by Amy Gamet
And it was tearing her apart.
She told herself she should let her father go. He was clearly the one who deserved it, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. She was literally all he had left in the world.
Her father thought her relationship with Austin showed how much she hated him, while Austin thought her relationship with her father showed she was certifiably insane.
She’d told herself it was the stress of the moment that had made everything seem so intense with Austin, that it wasn’t real, just a dream.
It gave her an out so she could stop hurting.
And if she missed him when she went to sleep and when she woke up and every moment in between, it was because it had been a tough year and not because he was meant to be in her life.
The day she finally broke it off with Austin, she’d packed up the meager belongings she’d purchased since coming to Atlanta straight from Idaho (what had she been thinking?) and waited until he came home from work.
He stopped two steps inside the door, looking from her to the suitcase before throwing his keys down on the table. “You’re leaving?”
She nodded.
He could have been a statue, he was so still. The moment stretched out into an awkward silence. She moved to him, went on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. “I can’t do this anymore.”
He didn’t say anything. He didn’t even turn his head as she pulled her suitcase behind her and walked out the door.
She still couldn’t believe how easily he’d let her go.
Really? You can’t believe it?
He knew how much it was hurting you. What was he supposed to do, beg you to stay?
She’d moved back to D.C. like she’d hardly even been away. A little vacation, that’s all. A month that nearly cost her her life, then took all the joy out of living.
It was better this way.
There was nothing else she could do.
27
Two Months Later
Cassidy finished typing and let her hands drop to her sides. The office sounds around her were surreal, as if she’d been on a trip through time that had only affected her.
On her screen were twenty thousand words that rehashed the most difficult year of her life. Her time in The Community. Her near death experience dangling from the Seattle Space Needle. Her father’s arrest and public humiliation.
Austin was in it, too. She needed the piece to be an authentic representation of that time in her life and that couldn’t be so if she left him out. Besides, the Post had run a photo of her in Austin’s arms when they hit the ground, the photographer catching a moment of such intense intimate feeling, it was useless to deny there had been a relationship.
Her editor walked into her cubicle and sat. He was a tall skinny man with deep brown skin who’d been more of a father to her this past year than her own would ever be again. “Julianne had the baby?” he asked.
Cassidy grinned, the memory of her sweet little half-brother’s birth still fresh in her mind. It had taken some time, but Cassidy and Julianne had repaired their friendship. Cassidy was making every effort to embrace this new part of her family instead of pushing them away. “Six pounds, four ounces. She named him Charlie.”
“Aww. Tell her to bring him around sometime. And if she decides she wants her job back, she’s just got to say the word.”
“Thanks, Derek. I’ll let her know.”
He looked pointedly at her laptop. “Did you get to the end?”
“I did.”
“And do you hate it?”
The piece she had written was like the ugliest part of her soul smeared on canvas. “I do.”
“Then it’s honest and true. Probably win a damn Pulitzer.”
She laughed, her eyes watering with unshed tears. “I wouldn’t relive this year again if you paid me.”
“Does she get the SEAL in the end?”
She shook her head, her fight to keep her tears in check no longer even a question. “It wasn’t meant to be.”
“Good. The Pulitzer judges hate happy endings.”
She laughed begrudgingly. “Fuck you, Derek.”
“Tell me something, princess. If I read the rest of what you’ve written there, will I want you to end up with that man?”
“Probably.”
“And if you could write the ending any way you wanted to, would you want the two of you to end up together?”
“Probably.” She wiped at her cheek. “But it’s not fiction. It’s reality.”
“It’s your story, Cassidy. It may be reality, but you get to write the ending.” He stood up and smacked a rolled-up newspaper on her desk before leaving.
She reread the last few paragraphs, which now seemed like a pathetic attempt to wrap something ugly up tight with a bow. She saved her progress and closed the computer, packing up her things to go home.
By the time she got to her car she knew she didn’t want to go home.
She pulled out her cell phone, searching for Austin in her contacts, but it wasn’t a phone call she wanted with strained conversation and long distance apologies. She wanted Austin, right in front of her face.
Instead she dialed Cowboy, who’d become a fast friend during her time in Atlanta. “Are you guys in town?”
“I’m flattered, but I’m kind of seeing somebody.”
“Leo,” she laughed.
