by Karen Baney
Marcy would know. Her parents’ exhibited a good marriage. They were fully committed to each other, despite any challenges they faced. They always loved and supported one another.
They were so very different from Niki’s parents, who had constantly fought. Her mother spent money like they were millionaires. When her father was away on business, her mother “had her fun” as she called it. Her father was no better. He had a woman in every town it seemed. He hated that mom spent all his money, even if he did have more than enough of it. Most of the time, Niki looked forward to when her dad was gone, just because the house was more peaceful.
She slowed to allow Marcy to catch up. “There it is,” she whispered reverently, pointing with her hiking stick. Chad, Matt, and Joe stopped behind them murmuring about the unusual tree. Too bad Kyle wasn’t here to see it.
Getting an idea, she had Marcy fish her phone out of her Camelback. She turned on the camera and snapped a few pictures. As she started walking, she sent them to Kyle’s phone then dropped it in her pocket. Maybe next year he would be well enough to see it with his own eyes.
Her phone buzzed. She dug it out of her pocket and smiled at Kyle’s response. He took a picture of himself with a super bored expression on his face.
The caption read, Guess my student is learning to have fun without me.
She typed back, Yah. Though I don’t think Joe would agree that this is fun.
This time she handed Marcy her phone. After Marcy stuffed it back in her pack, they continued on for another mile over relatively mild grades through the forest of aspen. At the two mile mark, according to her GPS, they turned around, going back the way they came.
As they neared the trailhead, she gave Kyle a call to let him know they were headed back up to the lodge. He was waiting near the ticket counter for the sky ride to meet them. They purchased their tickets then went to stand in line to ride the ski lift.
Niki watched as each pair of people in front of them lifted off the ground. They had to be hundreds of feet in the air—on little tiny seats with no safety gear. Her palms grew sweaty and her breath went shallow. The idea of the sky ride sounded good. It just didn’t look good.
Marcy and Chad were the first to get on, whisked away by the speedy lift. Then it was Niki’s turn. She was so nervous about the ride she hadn’t paid any attention to who was with her until after her feet left the ground.
“Amazing view,” Kyle’s voice momentarily broke through her fear.
She looked down, watching the ground get further and further away. She wrapped one of her arms around the top rung of the seat back, and the other around the vertical pole on her side, not at all pleased that there was only a flimsy lap bar to keep her from completely crashing to the ground hundreds of feet below. Her heart picked up pace. She was going to slide off this blasted thing and break her neck when she hit the ground. A whimper escaped from her throat.
“Niki,” Kyle said, with concern. “Are you okay?”
Another whimper was all she could manage. Each one of the towers they passed over caused the feeble lift to sway. She felt all the blood rush from her head.
“Come here,” he said softly. “You can lean against me.”
She closed her eyes and shook her head no, too paralyzed by fear to move. How much longer was this awful ride?
Then the lift stopped. Niki’s eyes flew open and she let out a yelp. Kyle scooted closer to her causing the chair to sway. She sucked in a quick breath.
“Niki, look at me,” he said.
She couldn’t stop staring at the ground.
He trailed a finger across her neck, leaving a path of fire behind. She snapped her head up and looked at him. He moved closer, angling his head.
Then his lips consumed hers. Her heart pounded so hard she thought it might fly from her chest. He deepened the kiss, exploring, teasing. She willed her arms to stay at her sides, but they refused to obey and encircled his neck. She had to break away—this was Kyle Jacobs.
But, she couldn’t. His kiss brainwashed her into responding. Electric waves washed over her as she kissed him back, despite the warning bells in her brain.
The chair jerked back suddenly as the lift started moving again. Niki found the will power to stop the kiss, leaning away from him. His arms rested around her back, not letting her move away. She felt his gaze and was compelled to look into his eyes. When she did, she could not breathe.
Then she glanced down at the ground. Panic rose again.
“Niki,” Kyle said her name with husky voice, before his lips met hers again with more fervor than the first kiss.
This could not be happening. Her treacherous heart welcomed every second of the kiss, propelling her to melt into his arms. The longer he kissed her, the less her brain put up a fight. Her fingers itched to touch his soft hair.
The chair passed over another tower, jolting her back to reality. This was Kyle Jacobs. Her client. Her roommate’s brother. The man who made high school twice as difficult. The man who ordered her to sleep when she worked herself to exhaustion. The man who brought her two favorite movies and made her popcorn. The man who refused to be repaid for the new tire he replaced on her car. She couldn’t reconcile it all in her brain.
Putting her hand against his chest, she pushed back. “Stop,” she whispered.
Kyle complied.
The war inside still waged as they passed the final tower. Her heart was drawn to him. She couldn’t deny it.
“Face front,” he whispered in her ear as she continued to cling to him. “It’s a lot easier to get off this thing if you do.”
Niki swallowed. Within seconds her feet were back on land and he ushered her away from the next oncoming chair.
It wasn’t until he led her to a bench that everything started sinking in. Kyle Jacobs just kissed her. Not once. Twice. Not just any kiss, but an earth spinning, toe curling kiss.
