“Shut up and take me,” I say, finding my bravado becoming stronger. “I won’t be saying stop.” I watch as his eyes begin to sparkle as if my allowing him unleashes something far more forbidden than ever. “I want you, Javier. More than anything.”
If anything, I want every single promise that unravels from his beautiful lips. I want to fall victim to him, lay ready to be claimed by him. I want him to make me feel as if I’m not irreparable and damaged.
Simply put, I just want him.
While one hand stays by my head, the other sits on my hip, his gaze trained on mine. I reach up, placing a hand on his shoulder, my thumb rubbing gently against his neck as if to offer encouragement. He bites his lip, giving me a little chuckle as I throw a look of sheer begging innocence his way.
“Javier,” I press.
He answers me by lifting my hips one-handed and I feel the press of the tip of his penis against my hot opening. As he slips into me, I gasp, but only because the violence I’ve become used to and expected is gone. It’s all become suddenly replaced with tenderness and sheer unadulterated love. My nails dig into his shoulders as he fills me whole with his length and he pauses, I look up at him, and I notice he’s watching me.
“I need more,” I say, giving him the response he needed. “Javier...” I exhale, but only because I can’t bare the size of him without feeling him moving me toward a state of euphoria. “Please...”
Leaning in, he covers me more, kissing along my collarbone and I feel as he starts to withdraw, but before my body can want him again, he thrusts back in, causing my body to buck and a gasp to fall from my lips. With tender seduction, he lures me in deeper and I get lost in this euphoric abyss allowing every gentle caress and sensual lick to pull me in tighter.
“Javier,” I say as I fall from grace and allow the orgasm to rip through me.
The way the heat rips through me is something I haven’t felt in so long. I spent such a long time being forced to come or not coming at all while man after man found their sexual gratification in using my body as a release, that I feel overwhelmed.
But I don’t fear what I’m feeling, I embrace it.
I allow myself to clench around his length, allow my breathing to struggle for proper gasps while my brain short wires. I hand myself wholly over to Javier as he does exactly what he promised – make me feel everything I should.
“Fuck,” he groans with one final thrust.
I feel him still, a grunt coming from him as I fall blissfully unaware from my own orgasmic nirvana. I feel him withdraw and fall beside me, my body suddenly feeling cold without him until he pulls me flush against his body. I don’t need much persuading to spoon in closer, my head resting on his well- built chest, my hand lying across him.
It’s in the afterglow, caught within that erratic buzz throughout my veins that I revel in everything Javier is. His strength and power, calm and ease. He’s everything and nothing all at once. But most importantly, he’s the one who could break me most.
After all, forever could happen with him.
But that doubt, that dark, tarnished shade that threatens to steal him remains. It’s this, that taunting shadow that makes me savor every touch, every kiss, every ounce of him that’s meddled with every ounce of me.
It was this, a moment so captivated by absolute nothingness that takes my breath away, that took every dark thought with it.
It wasn’t about anyone anymore. Nobody could take this moment because nobody else mattered.
Nobody but him, nobody but me, nobody but us mattered.
It was just total bliss.
“What are you thinking about?” he asks, his hand running along my side, gliding over the curve of my waist to sit on my hip. “Wasn’t that bad was I?”
“No,” I whisper, straining to look up at him. “You were perfect.” I settle back against him. “Where do we go from here?”
“Anywhere we want to,” he tells me, a hopeful note. “We’ll have the rest of our lives to find out where.”
“Javier,” I start to say, hating myself for not seeing the future with him that he clearly does.
It’s not that I don’t want to, I would give my life to see it all, but I can’t. This life doesn’t allow for imagination to run wild, it’s all so black and white. There is no gray, no in-between.
“Don’t,” he stops me.
Before I can say anything, he takes my arm, long, slender fingers wrap around my wrist and pull my arm up. Slowly, he slips his fingers to the base of my hand and begins to lower it to his bare chest. He only lets me go once my palm is flat against his chest – skin to skin.
“Feel that?” he asks, expectantly.
I lay for a moment, still pressed against the length of his body, but I feel the pulsating thud of his heart pulsing through his chest and into my hand. Evenly, his heart gently beats away and I move slightly so I can look up at him.
“It’s the first time in a long while I’ve really taken note of it,” he tells me, a small smile pulling at his lips.
“Finding out Gabi was gone must have killed you,” I say, my tone dipping as grief comes back to me. “I can’t imagine how that must have felt listening to me go on about what I had to do. You lost your main reason because of me.”
“Yes, I lost her,” he bravely starts, never once breaking eye contact. “But I got you. You’ve brought me back to life, Isla. You gave me the fight back when I thought it was all lost.” He doesn’t hold any of that anger I saw when he handed me over to Santiago and Joaquín. “I think a part of me accepted that she was gone a long time ago. I just didn’t want to consciously accept that, but please, stop holding her death over your head. I would rather she went by the hands of a friend than anyone else.”
A part of me wonders what Gabi would think of us, but then if Gabi were alive, I wouldn’t have him and the greedy fact suppresses that notion from being vocalized.
