by Amy Gamet
And my heart will be broken all over again.
No. He wasn’t the man for her. She knew that and couldn’t let herself forget. It wasn’t just the way he talked like a New York City cabby, or that he’d stand out at political functions like a sore thumb. The problem was so much deeper than that.
He could never be happy with a woman like her.
Austin wanted a wife who came with a crockpot in tow, not an investigative reporter who loved her job more than breathing and lived on takeout and microwave quesadillas. He wanted babies and homemade desserts. The one time he brought her to meet his family, his mother had all but chased her out of the house with a wooden spoon before locking the door and making the sign of the cross.
She was nice to you. You’re imagining things.
But she knew she was not. Mama Dixon could see what Cassidy herself was trying so hard to turn a blind eye to. She and Austin were not well-suited out of the sack.
But oh, when they were in it…
She curled her fingers before stroking her fingers down his abdomen. She longed to see if he was hard, but her embarrassment would be complete if he was not. She imagined what he would feel like inside of her again, the hard ground beneath her hips as they came together.
“I’m still mad at you,” she said.
“I know.” He lifted his head and kissed her, curling onto his side. Blood rushed between her legs, engorging her sex, making her even more desperate for his touch.
She pushed him backward and straddled his hips, glorying in the feel of his rock hard erection against her entrance. “I still want to go back. This doesn’t mean we’re done fighting.”
He lifted her shirt and she yanked it over her head. “I know.”
He pulled her down to him, taking a nipple in his mouth and lavishing it with his tongue before sucking her deeply. She bucked against his cock and offered him the other breast.
“Tell me you have a condom in these fucking Inspector Gadget pants somewhere.”
He chuckled, reaching down to a small pocket near his right knee and withdrawing a foil packet. “Survivalist training 101.”
She moved down his body until his belt buckle was in front of her face and unbuckled it, unzipping his pants and releasing his cock straight into her mouth. He cried out as she sucked him, deep throating him like she knew he liked.
“Jesus, Cassy, stop or I’m going to come.”
She lifted her head and he flipped her over with one strong movement, putting her firmly beneath him. She quickly pulled her panties down and his fingers nestled in the hair between her legs until he found her clitoris, gently stroking with one finger while another toyed with her entrance.
“Oh my God, I’ve forgotten how good this feels,” she whispered with an urgency that demanded he continue.
“Sex in general, or sex with me?”
He was torturing her, making her reveal her secrets under duress, and she fought against the admission.
“Answer me, Cassidy.”
She ground out on a moan. “You. The best sex was always with you.”
He sheathed himself and climbed on top of her, filling her completely with one hard thrust. Just like that she was flying, her body anchored to the ground by his fierce lovemaking and her soul soaring high above.
Then she was back in her body, digging her nails into the bunched muscles of his back, inhaling the musk of his overheated skin deep into her lungs. The unforgiving earth increased the power of his wild thrusts, pinioning her between his driving body and the bracing ground, and her climax ripped through her like wildfire on a dry summer field.
Then Austin was exploding too, his body emptying itself as he convulsed in the final throes of passion. They stayed together, intimately connected as her breathing slowed, Cassidy staring her feelings for Austin straight in the eye, unflinching.
I love him.
I never stopped loving him. Wishing he’d come back.
“Me too,” he whispered.
She stopped breathing. “What?”
“Sex was always best with you—for me, too.”
Disappointment was sharp and thorny. She pushed at him lightly and he moved off her, turning his back to deal with the condom before moving beside her once more.
She tried to settle anywhere but on top of him, but there simply wasn’t room in the tent. She gave up, frustrated, and leaned back next to him.
“What if I’m right, Austin? What if she’s alive?”
He sighed heavily. “I can’t take that chance. By morning they’ll know you’re gone, if they don’t already. They’re not going to let me in there with you to keep you safe. They’re going to harass you with questions, at the very least. God only knows what Kelleher will do to you if he doesn’t trust you anymore. It’s too late, Cassidy. It isn’t safe. I’m sorry.”
“Last night in the shower before you came along, I was thinking of her and wondering if she was still alive. She's not in the compound. She's not out of it and back to her old life. She's somewhere in between, like some sort of invisible limbo, and I’m the only one who knows she's there or is doing anything about it. I have to find her.”
“No. We need to get moving. It will be light soon.”
“I'm not going with you. So I hope you have lots of whatever the hell you stuck in my ass cheek last night, because you're going to need it if you think I'm going one more step away from my friend who needs me.”
“We can do this the hard way or the easy way. That’s up to you.”
“I'll press charges when we get back. Kidnapping. I don't think the military would look too favorably on that.”
“Probably not, but I’m retired. I work for HERO Force now, remember? And they just want you back. They don’t give a shit how I do it.”
She crossed her arms over her chest. “I told you, I'm not coming with you.”
