well, gee, I don’t know, Billy. Maybe because I thought we had something but I wasn’t ever really sure where you stood. You never said.”
His hands clenched into fists at his side. “I kept coming back. To you, Olivia. I spent every day I had stateside with you. And that meant nothing to you.”
“It did mean something. But I wasn’t sure it meant anything to you.”
“Jesus.” He shook his head. “Forget it. It’s been too long and there’s no sense raking over the past. You made your choice and we’ve both moved on.”
Her eyes stung with frustrated tears. “Yes, we’ve moved on.”
He turned away from her, all stiff military precision. “Good, great, end of story.” He went over to the dining room table at one end of the long room and grabbed another computer. Then he powered it up and retrieved the disc Alan had sent her.
“What are you going to do?”
He sat on one of the chairs across from her. “Send it to HQ.”
“What about security?” She knew he was a great hacker, but there had to be others equally as good.
“This is a secure satellite link. Not a problem.” He popped the disc in and his fingers flew over some keys. Then he sat back and waited for a few moments. When he was satisfied, he ejected the disc and closed the computer. “Mendez will get some engineers on this. Anything we can learn from here might help when we break into Titan tomorrow.”
Olivia shivered. “I’m not breaking in. I work there.” It was semantics, sure, but she didn’t like to think in terms of doing anything wrong. It made it easier mentally.
“We’ll start searching for Cooper too. If he’s in St. Thomas, we’ll get him.”
“You don’t think he is?”
Billy shrugged. “Honestly? I don’t think so. But if we’re lucky, whoever’s behind the plot to sell faulty equipment to the military doesn’t know either.”
Olivia hated to think of what could happen to Alan Cooper. Or to her. “What if someone knows what he sent me?”
Billy’s eyes darkened. “No one’s getting to you.”
“But going back there tomorrow…”
He lifted an eyebrow. “Who said you were going?”
“I assumed—”
He got to his feet now. “Hell no. You’ll brief me on the layout, but you aren’t going. It’ll be me and one of the guys.”
Anger flipped to life in her belly. “I realize this is what you do, but you won’t get the information without me. Even with a fake badge and the codes, it won’t work.”
“Sweetheart, you’d be surprised about the places I get into.”
“I’m sure you could tell me but then you’d have to kill me. But I’m telling you, Billy Blake, that you won’t pull this off without me. Alan’s office is in a secure area, and though you can hack into it, you need me—a recognizable employee—to watch your back. There won’t be that many people working on Christmas Eve, but those that are there will know you don’t belong. If you’re with me, I can make it believable. Not only that, but if you look lost for even a second, you’re toast. So face it, sugar, you need me to guide you and to watch your back.”
Her pulse was pounding with adrenaline, both over standing up to Billy and over the idea she had to help him break into Alan’s office. Yeah, there was a risk that someone knew Alan had sent her a disc. But that didn’t mean they knew what was on it. Or even that it was potentially volatile. She’d been afraid to go home tonight, but she’d walk into Titan’s offices tomorrow with a trained military fighting machine at her side. That was a no brainer.
Billy’s jaw hardened. “I don’t like it, but you have a point. We’ll go in together—but only if my CO approves it.”
She tilted her chin up. “He will.”
“Don’t be smug, Livvie.”
She wanted to tell him she’d do whatever she damn well pleased. But the truth was that it was growing late and she was tired. There was no going home tonight, not with her car in a ditch and the roads snowed over.
“Look, I’ve been working long days and I’m tired. If you give me a pillow, I can sleep right here.”
“You aren’t sleeping here. You can have my bed.”
She tried not to let her throat close up at the thought of sleeping in his bed. Surrounded by sheets that smelled like him. Oh God.
“You don’t have to give up your bed for me. Besides, I fit on this couch better than you.”
“I have a sleeping bag,” he told her. “And I’m not arguing with you. Grab one of my T-shirts to sleep in. We’ll hit Wal-Mart in the morning and pick up some jeans and shoes for you.”
She got to her feet and stood there staring up at him. He was so close. For a moment she wanted to reach out and slide her fingers along his jaw. But she had no right. Not any longer.
Her gaze slid past him to the small Christmas tree sitting on a table near the window. He still hadn’t plugged it in. She knew his aunt had sent it to him years ago when he’d first joined the military. Every year, without fail, he dragged it out. Because his aunt would ask and he wouldn’t lie to her. He’d told Olivia that last year, the first and only Christmas they’d ever spent together.
“You’re a good guy, Billy,” she said, and meant it. And then she left him standing there and went down the hall to his room, closing the door softly behind her. She leaned her head against it and told herself it would be okay. Billy would help her out. And she wouldn’t fall in love with him ever again.
