by Mia March
“Guess what?” Charlie said to June. “There’s more names to add to the family tree. I have an uncle! He lives in California, but he’ll be coming to Maine for Christmas and I can meet him. And there are great-aunts and -uncles and cousins too. Grandpa Steven is going to write down all the names for me.”
Grandpa Steven. June’s heart almost burst. Charlie had never had anyone to refer to as grandpa before.
The Smiths invited them to stay for lunch, and they spent another hour around the dining room table, June and Charlie sharing stories about the inn and their family. By the time June and Charlie got back into June’s car at four o’clock, a beautiful bond had been formed. As June drove off, Charlie waving good-bye, she felt very, very lucky.
At dinner, Charlie had told everyone about meeting his grandparents and Miles the cat and about all the new relatives he’d be adding to his family tree. Over barbecued chicken and corn on the cob, his favorite, which he’d barely eaten because he’d been too excited, he’d asked Lolly if his new grandparents could come visit, and Lolly had said she couldn’t wait to meet them and would give them the best room on the house. Great-Aunt Lolly had gotten a fierce hug from a happy little boy for that.
Everyone was excited for tonight’s film for Friday Movie Night: It’s Complicated. No one had seen it, except for Lolly, when it first came out, and everyone was in the mood for light and fun. Yet another “affair movie,” as Isabel had called it, but one that kind of turned the tables since the affair was between a divorced couple. Alec Baldwin was cheating on his hot young wife with his ex, Meryl Streep.
“Okay, so once again, I only sort of get it,” Kat said, looking over the back of the DVD case. “The hot young wife stole Alec from Meryl, so we shouldn’t care that he’s cheating on her with Meryl?”
“I think that’s why the movie is called It’s Complicated, dear,” sweet Pearl said. “Not that I condone affairs, of course, but it is an interesting situation.”
Kat shrugged in her good-natured way and peeled the wrapper off the cupcake she balanced on a napkin on her lap. Chocolate with chocolate icing.
They had gathered in the parlor since Lolly was feeling better, had felt strong all day, according to Isabel, and June loved seeing her back on the sofa in her usual spot next to Pearl, munching popcorn, talking about how handsome Alec Baldwin was.
“Another reason I’m glad Edward and I don’t have children,” Isabel said as Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin found themselves staying in the same New York City hotel for their youngest son’s college graduation, having drinks and dinner—and lots of happily sloshed dancing. “We’ll never have to see each other again. No ballet recitals or parent-teacher conferences or graduations or weddings.”
June raised her glass of iced tea and clinked Isabel’s. “That must be awkward for divorced couples—and their new spouses. Meryl and Alec seem friendly and all, but it must be weird.”
“Guess that’s how the affair starts,” Isabel said. “Remind me not to have a glass of wine around Edward.”
“Oh my God, Meryl and Alec are dancing to Tom Petty’s ‘Don’t Do Me Like That,’” Kat said. “There’s your sign, Meryl. Don’t do it!”
June laughed. “Too late,” she added as Meryl and Alec were naked in bed together. Meryl looked appalled. Alec looked quite pleased with himself.
Isabel sipped her iced tea. “Wait a minute, did Meryl just tell Alec it took her years to feel normal after he left her? Years? I don’t have years to feel normal!”
“Can you even imagine you and Edward having dinner and drinks and laughs ten years from now?” June asked.
“No way,” Isabel said. “Even if I’m totally over the divorce—and the divorce papers were forwarded here a few days ago—I can’t imagine laughing with him that way.”
“So now Meryl Streep is all back into her ex-husband who left her for another woman?” Kat said. “Okay, fine. She said there’s still feeling between them, and, yeah, she’s being cautious, but still, I don’t get how she could go there. He cheated on her, broke up their family, upended her whole life, which she said took her years to put back together, and now she’s sleeping with him again—as he cheats on his new wife? He’s not a scumbag anymore? I don’t get this.”
“I’m glad you don’t,” Isabel said. “It means you’re idealistic—a good thing when you’re about to get married.”