Marcy approached, hands on her hips, as anger furrowed her brow. “Kyle Dean Jacobs,” she hissed. “What do you think you’re doing?”
He led his furious sister away from where Niki was sitting, but she still heard every word that passed between them.
“She was about to pass out. I had to do something to distract her.”
She certainly felt distracted now. Confused even.
“But, to kiss her? Not just once but twice?”
“I’m a grown man. If I want to kiss Niki, I can kiss her without explaining it to you.”
“She’s not just some pretty girl you hit on and get bored with later. This is Niki, my best friend. Fragile Niki. You are playing with fire and she’s the one that’s going to get hurt. So help me, if you hurt her…” Marcy stormed off in a huff.
He sat down next to Niki. “You still look pale.”
She felt woozy. Her voice was just barely a whisper when she spoke. “You kissed me.”
“Yes, I did. Would you like me to kiss you again?” A half-smile tilted up one corner of his mouth.
That comment snapped her out of her stupor. She smacked him on the arm and jumped up. “What were you thinking!”
“Ah, there’s the spitfire we know and love.”
She was miffed. He was enjoying this. “Get away from me.”
She joined Matt as he took in the view.
“What did you think of the ride up?” Matt asked.
“It was breathtaking,” she replied.
“I couldn’t agree more,” Kyle’s voice came from behind them.
She tensed and looked over her shoulder. Then she glared before returning her attention to the magnificent landscape before them. Standing here, on firm ground, she could enjoy the view. The horizon stretched far beyond them. Rolling hills turned into distant mountains. The bright green of fields gave way to the deep green of tall ponderosa pines. All of this carefully painted against a back drop of deep azure blue dotted with white billowing clouds. The terrifying trip up was so worth it.
When Niki was done taking in the view, she grabbed Matt’s hand. S
he could not handle riding back down with Kyle.
“Ride down with me?”
“Sure.”
As they started back down, she got the same panicked feeling as soon as the ground loomed hundreds of feet below.
“Afraid of heights, huh?” Matt asked.
“Only when the ground seems far away,” Niki replied with a nervous laugh.
“So, tell me what Jack was like.”
She closed her eyes and brought forth a picture of her brother. When she opened her eyes, she looked at Matt instead of the distant ground. “He was serious and protective, at least when I went to live with him in Germany. We were pretty close, even before that. With dad’s job moving us around all the time, we were the only constants in each other’s lives despite the four year age difference. In school, he had always been athletic and I was a geek. He knew from the time he was in junior high that he wanted to go into the Air Force. He had no idea what he’d do when he got there, but that’s where he always wanted to be.”
“What did he do in the Air Force?”
“I’m not entirely sure. He was pretty hush, hush about it. I think he was some sort of weapons specialist. He really tried to keep me sheltered from his job as much as possible.”
“So, that wasn’t so bad,” Matt said, nodding towards the end of the sky ride. She couldn’t believe they were at the bottom already. His approach to distracting her had been a lot less upsetting than Kyle’s. He lifted the bar, and helped her off.
Since they were the first down, they went to hold a table at the lodge restaurant.
Once seated, Niki remembered what Matt said about his group meeting. Maybe that was what she needed. Maybe she would find some answers to her confusing questions about God if she went. At the very least, maybe she would make some friends. That would certainly be better than feeling so overwhelmingly lonely all the time.
“When is that group meeting you were telling me about?” she asked.
“We meet on Wednesdays at 6:30 at my house. We usually have dinner first, then the study. We aren’t meeting this week, but will pick it up again next week.”
“Can you give me directions? And if I decide to come, do I bring something or let you know ahead of time?”
“Just show up.”
Marcy headed towards Kyle a second time. She stood next to him, looking out at the valley below.
“Save it,” he said.
“I’m calmer now. I just want to know what’s going on. Why did you kiss her?”
He didn’t know. It was probably a mistake.
“It was the first thing that came to mind.”
Marcy snorted. “Of course it was.”
“Look, it probably wasn’t the smartest thing I’ve ever done.”
“No kidding? If you’re trying to get her to notice you—well, mission accomplished! I’m just not so sure it’s the type of attention you were hoping for.”
It wasn’t. He knew Niki was furious.
But, she had looked so vulnerable and scared—like she actually needed him for a change. When she looked at him, her walls were gone. He saw the real Niki. And she was so darn attractive.
That kiss. He thought his heart might explode when she kissed him back.
“I’ll talk to her. Do some damage control,” he said.
“Good.” Marcy started to walk away, but turned back towards him. “Be careful. For both your sakes.”
Niki glared at Kyle as he and Joe joined them at the table, followed by Chad and Marcy a few minutes later. She was still ticked that he kissed her.
“Joe and I were going to hit a movie tonight,” Matt said. “Anyone else up for a movie?”
“I’m taking Marcy to a nice dinner,” Chad said.
“I’m game,” Niki said.
“Me, too,” Kyle agreed.
