by Riley Jean
I simply nodded again.
The night remained slow. We sat in silence for another half hour until the next customers arrived. I was thankful Vance wasn’t teasing me or pushing me for details on Miles. But I knew he was thinking about it, because he didn’t try to make any conversation at all.
As always, we worked separately during closing time, and I moved in haste to finish my tasks quickly as possible. Seeing Miles even for a split second had left me with a bad feeling. I just wanted to get out of there.
After our shifts were finally over, Vance locked the doors and walked with me across the back parking lot to my car. I knew that he was worrying about me, and I hated it. But if I insisted I was fine, it would only be a lie.
Finding out that Miles was looking for me threw me for a loop. I hadn’t seen him since the night of our dramatic breakup a whole year ago. What could he possibly want from me now? And if he had something to say, why not just call? Showing up at my work was just… unnerving. Did he always have to go for shock value?
We stood quietly in front of my car for a moment, neither of us knowing what to say. The little furrow in his brow gave away his concern, and the weak smile I offered for assurance was hardly effective.
“Scarlett?” My name echoed across the empty lot. Not from Vance’s mouth.
I froze as the familiar voice crashed into me like a wave, saturating my ears with blood and my lungs with lead.
He was still here… waiting for me.
Miles. The second boy I ever loved. The one who swooped in to pick up the pieces that Nathan had left behind. The boy I dated throughout my entire senior year, escorting me to Homecoming, Prom, and graduation. The boy who gave me a ring and promised we’d be together forever.
That Miles.
He stepped out of the shadows, and the man from my memories stood before me. Same short blond hair and athletic frame that I remembered. He was wearing his team jacket, hands casually stuffed in its pockets, eyeing me from head to toe like I wasn’t quite what he expected.
In hindsight, it seemed stupid to believe he had given up so easily tonight. If he came looking for me after all this time, no doubt there was something he wanted. Whatever it was, my skin was already crawling.
Vance turned and stood in front of me protectively. If I weren’t so nervous I would have laughed at the irony, remembering when Miles was my protector. Now he was the adversary.
“What’s this?” Miles chuckled, sizing up Vance’s stance. “I’m not gonna hurt her, douchebag!”
“Just leave her alone,” Vance said patiently. “She doesn’t want to talk to you.”
Ignoring him, Miles leaned to see me over Vance’s shoulder and smiled. “Nice hair, by the way. Though I have to admit, I liked you better as a blond.”
“What do you want, Miles?” I snapped. “And what part of ‘stay the heck away from me’ did you not understand?”
“Nice. Feel better now that that’s outta your system?” he laughed, facetious. “Just wanted to say hello. See how you were.”
“I’m fine. Don’t I look fine?” I asked wryly. With the black hair and scowl, it was obvious I was far from the bright-eyed, innocent girl he had once dated, and it was obvious I was far from fine.
Miles smirked, amused at my sarcasm. “You can’t fool me. We used to be close, not too long ago.”
“That was a lifetime ago. I’m not the same girl you knew.”
“Clearly. I guess she went away with those goldilocks.”
I fidgeted, and Vance cut in. “I think your time’s up, buddy.”
Miles shot him a warning glare.
Standing straighter, I jutted my chin out and tried to sound firm. “Well, this has been lovely, but if you don’t mind…”
“I heard you’ve had a rough year,” Miles cut me off, “and I wanted to know how you were holding up.”
I tensed, finally sensing the real reason for his visit. Since our colleges had been near each other, it was possible he heard through the grapevine about the situation that led to me dropping out. But I couldn’t go there now. Not with him. Not in front of Vance.
“What a nice gesture. Forgive me if I call bullshit.”
His eyes narrowed, clearly upset that his charms were not working. Not this time. “Is it so hard to believe I care about you? Good grief, Scarlett, you were nearly my wife!”
Vance stiffened, and my jaw dropped in indignation, shocked that he would go there right now.