“Does idealistic mean naive?” Kat asked.
“No, it means idealistic,” June said. “Ideals are good.”
“Ooh, here comes Steve Martin into the picture,” Pearl said. “I just love him. So funny and handsome. I hope Meryl ends up with him and not that cad Alec Baldwin.”
“I love that Steve Martin is the architect designing the renovations for her dream house,” June said. “Talk about a good metaphor.” Henry flashed into her mind. Tall, strong, and silent Henry holding infant Charlie while June sobbed in the storeroom for two minutes because she’d been overwhelmed. Henry teaching three-year-old Charlie to fish. Henry sending Charlie kites and books and hilarious Halloween costumes for gifts over the past seven years.
Henry telling her he loved her and always had. June running away. Hurt and afraid.
“I hate how likable Alec Baldwin is,” Isabel said. “I can totally understand why Meryl is so drawn back to him.”
Kat reached for some popcorn. “I can’t get over how absolutely stunning Meryl Streep is in this movie. She must have been sixty or close to it when this first came out—and it’s been two or three years, I think.”
Lolly read the back of the DVD case. “It’s Complicated came out in 2009, and Meryl was born in 1949—so you’re right, she was sixty. She has great bones and a great face. She radiates joy.”
“This is exactly how I was hoping this movie would end,” June said as Meryl realized what she wanted. She loved the movie so much she could watch it again right now.
“You know what line really stuck with me?” Isabel said. “Remember when Alec Baldwin is trying to convince Meryl to give them a shot, and she’s explaining why they shouldn’t and says something like ‘We both grew into the people we wanted to be.’ I love that. Maybe you really can’t go back after that.”
“I think that’s probably true,” Lolly said quietly, her voice almost breaking.
June glanced over at her aunt. Was she thinking of Harrison? The man she’d told June about? But a moment later, Lolly put a smile on her face and said, “I loved when Rita Wilson or Mary Kay Place—one of Meryl’s friends—tells her, ‘Don’t let him talk you into saving him.’ I think that might be the most important line of the whole movie.” Her smile faded and she glanced out the window. Just what had happened between Lolly and this man?
“I think so too,” Pearl said, nodding. If Pearl knew about Lolly and Harrison, nothing in her expression or the way she looked at Lolly gave it away.
“You know what stuck with me?” Kat said. “When Meryl was telling Steve Martin that she’d gone to Paris in her early twenties for a six-day pastry class and ended up staying for a year as a baker’s apprentice. I would love to do something like that.” She seemed to notice her mother eyeing her and went quiet.
“Maybe you can find a class to take during your honeymoon,” June said, “Unless that would be weird—since it’s your honeymoon.”
Kat poked at the wrapper of her cupcake. “I’ll actually talk to Oliver about that.”
A short honk sounded outside—Pearl’s husband in his white Subaru. Pearl stood. “I loved that scene in Meryl’s bakery when she and Steve Martin are making chocolate croissants. You ever do that with Oliver, Kat?” she asked as she tied her crocheted sweater around her neck and headed toward the door.
Kat laughed. “Well, no, but I had the most amazing morning last week with Matteo and his father—he owns the Italian Bakery. Alonzo taught me how to make cannoli.” She smiled
, lost in memory for a moment. “It’s not like I hung croissant cutouts as pasties like Meryl did, though. God, I love her. That looked totally unrehearsed, like they really were having fun as actors.”
Lolly was staring at Kat. “Kat, is there something between you and Dr. Viola?”
“No,” Kat said, her face flushed. “Of course not.” But she was looking down at her feet and then suddenly collecting glasses and dirty plates.
“One of my favorite parts of the movie was when Meryl explains to Alec Baldwin that she knew the divorce wasn’t all his fault,” Isabel said quickly, as though she sensed Kat needed someone to change the subject. Now. “That she thinks she gave up on them too. I thought I was trying to save me and Edward, but I think in here”—she touched her heart—“I gave up. I wanted something he refused to give me. Which was complicated in itself, I guess.”
