But they were right. I was ruining Raya’s reputation by keeping her close to me, and it wasn’t fair to her. Maybe her not attending tonight was a good thing. It was wise to create distance between us. Even if it was the last thing I wanted.
She understood me better than anyone I’d ever met. Her mere presence calmed me when nothing else would. But beyond that, I needed her. I needed her next to me.
And it was causing her harm.
I was toxic to the one person who understood me better than anyone on earth.
The wedding guests were seated in the great hall, where long benches had been arranged in rows on either side of a wide aisle. The ladies and gentlemen closest to the hall stopped to bow and curtsy as we passed, but we moved as quickly as we could behind the usher to our seats.
As my eyes scanned the assembled crowd, my breath caught in my chest.
Because on the bench waiting for us, was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen in my life. Raya. She wore a glittering pale blue gown, and her icy hair had been braided intricately down her back. My father didn’t look happy to see her, but he pasted on a courteous smile as she rose to curtsy to him, and bowed to her. I settled between them, closer to Ray.
“I thought you were staying home,” I leaned in and whispered, concerned, but unable to keep the smile off my lips.
“Surprise.” It was a pleasant surprise, indeed.
We sat together as Aric entered the room and waited for Marian, and when the priest called her forward, we watched the bride drift to her groom as if her feet never brushed the floor at all. Marian’s smile lit up the entire room, and Aric’s matched. They were besotted. They were so in love, I wasn’t sure they realized there was anyone else in the room.
It hit me hard in that moment; the realization that this was what I wanted.
I wanted someone to want me like that. I wanted to be happy, ridiculously happy, with someone. So in love that even in a crowd, it was only me and her, and that no one in attendance mattered, and no one on earth mattered more than she did.
Raya watched their every movement as acutely as I did. As they knelt and stood, as they held hands and gave their vows to one another, as they pledged forever to each other. I couldn’t stop looking at Ray. My God, she was beautiful. Tears wet her eyes as the priest presented the newly wedded couple. I wrapped my arms around her and her fingers curled around the lapels of my jacket. “You okay?” I whispered softly.
“That was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen,” she answered, tears clogging her throat.
“Yes, it was.” I hugged her tighter and placed the lightest kiss on her forehead. My bottom lip caught on her skin as I admitted, “I can’t tell you how happy I am for both of them.”
The guests were quickly ushered outside as servants rushed to rearrange the great hall for the banquet and dancing. Minstrels plucked the strings of their instruments in the far corner, the strains of tuning violins rising above the din of the crowd.
Flowers cascaded from every window sill and sconce; not only in the hall, but throughout the house and onto the terrace, spilling their heady fragrances into the air. Father used this time to speak with his people, and to greet and give his best to Aric’s father. The two were already deep in conversation when Raya and I stepped outside.
She looked beyond the patio full of people to the flowering trees. The wind was blowing white petals across the yard. “Your father is waving for you. I’m going to go look at the garden, if you don’t mind.”
“Of course not. I’ll catch up with you,” I promised, but she had gathered her skirts and was already walking away.
Chapter twenty-one
RAYA
The soft breeze was warm, even as the sun set and the shadows fell. I walked beneath the flowering trees and watched as their petals were carried away by the wind. Some of them brushed my skin before floating away. I knew exactly how they felt. I thought tonight would be fun; that getting out of my room and the castle would be well-worth the tiredness setting into my muscles. Now I wasn’t sure.
As beautiful as the ceremony was, and as much as I loved watching Aric and Marian join their lives together, it left an aching hole in my chest, reminding me of what I didn’t and might never have.
Aric was dashing in his dark jacket, the piercing black contrasting with Marian’s pale gown. Marian glimmered with an inner peace that reflected her joy. Her hair was long and wavy; dark blonde with lighter streaks that made it look like the sun itself had combed its fingers through the strands. With a crown of flowers on her brow and a bouquet in her hands, she was dazzling. But it wasn’t her hair or the floral crown or the dress she wore that made her remarkable. It was the way she glowed when she looked at Aric. It was her smile.
His handsomeness was multiplied ten-fold, because he was giving her the very same look. He looked at his new wife as if he couldn’t believe she was really his.
At last, their longing gazes slid to one another.
The couple made their way around the assembled guests, thanking each and every person for coming and witnessing their special moment. Aric fell into a circle of men comprised of his father, King Yurak, and Trevor, while Marian made a beeline for me. “Princess Raya, thank you for coming,” she greeted with a smile before throwing her arms around me and squeezing. Hard.
“Thank you for inviting me,” I laughed.
“I’m not sure if anyone’s told you how grateful we all are to you.”
To me?
“I see the question on your face,” she responded gently. “When Aric heard that Trevor’s ship hadn’t made it to Roane, he was beside himself. Everyone knows how rough the sea is in winter, and we thought we’d lost him to it. But you found him and shared all you had with him. From what he told Aric, he would have died on the beach that night if you hadn’t run out into the storm to help him.”
“He would have done the same if our situations were reversed,” I commented shyly.