“Oh, you want Austin!” he feigned surprise. “He came in last night. Should be home, far as I know.”
“Thank you.”
“Anytime, sweetheart. I was hoping you’d call.”
She hung up, exhaling dramatically and dropping her shoulders before opening her browser and looking for a flight.
Derek was right. Her life wasn’t something that happened to her. She made it happen, and she wasn’t willing to settle for the way things had ended between her and Austin.
The piece she wrote for the Post put it all in perspective and allowed her to flush all the aching and turmoil from her system, leaving only a weary acceptance and a loneliness she wouldn’t name until Derek did it for her.
She missed Austin.
It was nine-fifteen the next morning when Atlanta appeared on the horizon, almost ten when she rang his bell.
She was certain he’d be glad to see her until she was in the air hurtling toward him through the sky, but she forced her fears to a tiny corner of her mind and locked them in there. The cab dropped her off at his condo.
I hope I didn’t screw this one up forever.
She rang the bell. He answered the door in sweatpants and nothing else, his hair tossed from sleep and his eyes boring holes into hers.
“Cowboy said you’d be home.”
He nodded. “Here I am.”
“I’m sorry, Austin.”
He pulled her into his arms and held her tightly, it was as if not a moment had passed since she knew she was in love with him, and she promised herself not another moment would go by without him in her life.
“I missed you so much,” he whispered into her neck. “I’m sorry I made it so hard for you to love me. That I wanted you to choose between me and your father. I won’t do it again.”
She shushed him and kissed his mouth. Their first kiss was gentle and poignant. Their second was full of lust.
There’d already been too much talking. All she wanted to do now was show him how much he meant to her, to share her body with him and hold him tightly inside her.
Austin pulled her shirt over her head with one hand and slammed the door shut with the other.
She was home.
28
Cassidy stood with her back to Austin, staring at the river, the rolling autumn fields and the snow-covered mountains in the distance. “I love Colorado. It’s so beautiful.”
They’d been dating for seven months. She’d moved to Atlanta just weeks after her impromptu trip—bringing her things this time—and settling into his life and his home like she simply belonged there.
He moved closer to h
er back, wrapping his arms around her midsection and kissing her neck. “I have something special planned for today.”
She giggled. “Like yesterday when you wouldn’t let me leave the bed? That was pretty special.”
“This is more outdoorsy.”
She spun around in his arms. “Can we be naked?”
He laughed and she loved the sound of it, the deep tenor making her smile. She was kidding about being naked, but if he asked her to, she most certainly would oblige.
“If you’re lucky.” He winked. “Come on.”
He led her along a hiking trail dripping with vibrant fall foliage, the scent of fall heavy on the air and woodsmoke in the distance.
These past months had been more than Cassidy could have hoped for. All the stress that had led her to breakup with Austin was gone, with only understanding in its wake. He even drove with her to visit her father, knowing all the while she didn’t want him to come inside.
He just wanted to be there for her.
Austin’s constant traveling was hard to get used to, but now that she’d gotten a job at the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, she was engrossed in her own work and loving it.
The other members of HERO Force had really welcomed her into their little family, with Charlotte being Cassidy’s favorite. She was fun and fearless and a true match for Cowboy, not to mention amazingly good at karaoke on their weekly girls’ night out.
“Thanks for bringing me here,” she said. “I like my surprise.”
“This isn’t it.”
“No?”
He shook his head. “It’s up there, just past that bend in the trail.”
She rounded the corner and gasped. A ten-foot pool of crystal blue water steamed in the cool autumn air. It was surrounded by boulders, a small stream coming out of the spring and trickling along the forest floor. “Oh, wow.”
“It’s a hot spring. We can swim in it.”
“Really? But I didn’t bring my suit.” She reached down to feel the water, moaning at the luxuriously warm temperature. “It’s like bath water.”
He took off his sweatshirt and T-shirt beneath. “You’re the one who wanted to get naked.”
Her eyes widened. “What if somebody sees us?”
“It just adds to the fun.” He walked to her and untucked her shirt from her pants.
“You’re serious.”
“Hell yeah, I’m serious.”
She looked around. They hadn’t seen anyone else on their hike so far, but that didn’t mean that would continue. She watched Austin as he continued to undress, her eyes fixed on the bulge in his pants as he took off his belt.
“You stare at me, I get to stare at you,” he said.
