“If anyone needs to apologize to any egun, it’s me,” Heidi whined. “We came to New Orleans to honor Lisette’s spirit and show our respects, and all I’ve done is witness a murder and not report it.”
To her surprise, it was Rémy who took her hand away from the shot glass and held it. “Shh, shh. Everything looks darkest in retrospect. I’m sure your friend isn’t sitting up there in heaven—”
Heidi was adamant. “Reincarnated already into some little angel’s body!”
“—sitting in her new angel’s body holding any resentment against you.”
“But you’re the one trying to tell Niko he needs to come to terms with murdering Leclerc. Well, I need to come to terms with my false accusations against Lisette. She died with unfinished business between us. Niko, are you able to hear anyone stuck in Everlost? I wonder if you can find my friend Lisette.”
“Let’s not complicate things,” said Rémy. “Let’s stick with this whole Sabine quest.”
Heidi protested. “But you said this is all about redemption. If anyone needs redemption, it’s me and Lisette. I am officially requesting redemption from my egun and orishas, and I have nothing personal to gain from it.”
“Other than your freedom,” said Niko.
“Yes. My freedom from guilt, yes. Oh, hell! I have to go to the ladies’ room. Be right back.”
Heidi had to wait in a line for the bathroom. Her eyes fell on a newsletter tacked to the wall. She chuckled at the title of it, Fez Sez. An image of a little red fez, one of those tall Mediterranean hats with tassels, was to the left of the masthead. To the right, a Shriner held a crippled child. The rag advertised a parade and a parish crawfish cook-off being held today.
She thought no more about the amusing newsletter until she was almost exiting the stall. Wait a minute. Next to the announcement about the band Chicken on the Bone providing rockin’ oldies at the end of the parade, there was a cartoonish image of a fez-headed Shriner driving one of those little cars they motored around in at parades.
A Corvette.
Shitpickle.
Heidi lunged so heavily from the stall she nearly mowed down a couple of patrons, cleanly whisking the Fez Sez newsletter from the wall. She bumped past several barflies so rudely she made them spill their drinks on their shirtfronts, but she didn’t care. She had a mission. It had been fate, coming here to Lafitte’s Blacksmith Shop.
They weren’t looking for any damned sailing ship but a tiny replica of a Chevy Stingray, driven by a Mason wearing a funny hat.
Chapter Eight
It had been a stroke of genius on Heidi’s part, finding that Fez Sez newsletter.
Rémy appreciated that—he really did. Only now, he had nearly been strangled to death by a terrified Niko Valdés because they’d been forced to take a taxi “horseless carriage” down to Canal Street. That was bad enough, having the children’s tutor practically climbing into his lap in mortal, holy terror because they were going all of thirty miles an hour down Dauphine.
He didn’t really mind having the smoking hot, sultry undead guy in his lap. Rémy had been surprising himself the past couple of days. He’d been acting out of character just because the unfolding of events had been so entirely strange.
But the crowning height of strangeness had to have been the incident in the back garden of the Voodoo Temple. Rémy had never had gay tendencies—not that he was aware of. He could acknowledge some men as being good-looking in an abstract or competitive way, but never once had he gotten hard over another man.
Until that damned garden, under that fucking banana palm.
He had been encouraging Niko. Because he knew he couldn’t stomach watching Heidi hoover away on Niko’s cock, he had encouraged the next best thing. He took the risk that now Heidi would forever equate Niko with a banging, intense, mind-blowing orgasm, but he couldn’t be overly possessive of her. He barely knew her, yet here he was, eaten up with jealousy every time those two came close to holding hands.
He didn’t understand it. Heidi Purdue wasn’t close to the tens Rémy was used to dating, to hooking up with. She was more like a mid-level five, maybe, with her pasty skin, her dumpy figure. What had come over him? Rémy put it down to Lafitte’s egun having put some sort of spell on him. Suddenly Heidi was the most desirable, attractive woman he’d ever known, and he was going to be the first to tap that if it meant sending Niko back to the purgatory of Everlost.