“I guess I’ve lived too long with the shame that I can’t just forget about it,” I say, feebly excusing the fact. “I won’t lie,” I start, feeling the nerves prickling my skin. “It’s getting my nerves up because I keep seeing her that day and I remember it all... everything that’s happened since seems to come at me in high definition and I find myself just wishing for a high. If only to escape it all. I hate myself for it, but it’s always there... sometimes it’s louder than others.”
“No one expects you to be over it immediately,” he tells me, his hold on me never weakening. “What Santiago did doesn’t come with a quick fix. Like all addictions, you’ll battle this for who knows how long, Isla, but you’re something that a lot of people aren’t... you’re a survivor. You had a blip, but since then you haven’t found anything to get you away from reality.”
“I’m scared it’ll win.” My admittance comes from me and I feel myself start to shake.
“Hey, hey,” Javier starts, pulling away from me but only so he can focus his entire attention on me. “Don’t start that now. If you ever feel like it will, you come to me, you hear me?”
“I hear you,” I reply softly. “I don’t think I’d still be alive without you, Javier.”
“You’re stronger than you give yourself credit.”
He doesn’t realize that what Santiago did to me killed every last bit of strength in me. It’s Javier who’s holding me together now. He doesn’t realize that he’s stopping me from bleeding out, preventing my pieces from shattering entirely. He doesn’t even notice how dependent I’ve become of him because the fear of not having him here now threatens every part of my recovery.
Without him, where would I be?
I dread to think of my fate, but with Javier close, I can almost start to image something better for myself.
“Well ain’t this sweet!” Santiago says as the door swings open. “Bit tame in here.”
“What are you doing here?” Javier asks, covering me up with the sheet.
“Wanted to make sure the little puta did the deed, but it seems she tamed the beas
t,” he mocks, chortling at us. “Apparently she’s so lousy at fucking a man she bores him to sleep.”
Suddenly I feel the embarrassment wash over me, Santiago’s hold on me far too strong still and I wonder if I’ll ever be able to shake it.
“Actually, I just had her screaming my names... the claw marks on my back will be an indication of that too...” Javier gloats, unable to hold back. “Now, don’t come in here and start throwing around your accusations just because you can’t distinguish between intimacy and greed.”
“Intimacy is for whipped fuckers... you’re meant to claim her and leave a mark!”
“I did,” Javier replies, sticking by his approach to this argument. “I bet if she had the choice, Isla would choose to sleep with me again rather than get into bed with you.”
“She wouldn’t dare... the puta doesn’t even know how to lead a man to a fucking orgasm. She’d pick me because she knows not to piss off the man that holds all the cards for her. Plus, she’ll only pick you because, like her, you can’t command.”
“He commanded me,” I say, finding my voice finally. “And if I had the chance, I’d do it again.”
Santiago laughs, but he has every right to. In all the time I’ve been here, I had laid beneath these men and allowed them their chances to take me how they so want to. I never commanded them, not even when they wanted me to, but that wasn’t because I wanted it tame, but because I didn’t feel the desire for them.
Not like I do now.
“Get up,” I press, giving Javier a slight push and Santiago’s laughter quells. “Get up, Javier.”
He listens, albeit in a bewildered state. While he stands beside the bed, I react by getting up only to drop down to my knees before him. I remain silent as I reach up, trying to hide the fact my hands want to violently shake. As my finger-tips come into the contact with the rubber of the condom, I start to gradually pull it away, rolling it down his shaft to free his cock. His erection bounces in front of me and I don’t look at anyone, I just grab Javier’s cock and move my head down. With my hand circled around the base, I bring my lips to the tip taking it gradually, running my tongue around as I take more of him into my mouth
I look at Santiago from the corner of my eye while my lips encircle Javier’s hard length. As I take him whole in my mouth, I close my mouth a little, making sure my teeth grind against him. The moan he emits makes me shut my eyes as I pull back away, my tongue and teeth adding extra pleasure. I continue more so when his hand comes to grab the back of my head, his fingers tangling in my curls. While violent, it’s enough to tell me I’m doing right by him.
I suck him to an orgasm, all the while my body thrums with excitement, turned on to what I just did and as he comes, filling my mouth I swallow what I can as I start to withdraw. For a moment, nothing else exists as I pull away, wiping my mouth and looking up at Javier like some obedient pet.
“Well, fuck me!” Diablo shouts, breaking my reverie. “Didn’t know Isla was quite capable of being that assertive.”
“What the fuck was that about?” Santiago asks, watching with disdain as Javier helps me stand.
“Showing you that what Javier and I do isn’t tame. Never once have I taken you like that Santiago... want to know why?” I ask, rhetorically. “Because you didn’t give a fuck before you fucked me dry!”
“You’re not here for fucking pleasure, Eighteen,” he says, brandishing my nickname again.
“Maybe if I were, I might play better,” I reply, my lip curling in disgust for the man before me. “You’ll never have me like that... you don’t deserve it.”
I wait for Santiago’s retort, but it never comes. Instead, his face gets redder as his anger glowers and burns up inside of him. Instead of responding, he starts to make for the door. I feel Javier give into a burst of laughter as Santiago stomps his way out of the room, clearly knowing he’s not going to win this one, his two henchmen leaving promptly after him.
