Raya sucked in a tense breath. “I can’t imagine you doing that.”
“I did. That day – in that moment – when I decided that doing what he wanted all the time wasn’t what was best for me, a chasm opened between us. Of course, I stayed in Aelawyn for the next few years, which further widened the gap. The physical distance certainly didn’t help repair our relationship. When I came home, we both tried, as difficult and awkward as it was, to start bridging the divide and healing the rift between father and son.
“That proved harder than either of us thought it would be,” I added with a wry smile. “I refused to bow to his every whim, and decided to leave because I was ready to find a wife. He tried to talk me out of leaving the Kingdom in winter, but I wouldn’t listen because I was stubborn and thought it was just another example of him trying to control me. I thought that the sooner I found someone, the sooner he would see me as an equal; as a man, and as someone who could run this kingdom.”
“But you ran a kingdom,” she argued. “You ruled Aelawyn in Ella’s stead.”
“I’m not sure he saw it that way. I was merely a fill-in; not an official ruler, by birthright or by heritage. I think he felt any peasant could do the job as well.”
“That’s simply not true,” she mumbled.
I tried to smile.
“When you first announced you would find a way to get us off that island, I thought you were crazy. But you did it. When you told me you would give me a home and anything I needed to survive, you went above and beyond that. You gave me a room next to yours. You helped me when I was sick. You had all these fine dresses made for me,” she laughed, plucking at her voluminous skirt. “I asked you for a tower and you sent men to not only restore it, but to make it sparkle. I can’t imagine a better man than you, Trevor, and I hope your father sees that one day. And I hope your heart is the first thing the woman you are destined to spend the rest of your life with wants and admires.”
Touched, I squeezed her hand, quickly letting it go.
TREVOR
We arrived in the great hall and two guards swung open the doors for us. I walked a little taller into the room, helping Raya into her seat before taking my own at Father’s right hand.
Dinner was promptly served. Steaming platters of every vegetable imaginable, a roasted chicken and duck, fine wine, and freshly drawn water. The servants plated our food quickly and efficiently, knowing what each of us liked. Once the servants left us, Father took up his fork and knife. Never one to beat around the bush, he wasted no time in making his point.
“Princess Raya, I understand that you asked for your things to be moved, and that you’re now staying in the turret. I trust it is comfortable and arranged to suit your needs.”
“It is. Thank you, Sire.”
I cut into a piece of duck, while across from me, Raya took a bite of bread. She shot a nervous glance at me and her foot found my shin under the table. I stifled a growl.
Father hadn’t touched his food yet. “The Ball is in less than a fortnight,” he stated. “We received acceptances from both Halron and Roane today, and Waverly and Aelawyn’s representatives will be here within the week. There will be representatives from several kingdoms in attendance, and I’m not sure how long they’ll stay. My suggestion to both of you is that you remain apart from one another, especially during the Ball. If servants in my own household are making such lewd and inappropriate comments about the two of you simply because of your unusual friendship, I can’t imagine what persons from neighboring kingdoms will think of your behavior. You have to consider your futures.”
I set my silverware down on the plate, the sound making Raya blink. My teeth ground together as I stared my father down. I had put a sword to his throat before. I wasn’t above putting a dinner knife to it.
Father eased his palms up in supplication. “Son, I’m not saying you can’t be friends, only that you must be discreet. More discreet than you have been. You must be proper. I haven’t seen anything specifically untoward from either of you, but you spend every available moment together, so I can see why rumors have been started about the nature of your relationship. Once started, rumors spread quickly. I can’t contain them any more than I can bend your will, Trevor. And we both know I can’t do that very easily anymore.”
No, he couldn’t.
Undeterred, Father continued, “As I told you this morning, we have to set an example for our Kingdom and for our allies. When you left Galder to sail north, you were going in search of a wife. You may just find her at the Ball, but you will not have that opportunity if you spend the evening in each other’s company.”