June nodded. “It is all complicated. And I love how the movie really shows you why. Alec Baldwin ends up disappointing her again—for complicated reasons. What amazed me most about the movie, though, was how incredibly close the family was. Sibings saying ‘Yeah!’ over the sight of one another, hugging and cheering. They’re always so thrilled to be together.”
“I kinda think we’re like that now,” Kat said. “I have that yeah feeling whenever I see you two. And I see you two a lot.”
Isabel and June laughed.
“To family,” Lolly said, raising her glass of iced tea, but her gaze was on her daughter. June noticed that Kat wouldn’t look at her mother. Was Kat seeing Dr. Viola—Matteo? They all raised and clinked.
Kat looked so miserable, like she wanted to flee, so June got up and began picking up popcorn from under her feet. “Why can’t I ever eat popcorn without it ending up down my shirt and on the floor?”
“I can feel a piece of popcorn in my bra,” Isabel said, digging it out.
Lolly smiled. “Didn’t you all love that scene when Alec Baldwin is staying over with Meryl and their kids and says they’ll have movie night like old times, that he’ll make the popcorn?”
Then there was reminiscing about how many movies they’d watched already, June sure it was seven, but Kat, who looked grateful for the complete change in subject, thought it might be eight and did a count. The Bridges of Madison County. The Devil Wears Prada. Mamma Mia! Heartburn. Defending Your Life. Kramer vs. Kramer. Postcards from the Edge. And now, It’s Complicated.
“Eight Meryl Streep movies in just a few weeks,” Isabel said. “I’ll never get tired of looking at her face, watching her extraordinary talent. Her range is incredible. From the most serious dramas to more lighthearted comedy.”
June nodded. “And the comedies still manage to really make you think, probably because she’s so good. I think what I loved most about It’s Complicated is that Meryl got a second chance to see. That any what-ifs she might have had got answered.” June would never get that chance. The dream she’d been holding on to, hiding behind, perhaps, all these years, was gone.
“Sometimes, you shouldn’t even ask what-if,” Kat said, her tone serious, her gaze on her ring.
“No,” Lolly whispered, her voice cracking.
“What do you mean?” Kat asked.
“What-ifs can kill you either way,” Lolly said. “I know because… I—” She looked at Kat, then turned away. “I had an affair once. And lately, I guess because of the cancer, the what-ifs have been coming fast and furious.” She took a deep breath and sat down heavily, her eyes on the floor.
“An affair?” Kat repeated, her expression incredulous. “When you were with Dad?”
Lolly didn’t look up. She nodded.
Kat glanced at Isabel and June, then sat down next to Lolly. “What happened?”
“It started as just an emotional affair—as they call it now,” Lolly said. “An affair of the heart. He was a guest at the inn. He came alone to get over a relationship that had ended, and we just got to talking and…”
“What was so special about him?” Kat asked, her voice emotional, but not angry.
Lolly seemed lost in her memories for a moment. “I felt like a different woman around him, like the person I’d always wished I was—smarter, funnier, prettier, sexier, more interesting. I’m not totally sure what about him brought that out in me. Maybe the way he listened so intently to me, the way he looked at me as though he couldn’t take his eyes off me. He came back every weekend, staying in a different inn, of course. And over the summer, the affair blossomed. We even talked about my leaving your father, Kat. All that fall, and the long, cold December that followed, I thought about it.”
“You almost left Dad,” Kat whispered. “I can’t believe it.”
“And then the accident happened,” Lolly said. “It was my fault.”
Kat gasped. June and Isabel stared at each other.
“Your fault?” Kat asked. “How could it be your fault?”
“That night, that New Year’s Eve, when my sister called to ask for one of us to pick up her and Gabriel, I woke up your father and asked him to go.” Lolly’s voice broke and she let out a terrible, guttural sound that felt wrenched from somewhere deep inside her. “I asked him to go because I’d get to spend fifteen minutes of New Year’s with Harrison—by telephone.” Her hands flew to her face and she sobbed.
