Chapter 82
Bentley
“Leaving church early to drive to the prison seems wrong on so many levels.” I folded my arms and sulked against the passenger side window.
“At least you got to go for some of it,” Rawson said without taking his eyes off the road.
“Yeah. Thanks,” I muttered.
Since my brother had returned from Portugal, I had a ride to church again. Still, I wished he’d let me stay for Sunday School so I could see Alice instead of driving hours out of the way to visit hell. That’s what the Montana State Prison in Deer Lodge felt like. We went there for the first time last week so Rawson could visit his friend, and I’d left with a bad taste in my throat. I hated prison, but I despised Damon even more. With his ugly goatee and tattooed muscles, he looked scarier than ever.
“I saw you talking to that Alice girl at church,” Rawson said. “Are you sweet on her?”
“What if I am?”
“She talks too much for my taste.”
“Well, good, because I don’t want to share.”
He snort-laughed, which made me crack a smile.
“How long do you think it’ll be before the doctor knows anything?” I asked. Our sister had been diagnosed with kidney failure right after Rawson returned. She’d gone onto dialysis last week until she could get a kidney transplant.
“There’s still a bunch more tests to run to see if any of us can be a live-donor. Doc said it could take up to three months before we know anything.”
I folded my arms over the pit in my stomach. “That sucks.”
“Sure does.”
When we reached Deer Lodge, Rawson hopped out of the truck. “Let’s go, bro.”
I shook my head. “I’ll stay here.”
His brows drew together. “We’re the only visitors Damon gets. Come on. I’ll buy you a soda from the vending machine.”
“I’m not going in again. That place gives me the creeps.”
“I can’t leave you out here alone.”
“I’ll be way more comfortable out here than locked in with that jerk who caused the accident.”
His lips tightened.
“When you gonna give up on him, Rawson? He doesn’t want to change.” It irritated me how he wasted hours driving out here just so his friend could bad-mouth him and blame him for being there. “You’re not making a difference.”
“Makes one to me.”
As he walked away, I felt guilty. Rawson had been nothing but kind since his return. He’d taken me to church, and had even driven me back during the week for Scouts and agreed to help out as a volunteer. The other boys in my troop thought he was the bomb…and he was. But I couldn’t go in and face Damon again. Not even for my brother.
I sketched in my notebook while I waited, but must have dozed. The door opened and something poked my leg.
“Wake up, kid.”
I blinked and shook myself awake.
Rawson looked down at me. “You okay?”
“Yep.” I stretched.
He clapped a hand on my shoulder. “Sorry I took so long.”
I didn’t reply.
As we put Deer Lodge behind us, I could tell Rawson was upset. No surprise there. Damon upset everyone. My thoughts turned to the accident as I watched trees whiz past.
After our car ran off the road and rolled six years ago, dirt and debris stirred around us. I could still recall the eerie silence that fell over our mangled vehicle after everything settled. I tried to move, but an excruciating burning sensation seized my whole body, making me puke and pass out. When I awoke, Damon grunted from the passenger side as he patted my brother’s shoulder.
“Roz?”
My brother didn’t answer.
I remember feeling frantic because I couldn’t see Detrick. The whole left side of my body was crushed into the door, and thinking of the overwhelming pain that rippled through me the last time I moved, I didn’t dare even twitch to search for him. When Damon started dragging my unconscious brother into the passenger seat, I thought we’d be okay. Damon didn’t seem hurt, besides a cut on his forehead. He pulled the seat belt over Rawson before wedging himself into the crumpled driver’s side and harnessing himself.
When he glanced into the rear view mirror and caught me staring, he snapped, “I was driving. Got it, Upchuck?”
Being only eight years old at the time, I didn’t care who was driving. I just wanted someone to find Detrick and help me escape the jagged metal digging into me.
“You don’t want yer big brother to get in trouble, do ya?”
I shook my head, terrified of my brother’s best friend.
