Aggie laughed, relaxed and happy. ‘It’s healthy to be overwhelmed every so often.’
‘Thanks. I’ll bear that in mind.’ He was finding it difficult to drag his eyes away from her laughing face. ‘Busy place.’
‘Always. And Betsy is going to insist on showing you around, I’m afraid. She’s very proud of what she’s done with the house.’
They had passed several rooms and were heading towards the back of the house where he could see a huge conservatory that opened out onto masses of land with a small copse at the back, which he imagined would be heaven for the kids here when it was summer and they could go outside.
‘We won’t be here long,’ she promised. ‘There’s a little present-giving Christmas party. It’s been brought forward as I’m here. I hope you don’t mind.’
‘Why should I?’ Luiz asked shortly. It irked him immensely that, even though he had mentally decided to write her off, he still couldn’t manage to kill off what she did to his libido. It was also intensely frustrating that he was engaging in an unhealthy tussle with feelings of jealousy. Everyone and everything in this place had the power to put a smile on her face. The kind of smile which she had shown him on rare occasions only.
He didn’t understand this confused flux of emotion and he didn’t like it. He enjoyed being in control of his life and of everything that happened around him. Agatha Collins was very firmly out of his control. If she were any other woman, she would have been flattered at his interest in her, and she wouldn’t have hesitated to come to bed with him. It had been a simple, and in his eyes foolproof, proposition.
To have been knocked back was galling enough, but to have been knocked back only to find himself getting back to his feet and bracing himself for another onslaught on her defences bordered on unacceptable.
‘I thought you might be bored,’ Aggie admitted, flushing guiltily as his face darkened. ‘Also …’
‘Also what?’
‘I know you’re angry with me.’
‘Why would I be angry with you?’ Luiz asked coldly.
‘Because I turned you down and I know I must have … You must have found that … Well, I guess I dented your ego.’
‘You want me. I want you. I proposed we do something about that and you decided that you didn’t want to. There’s no question of my pride being dented.’
‘I just can’t approach sex in such a cold-blooded way.’ Aggie was ashamed that after her show of will power she was now backtracking to a place from which she could offer up an explanation. ‘You move in and out of women and …’
‘And you’re not a toy to be picked up and discarded when the novelty’s worn off. I think you already made that clear.’
‘So that’s the only reason why I feel a little uncomfortable about asking you to put yourself out now.’
‘Well, don’t. Enjoy yourself. The end of the journey is just round the corner.’
CHAPTER SEVEN
‘WE’RE never going to make it to Sharrow Bay tonight.’
They had been driving for a little under an hour and Luiz looked across to Aggie with a frown.
‘Depends on how much more the weather deteriorates.’
‘Yes, well, I don’t see the point of taking risks on the roads. I mean, it’s not as though Mark and Maria are going anywhere. Not in these conditions. We spent a lot longer than I anticipated at Sevenoaks and I apologise about that.’
Aggie didn’t know how to get through the impenetrable barrier that Luiz had erected around himself. He had smiled, charmed and chatted with everyone at the home and had done so without a flicker of tension, but underneath she could feel his coolness towards her. It was like an invisible force field keeping her out and she hated it.
‘I hope you didn’t find it too much of a chore.’ She tried again to revive a conversation that threatened to go in the same direction as the last few she had initiated—slap, bang into a brick wall of Luiz’s disinterest.
Her pride, her dignity and her sense of moral self-righteousness at having rightly turned down a proposal for no-strings sex for a day or two had disintegrated, leaving in its wake the disturbing realisation that she had made a terrible mistake. Why hadn’t she taken what was on offer? Since when did sex have to lead to a serious commitment? There was no tenderness, and he would never whisper sweet nothings in her ear, but the power of the sexual pull he had over her cut right through all of those shortcomings.
Why shouldn’t she be greedy for once in her life and just take without bothering about consequences and without asking herself whether she was doing the wrong thing or the right thing?