She glanced at Trevor, and then her eyes caught on her husband again. “He would have, but we’re still grateful. I can’t imagine what you went through, alone on that island for all those years, Raya. But I do know you must be harder than iron, because you left that island stronger than when you stepped foot onto it.”
I tried to smile, though I knew I didn’t do anything heroic. Most of my belongings were enchanted. I was enchanted. Nothing could really hurt me. What I did wasn’t exceptional. I just lived. Living wasn’t difficult. It was natural to breathe, eat, and walk.
A moment later, a gentleman came outside and announced that the wedding feast was ready. “I’m sorry we didn’t get to talk for very long. Will you promise to find me later?” Marian asked.
“Of course,” I answered brightly, shooing her toward Aric, who waited for her across the lawn. The newlyweds were the first to enter, followed by King Yurak, who guided Trevor inside. His eyes found mine before he disappeared inside, glittering with a silent apology he didn’t owe me.
I wasn’t Trevor’s guest.
I was his friend.
The way people looked at me, I was an oddity; something foreign and strange, a difficult puzzle to piece together. I watched as the crowd filtered back inside through the wide doors. For some reason, I couldn’t make my feet follow them.
Trevor came back outside a few minutes later. “Ray?”
“Hey.”
“Are you coming inside?” He hooked his thumb at the doors behind him that were now closed.
“Actually, I think I’m going to head back. I’m really tired.”
“Yes, of course. I can see you home.”
“No,” I insisted too loudly. I cleared my throat. “No, I’m fine,” I added gently. “I’d like to walk. I don’t think I’m quite ready for a feast and dancing. I want you to stay, though. Aric is your friend.”
“I don’t mind—” he started to argue.
“Please, Trevor. Please stay. I’ll be fine.” His brows scrunched together the way they did when
he was trying to be stubborn about something, but knew he wouldn’t win the argument with me. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” I added, gathering the material of my skirt to keep from falling on my face.
“You look beautiful, Ray,” he confessed quietly.
Pausing, I gave him a soft smile. “So do you.”
He watched me walk away. I could feel his stare burning into my back until I was out of sight, making my stomach feel light and my heart heavy.
I left the manor and found the dirt road that led back to the village. The road cut through rolling hills, sections of them fenced for livestock or crops. It was beautiful. Two little girls finished feeding squealing piglets in a pen, and then chased one another to the barn behind the house.
Women rushed to take in their laundry before the dampness of night set in. I walked through the village to the castle and took the side door, a guard bowing and then opening it for me. “Princess Raya,” he greeted.
“Thank you.”
I made my way through the hall and up the grand staircase, pausing right outside my door when I heard my name. Hannah and another woman were inside, turning down the blankets on my bed. Hannah’s helpmate had hair that was like fire, yellow-red and frizzed all around, despite the fact that she’d pulled it back.
“How does anyone really know who she is?” the woman huffed. “She could just be saying she’s the Princess of Paruth. I mean, everyone in Paruth is dead, so who is there to dispute her word?”
Hannah fluffed my pillow. “She seems genuine, and she’s obviously from the north. You’ve seen her hair.”
“Just because she’s from the north doesn’t make her a princess. I know I’d lie if I could get away with it. I’d become Princess Raya in a heartbeat if I could pull it off. Even if she is the Princess and she isn’t lying, she has nothing. She’s even worse off than you and me.”
Snorting, Hannah put her hands on her hips. “Seems like she’s doing pretty well for herself. She has the Prince eating out of her pretty little hands. They spend a lot of time together, if you know what I mean,” she insinuated.
“They were alone for a long time on that deserted island,” the woman suggested, wiggling her brows. Her ruddy cheeks and doubled chin wobbled as she laughed.
Hannah chuckled right along with her, but as I walked into the room, her look faded into one of guilt and worry.
“If you’re finished gossiping about me, I’d like you to leave so I can undress.”
Hannah’s mouth gaped open. “I’d be happy to help you, Princess.”
“I can do it myself,” I snapped.
My heart clapped angrily as they quickly left the room. I knew people would eventually talk if I stayed here, but where else did I have to go?
Awkwardly unlacing the back of my gown, I let the fabric pool around my feet. I kicked off the shoes I’d worn and stepped out of it all. In the wardrobe, folded into a small square, was my dress. The one I came here in. The one I left Paruth in, and the only one I owned.
I tugged it over my head. It was tighter at the bust and hips now, but it still fit. Barefoot and angry, I stormed out of my room, down the steps, out of the castle, and made my way to the docks, craving the feel of sand under my feet and the scent of the sea in my nose.
I missed this.
When I was on the island, I never imagined I would get the opportunity to leave; yet when we left, I wondered if I should go. Now, I missed it terribly, even though I knew I didn’t truly want to go back. I didn’t want to be alone again, but I missed it all the same.
I shouldn’t miss it at all. I should miss my home and my father and mother. I should miss my kingdom. I longed to return to a simpler time, for one of Tross’s kisses, and to sit in the small tower window, looking out at the endless waves.
In the evening twilight, they gently lapped the shore, the tide low and calm. Peaceful. Walking further up the beach, I wondered how far it went and asked myself why I hadn’t explored farther. The stars peeked out from behind wisped clouds, and the blue moonlight made the sand glitter underfoot. I took the ribbons out of my hair and let the wind comb through it.