CHAPTER FOUR
When Olivia woke, it was still dark. For a moment, she forgot where she was. But then it all came rushing back, along with the knowledge she was wrapped in Billy’s sheets. She could smell him as if he were right here with her and it made her heart pinch tight with pain and regret.
She reached for her cell phone to check the time. It was three a.m. She groaned and then lay back and blinked up at the ceiling. It was Christmas Eve morning and a wave of loneliness engulfed her. She thought of her mother, no doubt drunk and in some strange man’s bed right now. When she’d been a kid, her mother had dragged her from boyfriend’s house to boyfriend’s house. Only once had Olivia had a stable home life, but that lasted for three years before her mother chased Darrel
Anderson away too. He’d been the most decent man Angie Reese had ever been with, but when he’d dared to suggest she needed to stop drinking and start being more of a mother for her kid, she’d had one of her predictable meltdowns.
Darrel tried to stick it out, but eventually he’d faded away too. Olivia clutched the covers in her fists. She’d learned from an early age that men were unreliable, even though she knew that her mother was at fault too.
She knew it, but she’d never managed to convince herself to completely trust a man. Which was certainly why her relationship with Billy had broken down. She hadn’t trusted that he would be there for her, and she’d forced the situation to a crisis.
Olivia threw the covers back and sat up. Yes, she’d forced the situation to a crisis and she’d lost. Best to know it sooner rather than later, right?
She slipped Billy’s socks onto her bare feet and then ventured into the kitchen. Her stomach was growling because she’d failed to eat anything last night. If she could find a snack—some cheese, a banana, some crackers, whatever—she could go back to sleep.
Olivia halted in the door to the kitchen. Billy was sitting at the table with three computers open and that distant look in his eyes that he got whenever he was engrossed in some cyber puzzle. She cleared her throat and he looked up in surprise. And then his eyes narrowed as they dropped over her form.
She was wearing one of his T-shirts, his socks, and no bra. Or panties. Geez. She’d taken them off and washed them in the sink before hanging them near the heating vent to dry. Olivia crossed her arms over her chest and walked over to the fridge. The T-shirt covered her ass, but if she bent over or reached for something, it definitely wouldn’t. Why hadn’t she rummaged around for a pair of his sweat pants at least?
Because she hadn’t expected him to be here. Then why did you get his attention instead of turning around and going back to his room?
“Sorry to interrupt,” she said brightly. “I couldn’t sleep and thought I’d get a snack.”
He leaned back in the chair and stretched. His pectoral muscles bunched and flexed beneath his T-shirt and her mouth nearly went dry.
“You’re not interrupting. I couldn’t sleep either. Thought I’d go through some things.”
She opened the fridge and found a package of mozzarella sticks. She grabbed two and turned around to lean against the counter and peel the plastic off the first one.
“Anything to do with Titan Technology?”
He looked at the computer again. “Yeah. Can’t find a damn thing that indicates Alan Cooper left the CONUS for a trip to St. Thomas. Or anywhere else for that matter.”
Her heart thumped. “Maybe he’s hiding out somewhere.” She hoped so anyway. She didn’t know Alan well, but she liked him. He’d always been nice enough. Quiet, studious, a bit nerdy. A typical engineer.
“Could be. He’s not using his credit cards, if so.” Billy tapped something on the keyboard. “His last known location was a gas station in Alexandria two days ago. He filled up and bought a bag of chips and a bottle of water.”
Olivia shook her head slowly. “I don’t know how you do it, but I’m sure glad you’re on the good guys’ side. Think of all the mayhem you could do if you were willing to be bad.”
He looked up, his eyes sparking with something that set up a thrumming deep inside her belly. “I’m willing to be bad,” he said, his voice low and dark with promise. “As bad as you want me to be.”
Oh God.
Olivia swallowed. Wetness flooded her sex, made her skin tingle with anticipation. She wanted him to touch her. Wanted to feel his body deep inside hers again, stroking into her so hard and fast that he made her cry out with pleasure.
Unfinished business. The words echoed in her brain, throbbed in her sex. How had she thought she could see him again and not be affected? She’d spent long days and nights remembering how it had been between them. She’d touched herself, stroked her body until she came, his name on her lips in the darkness of her lonely bed.
She’d had sex with other men. But she’d wanted Billy. Every time someone else touched her, she closed her eyes and pretended he was Billy. It hadn’t happened often, but it was bad enough that she’d stopped dating altogether. One day, she could sleep with another man and not see Billy in her head, but that day hadn’t arrived yet.
Almost a year had passed since she’d left him, and he still wasn’t out of her system. If she pulled this T-shirt over her head now, how would she ever forget him?
“I, um…” Her skin prickled with heat. Her head swam. All she had to do was say she wanted him.