So he urged Niko to eat her pussy, all the while mounting Niko’s rounded ass like a dog in heat. He knew he was just transferring his lust for Heidi onto the poor, confused Niko. Niko, who had tongued Rémy’s cock as enthusiastically as any “horticultural fellow” of his century, was suddenly expressing a desire for pussy. Well, then, if they were going to be a threesome, a sort of occult ménage à trois, then it would be mix and match, no holds barred. Heidi wanted to act like a wanton student on spring break? Rémy could play that game.
Suddenly Rémy saw nothing wrong with groping Niko’s bursting crotch. It even turned him on, taking the heavy purplish penis into his fist and pumping it. It shocked him to be turned on by a thing like that, but then again, everything had been weird the past twenty-four hours. Starting when he’d met Colette the bartender at Dominique You’s grave, he had been living inside a Quentin Tarantino movie of biblical proportions. So it was really no shocker to discover that the “corvette” a red football player had told them to seek was really a tiny toy car, not a giant manly ship.
But now. Now Rémy actually had to stand alongside the parade route and actually watch the line of fez-headed men wearing stuffed camel costumes marching down Canal Street. He actually had to stand and closely watch the Bermuda short-wearing men driving miniature VW bugs, Mustangs, and even an oil tanker or two.
He couldn’t believe it. He was in the most exciting city on earth. He’d received a blowjob from a stockbroker, watched a demon behead a con artist, and had even jacked off another man underneath a banana palm. He was on a quest for gold bars, the redemption of souls, and the salvation of a suicide from no man’s land. Was he off slaying demons or casting spells himself? No, he was watching a bunch of retirees pop wheelies on their tiny Harleys.
“I don’t see any Corvettes,” Rémy said skeptically. Both him and Heidi were drinking frozen daiquiris from corny plastic champagne flutes.
“The picture on this newsletter showed one,” Heidi insisted, rattling her Fez Sez. “I think each Shriner chapter has different vehicles that were donated to them. This chapter must have VWs and Corvettes.”
Poor Niko was dumbfounded by the procession of Shriners. “I can understand the horseless carriage,” he said, “but why this constant figure eight? They keep doubling back, riding each other’s tails.”
Heidi said, “I think that’s part of the fun. Otherwise they’d just be a bunch of guys in toy cars, going in a straight line. Oh, look!” She gripped Rémy’s arm. “Corvettes!”
Indeed, three tiny Corvettes were heading down Canal Street. They made intricate turns and twists, the lead driver showing the other two the way. The tassels on their little fezzes swayed with each turn, and their legs must have been cramped inside the tiny auto bodies.
“Which one is our man?” wondered Niko. “Two are elderly. They might be wise.”
“And heavy,” said Heidi. “When they stand up, I’ll bet the car comes with them. No, I think our man is that young, skinny guy. He looks like a nerd, like someone who spent lots of his time inside of lockers in school, his retainer flung up on the roof.”
Niko said, “I don’t know what a nerd is, but I think you’re right.” He waved, trying to get the nerd’s attention. But the dorkwad was so intent on his driving, his jaw was clenched and his knuckles were white on the little steering wheel. “We’re going to have to do something else to get his attention.”
“I know.” Rémy gasped when Heidi marched out into the middle of the parade route. She had to do a version of a Scottish highland fling staying one step ahead of th
e lead dorkmobile. Arms flailing, she danced backward against the onslaught of the tiny sports cars. Only when she stopped completely and slapped her palms onto the Corvette’s hood did the tiny Stingray brake, the other two behind it nearly crashing into it.
“What is the meaning of this?” yelled the nerd.
“Come on,” Rémy said to Niko, and they ventured forth, too, forming an impenetrable wall the toy car could not breach.
The nerd said, “This is highly irregular! Cease and desist at once! The hippie protest portion of the program is back there, with the Elks Lodge float.”
Heidi folded her arms in front of her chest. “We’re not hippies, Mr. Shriner. We are here because Baal-Berith told us to look for someone in a Corvette.”
“Yes,” Niko said eagerly. “We need to pray in a temple and receive a ring with a pentalpha.”
Rémy added, “He needs to redeem himself from Everlost. He’s actually dead right now. He’s from 1855.”
The bobble-headed dork had an expression of pleased revelation now. “Well, why didn’t you just say so? What took you so long?”