“Suit yourself. Just remember it gets down below freezing here at night, and you won't have a tent or my body to keep you warm. You don't know which way to go to get back to the compound. And if you get lost in these woods, there's no one to search for you, much less find you. But by all means, if you want to go back to that wacko in the woods, be my guest.”
She rolled over, presenting him with her back. She would wake up before him, find his compass and leave before he had any idea she was gone.
11
Austin rolled over, half awake. It took him a second to remember where he was — the tent, the woods, Cassidy. His eyes popped open.
He was alone in the tent, the early light of morning shining all around him.
“Cassidy?”
She didn’t answer. He remembered the feel of her beneath him, coming apart as she climaxed. He shook his head. He never would’ve thought in a million years he’d be with her again. Never could have dreamed how good it would be.
It changed things. He wasn’t willing to have her walk out of his life again, at least not without a fight.
Are you sure you want to do that?
He remembered all too well that she hadn’t fought for him last time. On the contrary, she’d been more than happy to let him go. He told himself it was a long time ago, and he told himself he was dreaming. Just because he wanted Cassidy did not mean Cassidy wanted to be with him.
Never going to find out if I don’t give it a try.
And sex like they’d had last night demanded he give it a try.
Feeling determined, he climbed out of the tent ready to face her. No doubt, she would start the day as she had ended the last — lobbying to return to The Community. That woman was about a stubborn as they came.
He stood to his full height, Cassidy nowhere in sight. He spun in a slow circle calling her name.
She wasn’t here.
“Oh, fuck.” He climbed back into the tent, a sense of foreboding telling him what he would find before he checked the pockets on his tactical pants. Sure enough, his compass was gone, and he’d bet money she’d found the map of the mountain in his pack and taken that, too.
He’d been stupid not to take her at her word. She told him what she was going to do, he just didn’t think she would do it. He made a mental note not to underestimate Cassidy Lane in the future.
He moved quickly, jogging in the direction of the compound. She left him his watch, all his weapons, and most concerning, his canteen. From the time he could roughly estimate the position of the sun and hence direction, but she wasn’t prepared for her journey at all.
He moved faster, chanting to the rhythm of his footfalls. “Please let me find her. Please let me find her.”
A high-pitched scream echoed through the forest.
Her name was ripped from his vocal cords. “Cassidy?” She was in trouble—hurt or scared, or God knows what— and he had to get to her quickly. He flew through the trees, waving and bobbing around obstacles, his ears trained on the particular frequency of her voice as he yelled for her.
Another scream as he shifted direction, cresting a small hill before she came into view. In her bright colored clothing she was easy to spot, and it took him a moment to realize the problem. A big brown bear stood just twenty feet from her location, clearly staring her down.
“Don’t move!” he yelled.
The bear turned his head to stare at Austin, the distinct rumbling of its low growl carrying across the forest floor.
“Don’t move,” he called again. “If he comes any closer, drop to the ground and play dead. Whatever you do, don’t run.”
The bear growled more loudly and got up on his hind legs, looking from Austin to Cassidy and back again. Austin wanted to go to her and put himself between her and harm’s way, but any forward movement would encourage the bear to attack.
He sat down on the ground and reached into his pack, withdrawing his firearm and readying the weapon. It was a larger caliber then he normally carried, but seeing the size of the bear, he wondered if it would be enough to take the animal down if need be.
They stayed frozen like that, moments seeming to last for hours, Cassidy unmoving, and the bear growling, and Austin with his sights lined up on the beast.
The moment the bear moved toward her, she was on the ground and Austin emptied his semiautomatic weapon into the animal.
Then he was running toward her, the bear dead and Cassidy screaming until she was wrapped tightly in his arms. “What are you doing out here by yourself?” he snapped. “You could’ve been killed, dammit.”
“I didn’t know. I didn’t realize…”
“I told you. I tried to keep you safe.”
“I’m sorry.” She was sobbing now, her breath coming in great heaving gasps. “But I had to get to Julianne.”
He grabbed her by the shoulders, wanting to shake her for the danger she had put herself in. “She’s gone, Cassidy! You nearly got yourself killed for a dead woman.”
Her eyes darkened and she pulled away from his grasp. “I’ll do it again, too.” She stood and walked away from him.
“Cassidy, stop!”
She spun around. “I won’t stop. Julianne is alive and I’m going back for her, and if that gets me killed then so be it.”
He grabbed his forehead. She was crazy, determined to have her way no matter the cost.
Crazy, or else she’s right.
“Wait.”
She stopped walking and turned to face him, her expression full of emotion.
“You win,” he said. He walked toward her. “If you are so convinced you’re willing to risk your own life after almost just losing it, then I will go with you.”
Her eyebrows shot up. “You will? Do you believe she’s alive?”
He didn’t, not for a second, and the truth should have scared him to the core. He touched her cheek. “I believe I would follow you off the edge of a cliff if you asked me to.”
“You think she’s dead, but you’re willing to go anyway?”
“Yep. That about sums it up. Can I have my map and compass?”
