I looked around the room, wondering if there was anything I could use as a weapon to keep him away from me.
“Charlie doesn’t care,” Buck said, walking back to me. “Turn over and put your ass in the air.”
“Fuck you,” I hissed, standing up next to him. I was at least three inches taller and had about thirty pounds on him. I was not going to be his play toy.
“Yes, that’s what I plan on doing,” Buck said. I knew he was still stroking himself but I refused to look. “I’m going to do it as much as I want, Johnny, and you’re going to take it like the man you are. You might even like it. But I don’t give a fuck if you don’t.”
“I’m not fucking you. Not now, not ever.” I sat back on my bed, knowing he couldn’t physically move me.
Buck stood next to my bed, stroking his cock in front of me. I turned my head away but the sound was unmistakable. “Don’t close your fucking eyes in this room ever again,” he said. “Or you’ll wake up with my dick in your mouth or your ass. Better yet, next time it’ll be the shower. You can’t escape me there.” He grunted just before I felt warm liquid squirting all over me.
“No!” I shouted, sitting straight up in bed. Where was I? My heart calmed immediately as I realized I was not in the cell with Buck. I was in a hotel room. Bex was sleeping next to me, her gorgeous body illuminated by the moonlight coming through the part in the curtains.
I stood, making my way to the bathroom. My hands shook as I turned on the water in the sink. I hated that dream just about as much as I hated the one where he actually did corner me in the shower and stick that disgusting thing inside me. He’d had help, of course. Guys who helped him so he wouldn’t do it to them.
I splashed water on my face, trying to rid myself of the memories. Why wouldn’t they leave and stop harassing me? I was sick and tired of reliving every single shitty thing that had ever happened to me every time I shut my eyes.
I stepped back, my eyes looking at the reflection of the shower I’d had Bex in just mere hours ago. Now she was sleeping next to me in my bed. Or her bed. Whatever.
What was I doing? I’d left Florida and come to Atlanta to go on tour with her. We hadn’t discussed what, if anything, that meant for the two of us. I was going to Colorado in a few days to find out if my past was going to continue to haunt me or not. Bex didn’t know any of that. Did I want to tell her? Was it important for her to know? I had no idea.
Natalie and Julia were both on our cases about not hurting each other. I didn’t want to hurt her, but what did I want? I was afraid of the small voice in my head that was telling me I knew what I wanted from her.
I opened the bathroom door quietly as to not wake Bex. As the light illuminated the bed, I saw her sitting up watching me, her bare breasts barely covered by her long hair.
“Sorry if I woke you,” I said.
“You had a nightmare,” she said in response.
“Sorry,” I said again.
Bex shook her head. “You don’t have to be sorry. You know I have them, too. Do you want to talk about it?”
I stopped in my tracks. Did I want to talk about it? Who was this and what had she done with Bex? “Talk?”
She bit her lip and nodded, winding her hair around her finger as she waited for my response. I tampered down the panic that ensued when thinking about sharing my past with her and realized I did want to talk to her.
I sat on the edge of the bed, our eyes connecting as we processed what was happening here. “I’ve never told anyone.”
“I know,” she said. “You’re terrified.” She didn’t say it like she was trying to sympathize. She said it because she could relate.
I nodded. “I trust you.”
“You came here for me,” she said in response. “That means something, right?”
I shrugged. “I think so. I don’t know how to do this.”
“I don’t know, either,” she admitted. “Let’s start one day at a time. Hell, one second at a time.”
“I was in love with a girl once,” I started. It wasn’t about my nightmare, but it was one of them. “Her name was Jill. She—she was killed. I found her.” That was the bare minimum of the details, but that had been hard enough.
Bex gasped. “Fuck, Johnny. I’m so sorry. That’s why you don’t want to get close to anyone.”
“That and many other things,” I admitted.
“I was raped when I was sixteen,” she said like she was telling me the weather. “I got pregnant.”