She licked her lips. “Sounds fair.” She pulled her shirt over her head, the cool air and Austin’s heated gaze instantly hardening her nipples. He released the clasp on her bra and let it drop to the ground.
“All of it,” he said.
The air was cold on his warm skin but she wanted to remember this moment forever, to memorize the beautiful lines of his body against the beautiful backdrop of nature.
She unfastened her jeans and pushed them down her legs, realizing she hadn’t taken off her hiking boots. She burst out laughing.
Austin crossed to her and kneeled down. “Let me help.” He untied her laces and helped her slip the shoes off, then kissed her legs, letting his hands stroke between them. When he pulled her panties down, she reached down and pulled Austin back up, hungrily kissing his mouth.
He still had clothes on and she worked to get them off him before leading him into the very warm water.
“It’s like a hot tub,” she said, awe in her voice. She touched one of the boulders that sat half in the water. “Feel these rocks. They’re warm.”
He crossed to her, cupping her breasts instead. “Very warm.”
“You got any warm rocks for me to feel?” she asked playfully, her hand finding his balls and kneading them gently. She stroked his hardening cock. “Oh, here’s a really big rock…”
He captured her mouth in a kiss, teasing her with his tongue. She wrapped her legs around his waist and guided his cock inside her. He groaned with the sensation of her body clutching him tightly.
Austin had never been loved like this.
Not the sex, though the sex was amazing. He’d never been loved like he was loved by Cassidy. He’d been biding his time, waiting for things with her family to settle down, waiting for her to get a new job, waiting for every little domino to line up in a row so he could knock them all down in one all-consuming stunt, and it was finally time to ask her.
Her eyes were closing, her body pumping up and down on his, and he reclined on a rock, letting her take control of their lovemaking. He watched her cheeks flush, the rosy pink color that painted her neck and chest, the hard little nubs of her nipples.
She was loud when she came, her voice echoing off the trees, and he took hold her hips, driving into her body at his pace now. Her orgasm continued, her muscles sucking him until he went over the edge into oblivion.
Their breathing slowed. He settled backwards again, taking her with him. He reached into his pants pocket and pulled out the ring, fitting it on the first knuckle of his index finger and tucking her under the chin.
“Mmm,” she said lethargically.
“Wake up, sleepyhead.”
“Mmm.”
He kissed her forehead. “I could spend every day of my life like this with you.”
“I’m not moving to Colorado,” she deadpanned.
He laughed. “It’s not the place. It’s the person. I love you, Cassidy.”
“Love you, too.”
“Marry me.”
She sat up abruptly. “What?”
He reached for his pants and dug in the pocket for the small box he kept there. He held out the ring, never more nervous in his life than he was in that moment, and that included all his time in the military. “Marry me. Be my wife.”
She took the ring, concern taking over her features. “But I don’t cook.”
He laughed. “So what?”
“Don’t you want a woman who makes cookies and hosts recipe exchanges. That’s not who I am. That’s not somebody I’m ever going to be.”
He narrowed his eyes. “What makes you think I care so much about food?”
“Your mom makes bread from scratch. I interview gangsters. Sometimes I don’t even wash my clothes.”
He cocked his head. “Am I missing something? I don’t want to marry my mother, Cassidy. I want to marry you. And if you’re happy being an investigative reporter with dirty jeans, then I’m happy with you just the way you are.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Where did you get this crazy idea from?”
“Your mother told me, when you took me to meet your family.”
“Ahh… She has a funny sense of humor. It takes some getting used to.”
Cassidy’s eyes went wide. “That was a joke?”
“Yeah. She told my high school girlfriend I was gay. Something about if it’s meant to be, it will survive any obstacle.”
“That’s horrible! I’m going to kill her.”
“Can you wait until she’s your mother-in-law?”
She shook her head vigorously. “Yes.” She put one hand on either side of his face and kissed him. “I love you so much, Austin.” She laughed, squeezing him tightly.
“Twice in my life I thought I’d lost you,” he said. “Promise me you won’t let us drift apart like we did when things get tough. Promise me you’ll hang on to me even tighter.”
Her throat was thick with emotion and she worked to get the words past it. “I promise. I won’t let you go. Not ever again.”
Noah needs the one thing that isn’t in his bug-out bag. Hannah Fielding.
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