by Ellie Dean
The heavy rap on the window startled her and she drew hastily back from the grinning face looming in at her – until she realised who it was. Opening the door she almost fell into his arms. ‘Ron, you old devil, you half scared me to death,’ she scolded, giving him an enormous hug before the smell of him made her stagger back. ‘What the hell have you been doing, Ron? You stink like a fish market.’
‘Ach, you didn’t use to be so fussy,’ he teased, his eyebrows wriggling above his bright blue eyes. ‘I’ve got a fish or two in me pocket, that’s all.’ He pulled out a string of very fine sea trout from his poacher’s coat and dangled them under her nose. ‘Frank and I know a quiet corner of beach where we can get the boat out,’ he murmured with a wink. ‘But you keep that to yourself, wee girl, or I’ll be in terrible trouble with Peggy, so I will.’
‘Your secret’s safe with me,’ she said and laughed. ‘Although you’ll have to give her some explanation as to where they came from.’
‘Fred the Fish is a good pal, so he is. He’ll back me up.’
She regarded him fondly, noting the wild hair and brows, the weathered face and bright blue eyes. He was still a handsome man, despite his apparent reluctance to make the best of himself. ‘Yes, I seem to remember the pair of you forever getting up to mischief when you were boys. It seems nothing much has changed.’
He grinned down at her. ‘To be sure ’tis a wonder to see you looking so well, Dolly, but if it’s Pauline you’re after, she’ll be home with Frank.’
‘Actually, I’ve come to see Peggy,’ she said. ‘There’s something I need to talk to her about – so if you could make yourself scarce for a bit, I would be grateful.’
His expression was suddenly sober. ‘It’s not about our little Danuta, is it? Nothing bad’s happened to her?’
‘Nothing like that,’ she assured him firmly. ‘I’m staying in touch with what’s happening over there, and she’s fine – really.’
‘Well, that’s good to hear. That wee girl has more courage than both of us, Dolly, and there are times when I wish with all me heart that I didn’t recommend her to you.’
Dolly nodded, her thoughts flying to Danuta, who was now known as Marie-Claire. She was at this moment hiding with a cell of partisans in France, preparing for the destruction of a series of enemy gun emplacements on the coast. Communication had been erratic of late, but all seemed to be going to plan.
She reached into the car for her handbag and basket of gifts, locked the door and then tucked her hand into the crook of his arm, suddenly noticing the absence of his ever-present dog. ‘I see Harvey’s deserted you for the delights of Peggy’s kitchen. Shall we join him?’
‘Aye, but we’ll go by way of the back door seeing as you’re family.’
‘How is Pauline, Ron? Her letters are much more cheerful these days, but I still worry about her.’
‘She’s doing well now Frank’s back home, and of course she comes here for the night when he’s out on fire-watch and such. She still frets over Brendon, but that’s only natural.’ He paused at the back gate and looked down at her thoughtfully. ‘He’s away from London just now. Did you know?’
Dolly shook her head, even though she’d already heard from Carol that he was in Devon. ‘Where’s he been sent, do you think?’
‘He wouldn’t say, but I’m guessing he’s down in Devon helping the Americans with their rehearsals for the beach landings in France.’
‘How on earth did you know about that?’ she gasped.
He grinned and tapped his nose. ‘You’d be surprised, Dolly Cardew.’
She smiled. ‘Actually, I don’t think I would, you old rogue. You always were the sharpest knife in the box, even as a boy.’
‘To be sure you’re not so blunt yourself. Now away with you into the warm for a wee dram of the good whiskey I managed to find the other day.’
Peggy heard the scullery door bang and was on her feet in an instant. She yanked open the kitchen door and in the spill of light from the kitchen focused on the large figure lurking at the bottom of the stone steps. ‘Ronan Reilly, you’d better have a damned good excuse for disappearing all day,’ she said crossly. ‘Get yourself up here and sort out this leak.’
‘Ach, to be sure, Peggy, that’s no way to speak in front of visitors,’ he rumbled, climbing the steps until he filled the doorway.
