by Mia Knight
“He wants to help,” Lyla said.
“If he gave me my money, I could pay for it myself.”
“I know. Just let Gavin pay for it and I swear, I’ll talk to him about your money tonight.”
“So you forgave him for everything?”
“Everything?” Lyla asked and the manicurist tugged on her fingers, which were trying to ball into a fist.
Carmen’s eyes dipped down to Lyla’s concealed chest. “You left him for a reason.”
“I did,” Lyla said, striving for calm. “He hurt me, I hurt him. We’ve both made mistakes, but I’ve always loved him.”
“Just because you love each other doesn’t mean you’re meant to be together. You must have some reservations. I mean, he hasn’t changed much. He forced you to marry him.”
“Yes,” she said and blew out a breath. “He won’t allow any distance between us.”
“His love is toxic.”
“Carmen,” Lyla snapped and glared at her cousin, “I love you. Please, just, don’t. I know what I’m doing.” She didn’t know how to explain the need in Gavin’s eyes, the way he held her almost desperately close. She owed Carmen so much and yet, she couldn’t let her cousin derail her relationship with Gavin.
Carmen looked away. They finished their manicures in silence while Aunt Isabel’s manicurist told raunchy jokes. Lyla felt like a million dollars by the time they left the salon. She called Gavin on their way to a restaurant.
“Hey, you,” she said.
“Hey. What color is your hair?”
“Still blonde.”
“Good. Length?”
“Long enough.”
“Lyla?”
“Yes?” she teased.
“I miss you.”
“I miss you too. Can you call in tomorrow?”
“Yes.”
He didn’t even hesitate. She’d had a hell of a day so far and she didn’t want to leave her bed tomorrow.
“Is Marcus gonna hate me?” she asked.
“Doesn’t matter.”
“It does, Gavin. I know you need to work. No, you should go in tomorrow. I’m just going to sleep all day.”
“And I can keep you company.”
Even while that appealed to her she said, “How about you go in for a half day so I don’t feel so selfish?”
“Deal. Where are you now?”
“We’re going to have a late lunch.”
“Okay. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
They had a nice lunch. Aunt Isabel had color in her cheeks and although she had an unexpected breakdown during the meal, she was in good spirits. Lyla couldn’t take her eyes off of Carmen who was drawing just as much attention with black hair as she had as a blonde. She looked edgy and a tad dangerous. Was she doing it on purpose? Lyla didn’t know what to make of her transformation. Carmen sneered when Lyla excused herself to call Gavin again. By the time they arrived back at Aunt Isabel’s house, Lyla was satisfied but exhausted. She hugged Aunt Isabel and told her if she needed anything to call her. Lyla wasn’t surprised when Carmen saw her to the door.
“I can see you’re happy,” Carmen said and shrugged. “I’m just... scared for you.”
“I know.”
Carmen swallowed hard. “I miss Vinny and my dad.”
Lyla hugged her. “I know. I miss them too.”
“I can’t lose you too.”
“You won’t.”
“You can’t guarantee that.”
“Gavin won’t let anyone touch me. You know that, right?”
Carmen sighed. “I went from this house to life with Vinny and now I’m back to square one. What am I supposed to do with my life?”
“You can do whatever you want, but I hope you stay in Vegas with me.”
“After being on the road, there’s something nice about being in one place and having space,” Carmen said as she drew back and wiped her wet cheeks.
“Definitely.” Lyla braced her hands on her cousin’s shoulders. “I’m going to talk to Gavin about your money. I want to be involved in whatever you do next. If you guys need anything, I’m here, okay?”
Carmen nodded. “I’m glad you finally stood up to your parents. Manny’s death changed you for the better.”
Why did it take a tragedy to make people change?
