Chapter sixteen
RAYA
My fingers tensed, curling around the covers at my throat. What was that?
The sound came again. I threw the covers back and padded to the doorway, pressing my ear against the wood. There was nothing but silence behind the door. Maybe I imagined or dreamed it...
Someone cried out.
Not someone. Trevor. I opened my door and peeked out. The hallway was empty. He was in his room. I softly closed my door and walked to his, cracking it just wide enough to slip inside. My eyes adjusted to the firelight as I eased toward his bed. He was panting and crying out for help.
“Trevor,” I coaxed. My heart thundered. It didn’t wake him. “Trevor, it’s Raya. You’re safe,” I reassured, sitting on the mattress beside him. “It’s just a dream. Wake up for me.”
Afraid of startling him, I reached out for his hand. He jerked it away, startled, and sat halfway up; scooting back until he rapped the back of his head against the headboard. He rubbed it, blinking rapidly. “You were having a nightmare,” I pointed out.
“You heard me from your chamber?”
“Yeah.”
He scrubbed a hand down his face and sat all the way up. The hard planes of his bare chest and stomach were highlighted by the firelight as his blanket fell to his lap. “I’m sorry I woke you,” he apologized.
“Don’t worry about that.” His breathing was beginning to level out. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” he answered quickly. “I’m fine.”
“Were you dreaming about the shipwreck?” I guessed.
He nodded, swallowing thickly and looking away. “It was very vivid.”
He’d had dreams of it while we were in the tower, but nothing like this. This was bone-chilling, heart-breaking terror.
“I had nightmares every night for months after she left me at the tower,” I admitted.
“This is my first,” he admitted sheepishly. “And this might sound crazy, but I think you kept them away. I always waited until you went to sleep to doze off, but I knew you were right there with me. I wasn’t alone.”
“You haven’t been yourself since we boarded the ship, and it wasn’t just because you were sick,” I added. I could tell he was apprehensive as we set sail, but worse than that, he was afraid of going home and facing the families of the lost sailors.
“They didn’t get to come home. I have to tell their families it was all my fault,” he moaned, his voice thick with emotion.
“If you let me, I’ll be there with you. Just like you promised to help me with this transition, I’d like to be there for you, too.”
He nodded and grabbed my hand, threading his trembling fingers through mine. I slid closer, wrapping my free arm around to hold him. His back was tense, but only because he was trying not to break down. When he did, I was thankful it was on my shoulder.
I clung to him and he held me until all the pent-up guilt emptied in a torrent of tears, me crying on his shoulder as much as he cried on mine. I didn’t want him to hurt. I didn’t want him to feel this terrible burden. It consumed him, but there was nothing I could do to stop it. There was nothing that would ease the pain.
When his breathing calmed, I leaned my head on his shoulder. “Trevor, I know you won’t like what I’m going to ask, but I’m asking it anyway.”
“What is it?”
“Tell me what happened on the ship that night.”
His back stiffened. “Why?”
“Because you need to talk to someone about it.”
“Think it’ll help?”
“It can’t hurt,” I suggested softly.
He told me about how quickly the storm came upon them, and how the Captain wanted him to go below decks but his gut told him not to—that it would have been the last thing he did if he listened. He described how a wave, unbelievably bigger than the others, knocked into the boat and tipped it over onto its side. He thought it would right itself, but by that point it was too late.
“The worst part wasn’t the screaming,” he recounted. “There was chaos everywhere. Men scrambling to obey their captain, desperate to stay with the boat. Trying to save their friends, who’d fallen into the churning water when the boat was knocked on its side. Then the boat began to sink.” He took a deep breath.
“Suddenly, the screaming stopped. There was silence in the middle of the storm, in the middle of the angry sea.” He looked up at me. “Did you feel that way when she flew off and left you in that tower?”
“Yes,” I admitted, my voice raspy.
“When I went into the water, I was stunned. I’d never felt anything that cold before. It was so frigid, it burned. I know that probably doesn’t make sense.”
“No, I know what you mean. The sea in winter does feel that way.”
“In the distance, I saw the lighthouse. It looked so far away, too far, given the freezing water, but I just knew if I didn’t fight to get there, I would be silenced like the others. So I clawed and fought through the stabbing pain. Waves crashed over my head and dragged me under, and when I breeched the surface again, the boat was gone and another of the huge waves was building. I thought it would crash over me and I would die right then, but instead, it picked me up and carried me. I wasn’t sure how long I kicked and paddled, but eventually, my arms and legs slowed. I couldn’t get them to work, and I didn’t see the light in your tower anymore. I couldn’t fight it. I thought about my father and my kingdom.”
“And about Ella,” I added.
“Yes. And of the men who didn’t reach the surface. The men who were silent, dead and buried in a watery grave. And how I deserved to go with them,” he scoffed bitterly. “I couldn’t fight anymore, and part of me didn’t want to, so I stopped.”
My tears began to fall again. “Hey,” he entreated softly, moving my hair and burying his face in my neck. I let go of his hand and held him as tightly as I could and cried.
“I didn’t mean to upset you,” he whispered. “I’m sorry.”