“That’s what I thought. Keep yer mouth shut when the pigs get here or they’ll haul yer bro off to jail.”
Those words struck home. I didn’t want Rawson to go to jail, so I sputtered out that I wouldn’t say a word and I’ve guarded my secret ever since.
Rawson nudged me, snapping me out of the past and landing me in the present once again.
“I need to tell you something, Ben.”
“What?”
He bit his lips and made a face. “I…um…wasn’t in Portugal all summer.”
I studied his profile. “I didn’t think so. You never sent a postcard. Where were you?”
The muscles in his jaw jumped around as he focused on the road. “I…um…had to go to…uh…rehab.” The last word came out a strangled whisper.
I stared forward, my own jaw twitching now. His confession had come out of nowhere, blindsiding me. I bit my lips to keep them from quivering.
“Is that why Lizzie left without saying goodbye?”
He looked pained at the mention of her name. “Yeah. I told her the truth about the accident and…uh…she wasn’t happy.” He swallowed as he merged onto the highway. “Now I need to tell you.”
“I already know.”
I recalled the hours of fear and pain I’d endured before the police arrived and cut me out of the wreckage. Though I was barely lucid, I could remember clear as day watching as they pulled Rawson out and laid him on a stretcher. I thought he was dead. The Sheriff made Damon breathe into a cup. When the paramedics placed me on a stretcher and gave me a shot in my arm, the last thing I saw was Damon being handcuffed…and that had given me great satisfaction.
“It was my fault,” Rawson said firmly. “I drove. Not Damon. He switched places after we crashed.”
“You think I don’t know that already? I watched him move you when you were unconscious.”
He clenched his jaw. “He took the fall for me.”
“As he should have! He pushed your hands off the steering wheel and caused us to roll. Detrick’s dead and I’m bent because of Damon’s stupidity! Not yours.” I covered my face with a hand and shuddered.
“Don’t hate him, kid. Hate me. I should’ve taken you home when Detrick told me to. If I’d listened, he wouldn’t have died. You wouldn’t have been crushed into the door.” His hands clenched and unclenched on the steering wheel. “Instead, I knocked him around like a bowling pin and made his last day on earth miserable.”
I rubbed my eyes as that last fight filtered through my mind. Detrick had taken a cheap shot at the back of Rawson’s head while he drove, so Rawson pulled over to teach him a lesson.
“In your defense, Detrick egged you on. He always had more courage than brains.”
Rawson chuckled. “Detrick had more guts than anyone I’ve ever known. If we’d been the same age, he would’ve beat the tar out of me. I think Damon and I knew it too. That’s why we bullied him so bad.”
Blinking back tears, I stared at the distant mountains. “I miss him.”
“Me too. We’d probably still fight like wildcats if he were alive, but I’d take his surly attitude in a heartbeat.”
“Yeah.” I didn’t speak again until we came to the turnoff. “Do you think he was scared?”
Rawson picked right up on my thought thread. “Detrick wasn’t scared of anything.”
Tea
rs threatened again. “But he was all alone after he was thrown from the Explorer. In the dark. I at least had you in the car with me, even if I thought you were dead. Detrick had no one. I’ve always wondered if he was scared, thinking we left him behind.” It was the first time I’d voiced my fears.
Rawson squeezed my shoulder. “He wasn’t alone, kid. You heard the sermon today. How angels watch over us. I’m certain there were angels keeping our brother company until they led him to the other side.”
“Do you think?”
He smiled. “I know.”
I threw my head against the headrest and closed my eyes. “I’m glad I still have you.”
“Even though I’m a major screw-up?”
“Especially because of that. Besides, it’d suck only having a sister.”
He laughed and we drove the rest of the way in silence. I felt peace. For six years, I’d waited for Rawson to open up about the accident, but he’d shut me out and dragged an impossible weight of guilt around with him instead. We could’ve helped each other through the pain and eased one another’s burdens. Instead, we’d each suffered alone, in silence, for years. But now we were talking, and it felt darn good to set the truth free.