Turning his attention to Raya, he began softly, “Raya, there will be many noblemen in attendance. Several have already asked whether you are currently betrothed or being courted. Perhaps you will meet someone as well.”
“Thank you, Sire,” she answered quietly, looking down at her plate and twisting the napkin in her lap. “We will remain distant while the other kingdoms visit.”
“It has to start now. Some parties will arrive earlier than others,” Father added. He drummed his fingers on the tabletop in the way he did when he was trying to choose his words carefully. “If there is more than friendship, there are ways to be discreet. I was faithful to your mother, but many rulers have relationships beyond the marriage bed. You can still choose spouses and continue seeing one another.”
My nostrils flared. I was one second away from exploding and knocking the plate across the table, informing him I could and would live my life as I chose.
But Raya beat me to it. She quietly turned, the skirts of her gown swishing in her seat. She leveled my father with a glare, her pale face turning red to match her gown. “I am no man’s whore, and I will be second to no other woman,” she fumed. “When I marry it will be for love, and I will be faithful to my husband in every way. If you will excuse me, I’ve lost my appetite.”
Father waved her away. He had the decency to not meet her eyes as she threw her napkin down and strode out of the room, her shoulders defiantly back. Once she was out of earshot, it was my turn. I shoved a finger in the direction she’d walked.
“That woman did everything for me. She pulled me out of the freezing sea and pounded on my chest until I spewed the brine onto the sand. She fed me, kept me warm, and offered me her own shelter.”
“I know what she—”
“NO! You will listen to every word I have to say. We had to endure your speech, and now you will endure mine.”
Father stiffened, his eyes fastening on mine, a silent warning shining in them.
“If she wants to walk through the village, I will walk with her. If she wants to run through the waves, I will run beside her. If she wants to go back to that lighthouse, I will take her there. Until she makes up her mind, I will be her friend. I made a promise to her that I would be there—as her friend—until she found her place. Don’t you see how much of an adjustment this is for her? She lost everyone she loved, and then lived on a deserted island with an albatross as her only companion until I washed up on her shore. So don’t question me when I feed, clothe, and offer her shelter or my company, because she and I survived something you cannot even fathom. You cannot even imagine what it was like out there. I refuse to abandon her just because you feel like manipulating me into marriage again. We’ve been down that road before, Father. I won’t retrace my steps.” My hands shook in rage.
During my speech, the anger in Father’s face melted away. His mouth fell slack and then his lips tightened. “You’re in love her.”
“What?”
“Trevor, you love Raya. Does she feel the same about you?”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. He was obviously losing his mind. I cared for her, but love her? I mean, I felt strongly for her and cared for her wellbeing…
His eyes narrowed. “I must be mistaken. A man who loves a woman, knows it.”
“I’ve lost my appetite as well,” I retorted, scooting my chair back and stand
ing. “I’ll entertain our guests, but I’m not leaving Raya alone the entire night. I’ll keep a proper distance, for her sake, not yours or for the sake of the gossips—which there are entirely too many of in this place—and I’ll thank you to leave Raya alone while she resides here. She’s moving out after the Ball.”
“Where will she live?” he questioned.
“The old tower by the cliffs.” I straightened my jacket.
He shook his head ruefully. “Why would she choose to live there?”
“Because she’s more comfortable being alone than living here. That’s how hospitable you’ve been to the person who saved my life.”
He closed his eyes. “Son, perhaps I was wrong about you and Raya…”
“It’s a little too late for apologies, Father,” I gritted, walking away from him.
Chapter twenty-six
RAYA
Minutes after I stepped into my room, there came a knock at the door. I was surprised to see Trevor waiting on the other side. “Didn’t you hear your father? We aren’t supposed to be seen together,” I snapped.
“You missed the part where I told him I didn’t give a damn what he thought.”
The tension melted out of my shoulders. “I would have liked to see that.” I knew I shouldn’t say such things, but I couldn’t help it. King Yurak crossed a line. Trevor knew it. The King knew it. And I certainly knew it.