He got to his feet then and she could see the bulge of his erection straining against the cotton of his jeans. Her mouth went utterly dry.
He moved toward her. She thought he would touch her, thought he would take the decision out of her hands, but he reached past her and opened the fridge door. He pulled out a beer and went back to his chair and Olivia’s heart thumped harder.
He twisted off the top and took a swig. “It’s okay, Livvie. I shouldn’t have said that.” He pushed a hand through his hair as his gaze focused on the computer again. “I shouldn’t have said a lot of things, but I find that I can’t quite stop myself now that you’re here.”
She sucked in a breath and took another bite of the cheese. Disappointment swirled inside her. “Why is that?”
He looked up again, his dark gaze meeting hers. “Because I’m still pissed off at you. Because I cared about you and you left me without an explanation. And because, no matter how many women I’ve had since then, I still want to taste you one more time.” He waved a hand at her. “Seeing you here in my clothes.” He stopped. Swallowed. “Your nipples are hard, Livvie. And that makes me hard. Too fucking hard and nothing I can do about it.”
“You’ve had a lot of women since me?” Her throat was tight. Out of everything he’d said, those were the words she’d focused on. And yes, her nipples were tight and achy and her body throbbed in spite of it all.
He didn’t look apologetic. “A few. You?”
She lifted her chin. She didn’t want to think of Billy with another woman. She knew he’d not been celibate, but still. “Women? No.”
“You know that’s not what I meant.” He shook his head. “But damn if that doesn’t make the situation worse. You, me, another hot blonde? Christ.”
“I don’t share,” she said tightly. “And yes, I’ve been with a few men.”
He slapped the lid of the nearest computer closed and shot to his feet with a growl. And then he was standing on the other side of the kitchen, taking another swallow of beer, and glaring at her. “Define a few.”
Her heart was racing hard and fast and a current of something that could only be called joy was beginning to bubble in her veins. He was jealous. It made her heart sing even though it shouldn’t. She should weep with all she’d lost, but instead she was standing here and feeling so many wild things bubbling inside her. Reckless things.
“Why should I? Are you planning to tell me how many women you’ve been with? Besides, we’re not together anymore. It doesn’t matter.”
He glared for a long minute. And then he pointed at her. “You were mine, Olivia. I wasn’t ready to give that up, but you made the decision for us both. So yeah, I’m fucking pissed that you’ve been with anyone else.”
“Hypocrite.” She said it softly, but he heard it.
His nostrils flared. “Maybe so but it doesn’t change a thing.” He stood there across from her, his body coiled and tense. And then he shook his head. “You better run, Liv. Get back to bed, and lock the door while you’re at it. Because I’ve got a burning need to prove you made a huge fucking mistake when you walked out.”
Her heart thudded against her ribs at the violence in his voice and the fire in his eyes. He wouldn’t hurt her, she knew that. But he wouldn’t hesitate to employ a little sensual torture. Not whips or chains or anything like that. No, he had a far more deadly weapon: his knowledge of her body and h
ow to withhold pleasure for as long as possible.
Olivia shivered as she stared at him. He could make her warm again. He could make her hot, for God’s sake. But how would that fix anything?
“I already know we had great sex, Billy. But sometimes that’s not enough.”
“Goddamn,” he said softly. “You really don’t get it, do you?”
CHAPTER FIVE
She stood in his kitchen in nothing but a shirt that hung to mid-thigh and would show her ass if she lifted her arms. Her damn nipples budded tight against the fabric, her wheat-blonde hair gleamed in the overhead light like reflected gold, and it took everything he had in him not to walk over and rip the shirt over her head.
She was looking at him now with wide, shining eyes, and the beast tethered inside him roared to life. He’d revealed too much, but seeing her again had ripped open old wounds he’d thought were healing. She’d left him. She’d been in his life for months, in his bed, and though he knew she had issues with what he did, he’d never thought she would demand he give it up for her.
The bitch of it was, he might have done so. He’d been pissed, but then he’d considered it during the long, lonely nights out in the field and he’d thought, yeah, I could go for a regular nine-to-five at a company.
He had a skill that translated well to the outside. And he’d had Olivia.
Or so he thought.
But she’d been gone when he came back, and all the anger and hurt of a lifetime had welled to the surface. His mother left when he was a kid and she’d never come back. That didn’t usually bother him because he had Aunt June and Uncle Jerry and all his cousins. But sometimes he thought about it. About why he hadn’t been enough for her. About why Aunt June would do anything for him while his own mother wouldn’t.
“What are you saying?” Olivia asked, her voice small and tight. She’d wrapped her arms around herself, but it didn’t help one bit because her breasts swelled against the shirt and the hem lifted just enough that he could see the shadow of her pubis.
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