“What was that about?” Javier asks, turning his back to the now empty doorway not that I’m complaining.
“That was me taking back some power,” I say, licking my lips while a wicked little grin starts to build. “I have never had a chance to make him feel like that.”
“There’s a first time for everything.” He grins devilishly, the glimmer returning to his eye. “That was fucking hot!”
“Thanks,” I say, feeling a blush creep over my cheeks, telling me my adrenaline is faltering. “I don’t know what took over me.”
And I don’t know what my consequence will be for it.
“I do,” he says, putting his arms around me, pulling me close to his body. I feel his cock against my leg and I gasp knowing I’ve turned him on by all I’ve done in the past thirty minutes. “You were finally free.”
“That’s your doing,” I muse, feeling his hand coming up to stroke my face. “I think I’m a little addicted to you,” I admit, smiling coyly. “And I’d rather be addicted to you than any drug, Javier.”
He chuckles, his knuckles brushing against my jaw line.
“What a little heroin heart you have, cariño,” he says, his words nothing more than a soft murmur. “Not all addictions are bad for us apparently.”
“You think so?”
I only ask because I’m the one still claiming this love story as bittersweet while he speaks about an abundance of days together. He’s counting the days we’ll have together while I’m here counting the days until we’re forced to part.
“I know so. You’re my heroin and my heroine,” he states, causing me to cock an eyebrow. “Both my addiction and the woman I admire most.”
I blush, looking away as I struggle with his words.
“Don’t look so coy... you don’t see what I do.”
Isn’t that the sorriest of truths about this?
I don’t see what he does.
“I fucking hate everything about you.”
I give a little smirk, but besides that I don’t reply to Santiago’s anger.
“You come here, you fucking woo my father like the pussy you are and start to put these stupid notions in his head.” He shakes his head in disarray. “I heard the stories of your grandfather, but I’m pretty sure you’d never give your life for us like he did. My father told me about who you really are, Santos, but I know you wouldn’t have the balls to sacrifice yourself for us.”
True. I wouldn’t die like Miguel Santos did. I would die a far wealthier man with Isla by side. I also would never die in a hail of bullets like Miguel because that isn’t how I plan to go. However, that didn’t stop me from pledging myself as honorable.
“I’m not my grandfather by any measure,” I state, finally speaking up. “But I am moral and uphold my every promise, Santiago. When I got deported, I knew there was nothing left for me in Baja California but the El Salvador... as if fate meant it almost. I felt like I had to be here and I had to make every moment count.” I rub my jaw, thoughtfully. “I think I’ve proven myself a worthy candidate to help this cartel.”
“It’s not just that... I don’t care if you’re fucking god himself... I don’t trust you! Coming in here like you know what we do here.” Santiago looks riled, he has a crazed look in his eyes that tells me he’s starting to fold under the pressure. “Now, fuck, now you come in here and change the rules on us! You take a girl for yourself. My father’s girl no less.”
“She’s not a fucking possession. She’s a person or have you raped her so much you’ve forgotten about what women really are?” I scream, indignation burning me bitter.
This has finished me off.
The way these men treat women, how they pawn them off and steal everything from them angers me. I know that knowing Gabi was once one of them, beaten and used when it suited them, and I know that doesn’t help matters. The hate fire it fuels is only worsened when paired with what I see in Isla.
I know how broken these girls are because I see it in her every day.
These girls play the strong act, stick by th
e rules and regulations set for them and obey the men, but inside they’re splintering away, losing pieces of themselves every day they wake up here.
It’s for that reason I fight for them, give them a voice.
The thought of Isla giving up all hope sickens me, so if I have to fight dirty and play dirtier, I will just so I can secure some semblance of faith for her and these girls here.
“I did this to give these girls a fucking chance here! You want them keen and on the ball to help you, you have to treat them better! I know there have been girls who have killed themselves because they’ve lost all hope... don’t you think stopping that would be better? I’m pretty sure kidnapping handfuls of girls is a risky business the more you have to do it. My plan is to make these girls think there’s some fucking hope... something for them to grab onto. You do that and you’d find they’d play better.”
He snarls, curling his lip at me and I laugh. He doesn’t understand. He’s not even thought properly about how to play this game, of how to get bigger and better.
“Think logically, Santiago!” I say, pointing at my head for emphasis. “You think about all the wrong things because you’re greedy and you want it all at your feet... but greedy men usually end up getting it wrong.”
“Is that your game?” he asks, narrowing his gaze on me with an accusatory manner. “Think first, act after and get my top spot?”
“I’m not here to fucking fight for your top spot!” I yell, throwing my arms up as if in defeat. “I’m here to secure this organization and allow you to be fiercer and stronger. You need men like me... men willing to give it all up...”
“That’s the thing... why would you give it all up?” he interjects.
“You know why,” I state, my voice becoming dry and husky as remembrance spills into my mind. “I fucked up my career when I lost my family. Whoever was left after turned their back on me. I have no one. It’s how I ended up here... I have no one who gives a fuck.”
Heroine Hearts Page 24