She had had three relationships in her life and on paper they had all looked as though they would go somewhere. They had been free-spirited, fun-loving, creative guys, nothing at all like Luiz. They had enjoyed going to clubs, attending protest marches and doing things on impulse.
And what had come of them? She had grown bored with behaviour that had ended up seeming juvenile and irresponsible. She had become fed up with the fact that plans were never made, with Saturdays spent lying in bed because none of them had ever shown any restraint when it came to drinking—and if she had tried to intervene she had been shouted down as a bore. With all of them, she had come to dread the aimlessness that she had initially found appealing. There had always come a point when hopping on the back of a motorbike and just riding where the wind took them had felt like a waste of time.
Luiz was so much the opposite. His self-control was formidable. She wondered whether he had ever done anything spontaneous in his life. Probably not. But despite that, or maybe because of it, her desire for him was liberated from the usual considerations. Why hadn’t she seen that at the time? She had shot him down as the sort of person who could have relationships with women purely for sex, as if the only relationships worth considering were ones where you spent your time plumbing each other’s depths. Except she had tried those and none of them had worked out.
‘The kids loved you,’ she persevered. ‘And so did Betsy and Gordon. I guess it must have been quite an eye-opener, visiting a place like that. I’m thinking that your background couldn’t have been more different.’
Like a jigsaw puzzle where the pieces slowly began to fit together, Luiz was seeing the background picture that had made Aggie the woman she had become. It was frustrating and novel to find himself in a position of wanting to chip away at the surface of a woman and dig deeper. She was suspicious, proud, defensive and fiercely independent. She had had to be.
‘There’s a hotel up ahead, by the way, just in case you agree with me that we need to stop. Next town along …’ With every passing minute of silence from him, Aggie could feel her chances of breaking through that barrier slipping further and further out of reach.
‘Is there? How do you know?’ With her childhood home behind them, she was no longer the laughing, carefree person she had been there. Luiz could feel the tension radiating out of her, and if it were up to him he would risk the snow and plough on. The mission he had undertaken obviously had to reach a conclusion, but the cold-blooded determination that had initially fuelled him had gone. In its place was weary resignation for an unpleasant task ahead.
Aggie’s heart picked up speed. How did she know about the hotel? Because she had checked it on the computer Betsy kept in the office. Because she had looked at Luiz as he had stood with his arms folded at the back of the room, watching Christmas presents being given out, and she had known that, however arrogant and ruthless he could be, he was also capable of generosity and understanding. He could easily have turned down her request for that detour. He was missing work, and the faster he could wrap up the business with Mark and his niece, the better for him. Yet not only had he put himself out but he had taken the experience in his stride. He had shown interest in everything Betsy and Gordon had had to say and had interacted with the kids who had been fascinated by the handsome, sophisticated stranger in their midst.
She had been proud of him and had wanted hi
m so intensely that it physically hurt.
‘I saw a sign for it a little way back.’ She crossed her fingers behind her back at that excusable white lie. ‘And I vaguely remember Betsy mentioning ages ago that there was a new fancy hotel being built near here, to capture the tourist trade. It’s booming in this part of the world, you know.’
‘I didn’t see any sign.’
‘It was small. You probably missed it. You’re concentrating on driving.’
‘Wouldn’t you rather just plough on? Get where we’re heading? If we stick it out for another hour, we should be there, more or less.’
‘I’d rather not, if you don’t mind.’ It suddenly occurred to her that the offer he had extended had now been withdrawn. He wasn’t the sort of man who chased women. Having done so with her, he wasn’t the sort of man who would carry on in the face of rejection. Did she want to risk her pride by throwing herself at him, when he now just wanted to get this whole trip over and done with so that he could return to his life?
‘I have a bit of a headache coming on, actually. I think it must be all the excitement of today—seeing Gordon and Betsy, the children. Gordon isn’t well. She only told me when we were about to leave. He’s had some heart problems. I worry about what Betsy will do if something happens to him.’