“I thought you were dead,” I remembered. “When Tross found you, I couldn’t tell if you were breathing, but then you did. You coughed up half the ocean, and even though I was happy to finally have some company, I couldn’t help but be afraid. I was confused and irritable in the beginning, but once I got to know you, you taught me something.”
“What’s that?” he asked as his hand rubbed comforting circles on my back.
“I was meant to survive. I was meant to be the only survivor, just like you were meant to be the only survivor.” He stiffened in my arms, but I clung to him like a lifeline. Because that’s what he was to me. “We don’t know why we were selected to live, and truthfully, the reason doesn’t matter. We were given a second chance at life. What matters is what we do with it.”
He nodded, but even in the dark, I could see part of him was still broken. Once broken, things and people never completely mended. There were lingering fissures; scars that showed their truth, their story, and how they survived and hopefully overcame the things that tore them apart. Tonight, we shared our scars, and my heart felt lighter because of it.
They say all living things need light to survive, but they also need darkness. I sat with him in the dark and we talked about our fears and reminded one another of our strengths until the cool light of dawn streamed through his window.
I left before anyone found me in his chamber.
TREVOR
After knocking on her door, Raya’s lady’s maid told me she was already downstairs in the dining hall with my father. I hurried down the hall and staircases until I came to the bottom floor, and then wound through the palace to the dining hall where two servants opened the double doors for me. “Thank you,” I told them, my eyes fastening on the two most important people in my life: my father and my best friend.
Father was laughing at something she said, and it was the happiest I’d seen him in years. He heard my approach. The table was ridiculously long, but he and Raya were seated at the far end, Father at
the head and Raya to his left. The place setting at his right hand was empty, so I settled beside him and unfolded my napkin. “Good morning.”
Still smiling, Raya answered in kind. She was beautiful, her pale hair intricately braided over one shoulder. Her skin was glowing and her eyes... Flustered, I turned to my father. “What’s so funny?”
“Raya was telling me about your friend Tross and how affectionate you were with him.”
“Tross loves kisses,” I admitted with a shrug as servants brought in steaming plates of food and placed them in front of us. I thanked them as they filled one glass with water and a cup with hot tea.
Raya sipped hers carefully, her eyes widening at the flavor. “This is amazing.”
She’d eaten nothing more than seafood, bread, and fruit for years. Although it kept her alive and she learned to be creative at making soups and stews, in the end it was monotonous. I decided to speak with the kitchen staff and ask them to prepare anything she requested. If she didn’t request anything, then I’d ask them to prepare the best and most diverse menus they could.
Father smiled at me. “I can’t tell you how thankful I am that you’re alive and you’ve come home.”
I cleared my throat. “I’m glad, too.”
Father clapped his hands. “We are going to celebrate. At dawn, I dispatched messengers to Aelawyn and to each of the three Northern Kingdoms. We’re hosting a Ball at Midsummer.”
“That isn’t necessary,” I started.
“It’s already done,” he interrupted.
I straightened my back. “Very well. Thank you, Father.”
Raya’s fork was frozen mid-way to her mouth. I gave her my most reassuring and apologetic look, and turned to my father as he began telling Raya how he’d met her parents many times, and how sorry he was that such an awful fate had befallen them.
She was polite, but I saw her shift uncomfortably in her seat. He was making her feel awkward, but she was gracious. “Thank you for telling me about them,” she offered kindly.
He turned to me. “Do you have plans for the day? Holden is coming to give an account of the Tierney border.”
Back to business already? Not today.
“Actually, I thought I’d take Raya for a horseback ride to show her some of our kingdom, Father. She should get acclimated so she can move about freely.”
His chewing slowed and then he swallowed. “Of course. And see that the seamstress and her team begin a new wardrobe, fitting for the Princess of Paruth.”
“That isn’t necessary. What I’ve been given already is more than enough,” she argued.
Father bristled. “Nonsense. You’re wearing a borrowed wool dress. It’s not even a gown, but the only thing we could find to fit you on such short notice.” I eased my foot against hers under the table and watched her eyes snap to mine, shaking my head slightly. It wasn’t an argument she would win, against my father or against me. Our seamstresses and tailors were fast and efficient, and she needed clothes made only for her.
Raya flashed him a charming smile. “Thank you for being so kind.”
“It is the least we can do. I’m not sure I can ever repay you for what you did for my son.”
“I didn’t do anything—”
“He told me you saved his life, gave him shelter, fed him and kept him fit, and offered him friendship. You should know that no matter what direction life leads you, you’ll always have a home in Galder. And as long as he or I draw breath, you won’t want for anything, Princess.”
Chapter seventeen
RAYA
“Would you like your own horse, or would you rather ride with me?” he asked, as if it was the simplest choice in the world. The servants were shocked when I asked for breeches and a shirt, but I refused to ride side-saddle. Even though I hadn’t ridden a horse in years, I wasn’t going to fall off one today if I could help it.
“My own, please,” I answered with a grin. He walked into the stable and returned guiding two horses, one dark brown with a black, silky mane, and the other pale as winter, from the tips of her ears to the silver shoes she wore. Trevor put his hands out to steady me as I swung into the saddle of the pale horse. I didn’t need his help. I’d ridden as a child. It was a sweet gesture, though.