“I just wanted to apologize. That’s all.” He leaned his forearm against the stone doorframe and closed his eyes. “He expects me to marry a woman from the north.”
I thought about flailing my arms frantically, but refrained. It wouldn’t matter. No matter what I did, it wouldn’t be enough for Yurak. I didn’t have the treasury of Paruth to offer him as a dowry, or an army to offer as an aligning factor. “What do you want, Trevor? Do you want to marry a woman from north?”
He scrubbed his hand on his face. “I don’t know what I want. I need time to think.”
“Then by all means, take all the time you need. I won’t be around to distract your thoughts,” I snorted.
“You aren’t a distraction.”
“I think your father might be right,” I began haltingly. “I think we need to put distance between us. Whatever this is,” I added, pointing to his chest and then mine, “may be hurting both of us.”
He stood up straight. I’d gotten his attention. “What do you mean?”
“You felt guilty for disappointing your father when Ella didn’t choose you, so you tried everything in your power to make amends. You love deeply. You love him, and don’t want to upset him. I understand that more than you know. With Ella, even though she chose a blacksmith over you, you ran her kingdom to make her happy. You paid the sailors’ families to ease your conscience, even though the ship’s sinking wasn’t your fault. And as for me, you made a vow not to leave my side because you don’t like the thought of me being lonely.”
“That’s not why—”
“Trevor, my happiness is not your responsibility. It’s mine. But in case you need to hear the words, I release you from any and all obligations you feel you have to me. You don’t owe me anything. If our situation was reversed, you would have done the same for me that I did for you, and you wouldn’t have expected anything in return.”
“I don’t feel obligated to you,” he argued.
I gave a harsh laugh. “Yes, you do, whether you realize it or not. You check on me at all hours of the day, and while I appreciate your kindness, I’m not sure if it’s coming from the right place. I’m glad we’re friends, and as far as I’m concerned, we’ll always be friends. But I think your father may be right. I’m getting in the way of your future.”
I paused, emotion beginning to fuel my words. “If I stand beside you, you’ll never find your future bride. And I want that for you, Trevor. I want you to find the love you deserve.” I tried to cover the break in my voice with a cough. It hurt to think the words and say them, but sometimes the truth laid bare was the only option left. And the truth was that Trevor didn’t want me…not the way I wanted him.
I couldn’t stand beside him and watch him choose someone else. My heart would be shredded. I’d survived a lot of things, but I couldn’t survive that. I wasn’t strong enough.
“If that’s what you really want, I’ll leave you alone.”
I raised my chin and looked him directly in the eyes. “It’s what I want.”
He swallowed thickly before turning and walking back down the spiral staircase. I tried in vain to quell the thumping of my heart in my chest, pressing a clammy palm against my skin. It wanted to run after him and tell him the truth, that I loved him and wanted to be with him, and that I wanted him to choose me instead of a stranger. But if he didn’t see me standing right in front of him, if he didn’t already want me, then it was hopeless.
Tears blurred my vision as I walked across the room and sat on the bed. A long while later, another knock came at the door. “Go away, Trevor,” I sighed.
“It’s not Trevor,” replied the King. “May I come in?”
“You may.”
King Yurak stepped inside the room and removed his crown, spinning the metal orb around and around with trembling fingers. “I had no right to speak to you the way I did tonight, or to assume I knew the depth of your relationship with my son,” he admitted.
“Thank you, Sire,” I acknowledged. I could tell he had more to say, and waited patiently until he began speaking again.
“When we lost his mother, I struggled to find my way as a parent. I’d always hovered on the periphery of parenthood, more King than father, but when she died, I knew I had to do better for him. He wasn’t an infant when she passed, but in many ways, and in the ways that matter, I feel like I raised him myself. I didn’t help him learn to walk, but I taught him right from wrong. I taught him how to be a strong leader. As King, certain behaviors are expected of me and of Trevor. However, I’m afraid that in following the advice of others, I’ve done my son a great disservice. I’m sorry for offending you. You did not deserve my harsh words or misplaced guidance. I’ll talk to my son.”