‘Okay. Where’s the turning?’
‘Are you sure? You’ve already put yourself out enough as it is.’ Aggie held her breath. If he showed even a second’s reluctance, then she would abandon her stupid plan; she would just accept that she had missed her chance; she would tell herself that it was for the best and squash any inclination to wonder …
‘The turning?’
‘I’ll direct you.’
He didn’t ask how she just happened to know the full address of the hotel, including the post code, in case they got lost and needed to use his satnav. After fifteen minutes of slow driving, they finally saw a sign—a real sign this time—and Aggie breathed a sigh of relief when they swung into the courtyard of a small but very elegant country house. Under the falling snow, it was a picture-postcard scene.
A few cars were in the courtyard, but it was obvious that business was as quiet here as it had been at Mrs Bixby’s bed and breakfast. How many other people were slowly wending their way north by car in disastrous driving conditions? Only a few lunatics.
Her nerves gathered pace as they were checked in.
‘Since this was my suggestion …’ She turned to him as they walked towards the winding staircase that led to the first floor and up to their bedrooms. ‘I insist on picking up the tab.’
‘Have you got the money to pick up the tab?’ Luiz asked. ‘There’s no point suggesting something if you can’t carry it out.’
‘I might not be rich but I’m not completely broke!’ Nerves made her lash out at him. It wasn’t the best strategy for enticing him into her bed. ‘I’m doing this all wrong,’ she muttered, half to herself.
‘Doing what all wrong?’ Luiz stopped and looked down at her.
‘You’re nothing like the guys I’ve been out with.’
‘I don’t think that standing halfway up the stairs in a hotel is the place for a soul-searching conversation about the men you’ve slept with.’ He turned on his heels and began heading upstairs.
‘I don’t like you being like this with me!’ Aggie caught up with him and tugged the sleeve of his jumper until he turned around and looked at her with impatience.
‘Aggie, why don’t we just go to our rooms, take some time out and meet in an hour for dinner? This has already turned into a never-ending journey. I’ve been away from work for too long. I have things on my mind. I don’t feel inclined to get wrapped up in a hysterical, emotional conversation with you now.’
Luiz was finding it impossible to deal with his crazy obsession with her. He wondered if he was going stir crazy. Was being cooped up with her doing something to his self-control? It had not even crossed his mind, when he had made a pass at her, that she would turn him down. Was that why he had watched her with Betsy and Gordon and all those kids and the only thing he could think was how much he wanted to get her into his bed? Was he so arrogant, in the end, that he couldn’t accept that any woman should say no to him?
The uneasy swirl of unfamiliar emotions had left him edgy and short-tempered. He would have liked to dismiss her from his mind the way he had always been able to dismiss all the inconveniences that life had occasionally thrown at him. He had always been good at that. Ruthlessness had always served him well. That and the knowledge that it was pointless getting sidetracked by things that were out of your control. Aggie sidetracked him and the last thing he needed was an involved conversation that would get neither of them anywhere. Womanly chats were things he avoided like the plague.
‘I’m not being hysterical.’ Aggie took a deep breath. If she backed away now, she would never do what she felt she had to do. Falling into bed with Luiz might be something she would never have contemplated in a month of Sundays, but then again she had never had to cope with a sexual attraction that was ripping her principles to shreds.
She had come to the conclusion that, whilst she knew it was crazy to sleep with a guy whose attitude towards women she found unnerving and amoral, not to sleep with him would leave her with regrets she would never be able to put behind her. And, if she was going to sleep with him, then she intended to have some control over the whole messy situation.
A lifetime of independence would not be washed away in a five-minute decision.
‘I just want to talk to you. I want to clear the air.’
‘There’s nothing to clear, Aggie. I’ve done what you asked me to do, and I’m pleased you seemed to have had a good time seeing all your old friends, but now it’s time to move on.’