‘Doris went half an hour ago,’ she replied, still furious with him. ‘Where on earth have you been?’ She caught the whiff of fish, and glared at him. ‘I hope you haven’t been poaching on Lord Cliffe’s estate again,’ she said darkly.
Ron eased from the doorway to reveal a grinning Dolly. ‘Don’t be too hard on him, Peggy,’ she said. ‘Those fish are quite legal.’
‘Dolly,’ she gasped in delight, her arms open wide to embrace her as all thoughts of poaching and leaking pipes were dismissed. ‘Oh, Dolly, what a wonderful surprise!’
‘You see, I told you we had a visitor,’ said Ron, taking the trout out of his pocket and slapping them onto a plate which he quickly put in the larder out of the reach of a very interested Queenie.
Peggy studied Dolly affectionately. ‘I don’t know how you manage to do it, but you look as if you’ve stepped out of a fashion magazine.’ She gave her another hug and then drew her further into the kitchen. ‘Cordelia’s having a bit of a rest and Daisy’s with Rita and Ivy upstairs, so we can have a jolly good gossip without being disturbed,’ she said, hoisting the large tin kettle onto the hob.
Ron placed the Irish whiskey bottle and three glasses on the table. ‘That’ll keep the cold out better than tea,’ he said, pouring generous measures.
‘Where did that come from?’ asked Peggy suspiciously.
‘Ireland,’ he replied tersely, raising his glass in a toast. ‘Slainte.’
Peggy sipped the warming drink and caught Dolly’s eye above the glass. ‘As you can see, things haven’t changed around here,’ she said dryly.
‘I’ll be up to the attic then,’ said Ron, having drained his glass. ‘Better that than having to listen to gossiping women. There’s only so much a man can stand, especially when the moving shrapnel is the very divil.’
Dolly giggled as he stomped off with Harvey. ‘I see what you mean, and I admire you for putting up with it. He always was a law unto himself.’
Peggy watched as Dolly took off her hat and coat to reveal tailored trousers, silk shirt and a mohair sweater. Her only jewellery was a string of pearls, a watch and discreet gold studs in her ears. She looked elegant and sophisticated and, at first glance, at least ten years younger than she really was, yet on closer inspection, Peggy realised that her friend was tired and troubled. She didn’t comment, knowing Dolly would tell her in her own time what was bothering her.
Dolly placed the basket on the table, chattering all the while about Bournemouth and the fun she was having with the old trouts at the WI as she took out pots of jam, packets of sugar and white flour, a box of sweet biscuits and two wedges of cheese. There was an exquisite party dress for Daisy, a cashmere scarf for Cordelia, and butter-soft leather gloves for Peggy. ‘I’m sorry it’s not much, but Bournemouth doesn’t have a Harrods,’ she said blithely.
‘It’s more than generous,’ said Peggy, clapping her hands in delight. ‘But I’ll have to hide the biscuits, sugar and cheese from Ron or it will disappear before you can blink.’ She bustled about putting the foodstuff in her larder, and then gave her another hug. ‘When did you arrive? Pauline never said you were here.’
‘I haven’t seen her yet,’ Dolly admitted. ‘It was you I needed to talk to first.’
Peggy reached for the whiskey bottle, suspecting that Dolly had once more become embroiled in some love affair that had turned sour and needed to get it off her chest. But then that was the nature of their friendship, for they could talk to one another about anything and everything in the sure and safe knowledge that their confidences would go no further.
‘Then why don’t we have a fag and another tot of this
while you tell me what’s on your mind?’
Dolly lit both cigarettes, and after a sip of whiskey, she gave an anguished sigh. ‘Felix has turned up again.’
Peggy felt a stab of unease. She knew all about Felix and the disastrous affair, for Dolly had confided in her many years ago. ‘Felix is in Bournemouth?’ she gasped. ‘But why – what for?’
Dolly shook her head. ‘Not in Bournemouth, Peg, but in Devon.’ She took a drink of whiskey. ‘As to why he’s there, I’m sure you can work it out for yourself with all the rumours flying around.’ Her smile was grim. ‘It’s hardly the best-kept secret.’