“Well, you did us both a favor by sleeping with your assistant coach, so we wouldn’t have to make that mistake. And yes, in fact, that does make it hard to believe you ever cared!”
Miles didn’t get angry at my outburst. Instead he looked… smug. He was playing me, getting me riled up on purpose. “Well, well. You’re feistier than I remember. I musta done something right if you’re still this affected by me.”
He was so infuriating! “Oh please,” I said, heavy with sarcasm. “I resent your stupidity! We had fun playing house, Miles, but what part of being a cheater and a pompous jackass did you think I’d miss?”
That did it. His lips pressed into a hard line. We had never seen these cruel sides of one another before. There had never been fighting or bitter words between us. Our relationship was pleasant until the very last night, then it was over.
“You used to be so…” he drifted off and shook his head. “What happened to you.” The question was rhetorical, his undertones laced with condemnation.
Well I didn’t ask for his approval. Nor did I believe for one second that he cared. But showing up to rub my failures in my face was a new low, even for him. So I hit him where it hurt: his ego.
I glared at him pointedly, answering his rhetorical question. “Assholes. Just… like… you. That’s what happened to me.”
Fists clenched and unclenched at his sides. “You never even gave us a chance.”
“Seriously Miles? What the hell are you even talking about?”
“I made a mistake! That doesn’t mean our whole relationship was a lie! At least it wasn’t to me.”
“Yeah, well, I wasn’t stupid enough to stick around and find out. If you’re looking for a sucker, go on back to your mistress.”
He grunted in frustration. We were getting nowhere. “I came here to say something, damn it!”
“Obviously. Stalking me at work sorta tipped me off!”
“Will you stop talking for five seconds!”
“Fine! Spit it out!”
“I’m trying to say I’m sorry!”
The parking lot stilled, his words echoing off the empty pavement between us. I didn’t know what to expect, but it certainly hadn’t been that. What was he apologizing for exactly? Our relationship? How it ended? Everything that happened since?
I never needed an apology from Miles. As soon as I found out he cheated, I wrote him off and cursed myself for my own naiveté. It took me a whole year of dating until I saw the real him: arrogant, self-indulgent. A wolf with a sparkling smile and a silver tongue, preying on my vulnerability. And now that was all I could see. After we split, I never missed him, never wanted an explanation, never wanted to make amends. And tonight, I sure as hell didn’t want his pity.
“Alright then. You said it.” And with that I turned and climbed in my car.
Vance knocked lightly on the window, catching my attention. Geez, I had forgotten he was even here. “Pancakes?” he said, the sound muffled through the glass. I nodded once, pulled into reverse, and got the hell out of there.
* * *
When I arrived at Honey’s, I held up two fingers to order the usual—two pancake plates and two hot chocolates—and waited for Vance in our regular booth while frequently glancing out the window.
Admittedly, the whole scene I just fled was a bit worrisome. Miles was no hothead, unless you counted his pride. But he was a smooth talker with plenty of motivation to ruin me, fully equipped and capable of telling a few choice stories that could change Vance’s opinion about me, thus our
friendship. Based on tonight, I didn’t know exactly how much information Miles had on me, or what he planned to do with it. Vance was a smart guy, but I wouldn’t put it past him if one day he reached his tolerance limit for my drama.
I exhaled with relief when Vance walked in. His eyes found me immediately and he headed in my direction with a smile that was neither judgmental nor wary.
Soon as he got to the table, I jumped up and wrapped my arms around him in a tight hug. It happened automatically, obviously, because had I thought about it beforehand, I definitely wouldn’t have done it. Initially he froze in surprise, then relaxed and lightly held me to him. It felt strange and awkward, but my gratefulness for his friendship outweighed either of those things in that moment.
When we broke apart his eyes were round with shock. “What was that for?”
“For playing my ex-buffer. That might not have gone so well if you hadn’t been there.” I slid into the booth and fiddled with my fingernails, rethinking my impulsiveness. “Don’t get used to it.”
