by Jo Leigh
The closest thing she had to real intimacy was in her Eve’s Apple online group, people she’d never seen in the flesh. And all she had to do to bow out of that gang was stop answering.
Sobered and unsettled, she clicked on the bedside lamp. The light made her wince, but it wasn’t half as jarring as the glaring illumination on her life.
Come to think of it, Cade had been a perfect example of who she’d become. Nice guy, good-looking, not threatening in the least, but she hadn’t been interested at all. If Ben hadn’t been in the picture, she might have gone for drinks with him, had a few laughs. Who knows, she might have had vacation sex. But she would have done all that because he didn’t live in her neck of the woods. Because he was a vacation guy. Because it meant she didn’t have to get involved.
A chill passed through her and she brought the covers up to her chin. Oh, God. What if she had this whole thing with Ben all wrong? What if she’d used him, all these years, as an excuse? Sure, the sex had been great, but was that really it? Or was he just convenient? So she didn’t have to think, or risk, or try. Not once, in all those years had she put herself on the line. She’d never loved anyone. She’d never even let herself get close.
And now that Ben was back, were her feelings for him real? Did she even know him? More importantly, did she know herself? What did she really want from him? Ten more years of excuses? Or were her feelings for him genuine, and he hadn’t been an excuse at all, but a reason.
She glanced at the clock on the nightstand. In two hours she had to be down in the lobby to meet the wedding party for the fancy dinner Lisa’s mother was throwing. Picasso’s. Elegant and expensive as hell, she had to look great.
Throwing back the covers, she padded to the bathroom. She’d brought some wonderful lavender bath beads with her, and a mud mask for her face. At the same time, she would do a deep conditioning treatment on her hair, and she might even have time to change her nail polish.
But just after she turned on the water in the big bathtub, she went into the living room and got the small radio from the shelf. Taking it into the bath, she put it on the sink and found a radio station that played the oldies. She didn’t want to think.
“HEY, STEVE. Call me. We’ve got some time to kill before dinner, so let’s kill it with a vengeance, what do you say? I’m on my cell.”
Ben hung up, wondering if Steve really was busy or if he was avoiding him. He’d undoubtedly assumed Taylor had shared about the pill incident. Steve taking pills. The only thing that would sort of make sense was if the pills were Viagra, but that didn’t seem likely. To the best of his knowledge Steve had never had problems in that area, but what the hell did Ben know?
He didn’t know squat. About himself, about his life, about Taylor. He was a man who was all about digging into other people’s lives and avoiding his own.
It was time to leave the soft comfort of the red couch. Hours had passed as he’d observed the comings and goings of the people at this little hotel/casino. Older folks, mainly, but mixed in with kids he would have carded in a heartbeat. He’d made up lives for many of them, certain that he was miles off the mark, but he didn’t care. It was a way to pass the time. A way to stop thinking.
But always, he’d come back to Taylor, and he couldn’t make up a life for her, even though he desperately wanted to force her into a safe, comfortable cubbyhole, easily dismissed when he went back to the real world.
Something had happened to him last night. Something he couldn’t explain. When he’d been inside her, he’d felt…different.
Damn, he wasn’t good at soul searching. Mostly, he was good at bullshit, but what she’d done to him wasn’t that. Not even close. She’d made him feel things he hadn’t felt before. New territory. He hated new territory.
What it meant, he had no idea. That he cared for her? Yeah, that much was true. He did care. But what the hell did that mean?
He liked how he was with her. The whole time sitting here, some part of him had wished she’d been next to him. He wanted to talk about all the people he saw, share his observations, and more perplexing, hear hers.
Him. The loner. Who preferred dinner solo, who liked the quiet of his apartment, with his fish his only obligation.
Even when he’d been with Alyson, he’d never had this strong a desire for her company. In fact, what made them work as long as they had was their separate lives. They got together, sure, but mostly for the odd dinner, and of course, the bedroom. The demands there had been minimal, and only lately had he admitted that it hadn’t bothered him near enough.