Peggy stared at her, her thoughts in a whirl over the rumoured invasion plans, and the requisition by the army of Carol’s village. ‘Devon – as in Carol’s Slapton?’ At Dolly’s nod, she reached for her hand. ‘Oh, Dolly. That must have been such a shock. What did you do?’
As Dolly told her what had happened between them in Devon, Peggy could see that her friend was edgy, and for once, unsure of herself.
‘I made him promise to keep our affair secret from everyone – especially Carol – and despite everything that’s happened since, I do believe he will keep that promise.’ Dolly’s hand was unsteady as she flicked her cigarette ash into the ashtray.
‘And then – then … He turned up at a party I was attending on Christmas Day. I don’t know how he knew I would be there, but it was clear he’d made a point of getting an invitation and was in no mood to leave before he’d said all he’d come to say.’
Peggy leaned towards her, her hand on her arm. ‘And what was that?’
Dolly lifted her chin and looked back at her tearfully. ‘He refused to accept that I no longer loved him – and he was right, I love him as much today as I did all those years ago – but I couldn’t let him know that.’ She took a shuddering breath, clearly fighting to keep her emotions under control. ‘I denied it, of course, but then he kissed me, and I could no longer pretend.’
‘But—’
‘I know what you’re going to say, Peggy, and believe me, I was fully aware of what dangerous waters I was flailing in. Starting up the affair again would be utter madness even though every fibre of my being was screaming for him, and it took a huge amount of will power to push him away and try to reason with him.’
She paused to sip at the whiskey. ‘And then he did something that shook me to the core.’
Peggy held her breath, her gaze fixed intently on her tearful friend as her imagination flew in all directions. ‘What did he do?’ she managed in the ensuing silence.
‘He asked me to marry him,’ Dolly replied, her voice breaking. ‘But of course it’s too late – much too late. Impossible to even contemplate after all the lies I’ve told, and the secrets I’ve kept. I had to turn him down – reject him as harshly as I could bear so he would no longer pursue me.’ She dipped her chin, her voice barely above a whisper. ‘He was terribly hurt, and angrier than I’ve ever seen him – but I’m fairly sure he finally accepted it was over and there would be no turning back.’
Peggy dug out a clean handkerchief from her apron pocket as Dolly burst into tears. She waited for her to settle down, her soft heart going out to her troubled friend whose life had lurched from one disaster to another. She knew how hard it must have been for her to reject the man she’d always adored – but also knew the reason behind it.
Dolly gathered her wits and poured them both another nip of whiskey. ‘I must look an absolute fright,’ she said brokenly. ‘But I do feel better for letting all that out after holding on to it for so long.’ She gave Peggy a watery smile. ‘Thanks for being such a kind, understanding friend, my dear. You must think I’m an utter fool.’
‘Certainly never a fool,’ Peggy murmured, ‘just a woman in love trying to do the right thing, and Lord knows, you’ve listened to my woes about Jim and Ron often enough over the years.’ She gave a little sigh, stubbed out her cigarette and took Dolly’s hand. ‘But it might not be too late for you and Felix,’ she said gently. ‘Not if you were really brave and told him the truth.’
‘You know that isn’t possible, Peggy,’ she replied sadly. ‘There would be too many repercussions that will ultimately destroy everything I hold most dear. It’s better this way.’
Peggy hesitated before saying what was in her heart, for this was a delicate situation, and Dolly was clearly at the end of her tether. ‘Better for whom?’ she asked quietly.
‘For everyone,’ replied Dolly firmly.
Peggy persevered. ‘But what if those secrets come out? Don’t the people they involve deserve to know the truth so they can make up their own minds about how to deal with them?’
Dolly took a shallow breath. ‘I can’t, really I can’t. I couldn’t bear the hurt that would cause; the mistrust, the loss of love and respect. You might think I’m tough and brave and unafraid to face the world head on, but under all this powder and paint, I’m just a craven coward who has to live with the utter mess I’ve made of everything.’
She squeezed Peggy’s fingers. ‘I lived a lie because the man I loved proved to be married, and refused to file for a divorce. Now he’s free to propose all my chickens have come home to roost – and I must accept that and move on.’