Chapter 83
Liz
The clock ticked loudly in the living room as Mom and I had a stare-down. Her baby blue eyes bore into my rock-hard brown ones.
Rock crushes baby, I chanted in my mind.
“You will go, young lady.”
“I will not. You can’t make me.” I didn’t even live with her anymore, yet she still tried to run my life.
Neither of us blinked. “I’m glad your father’s not around to see what an ungrateful brat you’ve become.”
That did it. My eyelids slammed shut on heavy tears, and I lost the contest…just as I’d lost my father a month ago after spewing out hate. My last words to him still haunted me: I hope I never see you again. And I didn’t…not alive. Daddy had driven back to his work site and within an hour, had tipped over in his bobcat and been crushed in a freak construction accident. The next time I saw him, he lay stiff and white in a casket.
My lips quivered as I turned away from Mom to collect myself. I deserved her scorn. I was a terrible person. Daddy had never been anything but good to me, and how had I repaid him? By lashing out in a fit of temper when he tried to talk to me. I was the worst daughter ever, as Mom kept telling me.
Mom’s voice crescendoed. “I went to a lot of trouble to set you two up when I ran into him at the grocery store. You can’t break his heart by calling and saying you’re not going to meet him.”
Despite regretting the catty way I’d treated Dad, my sassy streak won out again. Mom and I had never seen eye to eye, but since Daddy’s funeral, we’d become downright adversarial. “You’re right. I’m not calling him. You set up the date. You break it.”
Mom went into full-out pouty mode. “Oh, Elizabeth, what am I going to do with you? I thought you’d mature by now, but you’re more selfish than ever.”
I grit my teeth. Why did she think I needed a man? What I needed was time to mourn Daddy.
Throat-clearing behind me made me spin around and cry out in relief. My brother-in-law, Cam, and my sister, Esther, had arrived. I threw my arms around Cam’s waist, but pulled away quickly, feeling awkward.
“How are you, Liz?”
His concern made me blink back tears. “Hanging in there.”
Esther hugged Mom. “Don’t you look beautiful, Mama.” That’s why she was the favorite. “I’m going to take Liz off your hands. Can you keep Cam company?”
“Certainly, but Elizabeth has a date with that luscious Dallon.”
I shook my head when Esther glanced at me.
“I’ll call and postpone, Ilene,” Cam offered. “Liz and Esther need some sister time, don’t you think?”
She pursed her lips. “I guess.”
Cam pulled her into the kitchen and Esther whispered, “Let’s get out of here.”
She didn’t need to tell me twice. We booked it out of the house and into her posh Range Rover.
“I wish you wouldn’t rile Mom every time you come over,” she said as we pulled away from the house.
A lump lodged in my throat. “I don’t mean to. It’s just that I don’t want to date every guy she tries to hook me up with. I’m still in mourning.”
“You’re always in mourning.”
I leaned my head against the window until we pulled into a Baskin Robbins. Perking up, I unlatched my seatbelt. My emotions were at an all-time low. Cream and sugar in abundance could never hurt. They might even help. At the counter, my gaze zeroed in on the flavor I wanted. As Esther and I sat at a table, I sank into my rich, nutty pistachio cone. The cold, smooth texture made me close my eyes as stress oozed from my body.
Esther snorted. “You look like you’re in love.”
I licked the melting green goodness. “I could marry a tub of pistachio and go home to enjoy the honeymoon.”
She bit into her raspberry sorbet.
A frown formed despite all the creamy goodness in front of me. I’d ruined all chances with a certain handsome Pistachio. Dad had told me I was running away, and I realized now that he’d been right. How I wished I had listened to him instead of arguing.
“You look like you just found a fly in your ice cream.”
A fly in my brain, more like it. Why couldn’t Rawson Law stay out of my head? “I’m just thinking. Do you want to go visit Daddy’s grave? I didn’t get over there to put new flowers on this week and—”
“I don’t have time for that, Elizabeth. We have important matters to discuss.”