She dug them out of her pockets and he checked their location. “We’ve only got another eight or nine hundred feet to go.”
She started off in the same direction she’d been heading.
“Not that way.” He pointed in a completely different direction. “That way.”
“Oh. I guess it’s a good thing you’re here.” She chuckled. “I should have stayed in Girl Scouts.”
“Why didn’t you?”
She walked past him. “They were a bunch of bitches.”
He laughed, realizing again how much he liked her. He was heading toward a crazy man just to make her happy.
You are in a world of shit, Austin.
12
The sound of Austin retching had Cassidy's sympathies on a string. She couldn't see him in the darkness, could only make out a boulder near the path he had taken to be sick. “Are you okay?” she called.
A dark laugh made its way to her ears through the forest. “I think the poison is working.”
“Are you going to be able to walk?”
He didn't answer her immediately, and she feared they'd done this all for nothing. She swallowed hard against the dryness in her throat. “Austin?”
A dark shadow emerged near the boulder, slowly straightening to his full height. “I'm okay.” He walked toward her, his gait unsteady. “I think it's a good thing we waited until we were close to the compound before I took it.”
She could see his face now, glistening in the light from the clouded moon. She reached up and touched his forehead, finding it cold and wet. “I'm sorry you have to do this,” she whispered.
“I’m fine. Let's roll.”
They walked together the last quarter-mile, the lights from the compound coming into view in the distance. “Hang on a sec,” he said, doubling over and vomiting beside his feet.
The poison nettle he'd ingested was having the desired effect. He seemed terribly ill, sick enough that the others in The Community would want to take care of him, or so she hoped. She couldn't bear to think of what might happen if they turned him away. She’d have to go back in there herself and face David alone.
A shiver made her shoulders shimmy at the thought. David was bound to be angry with her for leaving, at the very least. Sometimes he was so kind, so forgiving. But others he was ruthless, his anger seeming to rise up from nowhere like a snake on the attack. If he was upset with her, she would know it. And God only knew what would happen then.
Maybe that's what happened to Julianne.
Maybe she made David angry. Maybe she'd even tried to escape, as Cassidy herself had.
You didn't try to escape. Austin took you.
That was true, but she had no intention of telling David about Austin's role in her disappearance. She would claim she had left of her own free will, using a pair of bolt cutters from the shed to cut through the chain-link fence. She and Austin had stayed up deep into the night planning even the minute details of their return to The Community. She knew what she had to say, she was just terrified of her believability when she said it.
She'd never been a very good liar.
Austin righted himself beside her and walked again, the smell of vomit putrid on the cold night air.
“You're sure that isn't going to kill you?”
“Nope. Didn't take enough. Just two leaves. I should be sick as a dog for the next two or three hours, and okay after that. Assuming I survive that long, of course.”
She hit his arm playfully. “That's not funny.” She could see the guard tower in the distance, and forced her feet to continue forward.
“You know what you need to say to them, right?”
She nodded. “This man needs help. I ran away because I was afraid of my feelings for David. I found you and you helped me, but I could tell right away you weren't doing well. You convinced me to come back here, but in the meantime your health deteriorat
ed to the point where you became like you are now — high fever, severe nausea, shakes and chills.”
“Don't forget the headaches and the seizures.”
“You didn’t say anything about seizures.”
“I didn't want to scare you. They're coming.”
“Geez, Austin. What have you done to yourself?”
“I didn’t hear you coming up with any great ideas.”
They’d brainstormed for hours trying to find a way to get him into the compound strong and well, but in every scenario they imagined he’d be seen as a threat. This way, at least, he was bound to illicit their sympathy, even if that meant he’d be unable to help Cassidy while he was ill.
The effects of the poison nettle were intense but brief. All Cassidy had to do was keep herself safe during that time, which would be easy as long as David believed she was sincere about wanting to be part of The Community again, and part of his life in particular.
Beside her, Austin fell to the ground like a marionette whose puppeteer had dropped its strings. She gasped and knelt down beside him, suddenly certain he'd ingested too much of the poison. “Are you okay?” She touched his overheated face.
He was doubled over in pain, his knees drawn up to his chest, but he smiled sideways. “Looks like you're going to have to walk the last hundred feet without me, sweetheart.”
Genuinely worried now, she stood and started to jog. “I’ll get help.”
“Wait!” he called, making her turn around. “Walk. You don't want to scare the guy with a gun.”
“Jerome.”
“Whatever.”
“Right. Okay.” She forced her legs to walk at a normal pace, feeling stupid for her unthinking run. Austin was so calm and collected in the face of their deception, while she was half-panicked and the other half downright terrified.
The razor wire atop the fence was glinting like some macabre decoration.
You can do this. Austin needs you. Julianne needs you.
She was twenty feet from the gate. She yelled, “Help me, please!” but it came out as little more than a hoarse whisper. She raised her hands above her head in the classic sign for surrender, just like Austin had told her to do. She cleared her throat. “Help me, please!”