Alyson had been more of a buddy than a wife, and when she’d left, he’d been upset, sure, but also relieved. That was the real truth, wasn’t it? He’d been glad to have a place to himself. Accountable to no one.
Maybe that’s what had attracted him to her in the first place. He could have the comfort of a steady woman, without any of the real work a relationship required.
What did that say about him? That he was a selfish son of a bitch? Well, yeah, that was a given. But there was more. He felt it, he just couldn’t pin it down.
And why was he worrying about it now? What was it about being with Taylor that had him questioning his motives, his lifestyle?
He walked into the casino and headed right for a video poker machine. Fishing out a twenty, he played for a while, hitting a pretty good jackpot, four fours with a kicker, early on, so he didn’t have to think about much. He just stared at the cards as they came up. He made it a game to see how fast he could hit the buttons without screwing up. The machine took him away, and that’s just where he wanted to be. Away.
But not forever. Because between the aces and the kings, there was Taylor. Beckoning. The scent of her hair, the look in those astonishing blue eyes. She pulled at him, tugged at his heart with her gentle laughter.
By the time he was back down to his original twenty, it was late. He only had forty minutes to get back to the hotel, get dressed and meet everyone for dinner.
Whatever else was going to happen, tonight would be interesting. He had no idea what he was going to say to Taylor. Only that he wanted to see her. And he needed to get Steve alone, too.
He cashed out, letting the quarters drop into the white plastic bucket. He’d catch a cab to the hotel. They had to get dressed up tonight. Crap.
THE ROOM REEKED of class and money. And gorgeous art. Picassos dotted the walls, real ones. Of course, the restaurant was Picasso’s at Bellagio, one of the most elegant venues in all of Las Vegas. Taylor could see it was going to be an experience to remember.
She tore her gaze away from Ben to check out the details of the place, but it wasn’t easy. He’d worn this gorgeous dark suit, slim slacks and perfect one-button jacket. Underneath was a slate-gray, distressed silk shirt with a matching matte silk tie. The man was to die for, and every woman they’d passed had proved it.
But, she really did want to look around. The room was huge, although somehow it also managed to feel intimate. The floor-to-ceiling windows with incredible gossamer drapes framed the water show in front of the Bellagio. The dancing fountains were amazing, and she’d made it a point to walk by at least once every visit. Tonight, no matter where they sat, they’d get an unbelievable view. Inside was just as spectacular. On the muted walls were displayed a collection of Picasso’s original artwork. She’d seen prints of some of his etchings and paintings but they paled before the spectacular power of the originals.
They were taken to their large table in the back by a smartly attired maitre’ d, who wasn’t, thank goodness, in the least condescending or snooty. In fact, he looked like someone she’d like to play cards with.
Ben pulled her seat out for her, and when she got in position, he discretely sniffed her neck. Oddly, it was an incredibly erotic moment, and she got a little swept away, but Lisa’s mother brought her back into the room, pronto.
“We thought it would be nice to go for the prix fixe menu, although if you want you can get the de-gustation menu, w
hich is, of course, more of a tasting thing, but I hear it’s wonderful. And if no one minds, I’d like the sommelier to help with the wines. Go ahead and order cocktails, though. It’s going to be a long evening, so we might as well live it up. Daddy’s paying for all this, so the sky’s the limit, isn’t that right, sweetheart?”
Lisa, who looked beautiful in a classy black dress that showed off her figure and also showed off the exquisite gold necklace around her neck, laughed along with her mom.
Poor dad. She already knew the meal was going to be way up in the hundreds. Oh, well. Steve seemed happy. Kind of.
He kept losing his smile. One second he’d seem joyful and thrilled to be right where he was, and the next second the happiness would simply melt away and he’d be blank. Not morose, not angry. Just nothing. But that never lasted. Whenever Lisa spoke to him or glanced his way, the smile came right back.