June reached for Isabel’s hand. Kat stared at her mother in shock.
“I had an affair, was thinking of leaving. And because of that, I lost my husband, my child’s father, and my sister and her husband. My two young nieces were left orphaned.” Lolly took a deep breath and didn’t say anything for a moment, then looked at Kat. “I asked your father to go. So I could talk to my lover in private. If I’d gone, I might have taken a different route, might have swerved—everything might have been different.”
“Aunt Lolly, you can’t do that to yourself,” June said. “You can’t play what-ifs with history. It was a terrible accident. An accident.”
“Did you love my father?” Kat whispered.
“I loved him more than I ever knew,” Lolly said. “When he died, I was devastated. I realized just how much I did love him. How I’d kept him at arm’s length because I was so damned scared of losing him. And then I did anyway.”
“Oh, Aunt Lolly,” Isabel said.
June sat, stunned, tears rolling down her cheeks. She’d pushed Henry away in much the same way.
“Like maybe I’m doing with Oliver,” Kat said.
Lolly held Kat’s gaze. “All I know is that telling the truth here is very important. More important than the consequences themselves.”
June knew what Lolly meant. That the truth had to be told, even if it broke someone’s heart. Even her daughter’s. Because in the end, the truth might end up saving her daughter’s happiness.
“I was scared to death about being a good mother to you two,” Lolly said to June and Isabel. “And I was brokenhearted for Kat.” She finally looked at her daughter. “You were so close to your dad. And I was so ashamed of everything that I sent Harrison away.” Lolly stared down at the floor. “I told him I never wanted to see him again. And I never did. He was a great man, though. At the time, I thought he was everything I’d ever dreamed of.”
“What do you think now?” Kat asked.
“I think I did a terrible thing that night.”
Kat looked so pale and her hands were trembling. “You know what, Mom?” she said, and June’s heart started pounding. If Kat said something cruel, June didn’t think she could bear it. “I think if I were in that same position that night, if I had Oliver next to me and Matteo a phone call away on New Year’s Eve, I probably would have done the same thing you did. Because you can’t know. You can’t know what’s ahead. What will happen. You just have to do what you think is right at the time. Or what feels right.”
Lolly grabbed Kat and held her, and they stoo
d, their arms wrapped tight around each other. “I did love your father, deeply. I didn’t realize how much I loved him until he was irrevocably gone. But I’d been lucky to know Harrison. I was in love with him. And I’ve never forgotten him. Never stopped wondering.” She glanced around the room. “Living with regrets is the worst. I just wanted to tell you that, but I didn’t know how without telling you how I know.”
“You’ve been through so much, Aunt Lolly,” June said, her heart squeezing for her aunt. Losing her parents when she was barely twenty to a car accident. A husband—and a sister—gone to a drunk driver. A great love sent away. Cancer. “So much sorrow.”
Lolly’s eyes filled with tears. “I wanted to tell you all before. But when I saw firsthand what Edward’s affair did to Isabel, how could I talk about an affair of my own?”
Isabel moved over beside Lolly too and took her hand. “Kat is right, Lolly. People do the best they can at the time. Maybe something that’s wrong, or that’s supposed to be wrong, feels right at the time. It’s how I made sense of what Edward did to me.”
“But what Edward did was wrong,” Lolly said. “What I did was wrong.”
“But giving up the man you loved was wrong,” Isabel said. “I remember not thinking so when we watched The Bridges of Madison County. I thought Meryl Streep did the right thing by giving up Clint Eastwood, even if she broke her own heart. I still do. Because it was the right thing for her, really. But, Lolly, you were free to love Harrison and you punished yourself instead.”
“I think people do punish themselves—maybe unknowingly—in the guise of ‘doing the right thing,’” Kat said. “Sometimes the wrong thing can be right. If I’m making any sense.”
Lolly looked at her daughter and nodded. “You are. But—you’re okay with knowing all this, Kat? You don’t hate me?”