I checked my watch. “We better go if I’m going to make my flight.”
“Yes, massah-sir.”
My lips twitched at her attempt at humor. As she pulled away, I realized I’d once again relinquished control to her without thinking…a bad habit that had to end.
“Pull over,” I snapped. “We’ll never get there at your turtle pace.”
She braked hard, launching me into the back of her seat.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” she gushed. “Maybe you should check to make sure you’re wearing a seatbelt before you order the driver to stop.”
As I threw open my door and jumped out, Lizzie pulled forward. Out of sorts already from being blindsided by Mom, I watched in helpless rage as she drove up the road about fifty feet before stopping and leaning out her window.
“Gotcha.”
My jaw ached from clenching it so tight.
“Now show some respect. I’m missing out on Yakama Yoda’s training to drive you.”
“I’m driving,” I growled.
“Whatever.”
I jogged to the Tahoe and climbed in while she scooted over to hug the other window. The SUV fishtailed in the loose gravel as I punched the gas. Lizzie’s hands splayed out, searching for something to grab onto for support. For the next ten miles, I fed off her fear. Increasing my speed, I took turns practically on two wheels and caught air on every hill. Her hyperventilating breaths brought me perverse satisfaction.
As I tipped the speedometer over seventy, a deer bolted out of the scrub oak. Slamming on the brakes, I swerved hard to the right to avoid hitting it. Mom’s Tahoe slid off the road and careened down a muddy embankment until we plowed into a tangled mess of river willow. The weedy tree-bushes did what my brakes hadn’t, and brought us to an abrupt air-bag exploding halt.
Encased in billowy white, I took a wheezy breath as the past rammed into my conscience with the same force the SUV had broken through the bushes. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to rid my brain of the picture of that deer jumping in front of Damon and me years ago…exactly like the one today. No matter what Liz had done or how I felt about her, that didn’t justify showing such blatant disregard for her life. I could’ve killed her just now—like I had Detrick six years ago. Or I might have maimed her—like Bentley.
Weeping brought me back to the present. I glanced over to see Liz struggling to escape her airbag. “Why do you hate me so much? What have I done?” she cried. “I knew you’d eventually tire of me, but I thought we’d stay friends. I didn’t think you’d try to kill me.”
The sight of her swollen red eyes made me feel like a louse. “Sorry,” I muttered.
She ran a jerky finger beneath her eyes and turned away.
As I pushed my airbag off me, I peeked at Lizzie. Her luscious curls pulled back in her signature ponytail seemed to accentuate the delicate lines of her cheekbones, drawing my eyes to her perky chin that begged me to explore its zenith. The graceful tilt of her neck acted as a spring on a pinball machine, and the stubborn set of her inviting lips launched a chain reaction of bouncing steel balls through a maze of blood vessels, veins and muscles. It was all I could do not to pull her into my arms.
“I thought we had something special.”
As she met my gaze, I realized I’d spoken aloud.
“We did,” she whispered.
“Then why, Lizzie? Why did you kiss him?”
Her delicate brows pulled together. “Kiss who?”
“You damn well know who! That Florida ferret!”
“You came?”
“Yes, unfortunately. I saw every nauseating second of you trading slobber with your new boyfriend.”
She lowered her head. “I didn’t want him to kiss me.”
“I didn’t notice you pulling away.”
“He surprised me and I—”
“Save your breath,” I snapped. “I’ve had enough of women lying to me.”
She opened her mouth, but I jumped out and slammed the door before she could spew out more lies. Marching around the Tahoe, I surveyed the damage. Nothing major, but the windshield was cracked in several places and the body was scratched and dented. I dug my hands into my coat pockets, aching for another beer. How could Mom have tricked me like this? The last thing I needed was to be anywhere near Liz. I feared I might lash out with words, or worse, use my tongue in other ways. And I wouldn’t go gentle on her.
Taking a few deep breaths, I climbed back into the Tahoe. I only had to endure her until we reached the airport. Then I’d wash my hands of the treacherous woman.