“I’ve already spoken to him,” I interrupted. “He’ll stay away from me and I’ll stay away from him,” I informed him. “You can find the wife you want him to have, and I’m sure he’ll do his best to make you proud and live happily ever after with someone he doesn’t love. Because that’s how much he loves you.”
“Raya—”
“I just want to be alone,” I retorted despondently. I looked away, toward the window, toward the sea, until his footsteps trailed away and he closed the door behind him. And then I cried.
When Evelyn came to help me undress, I sent her away. She didn’t ask why or what happened. She probably already knew. Word traveled fast in this castle.
She came back at dawn with a meal to break my fast. I couldn’t stomach it, so she took it away and pulled out a day dress from the wardrobe. I refused to wear it, opting for a tunic and breeches instead. “Where are you going?” she asked. Her feisty attitude was nowhere to be found, instead a motherly concern wrinkled her forehead. But I didn’t need her misplaced worry.
“For a walk,” I replied.
“Where are you walking? If the Prince comes to look for you, where should I tell him you’ve gone?”
“He won’t come looking for me. I’ll be back before dark.”
She gave me a disapproving cluck and went about straightening my room – which wasn’t dirty, save for a few of Tross’s feathers that littered the floor. I left her behind, walking down the million stairs of the castle, but ground to a halt at the bottom of the grand staircase.
King Yurak, Trevor, and another young man were in a heated discussion. The young man was pointing his finger in the King’s face, spittle flying from his lips as he punctuated his words. Trevor’s eyes found mine before I could slip away. I ignored the hurt evident in them and made a beeline for the door. Yurak’s voice spread across the ceiling, but dissipated before I could
tell what he was saying.
“It’s too late, Father. William is King now,” I heard Trevor say. He faced the young man with dark hair and crossed his arms over his chest, adding, “Would you be willing to kill your own brother to claim the throne?”
“No, I wouldn’t.” The young man stared down the rulers of Galder as if they were beneath him. Maybe he even believed it. “My brother has written to all the northern kingdoms to ask for another chance at an alliance. He seeks to apologize for the strife our father caused, and pave the way for future diplomacy. William was always a spoiled child, but he seems to have put away childish things,” he told Yurak hotly.
His head swiveled in my direction as I passed them. “Northern girl,” the young man called out. “You there!” I stopped in my tracks, pressed my eyelids closed, and turned around. “What kingdom are you from, Miss?”
“Paruth,” I replied.
His eyes lit with a wicked gleam. “Really? You’re the long-lost Princess?”
“And you are?” I asked just as impertinently.
“Prince Carden of Tierney, at your service,” he replied with a grin. Carden was handsome, but was the sort of man who knew it and readily used it to his advantage. And apparently, I was the kind of girl who never fell for those sorts of tricks.
I avoided Trevor’s glances, staring over Carden’s shoulder instead. “Since you seem to be discussing something private, I’ll just be on my way,” I responded.
Carden winked at me. “Care if I join you? It seems you aren’t the only heir without a kingdom now.”
Trevor shot me a look of warning, which I blissfully ignored. “I’m going for a walk. You can explain that statement as we go.”
He jogged to catch up with me, not even bothering to say goodbye to the King and Prince of Galder. As the guards closed the doors behind us with a resounding clank, I felt Trevor’s angry stare through the thick, wooden planks.
“No kingdom?” I prodded.
“The short version is that my father banished me from my home many years ago. I fled to Aelawyn, where Ella imprisoned me – not that I blame her. When she shirked her responsibility and Trevor took it upon himself, he and I became... not friends, exactly, but in due course, we came to a mutual understanding and he eventually released me. Friends helped me build a modest house in the forest so I could stay hidden and out of my father’s reach.”
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