‘Secrets have a horrible way of coming to the surface, Dolly,’ said Peggy urgently. ‘Please reconsider before it’s too late.’
‘I’ve thought of nothing else since Christmas Day,’ she replied, ‘but it’s helped enormously to talk to you about it.’ She smiled affectionately. ‘I’ve made the most awful shambles of everything, and really can’t see a way out of it – but I’ll think about it some more, I promise.’
She took a deep breath and made a sterling effort to regain her usual calm. ‘Now, I want to hear how you are, how you’re coping, and all about Jim’s adventures in India, and what that scallywag Ron has been up to.’
Peggy accepted there would be no more talk of Felix today even though the issue had been far from resolved. However, she knew Dolly had merely wanted someone she could trust to talk things over with, and would deal with any fallout in her own way. She didn’t envy her, for Peggy could see only trouble ahead.
Having replenished their glasses, Peggy gradually revealed her fears for Jim and her son-in-law, Martin, and the loneliness she felt as a mother parted from her children. And as they talked she felt the weight of her cares lift from her shoulders, which led to her hesitantly discussing the germ of an idea that had been slowly growing these past weeks.
It would be a radical step in a new direction for Peggy, and goodness only knew how Jim and Ron would react, but finding a proper job outside Beach View would solve her money problems and give her a new outlook on life.
‘I think it’s a brilliant idea,’ said Dolly enthusiastically. ‘But how on earth will you cope with all you have to do here? And then of course you have Daisy to consider.’
‘If Solly Goldman agrees to take me on there’s a crèche at the factory where Daisy would be looked after during my shifts.’ She lowered her voice and leaned towards Dolly. ‘This idea is still very tenuous, Dolly, and I have to think about it a bit more before going to see Solly, so you will keep it to yourself, won’t you?’
‘Of course I will, you silly goose,’ said Dolly affectionately. ‘And if you do decide to go for it and you have any trouble from Ron, let me know. I’ll soon spike his guns, you’ll see.’ She glanced up at the clock, surprised at how quickly the time had passed. ‘I must go, Peg. Driving down that track to Tamarisk Bay is awkward enough in daylight, but once it’s dark, it’s a nightmare.’
‘You will pop in again, won’t you?’ Peggy said after they’d embraced. ‘It’s so rare we see you, and I’ve missed you.’
‘This is only a flying visit, but I promise to try. Take care of yourself, Peggy, and let me know how things go with the job.’
Peggy followed her out and stood on the doorstep as she drove away. It had been lovely to have Dolly to confide in, for there was no one else really. Co
rdelia would only fret over her, the girls had their own concerns, and Doris would probably say she was being over-dramatic and completely veto the idea of her going out to work in a factory.
She closed the front door and experienced a little squirm of fearful excitement at the daring thought of actually going out to work, learning new skills, making new friends – and, more importantly, earning her own money. She had little doubt it would prove to be a challenge, but having talked it over with Dolly, the idea had blossomed, and if she could find the courage to carry it through, then she’d at last feel she was doing something important towards the war effort.
30
Devon
It was now March, and with the full dress rehearsal looming, Felix was a worried man. It was clear that the troops were still ill prepared, the different services seemingly unable to work as one cohesive unit. Despite the passionate support of Brendon Reilly to his argument, the brass hats had refused to listen to their concerns about the men’s inability to swim, and their ignorance over how to use the life jackets correctly. It seemed that as the exercise was meant to look, feel and smell like the real thing, the men on the LSTs and troop carriers had to experience seasickness, sodden, heavy clothing and clumsy life jackets – the last of which negated the need for swimming lessons as far as the brass was concerned.
Felix stood on the hill above Blackpool Sands in the freezing-cold wind, and watched through his powerful binoculars as yet another rehearsal ended in chaos, with tanks becoming bogged down in the sand and shingle, jeeps making hard work of getting up the beach, and men flailing about in the rough seas because some of the troop carriers hadn’t advanced far enough into shore, and were now wallowing dangerously close to the other craft.
‘God help you all when the navy starts shelling the beach, and the bombers begin their assaults,’ he muttered with a shiver of apprehension.