Backing out of the thatch of broken willow, I turned the Tahoe and gunned the engine to claw our way back up to the road. Mom’s vehicle didn’t seem to drive any worse for the beating I’d given it, but it would need a hell of a lot of body work. Miles passed in silence, but I preferred that to her lies. Even though I’d donned a fresh shirt before leaving, the stress of sitting so close to this woman I’d grown to love had me itching and digging my nails into my sleeves. As soon as I reached the airport, I’d have to change. This shirt was tainted from her close proximity.
Liz didn’t say a word until we pulled into town. Then she surprised me. “I’ll tell your parents I lost control of the car.”
“Why would you do that?”
“Because I don’t want your father to kill you. This way you can enjoy Portugal without having to deal with his anger.”
Her kindness made no sense, especially after what I’d done with my reckless driving. I pulled into an empty parking lot and cut the engine.
“Tell me why you did it? I moved earth and hell that night to get to the dance. Things took longer at the Johnsons’ because I had to help fix a tractor. My phone broke. My tire blew, and I…” When I noticed tears cascading down her cheeks, I paused.
“I’m sorry,” she whimpered. “All night I watched for you. Garret kept telling me you weren’t coming…that you didn’t care about me. He dragged me out onto the dance floor—said I had to have some fun. I thought he was my friend. When he kissed me, I froze. I didn’t want to publicly humiliate him.” She threw her hands over her eyes. “But I should have.”
My stone-cold heart began to thaw. The poor girl seemed miserable, and I realized she’d been played. That sneaky ferret had looked up and seen me while they danced. I knew it. That’s why he kissed her. To prove some macho point. I should’ve stayed and confronted them. Liz would have told the truth and maybe I could’ve flattened the ferret and saved us all this pain. Instead, I’d fled the scene like a sniveling coward.
Scooting over, I pulled her into my arms. “I’m such a fool.”
“Me too. Garret drove me home and pulled over by a bar to point out your truck. He made me believe you chose to go there instead of coming to see me.”
I ground my teeth together, hating Garret more than ever. Lousy, sneaky vermin.
Chapter 77
Liz
“I should’ve stayed.” Rawson bit his bottom lip as he met my eyes. His haggard expression made me want to comfort him.
“It’s all right. When you get back from Portugal, we’ll start fresh.”
He looked down and frowned. “Lizzie, I’m not going to Portugal.”
“But your mom said—”
“I know what she said. But I want you to know the truth.”
“O-kay,” I said slowly.
“I got drunk that night with Damon after seeing you kiss Garret.” He grimaced.
Another tear slipped down my cheek. Rawson had gone so long without drinking. Benny told me he swore to stay sober after the accident. To think my frozen moment of indecision made him break that oath made me choke up.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
I was too. If only I’d pulled away, Rawson wouldn’t have stormed out and sought his cruddy friend. I could have saved us both so much pain.
As he nudged my chin up, I closed my eyes. For the last few days, I’d believed he had tired of me. But no. He loved me so much that I had sent him ove
r the edge when he believed I chose another man over him. When his lips settled on mine, I opened to him in sweet surrender. The walls I’d thrown up to protect myself fell like in that Bible story Daddy told me as a little girl. Joshua’s army had brought down the walls of Jericho with the sound of trumpets. Rawson’s kiss did the same to me. No walls. No rules. No inhibitions as we kissed like a crazy couple in the front seat of his mom’s beat up Tahoe in an empty parking lot in the middle of downtown Bozeman. Although it wasn’t the most romantic setting, I doubted any other place could have beat it right then. Our explorations became almost desperate in our desire to make up for lost time. His hands became too friendly, but my walls were down and I dared not raise them…not after driving him to the brink. In penance for doing nothing when Garret kissed me, I allowed Rawson to claim me as his. It wasn’t like he could go too far in a public parking lot in the middle of the afternoon. Right?
When he pulled away to catch his breath, I blushed as I read the naked desire in his eyes. Licking my lips, I knew I’d better speak before we began kissing again and the last bricks of my walls crumbled.
“You need to cut Damon out of your life. Completely. He’s no good.”