“We do?”
The skin above her nose furrowed. “I brought you here to discuss Mom.”
I winced. That wasn’t my favorite subject.
“Dad’s death has been hard on her. Yesterday when I dropped by to check on her, I found her comatose and unresponsive on the couch. I rushed her to the hospital and we discovered that she’d overdosed on Seroquel.”
I gasped. “Why didn’t you tell me? What’s Zerowell?”
“Seroquel. It’s bipolar medicine.”
My mouth hung open. Mom had bipolar disorder? That explained so much.
“The doctor said she ingested a month’s worth of her prescription in one sitting; he believed it was a suicide attempt.”
I squeezed my eyes. “Why didn’t you call me?”
My sister waved my question aside. “Cam and I were busy at the hospital.”
I stared at my hands. “Did Daddy know she was bipolar?”
She rolled her eyes. “Yes. The doctor said he always came in with her for her appointments. But that’s not the issue here.”
Poor Dad. No wonder he’d always seemed drained. I assumed his occupation wore him out; now I wondered if hard labor had been his release from dealing with Mom.
“The important thing is that Mom’s unstable. She’s been acting off—saying weird things, acting flirtatious, and forgetting everything. Cam and I have discussed this at length and think the best solution is for you to move in with her and be her caregiver.”
“What?” She couldn’t be serious.
“You’d need to be discreet, since her pride runs deep. But I don’t trust her, sis. All it would take is one dark thought, and she might try to end her life again.”
My throat stung. “Why can’t she live with you?”
Esther glared. “I should’ve known you’d only think of yourself. Is it not enough to lose our dad? Do you want to lose Mom too?”
Her accusation pierced deeply. “I didn’t say no. I just wondered if you had considered—”
“Cam and I have a life, Elizabeth. You don’t.” I opened my mouth to protest, but she plunged her knife in and twisted. “You live in that ghetto basement with that flake from high school. With Dad gone, you have no job or any prospects. You need a place to live, so this makes sense for both of you. If you don’t do this and Mom tries to overdose again, it’ll be
on your head.”
“That’s a little harsh.”
She huffed. “I know you and Mom don’t have the best relationship.”
That was the understatement of the year.
“But this could give you a chance to build one. Maybe if you showed an interest in her instead of always pounding out your own way, you might see you have more in common than you think.”
“Maybe.” Although I wouldn’t hold my breath. At least the house was big enough that we wouldn’t have to cross paths too often.
My sister reached across the table. “Thank you.” She finished the last bite of her cone. “Oh, and one more thing. Dad’s finances weren’t in order. The company assets didn’t cover his debts. Mom’s going to lose the house. It’s going into foreclosure tomorrow.”
I dropped my cone.
“First item of business will be finding a suitable place to rent until the life insurance comes in. Cam’s made a list of places for you to call. If you run into any problems, we could put Mom up in our guest room and throw you on a cot in the playroom, but I’m sure you’ll find something.”
I walked out of Baskin Robbins in a daze. Esther chatted the whole way home, but I didn’t hear a word she said. The weight of responsibility rested heavily on my shoulders. I loved my mother. I did. But being her caregiver seemed beyond my capabilities. She didn’t like me. Nothing I did would change that. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, she was going to lose her home—the one Daddy had built with his own two hands. I was sure she’d find a way to blame me for that.
After Esther dropped me off at Mom’s, I drove to my basement apartment and locked myself in my room to watch Phantom Menace. My own little pity party on my last night of freedom. Every scene had memories of Rawson attached to it—snuggling with him, listening to him and Benny throw out one-liners in a battle of wit, kissing him. Not a day passed that I didn’t think of them and wish I had stayed at the ranch. I missed Rawson. I missed the horses. I missed Benny and Addie and my tastefully decorated room. I missed the mountains and the smell of manure and hay mingling in the breeze. I missed Susa’s cooking and Charity’s kindness.
Between Hope & the Highway Page 34