A wide grin broke out across his face. “Any others I need to worry about?”
I swallowed back my emotion. “Nope. I should be good now.”
He settled into the booth across from me. A short, awkward silence descended.
“So… tonight I met a real-life Ken doll. How was your evening?”
And just like that I laughed. I was a sucker for his dry humor. It was exactly what I needed at the moment. I took a deep breath and let it out, feeling much more relaxed now that he was here. There was something about his laid back demeanor that always put me at ease.
“Pretty accurate depiction actually: plastic. That boy thinks he is God’s gift to women.” I rolled my eyes then mumbled, “More like curse, if you ask me.”
“So, what is he? Some football jock?”
I shook my head. “Track.”
“Wait, wait,” he laughed. “He runs track? And his name is Miles?”
I blinked back, disinterested. There was once a time this had been amusing to me, too. Now it was just stupid.
“And how did you meet this winner?” he asked.
“We were just two strangers chatting over the sugar counter at Starbucks, when guess who walks in? …Nathan.”
“Oh boy.”
“It was only two weeks after he ended things between us. I was still heartbroken. And he walks in with some girl with purple streaks in her hair. He might as well have just smashed my stupid little heart into a million pieces. Anyway, I guess my dejectedness was super obvious, because the guy comes to my rescue. He takes my face in his hands and redirects my attention, winks—in true stud form, then swoops in and kisses me, confident and unrepentant, right on the lips.”
“You just met the guy? And he just kisses you?”
“I didn’t even know his name. And I know it sounds creepy, but it wasn’t. It was like, for the first time in two weeks, I didn’t feel so unwanted. I kissed him back. And finally, something inside me started to feel stronger.”
I still remembered that kiss. The way he tasted like ice and mocha, the thrill it gave me, as well as the feeling of hope and comfort and relief. For two whole weeks it felt like I was drowning. So I gave in. I got caught in the undertow, let it pull me all the way under. Whether I was conceding to fight or flight, there was no way to know.
Plus, holy macaroni, Nathan’s expression when he saw us together made my life complete.
“So you agreed to marry him?” he asked, his expression painted with disbelief.
I groaned and hid my face in embarrassment. Just another example of my less than stellar judgment. If Vance hadn’t already thought I was nuts, he must now. He could only witness so many of my shenanigans before he was resolved.
“Kind of… not right away. We dated for over a year. We wanted to run off to Vegas when I turned eighteen. Elope.”
I peeked at him through my fingers, seeing the different emotions warring across his features.
“Wow… that’s kind of… impulsive.”
“Exactly.” I sighed, ashamed. “Careless and chaos. My specialty.”
“Oh please,” Vance rolled his eyes and laughed. “Little Scarlett Rose… you big walking disaster, you.”
“Oh come on,” I said, suddenly feeling defensive. He was mocking me, insinuating that I was harmless with the help of my old nickname, Little Scarlett. I didn’t like that. “You’ve met two of my exes now. Which do you think was worse, idiot number one, or idiot number two?”
“Is that the worst you’ve done? Dated a couple idiots?” he countered. “You were in high school,” he said, throwing me a bone. Then he lowered his voice to a loud whisper. “Besides… at least you didn’t actually marry the guy.”
I shuddered at the thought. “But we just went all Jerry Springer at each other… you saw.”
“He was provoking you. I’m impressed that you didn’t claw his eyes out.” He made a scratching motion with his hand and hissed.
I looked at him as if he were speaking a different language. Why was he making excuses for me? Was it the dimples? Of all the stupidity Vance had witnessed, I would have thought he was smart enough to see past that by now.
“Have you forgotten Todd? I’ve gotten drunk and hooked up with more boys than I can even remember!”
He fixed me with a stare. “Do you still do that?”
No… but I ignored that and moved on to my next point, gesturing to my hair. “Do you not see this emo look I have going on?”