I didn’t know what my mind had conjured up as what her past could contain, but it wasn’t that. “Fuck,” I hissed, clenching my fists. I knew it was a long time ago, and there was nothing I could do about it now, but I wanted to kill the fucker. “Where’s the baby?” As soon as the words left my mouth I realized we were talking about a child that would be ten now, not a baby.
Bex looked away from me and didn’t answer. “I’m going back to Colorado because I spent time in prison.” Maybe sharing more with her would help her feel safe opening up.
Her eyes snapped back to mine. “Prison?”
“Yes. It’s a long story, and if you really want to know, I’ll tell you someday. But I’m trying to get my record expunged.”
She nodded, wringing her hands in her lap. “My son died during childbirth.”
“Bex,” I said. I knew she didn’t want my sympathy. We were alike in that way. “That’s fucking shitty.”
“He was the only good thing that came out of my childhood,” she continued. “I was taken away from my dad when I was seven and went from foster home to foster home. He was the foster parents’ real son, and he thought he could do whatever he wanted to the girls in the home. Not long after he raped me, I ran away with Beau. Natalie was already out. I found out a month later I was pregnant. It was the first time I’d ever had sex. Well, not that I was willing . . . but you know.”
I sat still, afraid that if I moved she’d stop talking. This explained why she had meaningless sex because she at least could control that like she didn’t get to control her first experience.
“At first, I wanted anything that reminded me of that night out of me. I was going to have an abortion. But I couldn’t go through with it. Feeling him grow inside me, I knew that I had to protect him with my life. I would be the parent that he deserved to have. Beau and Natalie were going to help me.” Her voice broke, and I wanted nothing more than to pull her into my lap, but I didn’t dare.
“I was about to give birth to him when they realized he was in distress. They rushed me in for an emergency C-section, but it was too late. They tried resuscitating him for almost thirty minutes, but he was gone.” She pushed the sheet down so I could see her flat stomach. “My tattoo? It’s covering my scar.”
I crawled over to her and traced my fingers along the minute scar, then the baby’s breath flowers that I now understood. Goosebumps broke out on her skin as I touched her. “What was his name?” My voice was low, whispered.
“Gibson,” she whispered back. I smiled. Of course his name had been Gibson.
“So every time you play, you play for him,” I said.
Bex’s eyes met mine. One lone tear escaped her eye and traced a path down her cheek. I wanted to reach out and wipe it away, but it deserved to stay there. It was a hard earned fucking tear. “Yes,” she said finally.
I laid behind her and pulled her to my body. My heart beat in rhythm with hers as I ran my fingers through her hair, down her arm, and around her waist. We didn’t say another word, our gentle touches telling each other everything we had a hard time expressing.
Bex reached over the table, holding out a strawberry. I wrapped my lips around it, taking a bite while my eyes stayed linked to hers. She smiled, scooting her chair closer to me and leaning over for a kiss.
When I opened my mouth and transferred the piece of strawberry back to her, my dick jumped to attention when she groaned. We were staying in Atlanta for a few more hours before getting on the road to head to Chicago and the
n to Colorado. We were in the hotel room, both of us having woken up discombobulated over our sharing fest last night.
I hated to admit how much I liked it, being here with her and talking to her about shit. I’d slept for three hours uninterrupted by nightmares. I think that was a record.
Before I could think any further of being buried in her sweet pussy, Bex stood and straddled me, guiding my always-hard dick into her wet heat. “Johnny,” she moaned, throwing her head back. That put her ample chest in front of my face, and shit, I was a guy. Wrapping one arm around her back, I pulled her closer and took a nipple into my mouth. She lifted up and down, sinking completely on me and rocking back and forth.
“Fuck, Bex. You’re so fucking tight.” She leaned down, and I thrust my tongue into her mouth in the same rhythm my dick was inside of her. She gripped my shoulders as she rode me harder and kissed me fiercely.
“Harder,” she said into my mouth. I gripped her hips, pushing harder and faster. Within seconds she was tightening around me and I shot into her, watching her breasts bounce from the force of our lovemaking.