Heidi explained, “We were on the wrong track until we saw your flyer on Jean Lafitte’s wall.”
“Oh, yes,” the nerd said, looking at her flyer with pleasure. “Not a very good likeness of me. They made me look like one of those Pep Boys with the giant heads. I take umbrage at that sort of characterization.”
Rémy said, “But your Corvette looks damned fly. I’d give anything to drive that.” He was telling the truth. It did look like fun, executing the precision maneuvers.
This pleased the dork. “Yes, it does. This baby packs a walloping eleven horsepower engine. Well! Let me pull over to the side, as we’re holding the entire parade up. Sheldon!” he called to the Corvette-riding guy behind him. “Take the lead. I have urgent temple business to attend to. Watch out for Leonard up ahead in that Bug. He tries to get all fancy and do wheelies.”
Sheldon puffed up with pride that he was taking the lead in such an important endeavor. He zoomed off. The group moved out of the line of fire as the nerd drove through the crowd onto Elk Place. He was clearly reveling in the many compliments, smiles, and looks of envy and awe as he drove his miniature roadster.
“Executing these weaves and turns requires a steady hand, nerves of steel,” bragged the dipwad. “We practice in the parking lot of our temple out at Destrehan. We’re going to France next month to perform. We’re going to have to race against little Model Ts, little Cobras. Those Frogs can be brutal. They take their races dead serious, but they’ve been known to cheat. You’ve got to keep an eye out for them.”
Heidi grabbed Rémy’s sleeve. “Did you hear that?”
“About the race in France?”
“No, he said ‘temple.’ Twice. Isn’t the lodge where Shriners meet called a ‘temple’?”
God damnit. Heidi was right. This whole time they were looking for some kind of voodoo temple. Turned out, the ring they were seeking was in a god damned Shriner’s temple.
Parked on the sidewalk, the nerd unfolded himself from the Corvette and extended a hand. “Marvin Simon, at your service.”
The trio introduced themselves. Rémy wondered at the casual attitude Marvin had toward three strangers who were in the service of the Duke of Demons, looking for a damned ring. Did this happen often to Marvin?
Niko said, “Sorry we were so late. We got sidetracked by placing stones.”
Marvin nodded knowledgeably. “That’s good. That’s a very good reason for being late. I’m glad you’re following the angles of the pentalpha.”
“Yes,” said Rémy, “we’ve crisscrossed this city placing stones at all the right spots. Now we need the ring, though.”
“Can you verify,” said Heidi, “that this ring will enable us to command the demons? We have several quests at stake here.”
“Well yes,” said Marvin, “within reason. You have to do several things first, though, before the ring will give you superiority over Baal-Berith and his cronies.”
Niko gaped. “There are more of them?”
Marvin looked at Niko as though he’d just come back from the dead. “Well, yes. Why else would he be called the Duke of Demons if he didn’t have anyone else in his duchy? You haven’t seen any others? No matter, you will. Baal-Berith isn’t easily subdued.”
Rémy said, “But he’s losing power at midnight tonight. Can’t we just wait for midnight to come and go?”
Marvin looked exasperated. “You could, if you didn’t really give a flying fig about your quests being completed. You could just go back to your dull-as-dishwater, boring-ass existence watching America’s Favorite Bachelor and driving your BMWs”—how did Marvin know that Rémy drove a BMW?—“but then you’d completely miss out on accomplishing your quests, now, wouldn’t you?”
Niko stammered, “I…I didn’t know there was a time limit. So we have to complete our quests by the time Baal-Berith loses power?”
Marvin looked skyward for divine assistance. “Well, of course now. The demons don’t just sit around waiting for you to take your thumb out of your ass. That’s the whole challenge. The closer it gets to midnight, the more powerful they become. The more assistance they can give you, but at the same time…” Marvin trailed off meaningfully.
Heidi filled in. “The more they can…crush us?”
Marvin nodded decisively. “Exactly. That’s what they live for, to crush you. They wouldn’t be very demonic if they didn’t. It’s my goal to help you subdue or overcome them. Now, with that in mind, why don’t you tell me about your quests? Two sentences or less, please. I don’t have all day. I’m entering my crawfish in the cook-off, and I don’t want to miss Chicken on the Bone playing ‘Rock This Town.’ They do it with such pep.”