His eyes narrowed, effectively dousing the flaming hunger they’d held. But I needed to make a stand. Garret might be a weasel, but he was right about Damon.
“You haven’t taken a sip of alcohol in six years, and then ruin it all with him. Can you honestly say that would’ve happened had he not been there to egg you on?”
“It wasn’t his fault.”
The words he didn’t say cut through me like a scythe. It was mine.
“Rawson, it’s honorable of you to try to help him, but he doesn’t want to be helped. He’s only pulling you down. Can’t you see that? Besides, he killed your brother and hurt Benny. How can you stand him?”
His pained expression took me by surprise. “Have you ever wondered what it’s like for Damon? How he feels knowing he took Detrick’s life? Don’t you wonder if that knowledge tortures him every single day? Don’t you think he feels guilty every time he sees Bentley walking with his gimp leg and crooked neck, knowing it’s his fault?”
Thinking of his druggie friend made the past burn hot in my mind. I recalled how the stoned driver who killed Justin had laughed as the police led him away in handcuffs.
“I don’t believe that scumbag feels any remorse. He lost nothing in the accident. Nothing!” I hid my face as memories washed over me with the strength of a tidal wave.
“You’re wrong.” His voice cracked. “I think Damon suffers more than anyone. Not a day goes by that he doesn’t feel crushing guilt for everything that happened.”
“How can you have any idea what that monster feels?”
He hung his head. “Because I’m the monster.”
“Don’t stick up for that loser. You just—”
“I drove the night of the accident. Not Damon.” He patted his massive chest and spoke louder. “I killed Detrick and maimed Benny. Me.”
His revelation hit me like a nuclear bomb. I shook my head to rid myself of the radioactive fallout. “That’s not true. You’re not—”
“It is true!” he roared.
My eyes widened.
“It was my Explorer. Do you think I would’ve let Damon drive my car? You know how possessive I am with my vehicles and horses. Damon’s the last person I would trust at the wheel. But no one questioned that, not even my parents. I was unconscious after the accident. Damon switched places so when the police arrived, he was in the driver’s seat. When I awoke in the hospital, the story was in place. Damon took the fall and went to juvie.” A guttural groan escaped. “They blamed him for everything.”
I couldn’t speak.
“Not a day has passed since that I haven’t wished to die. I knew I killed Detrick. I’ve known all this time that I ruined Benny’s future. And my cowardice allowed my best friend’s reputation to be destroyed by a lie. I’ve suffered like you cannot even begin to imagine.”
He waited for me to say something, but what could I say? Everything he’d led me to believe was a lie. I couldn’t look at him. It would be the same as staring into the face of Justin’s murderer.
“I cleaned up my act in rehab. Became an obedient son. Busted my butt in college to succeed and be prepared to run the ranch so I could give Benny anything he wanted to make up for what I took from him. I’ve tried to help Damon as much as I could too, since no one else would give him a chance. He gave up everything for me, Lizzie.” He swiped at a renegade tear. “I owe him.”
It was quiet for several seconds.
“Say something, please.”
My lips quivered. “You were in rehab?” It was a lame question to ask after everything he’d just revealed, but I was still in denial.
“For three months. Drinking had been a problem for almost two years before the accident, but I kicked it, until last week. I’m catching a flight to Salt Lake to enter a program again.” He bit his lip. “I need help.”
I faced forward. Did he really think I could forgive him? He’d killed his brother. Maimed Benny. Sorrow the likes of which I’d never experienced squeezed my heart.
“We’d better go so you don’t miss your flight.” My voice sounded oddly calm, although my insides felt as jittery as a crowd held hostage by a gunman.
We drove the rest of the way to the airport without speaking. As he pulled into the Departures lane, I climbed out to switch places. At the driver door, he caught hold of my arm.
“Baby.”
My body betrayed me by softening under his hypnotic bass voice. I peeked up at him.
“Please say you’ll be here to pick me up when I return. I need you.”
Emotions raged under my surface calm. It wouldn’t take much for them to escape and leave me a bawling mess on the sidewalk.