Lovemaking?
What the fuck did I just think?
She stood up and my dick missed her immediately. “You’ve ruined me for anyone ever again,” she said, her hot gaze scanning me up and down.
“You got that fucking right,” I said, reaching my hand out to touch her wetness. “I’m the only one that gets this pussy.”
Her face became serious, and I wondered what I said. “Johnny?”
“Yes, Bex.”
“What are we doing?”
I smirked. “Right now? I’m getting hard again, so we could be doing it on this table if you want.”
She shook her head. I didn’t like the serious look on her face. “No.”
“No? You don’t want my rock star?” I stroked myself and her gaze immediately snapped to my growing member.
“I want more,” she whispered, then immediately covered her mouth with her hand, her eyes wide.
Bex
He was frozen, his eyes locked onto mine. If I looked closely, I bet his dick was shriveling up and crawling inside his body at my statement. Fucking shit, what did I just do? You’re a goddamn moron, Bex. You can’t have ‘more’ with anyone! Johnny doesn’t want more, remember? But he came here, right? He came to Atlanta and we told each other some of our past. That means something, right?
I was losing my mind. Someone commit me now. First I told the guy I’d been fucking that I wanted more after being adamant with him that neither of us could want more, and now I was arguing with myself. Certifiable.
I had to fix this. Now. I was okay with just having sex with him. That could be enough for me. It was all I’d ever known, so why try to break the mold now?
“Johnny,” I said. “For—”
I couldn’t even finish my thought before Johnny was on his feet and his hands were on my face. I fought to not close my eyes at the sensation I loved. “Holy fuck,” he said softly. My heart was going to jump out of my chest and land at his feet. I was screwing this up. I’d never see him again after today.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, a lump in my throat keeping me from projecting my voice. “I didn’t mean it.”
“You didn’t?” His thumbs were now stroking my cheeks. I could feel his breath against my lips, and my body ached for him. “Well, that’s a fucking shame, Bex.”
What was a fucking shame? That I wanted more or that I didn’t? “W-what is?”
He pressed his lips against mine in the softest kiss I’d ever received. “I want more, too,” he echoed my statement. “I don’t have a fucking clue how to do that, but I do, Bex. I thought fucking you was going to be enough for me, but it isn’t. We’re a powerhouse in bed together, but I want all of you. Every part of you that made you who you are today and who you will be in the future.”
I was dreaming, right? This man that I’d tried to be a total bitch to and push out of my life was standing here saying exactly what I thought I’d never want. But I did. I wanted it. I wanted him.
I lifted my face and we kissed again, moving our lips gently against each other’s. I felt him stirring against my belly, and I reached down and stroked him softly. He lifted me, his tip teasing my wet entrance as he carried me to the bed.
“I’m not fucking you,” he said against my lips.
“What? Why?” I writhed, wanting him, needing him.
“There’s plenty of time for that,” he said, reaching down and guiding himself gently into me. It had never been like that with us. “We’re ‘more’ now, right? So this is ‘more’ than just fucking.”
He twined his fingers with mine and moved inside of me, his eyes never leaving mine. This time, it was my heart that exploded.
“Dude, I can’t fucking believe it,” Tanner said, smacking Johnny on the back. We were on the tour bus, all of us sitting around the small living area on our way to Chicago. “You must have a magical dick.” Ryver snorted, holding his nose as the soda he was drinking came out of it.
We all roared with laughter. I felt my face flush. “Fuck all of you.” I tried to stop smiling but it didn’t work. Johnny laced his fingers with mine, squeezing gently. We’d come so far in the twelve hours since we admitted we wanted ‘more’. We still weren’t sure exactly what that meant, but we were going with it making us feel good.
I looked over at Natalie, who hadn’t stopped grinning since she found out. “We’re so happy for you,” she said. Beau nodded, though he hadn’t been as vocal about his support. I got it. He’d seen me at my absolute lowest, and I knew that opening myself up to someone could be catastrophic for everyone around me, but mostly for myself.