Pauline, seated between her and Steve, seemed slightly bemused by the whole evening. Not that she hadn’t been to fancy restaurants in her time. Her mother traveled, especially when she’d been younger. Taylor suspected her distraction was due to her concern about Steve.
Ben had been the picture of attention since they’d met at the Hard Rock lobby. It was as if this afternoon had never happened. He greeted her with a sizzling, if short, kiss, and had been wonderfully attentive and complimentary. He really did seem to like her dress. It was another Michael Kors, which she never could have afforded if it hadn’t been at a resale shop. The python print felt daring, and the fact that it was basically a tube dress that hit her about midthigh, helped, too. She’d gone with leather pumps in dark gray to match the dress, five inch heels, no less. Being so tall, she’d worn her hair unadorned so it fell straight down her back. And she’d brought her little purse, the one that wasn’t so much a purse as a leather baggie.
The waiter came by with menus, and it took them all a moment to ohh and ahh, but finally, they decided to go with the prix fixe. Which meant they had choices. Taylor started with the warm quail salad with sautéed artichokes and pine nuts. Ben had the poached oysters.
And then it was cocktail time, and she went for a straightforward martini. So did Ben. She smiled as he finished his request, and when he turned to her, his gaze locked on hers. Her entire body responded. Not just her breath catching, which it did, but her head felt lighter, her eyes as if the rest of the room had dimmed. Her breasts tightened, her tummy did, too. As for what was happening below the waist, she didn’t dare dwell on that. She had a whole, long dinner to get through.
“You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” Ben said, his voice just above a whisper and completely private. “I can’t believe I get to sit with you, talk with you.”
She blushed, even while she acknowledged how over the top the words were. She felt the same way. That she was privileged to be with him, that the way he looked at her was a gift.
She leaned closer to him, so her lips were near his ear. “I just want to get something cleared up before we’re busy with dinner and wedding plans.”
He smiled.
“I’d like to do that thing again tonight.”
“That thing?”
She nodded. “You know. That thing we did last night?”
“Oh,” he said. “That thing.”
“Yeah.”
He turned so their lips almost met, but didn’t. “I’m pretty sure that could be arranged.”
“Good.”
“Not yet. But it will be.”
She placed her hand gently on his thigh. The muscle twitched beneath her palm. “You do know you’re driving me crazy, right?”
“Ditto.”
“Excellent. I didn’t want to be the only one.”
“Hey,” Steve said, butting right in. “You guys do that hanky-panky junk later. Tonight’s for my girl. She’s our star, right?”
Lisa lit up. Her sparkling white teeth practically glowed in the candlelight. She kissed Steve on the cheek. “You’re such a mensch.”
Taylor and Ben burst out laughing. The word, coming from Lisa, was so unexpected and, well, crazy. It actually took them a while to calm down. But she took it like a champ.
“I’m not from another century,” she said. “Just another state.”
“Sorry,” Ben said. He held up his martini, which had been delivered so smoothly, Taylor hadn’t even noticed. “To Lisa and Steve. May she continue to surprise you. May he continue to be the same guy we all know and love.”
Steve looked at Ben sharply, then toasted along with everyone else. Lisa just looked happy. Her mother had some large mixed cocktail, something red, which she drank pretty quickly while the rest of the party sipped.
“Hey, Steve,” Ben said.
The bread course had come to the table and Taylor couldn’t wait to try it. It smelled like heaven, and she made no pretense about the fact that she was starving.
“Remember that time that guy from Texas hooked the scuba diver?”
Steve cracked up, and there was something a little different about this laughter. It was the real Steve now, the guy she’d grown up with.
“Oh, man, was he pissed, or what? That Texas dude played him for what, half an hour?”
“Yeah, screaming the whole time, ‘It’s a whale! It’s a whale!’”
Taylor laughed although she’d heard the story a dozen times before. But what she really liked was the idea of reminding Steve about his love for what he did, and what he’d be giving up if he moved to Kansas. “Remember that pregnant woman who caught that huge yellowtail, and she went into labor?”