“Lizzie?” He sounded desperate.
I pushed his hand off my arm. “Go.” A guttural sob revealed how close I was to an imminent breakdown. “Go!” I slapped at him. I couldn’t believe he’d lied about something so terrible for so many years.
His handsome features contorted into a collage of anguished, tortured lines, making him almost resemble the monster he was. Climbing into my seat, I slammed the door to shut him out of my life and protect my heart from utter failure.
“Lizzie!” His muffled voice came through the closed window.
I swiped at my eyes and saw the fool still standing outside my door. Mustering all the self-control I possessed, I rolled my window down enough to snap at him. “Get your luggage.”
He walked zombie-like around the car. When he opened the back door, he almost sobbed my name. “Lizzie?”
A torrent of tears blinded me as sobs made me bend over. I wiped a string of snot onto my sleeve, wishing I wasn’t such an ugly crier.
“I’m sorry, love. Let me—”
“Get your suitcase,” I sobbed, “and go.”
He hefted his bag out, but stuck his head inside. “You can’t drive like this. Pull up to the end. We’ll talk.”
“Shut the door,” I whimpered.
The door shut. I saw him reaching for the passenger door, but I couldn’t endure another second. As I peeled out, I heard him scream my name. I viewed the world through salt water, but managed not to hit anyone on my way out of the terminal. At the first gas station, I pulled over and laid down on the seat and succumbed to wracking sobs.
After what felt like forever, but was probably only five minutes, I’d emptied the first round of grief. My stomach cramped. My throat burned. I felt listless. Pressing Dad’s face on my phone, I waited for him to answer and save me from my nightmare.
“Hey, baby doll. What’s up?”
Tears rushed out again as the magnitude of my loss pounded me squarely in my broken heart. “Daddy,” I cried, “can you come get me?”
Without me having to say another word, he made arrangements to be in Montana by the next morning. “Get some sleep, sweet girl. I’ll
be there soon.”
That’s all I needed.
Chapter 78
Rawson
As Mom’s phone went to voice mail, I sank onto a concrete bench and stifled the urge to scream. Lizzie was in no state to drive. I shouldn’t have let her go. As I wrung my hands, my phone vibrated.
“Mom!” I answered out of breath.
“Son, what’s the matter? Did you make it to the airport?”
“I’m here, but Lizzie just left and she’s…” I paused and closed my eyes against the throbbing pain in my head. “I broke her heart,” I whispered.
“What?”
“You have to send someone to find her. She was crying so hard I don’t know how she’ll manage to drive. I keep calling, but she won’t answer. I’m scared to death she’ll have an accident.”
“Son, what happened?”
“Just call Lizzie. Maybe she’ll answer you. I’m really worried.”
“Rawson.” The disappointment in her tone made tears sting my eyes.
“Just send someone. Please. And let me know when you talk to her.”
“Son, you need to get on your flight.”
I paced the length of the bench. “I can’t. I have to talk to her. She’s really—”
“Get on the plane.” Her firm, no-nonsense command stopped my ranting. “Your father will be livid if you don’t make your flight. I’ll call Liz and send someone after her, but you get to your gate. You can’t help anyone else if you don’t help yourself. Now go.” She hung up.
I gazed in the direction the Tahoe had disappeared. The temptation to jump in a taxi and take off after Liz made me falter, but Mom was right. I teetered on a breaking point. I’d be no help to anyone.
Kicking the concrete bench, I headed into the terminal and tried to cast Lizzie’s gut-wrenching sobs from my mind. Mom would make things right. She always did.
After securing my ticket, I made my way through security and barely made it to my gate on time. I found my seat and turned to the window to avoid conversing with my seatmate. Grabbing my phone, I checked for texts. My chest ached. I never realized grief was so heavy, but it about crushed me right then. Lizzie’s reaction had shocked me, but it shouldn’t have. She’d told me about her fiancé who’d been killed by an impaired driver. Why had I thought she’d accept my horrible secret? I should’ve broken the news more gently, but when she berated Damon, I lost it.
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