“I don’t know what goes on with you and Gavin and I don’t want to. I do know he loves you. He always has, and apparently, always will.” Carmen’s eyes filled with tears. “The way he watched you at the funeral—it’s the way my dad looked at my mom, the way Vinny looked at me, but Gavin... Gavin Pyre is a completely different ball game. He doesn’t have the sweetness that Vinny did. Gavin can be ruthless and cruel and you’ve never been a match for him.” Carmen leaned back and considered her. “Maybe now you are.”
“I hope so.” Lyla hesitated before she asked, “After all that’s happened, do you think we can have normal lives?”
“You, maybe. If Gavin keeps his nose clean and he keeps worshipping the ground you walk on.” Carmen fluffed her black tresses. “Me? I don’t know.”
“Why not?”
Carmen’s lower lip trembled before she pursed her lips. “I loved Vinny with everything in me. Who’s lucky enough to love like that twice in a lifetime? It might kill me.”
For the first time in a long time, Lyla thought of Jonathan, the gentle IT consultant who coaxed her into a relationship. Her affection for him couldn’t compare to the depth of what Gavin evoked in her. It was like trying to compare a kitten to a tiger. No, she couldn’t imagine having what she had with Gavin with another man.
“I’m here for you,” Lyla said.
Carmen nodded and hugged her again. “I love you.”
“I don’t know what I would have done without you. I owe you everything,” Lyla whispered.
“It was my pleasure,” Carmen said with a watery smile and bowed.
“You’re crazy, you know that?” Lyla said and laughed as Carmen sashayed away.
Lyla was exhausted by the time they reached home. She went upstairs and drew a bath. Lyla moaned as she climbed into the tub and closed her eyes. She understood Carmen’s worry. Most would think she was a glutton for punishment, but no one saw what she did in Gavin. He was rough around the edges—animalistic, merciless and savage. But, there was also gentleness in him and a craving for touch and love—her touch, her love. Aunt Isabel and Carmen couldn’t hide the crippling pain of losing their men. Lyla didn’t have to ask to know the answer. Neither woman regretted their time with their husbands. They would take the pain and live with it for the rest of their lives and know it was a small price to pay for the memories.
“Baby?”
Lyla opened tear drenched eyes and blinked up at Gavin. A sob escaped. He crouched down and kissed her. Lyla gripped his wrists and then twisted her hand in his shirt, dragging him down so she could feel him against her. Gavin quickly lost his clothes. He climbed into the tub and hovered over her.
“Tell me you won’t leave me,” Lyla said.
Gavin pulled back. “What?”
“Vinny, Uncle Louie and Manny. They didn’t plan on dying. They just died. I can’t lose you too. You can’t die.”
“I’m not going to die.”
“They might come for you and—”
“Lyla, I’m not going anywhere.”
“You promise?”
“I promise.”
“Make me believe.”
Gavin latched his mouth on hers. He sat and pulled her astride him.
“I need,” Lyla said, reaching down to position him.
He spread his hands on either side of the bathtub, eyes alight with excitement. “Take me.”
Lyla moved on his cock, absorbing the feel of him inside of her. He was hers to touch and explore. She didn’t know how to explain the need for comfort after being with Carmen and Aunt Isabel. Their grief was etched on them for all time. She needed the connection with Gavin, the reassurance that she wasn’t alone.
Her man was here and she would fight to keep him.
“I love you,” Lyla said as she moved on him. “I always have.”
Gavin’s hungry, starved eyes watched her every move.
“I can run, but my heart and mind always knew you would come for me.”
“I will,” he said through gritted teeth, muscles flexing.
“I don’t want a marriage like everyone else. I want a marriage that suits us.”
Gavin gave a jerky nod. Lyla rode him harder, bracing her hands on his rock hard stomach and splashing water heedlessly over the sides. Gavin’s eyes went blind a moment before he gripped her hips and shoved himself all the way inside her. Lyla screamed and climaxed a moment before he did. Gavin rested his face in the hollow of her neck as she panted. His hands moved lazily over her.
“You have to know something about me,” Gavin said.
Lyla tried to move back to see his face, but she was too exhausted. “What?”