‘I may have made a mistake.’
‘What are you talking about?’
‘Can we discuss this upstairs? In your room? Or we could always go back downstairs to the sitting room. It’s quiet there.’
‘If you don’t mind me changing while you speak, then follow me to my room, by all means.’ He turned his back on her and headed up.
‘So …’ Once inside the bedroom, Luiz began pulling off his sweater which he flung on a chair by the window. Their bags had been brought up and deposited in their separate rooms and he began rummaging through his for some clothes.
‘I never wanted to make this trip with you,’ Aggie began falteringly, and Luiz stilled and turned to look at her.
‘If this is going to be another twenty minutes of recriminations, then let me tell you straight away that I’m not in the mood.’ But, even as he spoke, he was seeing her tumble of fair hair and the slender contours of her body encased in a pair of the new jeans and deep burgundy jumper that was close-fitted and a lot sexier than the baggy jumpers she seemed to have stockpiled. Once again, his unruly lack of physical control made him grit his teeth in frustration. ‘I’m also not in the mood to hear you make a song and dance about paying your own way.’
‘I wasn’t going to.’ She pressed her back against the closed door.
‘Then what was it you wanted to tell me?’
‘I’ve never met anyone like you before.’
‘I think,’ Luiz said drily, ‘you may have mentioned that to me in the past—and not in a good way—so unless you have something else to add to the mix then I suggest you go and freshen up.’
‘What I mean is, I never thought I could be attracted to someone like you.’
‘I don’t do these kinds of conversations, Aggie. Post mortems on a relationship are bad enough; post mortems on a non-relationship are a complete non-starter. Now, I’m going to have a shower.’ He began unbuttoning his shirt.
Aggie felt the thrill of sudden, reckless excitement and a desperate urgency to get through to him. Despite or maybe because of her background she had never been a risk taker. From a young age, she had felt responsible for Mark and she had also gathered, very early on, that the road to success wasn’t about ta
king risks. It was about putting in the hard work; risk taking was for people who had safety nets to fall into. She had never had one.
Even in her relationships, she had never strayed from what her head told her she should be drawn to. So they hadn’t worked out. At no point, she now realised, had she ever concluded that maybe she should have sat back and taken stock of what her head had been telling her.
Luiz, so different from anyone she had ever known, who had entered her life in the most dubious of circumstances, had sent her into a crazy tailspin. She had found herself in terrifying new territory where nothing made sense and she had reacted by lashing out.
Before he could become completely bored with her circuitous conversation, Aggie drew in a deep breath. ‘You made a pass at me and I’m sorry I turned you down.’
Luiz, about to pull off his shirt, allowed his arms to drop to his sides and looked at her through narrowed eyes. ‘I’m not with you,’ he said slowly.
Aggie propelled herself away from the safety of the door and walked towards him. Every step closer set up a tempo in her body that made her perspire with nervous tension.
‘I always thought,’ she told him huskily, ‘that I could never make love to a guy unless I really liked him.’
‘And the boyfriends you’ve had?’
‘I really liked them. To start with. And please don’t make it sound as though I’ve slept around; I haven’t. I’ve just always placed a lot of importance on compatibility.’
‘We all make mistakes.’ At no point did it occur to Luiz that he would turn her away. The strength of his attraction was too overwhelming. He didn’t get it, but he knew himself well enough to realise that it was something that needed sating. ‘But the compatibility angle obviously didn’t play out with you,’ he couldn’t help adding with some satisfaction.
‘No, it didn’t,’ Aggie admitted ruefully. She sneaked a glance at him and shivered. He was just so gorgeous. Was it any wonder her will power was sapped? She would never have made a play for him. She would never have considered herself to be in the category of women he might be attracted to. It occurred to her that he only wanted her because she was different from the women he dated, but none of that seemed to matter, and she wasn’t going to try and fight it.
A Tempestuous Temptation Page 11