In the distance, along the shore, there was a tower... its dark silhouette solid against the rolling night sky.
I had to see it up close.
Chapter twenty-two
TREVOR
Upon my return, Hannah was waiting for me just outside the main doors, twisting knots into her overdress. “What’s wrong? Is Raya okay?” I asked, jumping from the still-moving carriage, much to Father’s chagrin.
“I made a mistake, Sire, and beg for your understanding, but I need to speak with you right away.”
She cried as she told me what she and her friend had talked about while preparing Raya’s room for the night, and how Raya ejected them both. She’d gone back later to try to apologize and make things right if she could, but the Princess was gone. Her gown and shoes were on the floor, and the only thing missing from her wardrobe was the rag of a dress she’d arrived in.
“I appreciate your honesty, but what you did was wrong. Raya is my guest, and under my protection. You disrespected her, and by default, disrespected me. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Sire. I apologize,” Hannah responded. “I really do care for Princess Raya.”
“And yet you suggested she wasn’t a lady, and allowed your friend to question her integrity? She is the Princess of Paruth. If you didn’t believe the truth from her, you should not have taken it upon yourselves to question your Prince or King. Pack your things and see that your friend does so, as well. Your services are no longer needed in the castle.”
She curtsied, lips wobbling as she thanked me.
I blew out a tense breath as Father came to stand at my side. “You have to move her, son. I know she is your best friend, but you aren’t children. She must behave like a proper Princess if there will be any chance of a wedding in her future, and you have to behave like a Prince.”
“I know,” I answered curtly, “but for now, I need to find her. I’ll see that her things are moved tomorrow.”
He pursed his lips and patted me on the shoulder. “Do you know where she might be?”
“I have an idea.” I recalled a place that might have called to Raya. She loved the sea, and would want to be alone.
It was quiet along the seaside. I didn’t find her on the sand where we picnicked, but I knew if she was angry, she would have kept walking. She would stay close to the ocean since it was dark. Ribbons of indigo clouds raced across the sky, but the moonlight peeking from between them winked down on a small set of footprints. They led up the coast and disappeared into the sparse grass, but I could see exactly where she was and what she’d found... the old tower. Someplace familiar, even though she was in a foreign place.
I jogged through the trees along a small, but well-worn trail. She stood at the bottom of the tower, fumbling with the lock on the door. “No one’s home,” I called out, stepping out of the shadows.
She jumped at the sound of my voice, throwing her back against the door. “What are you doing out here?”
“I could ask you the same thing.”
“I wanted to see the tower,” she commented airily.
“In the dark?”
“Yes,” she growled. “In the dark. What is this place? It’s not a lighthouse.”
“It used to be a lookout of sorts. When Galder was still a new kingdom, some of the neighboring kingdoms tried to invade by land. When they weren’t successful, they took to the sea. This tower and a few others skirt the coast. Soldiers manned them and sounded an alarm if enemy ships approached. Our men met the scoundrels on the sand, and made certain they didn’t take a single inch of the Kingdom we’d fought hard to build.”
She turned to look at it, placing her hand on the warm stones. The windows were boarded up, but she stared up at it like she could see beneath the wood, like it was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen.
“Hannah told me what happened. I’m sorry, Raya. I f
eel like I’ve failed you in more ways than one.”
Her back to me, she bent to pick up the rusted lock and dropped it. It swung on the hinge, clanking against the door. “You’ve never failed me. You’ve given me so much,” she remarked softly.
I snorted, crossing my arms. “A bad reputation?”
“I don’t care what those women said as far as I’m concerned, but I think it’s best that I move away from your room for your benefit.”
Raking my fingers through my hair, I voiced my agreement. “That would be wise.”
“This tower,” she started, “how long has it been abandoned?”
“Since before I was born. I’m not sure, exactly. My father would know.”
“Can I have it?” She locked eyes with me over her shoulder. “Please?”
“Have it?”
She turned to face me. In the moonlight, I saw the glistening tracks of her tears. “I want to move here…not into another room in the castle.”
“I don’t think that’s a very good idea, Ray.”
“Why not?” She lifted her chin in challenge.
“You’d be all alone, for one thing. For another, it’s not safe.” My heart was thundering at the thought of her living out here alone, in the middle of a dense wood, on the edge of a sea cliff, for Christ’s sake. It was dangerous. The tower was crumbling. I couldn’t see the extent of the weathering on the structure, but was sure it was there. It was no longer habitable.
“I would rather be alone here than surrounded by people in the castle, Trevor.”
I felt the same way… Crossing the space between us, she sucked in a sharp breath when my chest brushed hers. “Why?” I asked softly, taking her elbows into my hands and pulling her close.
She winced like I was hurting her and pulled away. “Because I don’t belong there. While I’m truly thankful for everything you and your father have done to make me feel welcome, I don’t feel right. It isn’t home. But this place…” she trailed off, gesturing to the tower beside us.
I looked up at the high-pitched roof. Even in the darkness, I knew shingles were missing. “Ray, I—”
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