“On that note,” I said, standing up and pulling Johnny with me. “I’m going to bed.”
“Oh no,” Tanner groaned. “Anyone have earplugs? I can’t listen to these two rock the bus for the next six hours.”
“I meant to sleep,” I said, smacking Tanner on the back of the head.
“Suuuure,” Ryver said, still wiping soda from his nose. “You forget how many hotel rooms we’ve heard you in.”
“Fuck all of you again,” I said, but they knew I didn’t mean it. There was laughter in my voice. Johnny and I echoed goodnights to the rest of the band and shut the door behind us.
His mouth closed over mine the second the door latched. “How many times should I make you scream out my name tonight?”
“None,” I said, pushing his chest. “I told them we were sleeping.”
He put his hand over his chest. “Not even one day into being ‘more’ and you’re already denying me? I quit. Let’s go back to just fucking.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Fuck you.”
“Yes, please do.” He crossed his arms in front of him, that smirk that turned my lady bits to mush in full display. He stepped up to me and put his hand on the outside of my short shorts. “How much do you want to bet if I put my finger inside you right now you’d be dripping wet?”
Two could play at this game. “How much do you want to bet your dick is hard as a rock right now?”
Johnny shrugged. “No shit. I’m hard as stone the second you’re near me.” He unbuttoned his shorts and shoved his underwear down. He didn’t play fair. His well-endowed dick was reaching out to me, calling me. He took his hand and stroked himself from root to tip, back and forth.
Before he could realize what I was doing, I dropped to my knees in front of him and took him fully into my mouth, grazing my teeth lightly against the sensitive skin.
“Holy fucking shit, Bex!” His hands held onto my hair as I took him all the way.
He was the one going to be calling my name for all of my band mates to hear.
“Do you want me to come with you?” I wrapped a towel around myself. “I can be ready in a few minutes.” We’d played a sold out show in Denver last night and were headed out later today.
Johnny was dressed in a suit that he had gone to pick up from his parents. It looked tota
lly foreign for him to be wearing it, with his tattoos covered and his muscles hidden. I liked him much better in jeans and a t-shirt (or nothing, let’s be real), but the man didn’t wear anything that didn’t make my panties wet. I figured offering to go with him was something that a girlfriend would do. Not that we had used those terms, but our definition of being ‘more’ kind of seemed that way.
Today was his court date. He hadn’t told me what he’d been in prison for, but we hadn’t talked more about serious things since that night in Atlanta. We’d been just hanging out with the band, chatting about daily things, and having so much sex I was seriously sleep deprived. I couldn’t tell the man no. Who the hell would?
“You don’t have to,” he said, straightening the tie in the mirror. “Hopefully it’ll just be an in and out type of thing.” He smirked at me as I dropped my towel. “Kind of like I’d like to be in and out of you right now.”
I laughed, shaking my head. “No. You have to go, and you’re all cleaned up and handsome. Plus, what if I want to go with you?” I stepped into a pair of panties and hooked my bra.
“You’d do that . . . for me?”
I looked up at him. He sounded so . . . insecure. “Yes, Johnny. Aren’t you here, on tour, for me? Isn’t this part of being ‘more?’”
He smiled. He did it so rarely that it took my breath away every time he did. “I guess it is. Okay, come with me. You can meet my parents while we’re there.”
The breath whooshed from my lungs. Meet his parents? “You want me to meet your parents?”
Johnny shrugged. “Well, they’re going to be there. So, yeah. I want them to meet my girl.”
My girl.
He was quiet on the way to the courthouse. I’d never been to Denver before, so looking out the windows as we drove intrigued me. His fingers were wrapped with mine, but he didn’t speak. I wanted to ask him why he’d been in prison but realized it wasn’t the time or place with a cab driver in the front seat. Plus, I’d figure it out soon enough. I was honored that he trusted me enough not only to let me in on something major from his past, but also that he was ready for me to meet his family.
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