Rémy went first, to give Heidi and Niko time to think. “Well, at first my main goal was to find my ancestor Jean Lafitte’s gold bars.”
Predictably, Marvin’s eyes lit up. “An admirable goal indeed. Treasure hunts are always given top priority by the demons. But your goal has changed?”
“Well, yes,” Rémy had to admit. “I mean, I still want to find the gold bars, of course. But I’ve really come to…” He couldn’t admit to this bobble-headed stranger that he thought he was falling in love with Heidi, and was having strangely powerful feelings about the undead Niko, too. Heidi was a unique, powerful soul, yet so childishly appealing. And Niko, well, there was nothing that was not unique about him. He told himself he never would have allowed himself romantic feelings about another man unless the man was as oddly singular as Niko de la Concepcion Valdés. So Rémy said, “I’ve come to put Niko’s quest as top priority. Niko, tell Marvin about yours.”
Niko solemnly folded his hands before his crotch. “I come from the year 1855.” Rémy wasn’t surprised that Marvin also nodded sagely. “I was stuck in Everlost with my poor departed sister, and then this fellow here revived me with a ceremony he performed. I’d like to get my sister out of Everlost, too, but leave the bastard who caused all of this stuck in there until time immemorial.”
“Yes,” said Marvin, as though thoroughly familiar with Leclerc, “he behaved so badly on earth he can’t be recycled. He can never move forward.”
“Truly?” cried Niko, breaking his respectful stance. “We can leave him behind?”
“Yes and no,” said Marvin. “He will be put into hell like broken pottery that can’t be repaired. This does not get you out of making amends with him.”
“Damn!” swore Niko. “I swore I will never apologize to that sack of buzzard’s guts!”
“Language, language!” said Rémy, sharing a grin with Heidi.
Marvin asked, “Do you wish to stay in the present, my friend?”
“Well…” Niko looked around at his newfound partners, at the shiny automobiles and motorcycles that raced by, at the ten-story tall professional buildings around them. He shrugged. “I suppose, if that’s my only option.”
Rémy was deeply offended. H
e supposed! If that was his only option! Trying to be light, he said, “Thanks a lot, Niko. We’re your last and only option.”
“Yeah,” said Heidi, apparently miffed, too. “I guess you’re stuck with us.”
“No!” protested Niko. “I mean that if I had my way, of course I would go back to 1855 before any of this happened! But…” He turned to Marvin. “That is not an option, is it?”
“I’m afraid not. You’re stuck with these people you don’t like. You’re all witnesses. You’re all bound together, so you can’t separate. Get used to it. Now, Miss Purdue, what is your goal?”
“Well, aside from helping Niko get his sister out of Everlost, I’d like to make reparations with the spirit of a dead friend of mine. I feel very guilty over something I accused her of before she died. You say we’re all bound together. Is that…permanent?”
Marvin’s face was businesslike, bland. Rémy was starting to wonder if the guy was a few bits short of a byte. “Yes, permanent. You witnessed the rebirth of Niko Valdés, and you saw Baal-Berith smite down that double-dealing four-flusher woman who pretended to have power.”
“She didn’t?” asked Heidi.
“No. Not one shred. Niko was ready to rise again after Hurricane Katrina disturbed his grave. He was restless in Everlost, dying for action. Some minor egun were drummed up by those musicians, and it just steamrolled from there. Once Niko rose, Baal-Berith came along for the ride. There was a regular party, a rave, at the cemetery that night, not only of your demons but other paranormals. You’re stuck with Baal-Berith and his minions until you can make peace with yourselves and your pasts. Only then can you venture through Hellmouth safely and get your sister out.”
Heidi tried a laugh. “So we’re stuck together for all eternity?”
“Yes. You might as well get married now and be done with it.”
Rémy’s heart lurched, a combination of terror and anticipation.
Heidi asked, “What are the things we have to do first? You said before we even get the ring that commands the demons, we have to do several things.”
Redemption Song [Midnight, New Orleans Style 4] (Siren Publishing Ménage Everlasting) Page 8