I smiled down at him and he flashed a grin before walking to his stallion. Holding tightly to the reins, a thrill shot through my blood. I could feel the power in her. She was solid muscle, proud, but gentle and sweet. “What’s her name?”
“Whatever you like,” he answered, kicking his horse and setting the pace. We left the stables behind and rode up a small hill.
“What do you mean?”
“She’s yours.”
“Mine?” I didn’t understand.
“She’s your horse, Raya. She’s young, but calm and reliable. You can name her anything you wish.”
My eyes welled. My own horse? This beautiful creature was a princely gift. Trevor had already given me a place to live, was having clothes made for me, and fed me. “This is too much,” I managed to whisper.
He shook his head. “No matter what I do, it’ll never be enough, Ray.”
Overlooking the castle from the hill, the back of the castle glistened in the early morning sun. Though it was early, it was a warm day already. The birds were active, flitting from branch to branch and chirping as we passed beneath their trees.
“The village is this way,” he disclosed as he led me down the well-trodden path.
“My mother always took me into the village,” I offered. “We shopped in the market weekly and spoke with our people.”
He smiled. “Father doesn’t go into the village often, but I go as often as I can.”
That was the quality that endeared the people of Galder to their prince. Every man we passed removed his hat and inclined his head. One called out to the Prince, telling him how glad he was to have him back safe. “It’s good to be home, Zachary,” Trevor yelled back to him with a smile.
Enormous trees shaded the trail, but the sun burst through the leaves in places. Ahead was a church, its beauty rivaling the castle itself. As we drew closer, the carvings along its walls seemed to come alive. “We can go inside if you’d like,” he offered, noticing my gawking.
As much as I wanted to see inside, I wanted to ride more. “Let’s keep going.”
Trevor grinned. “Then I’m treating you to lunch.”
It wasn’t like I had any coin, which was the perfect opportunity for me to have a talk with him... “Trevor, if I’m going to stay here, I’d like to earn my keep.”
He slowed his horse and pulled the reins, stopping the animal entirely. “You heard my father. There’s no way we could ever repay you for how you helped me, Ray. How you’re still helping me. Last night—”
“—was me being a friend.”
“Then let me be one to you right now. If, after you settle in, you’d like something to do, we’ll figure that out. But we’ve only just arrived. You don’t need to feel indebted. You are my guest and my very best friend.”
“You gave me a horse,” I deadpanned. It wasn’t that I was ungrateful. I was already attached to her and couldn’t stop stroking her mane. At this point, I was in love with her and he couldn’t have her back.
He just smirked, making me want to hug and slap him at the same time.
Finally looking around, I noticed the village was buzzing with people. “What day is it?”
“Tomorrow is the Sabbath.”
“Will you show me where the market will be set up? Or do you have a permanent one?”
“They set up twice each week, on Wednesdays and Sundays. Most people are probably preparing for tomorrow, or for the Ball my father insists on throwing for us.”
We kept our pace slow as we wound through town. Ladies curtsied and the men bowed to their future king. While it was more formal than we’d been in Paruth, it was still friendly. There was an intimacy that bubbled beneath the surface, and I had no doubt the people of Galder would rejoice
in the celebration of Trevor’s return.
“It’s not like the Ball is tomorrow,” I chastised.
“No,” he sighed. “But I know my father. He’ll spare no expense. It’ll be something people will talk about for years to come, I’m sure. Father doesn’t splurge often, but when he decides to celebrate, he does it extravagantly.” Before I could process that information, Trevor thrust the reins of his horse into my hands with a roguish grin. “I’ll be right back.”
He dismounted and jogged to an approaching gentleman. The newcomer smiled and the two hugged and began talking and laughing. He led the man over and introduced him. “This is Aric, one of my closest friends growing up. He’s getting married in one week!” Trevor clapped his friend on the back.
“I’d love it if you could attend,” Aric suggested. “I was actually on my way to ask you. And you, too, Princess Raya. We would be honored if you would come.”
“The honor would be mine,” I answered with a smile.
I watched them chuckle and clap each other on the back a few more times, and then Aric told us not to be late. He would wed Marian just before sunset on the following Saturday at his father’s manor, followed by a reception.
“Do you remember how to dance, Prince Trevor, or did being in Aelawyn for so long rob you of your abilities?” Aric teased, shooting Trevor a devilish smirk.
“You’ll just have to wait and see. Maybe I’ll give your new wife a spin on the dance floor,” Trevor shot back. Aric’s eyes twinkled with orneriness.
I could imagine the trouble they got into as boys. Two golden-headed boys lying their way out of whatever they’d done, running over the hills or splashing in the waves at the edge of the sea.
“It was lovely to meet you, Princess Raya.”
“And you, Aric. Congratulations.”
“Thank you,” he chirped. He turned to Trevor and whispered something under his breath.
Trevor stiffened, but beamed at me over his shoulder. “That she is,” I think he said.
When Aric left us, heading back in the direction he came, Trevor took back his reins and swung back into the saddle. “What did he say to you?” I asked, curious.
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