Drat. She was hoping he would stay behind. She wanted to steer clear of him, especially since his kisses sent off a firestorm of confusing emotions in her heart.
How impossible was that going to be? The guy made a nuisance of himself. She worked with him—no avoiding that. And he showed up at random moments at her house because his sister lived there. Not to mention she still had two days of this camping trip left.
After lunch, she skillfully manipulated the return transportation so she would be in the same car as Chad and Marcy, but more importantly a different car than Kyle. Marcy gave her an apologetic look, but said nothing.
When they got back to camp, she took a walk along one of the campground paths. Wildflowers painted color against a canvas of tall wild grass. The ponderosa pines spiced the air with their heavy fragrance, calming her troubled heart. If only it could permanently wash away the confusion now sprouting there.
She walked several yards along the path before spotting a large rock. Taking a seat, she turned her face up toward the sun and closed her eyes.
Is God really there? Did he care about her?
If He did care, why did he leave her alone?
When no answer came, she opened her eyes. A bird landed nearby, scrounging for small sticks on the ground. Finding one he liked, he picked it up and flew high into one of the tall pine trees. She turned her attention away from the bird and up to the mountain. A back drop of brilliant blue melted behind the mountain, broken up occasionally with thick white clouds.
Why did Kyle have to kiss her?
And why did she have to enjoy it so much? It was bad enough that she found herself thinking about him way too much on this trip as it was. Then he had to go and kiss her.
She still carried around so much pain. Why did life have to throw her this curve ball? Couldn’t everyone just leave her alone? She had been doing just fine.
Right?
“Want some company?” Kyle’s voice broke through the stillness from somewhere behind her.
“No.” Especially not your company.
A shadow fell across her face as he moved to stand in front of her.
“What part of no don’t you understand?” she asked, making no attempt to keep the acid from her voice.
“We need to talk.”
“What is there to talk about, Kyle? You… You… Ugh!” She threw her hands in the air in frustration. Then she turned her back to him.
He walked around to face her. She turned her back again.
“Would you stop that?”
“Haven’t you done enough damage for one day?” She folded her arms across her chest.
“Look, I’m trying to apologize to you,” he said.
She stood and poked her finger into his chest. “I don’t want your apology. You can’t get off that easy. You totally took advantage of the situation when there were a million other ways you could have distracted me from my fear. But no! Kyle Jacobs from high school is back to ruin Niki Turner’s life again! You don’t get to just apologize and walk away all guilt free!”
The irritation faded from his face, morphing into dismay and maybe even pain. He parted his lips to speak then pursed them shut. He stared at her for a minute, before taking a step back.
As he turned to leave, he said, “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry I hurt you. But, I’m not sorry I kissed you.”
She watched as he walked away. She was right to be angry. He shouldn’t have kissed her. He couldn’t keep making her life miserable. And he deserved to feel guilty.
So why did she find herself feeling that way?
Chapter 23
A week after the camping trip, at midnight on Saturday night—technically Sunday morning—Niki logged into her computer to prepare for a code deployment. Brian called her yesterday afternoon to see if she could fill in for one of their consultants at Global Axis Systems. She worked on a project for them last year, so she was familiar enough with the code. At least she had remote access, so she could work from home.
Since it had been awhile, she logged in early to make sure she remembered where everything was. Getting familiar with the code base only took about fifteen minutes. Now she was up and logged in w
ith tons of time to kill since she couldn’t start the code deployment until one o’clock.
Tapping her fingers on her desk, she let the minutes tick by. When she remembered something she wanted to pick up at the store this week, she absently reached into the desk drawer to get a pen. Her fingers brushed against an envelope that she didn’t remember putting in there, so she glanced down.
Jack’s letters. That’s right she put them there back on Memorial Day.
Abandoning the pen, she slipped his last letter from the stack and read it again.
One sentence in particular jumped from the page: “I found what I have always been looking for.”
I still don’t understand Jack. You said it was Jesus, but I don’t understand. How could Jesus change a person?
Kyle. His name jumped to her mind without warning. She swallowed hard. What could he possibly have to do with Jesus?
Because he had changed, even if she hated to admit it. She was still mad at him for the sky ride incident.
But, this new version of Kyle that suddenly reappeared in her life was a different man than the teenager who tortured her in high school. It confused her senseless. If she looked at him objectively, she could see a more sensitive and kind man. He stood up for her against Todd’s false accusations. He fixed her car and wouldn’t accept repayment. Those were things that the old Kyle never would have done.
Was that the kind of change Jack was talking about?
A tear slid down her cheek. Since reading that letter back on Memorial Day, something stirred in her heart. She understood the emptiness that Jack talked about. She felt it all too often. She never felt like she fit in as a kid at each of the new schools she was shoved into. She always felt like something was missing. It only got worse as each family member slipped away from her.
For many years, the hole had been so big and painful she thought it might suck her in. She was alone. She was empty. She lived her life going through the motions. On the outside she was snarky, funny, well-put-together Niki. But, on the inside she was broken, damaged—sometimes she thought beyond repair.