“I won’t give you up.”
Lyla chuckled. “You do whatever you have to keep that promise.”
“I will.” His hands moved over her. “Did you have a good day?”
“Yes and no. You?”
“Same.”
“You hungry?”
“Yeah.”
“Give me a minute and I’ll remember how to walk.”
Gavin rose and set her on the vanity bench to towel her dry. They dressed in robes and went downstairs where there was a delicious roast waiting for them. They made their plates and sat at the table. She told Gavin about her mother and day with Carmen and Aunt Isabel. He reciprocated with Marcus’s ideas for Pyre Casinos and how he was becoming an excellent asset and partner. Lyla was pleased. Maybe she could have a normal life after murder and mayhem.
They retired to the couch where Gavin propped her feet on his lap and massaged gently. Lyla tipped her head back and moaned. When she opened her eyes, she saw that Gavin was focused on her gaping robe. Lyla ignored the fire in her belly and said, “You need to give Carmen’s money back to her.”
Gavin’s hands paused.
“You have no right to control her money. Vinny wouldn’t like it either. She needs freedom to do what she wants, especially after losing her dad and husband.”
Gavin had a strange look on his face. Lyla wriggled her toes impatiently.
“What are her plans?” he asked.
“I don’t know and it’s none of our business, Gavin.”
“I want to know what her plan is before I give her the money.”
“Why?” Lyla asked and then her intuition pinged. “You don’t want to give her the money because you think we’ll run again?”
A muscle ticked in his cheek. “I told you, I’m not taking chances with you.”
“What the hell was that in the tub? I just committed myself to you ten times over! You can’t punish Carmen for the choices I made. I asked her to get me out and she did. She’s my cousin and saw me get diced up by a psycho. Of course she’s gonna get me out. She loves me.”
“I’m not going to give her money so she can cause trouble.”
“Believe it or not, Carmen respects us. Besides that, how many times have I promised to stay?” She spread her arms wide. “I’m here, Gavin.”
“Because I forced you to be here.”
His distrust hit her like a slap in the face. She withdrew her feet from his lap and sat up. “So you don’t trust me.”
“I don’t want her to tempt you.”
“I promised you I wouldn’t run.”
Gavin’s eyes were hot with conflicting emotions.
“I’m not playing you. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”
“Give me a guarantee,” he said.
“I have nothing to offer but my word! You either trust me or you don’t. I have to trust you won’t cheat on me or decide to go back to the underworld.”
“Low blow, Lyla.”
“I’m not interested in sugar coating anything, Gavin. It’s too late for that. We have to trust each other.”
Lyla walked towards the staircase, but didn’t get far. On the first stair, he hauled her backwards.
“Don’t walk away from me,” Gavin growled in her ear.
“Don’t be such a jackass!” she countered as he strode back to the couch and tossed her onto it. Lyla bounced on the plush cushions and grunted when Gavin came down on top of her, pinning her beneath him. “You can’t control everyone.”
“I can try.”
Lyla huffed. “You can’t do that to Carmen. It’s not fair.”
His hands sank into her hair, gripped. “I just got you back. I don’t want Carmen distracting you or making you wonder if you’re better off with her again.”
“You have to trust me. Do you?”
His expression was tormented. “I want to.”
“But you don’t.”
His hand cupped her nape, squeezed. “I want all of you.”
“You have all of me.”
He parted her robe, uncovering her abdomen. His hand splayed over her scarred stomach.
“Are you sure of me?” he asked.
She was, right? As the silence stretched, his fingers twitched.
“If you trust me, why’d you ask for birth control?”
Lyla tried to shove him off her, but he didn’t budge. “That’s my choice, Gavin!”
“Why do you want to prevent pregnancy?”
“Because we shouldn’t rush into having kids. We have a lot of issues to work through first.”
“Like?”
“Like what kind of life we’re going to have in a month! You just went back to work today. I had to call you every hour. That’s not normal, Gavin.”