Steve moaned, leaned back in his chair. “She wouldn’t stop. She was screaming, and bending over double. Man, she was huge. But she wouldn’t let go of that damn rod. She kept it up for like forty minutes, I swear. Caught the damn fish, and almost had the baby on the deck.”
“She had it in the ambulance, didn’t she?”
Steve, laughing, nodded. “Damndest thing I ever saw. And her husband sent me a picture, after? Of the fish!”
They went on like that, Steve and Ben swapping tales, funny, silly, outrageous, and Taylor just leaned back and enjoyed the ride. A glance from her mother told her that she approved of the conversation, too, but not so with Lisa. At first, she laughed, smiled, went along with it all, but after the first course arrived and the boys went on and on, Taylor could see she was getting prickly.
It wasn’t fair, but this was serious stuff. Steve without his boats was like a race car driver without a license. He wouldn’t be Steve.
She probably should have stopped it, but she didn’t. Instead, she ate the most delectable food in the universe. Tiny portions, but oh, God, the most succulent, fantastic flavors. The bread was crispy on the outside and soft and perfect inside. Ben swooned over his oysters, which started another whole round of fishing tales. It wasn’t until they’d been served the second course that Lisa had had enough. She stood up, gave Ben a truly hateful look and excused herself.
Taylor felt like the heel she was. She followed Lisa to the bathroom, but when she went over to talk to her, all she got was chipper chitchat. Nothing real. But the evening would have to take another turn, or things would get ugly.
Maybe Ben could catch Steve alone tomorrow. Talk to him. Find out about the pills. About everything. In the meantime, she intended to enjoy the hell out of the rest of her meal, including the sumptuous wine and heavenly sounding desserts. Then she was going to take Ben to her room, and ravish him until he couldn’t walk.
No more thinking. No more worrying. Back to the basic plan. Fun. Wildness. Sex and sex and sex. Eventually, she’d figure it out. But she wasn’t about to waste what could very well be the last truly incredible fling of her life.
14
THE WHOLE WAY in the taxi back to the Hard Rock, Taylor and Ben had only touched hands. That’s all. But what touching it was.
All of Taylor’s erogenous zones were on maximum alert, and she felt even the slightest brush of his finger everywhere at once.
Mostly in her chest, which had forgotten how to breathe properly, and in her sex, where she finally understood the concept of being in heat. Big time.
She could hardly look at him. Not that he wasn’t amazing to look at, but when she did, sitting in that gorgeous suit, his hair mussed and touchable, his eyes smoky and filled with wicked promises, she wanted to yank down her tube dress right there in the back of the Yellow Cab and attack him.
It was only a few blocks to the hotel, she could wait. Or at least she hoped she could.
His thumb rubbed against her wrist, the thin skin feeling nearly as sensitive as her clitoris. At that thought, she had to shift in the seat, cross her legs and squeeze them together.
His legs were crossed, too, with his thigh covering his fly. She guessed he was having a difficult time of it, given that the two of them sounded like they were in the middle of a ten-mile hike up a steep mountain.
The taxi pulled into the parking lot of the hotel, and it took a frustrating five minutes to get to the front door. Ben had the fare and tip ready, and then the doorman helped her out of her side. Ben met her at the curb, put his arm around her shoulder and hustled her inside. When they got into the casino, he sneaked a glance her way, and they went even faster.
She couldn’t help herself, she started giggling in the elevator. There were three other people on board, and one young couple kept their hands on each other’s fannies. The single man kept looking at Taylor’s chest. She found it unbearably funny, and trying to stifle the laughter made things worse.
Ben turned completely around, but she saw his shoulders shake. Too much juice running through them, she knew, but it didn’t help. Something had to give.
Once they were on fourteen, they practically ran down the hall. She got the door open in one swipe, and then they were kissing, and his hands were all over her, and she was peeling back his jacket so she could get him naked, and everything was hot and moist and desperate.