“That’s all smoke and mirrors, Rosie,” he waved me off. “This isn’t who you are. It’s just as far as you could get from who you used to be.”
I opened my mouth as if I had a response to that, then closed it. Did he have to have an answer for everything? Besides, maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. What was I doing… first hoping he wouldn’t think I was nuts, then trying to convince him that I was? I decided to drop it, too, and changed the subject.
“Did he say anything to you? After I left?”
There was a pause before he answered. “Not really.”
I sighed. I probably didn’t want to know anyway.
“So…” he leaned forward on his elbows. “You were about to run off to matrimonial bliss, when you found out about his girl on the side?”
I nodded, laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. It didn’t hurt anymore. The whole situation wasn’t worth more than a roll of my eyes. “She found me through his Facebook page and sent me an email. We exchanged phone numbers and stories, then teamed up to work against him.”
“You confronted him?” He grinned, interest piqued.
“Oh yes. Maybe his dramatics rubbed off on me a smidge,” I shrugged, sheepish. “I told her about our next date, and she showed up. His face was priceless.”
“I’ll bet,” he chuckled.
“He made her leave so we could try and work it out. At first he was defensive, said it wasn’t what I thought and I was just being paranoid. When I let it slip that I knew everything and the confrontation was planned, he turned it all around, saying that I had serious issues, and he couldn’t be with someone that he couldn’t trust.”
Vance groaned, and rubbed his hands down his face. “Please tell me you did not swallow that load of crap.”
“Hell no. I threw my ring at his head, followed by my caramel frapaccino, and left him then and there.”
Vance barked out a proud laugh.
That’s right… a caramel frapaccino from Starbucks. Our relationship ended in the very same place it began. Poetic.
“And that’s not the best part!” I continued.
“What’s the best part?”
“Last I had heard, they were living happily ever after.”
Vance stared back, stunned. “She’d be a moron to take him back after that!”
I shrugged. “Guess he got what he wanted in the end.”
Our pancakes arrived then, and we both dove in to our sugary reprieve.
As we chewed our first bites, shame
crept in. After tonight’s spectacle and everything he now knew about Nathan and Miles, I could only imagine what Vance thought of me. Immature relationships. Dramatic fights. Weak, foolish girl. This was the problem of having ties to my past. It was impossible to move on when constant reminders popped up of the girl I used to be.
Vance was right. I didn’t want to be that person anymore. But who was I becoming?
The old Scarlett never would have sassed Miles like that. The new Scar never would have dated him to begin with. For some reason, I wanted Vance to understand my side. I felt incapable of figuring it out for myself, and needed him to believe I was something more than the disaster I saw myself to be.
“He wasn’t vain like that when we were together,” I explained. “On paper, he was the perfect boyfriend. He went out of his way to compensate for every shortcoming of my first relationship. He showered me with sweetness, made promises about our future, acted like I was his whole world. Even Lexi was jealous.” I took another bite and chewed thoughtfully, my eyes focused on nothing in particular. “I used to wonder how many times he told me he loved me after sleeping with her. I suppose there were a few red flags towards the end, but he sweet talked his way out of everything. After Nathan… I was starving for attention. I just wanted to be wanted. And whatever Miles said, I ate it all up. Nathan didn’t even want me as his girlfriend, but Miles said he wanted to marry me, to be with me for life…”
Vance nodded, still listening intently. “It sounds like maybe you weren’t completely over Nathan when you got with this other guy.”
“You’re probably right,” I sighed, knowing it was the truth, and hoping he wouldn’t judge me for it. “It was like a game we played, Nathan and I: look how happy I am without you. He started partying harder, and I found myself with a ring on my finger. Until eventually it tore our clique apart.” I shook my head, ashamed. “I can’t believe I stooped to that level of drama. I guess first cut’s the deepest, you know?”
Unable to look at me, he shrugged.
I blinked in confusion. I certainly hadn’t expected that response. I thought for sure this was the part he’d understand.