“You know why I’m doing it.”
“I get it, but you can’t tell a kid to do that. Or maybe you want to homeschool it because you can’t stand to have the kid be away from you? You can’t make a kid a prisoner, Gavin.”
His eyes were narrow and angry. “You feel like a prisoner?”
“At first, yes, but I want to be your captive so...”
“So what are we talking about?”
“We’re talking about your need for control. I don’t know if you’re going to ease up in a few weeks or never.”
“Dad’s killer is on the loose.”
“And yet I can get a full night of sleep without worrying about that and I’m the one who looked into his eyes.” Lyla shuddered. “We can’t stop living our lives because of him. We need to live. That’s what Manny would have wanted for us.”
“And living means trying for a baby,” he said implacably.
Her stomach iced. “I don’t want to bring anyone into our situation unless it’s stable.”
“Meaning I’m not?”
“We both aren’t. I could drop into depression and so could you. We don’t know how this marriage is going to work or how the underworld is going to handle you being out of the game. There are so many variables.”
“Like you said, we can’t live our lives based on other people’s agenda. We need to do what we want regardless of those factors. In my mind, our life is gonna be like this: I wake up with you, make love to you, and go to work. You do whatever you want during the day. I come home, I want you here. We eat, shower and fuck. I fall asleep with you wrapped around me. That’s what I plan for us. What about you?”
Lyla didn’t know what to say. Gavin stroked her stomach and when his eyes met hers, she caught her breath at the hunger there.
“When I was in jail I had a dream that we had a daughter that looked exactly like you. I walked in the front door and this little girl ran to me. I caught her up in my arms. She was so small and full of life. She covered my faces with kisses and told me I needed to help her make cookies. Her name was Nora.”
“Your mother’s name?” Her heart wrenched at the image he painted in her mind.
“Yes. She was so real. I know exactly what she was wearing, the smell of her hair, the weight of her against my chest.
Even now, I have feelings for her and she doesn’t exist.”
Lyla’s eyes filled with tears. This man knew how to rip her heart out. She heard the yearning in his voice and ached to give him what he wanted. “You’re killing me here.”
“I love you,” he said fiercely. “No one will ever love you like I do.”
He was telling the truth. It wasn’t possible for any man to love her more than Gavin Pyre did.
“Our kids will be my redemption, my way to make up for all the shit I’ve done. In my mind, we need kids to move forward or we’re going to keep sliding backwards. Nora was...” He shook his head and she saw his eyes glint with tears. “Beautiful. Pure. I need that in my life.”
“No pressure on me,” she said faintly.
“You don’t need to worry about it. It’ll happen,” he said with complete confidence.
“How do you know?”
“The same way I knew you were meant for me the moment I met you, the way I know God spared you because I couldn’t live without you. This is why we’re here—to create good out of the hell we been through.”
Lyla brushed away a tear and then thumped him on the shoulder. “How do you do this to me?”
“Do what?”
“Wreck me, convince me to believe in the impossible.”
“It’s a gift.” He searched her face. “You understand why I want to try?”
“Yes.”
“Are we going to?”
Lyla tossed a hand over her face, the image he created so vivid in her mind. A little girl who pressed kisses over Gavin’s face, demanding he make cookies with her. Everything in her yearned to give that to him and herself. A child... “Yes.”
Gavin kissed her hard. “Thank you.”
“Are you going to give Carmen her money?”
“Yes,” he said as he spread her robe wide and positioned himself between her legs. He lifted her thighs on his shoulders and slid his tongue over her. “I missed your taste.”
Lyla locked her ankles around his back and clutched the couch cushions.
“Are you on the pill?” he asked, voice muffled as he talked into her.
“No.”
“Good.”
He sat up and positioned himself between her legs. The slide of his cock made her insides quiver and burn as she stretched. She shivered beneath him as he slid in all the way. He shuddered as if he couldn’t handle the sensation and pumped his hips.