by Riley Jean
It was almost impossible to imagine she could ever take me seriously when she had only seen me as a doormat our entire lives. But this was my last chance to stand up to Lexi, and I couldn’t blow it again. The thought that I couldn’t overcome this part of my past was unacceptable.
“He sounds like a real keeper, Scarlett. Whatever happened to this guy? Is he the reason you—Hey!”
Vance snatched the book from her hands and tossed it to me. He shook his head at her with some mixture of anger and disappointment in his eyes that I had never seen him use. His lips were pressed together tightly as if willing himself to hold his words inside, but it seemed they were barely restrained.
“Aww, come on Vance,” she smiled. “All in good fun.”
“Why can’t you just admit that you miss her?” he said, silencing us both.
Lexi aimed her glare at me as if I were to blame for his observation. But I was just as shocked as her. It didn’t make any sense. She had made it abundantly clear when we lived together that I was nothing more than a burden to her. She’d only coerced me to come here so she could torment me some more, not to rekindle our friendship. If there was anything she missed, it was just having a lackey.
She crossed her arms, her laugh was forced and shrill. “And how did you arrive at that conclusion?”
“Because you took her for granted,” Vance replied, then turned his deep green eyes to me. “That, and I would sure as hell miss her, too.”
My insides got all scrambled at the warm cadence of his voice and the way he was looking at me like he really meant it. While I wished I was able to handle Lexi on my own, having someone at my side didn’t make me feel weak like I had expected. It actually made me feel validated. Like I was no longer alone in my corner.
“For the record,” he stated, speaking right to me, “Leaving this place doesn’t mean you failed. It means you were strong.”
I was frozen in place, utterly speechless. After all the regrets and mistakes from my time here, hearing Vance call me strong was like an affirmation that I never knew I needed. I never regretted leaving. But until now, returning home had felt like just another failure.
Only one thought remained: This is what a real friend looked like.
He placed his hand on the small of my back. And I let him. “C’mon, Rosie. Let’s get out of here.”
I leaned into his warmth and let him steer me to the door. I just wanted to get out of this place, away from these people, and back home where I could get this journal full of unspeakable memories out of my hands.
I should have known Lexi—of all people—never let anyone else have the last word.
“You think you’re so much better than me,” she seethed.
Her words stopped me in my tracks. I turned to face her and met her eyes directly, refusing to blink. “Excuse me?”
“You’ve always thought that. Too good to party with me. Too perfect for this place.” She scoffed, as if she believed I was anything but. “You replaced all of us. You replaced me,” she stressed, glaring at Summer, who hadn’t even spoken a word. “So much for best friends forever.”
The absolute nerve! My blood was boiling now. No more holding back. “You don’t get to do that,” I said firmly, and stepped right up to her. I didn’t care that she towered over me and I had to crane my neck to meet her eyes. I wasn’t backing down this time. A brief look of shock flashed across her face, but she held her ground. It was enough to fuel me for this moment. Fury overpowered all other emotions. This time, I had no problems channeling it.
“All our lives, you’ve made fun of me for the way I dressed, the way I spoke, the way I believed in love. You’ve called me names and insulted me in front of other people. You’ve ditched me for random boys over and over again. You never cared about what I thought or dreamed or who I really was. You constantly tried to change me into you.” I emphasized this with a finger shoved in her chest. “And I must have been out of my mind, because I stayed and took it for all those years. I tried to be the fun and carefree friend you wanted. I went to lame parties and flirted with idiots and attended this damn college for you. All I’ve ever done is clean up your messes, drive your drunk ass home, bail you out of trouble and let you cry on my shoulder after some boy used you yet again. And I never once complained. But where were you when I needed a friend? Where were you when I lost everything? Where were you on Valentine’s Day?”
My chest was heaving furiously at this point. Once again, she made this all about her, like I left to hurt her on purpose. She didn’t consider for one second that I had been hurting, and left to help myself. How dare she turn it around and question my friendship? She didn’t even know the meaning of the word.
“Where the FUCK where you!” I demanded, my voice shrieking.
Her eyes went wide and glossy. She opened her mouth and closed it several times without an answer. I knew there wouldn’t be one, but I didn’t want to let her off easy. I wanted to watch her squirm like a worm on a hook until she finally put it all together, and got it through her thick, blond scull what a self-absorbed, pathetic excuse for a friend she had always been.
But like always, she found the perfect stinging comment to say.
“I can’t believe you would do this to me on my birthday. You self-righteous bitch.”
I fought against the stab of guilt I felt. She was right, this was her night, she had two hundred guests to entertain, and I’d just unleashed thirteen years of pent up frustration. But the guilt was easy to overcome because I knew she was just trying to manipulate me, since that’s what always worked. And it would have done the trick again except for one thing—she still hadn’t heard one effing word I said.
That’s when I figured it out. That sometimes, when a relationship is too broken to put back together—when one person is too stubborn to try—the strong thing, the right thing, the best way to be a good friend? It isn’t holding on to the broken pieces. It’s letting go.
So I said the only thing I had left to say.
“Happy birthday. Alexia.”
And I walked out. For the last time.
Again.
* * *
[Past]
Why in the world had I promised Gabriel I’d introduce him to Lexi? This had to be the worst idea in the history of stupid ideas.
It had been a few days since he first suggested it. I’d been putting him off, promising to plan some sort of get-together. The truth was, I just wasn’t ready. I couldn’t bear the image of seeing him with another girl—especially my best friend. Every minute we spent together, I was falling a little harder for him. And every time he asked about meeting her, the knife in my gut twisted a little more.
I was clutching selfishly to a relationship that didn’t exist. The guilt that tore at me was almost as painful as the inevitability of losing him. Lexi was my friend, and so was Gabriel. If they were meant to be, I had no right to keep them apart. I had to fulfill my promise and let them meet. But I didn’t have to be there to witness the sparks fly between them.
So the next time he brought it up, I had a plan.
“And when exactly will I have the pleasure of meeting Miss Lexi?”
I quietly steeled myself. Enough stalling. The longer I waited only made it worse. I would never be ready to let him go. I just had to do it, like ripping off a Band-Aid—quick and painless.
“Friday night.”
His head tilted in that maddeningly attractive way. “This Friday? Don’t you have work?”
“I do. Yes.”
He smiled and shook his head. “That won’t do, love. I want you there, too.”
“Why?” I said, slightly harsher than necessary. I cleared my throat. “I mean, I don’t need to be there. Really. We can work out the details and I’ll relay them to her—”
“I would despair if you did. That defeats the whole purpose.”
I looked down at my hands, trying to maintain my composure. He was making this more difficult than it had to be. Was he so unaware of the
way I felt about him? Weren’t my feelings embarrassingly transparent? For the sake of my mental health, there was no reason for me to be present for their actual meeting. He was perfectly capable of sweeping her off her feet just by showing up and breathing.
I took a deep breath. My mama had always told me to be like a swan on the water. They glided along the surface, graceful and poised, while down below they were kicking along and propelling at full speed. Regardless of what was brewing underneath, she said it was important to never let the world see that side of me.
This was one of those situations where I was struggling to be like the swan.
“It’ll be fine,” I said. My voice was small as I sliced my own heart wide open. “You can just pick her up and take her out. Like a blind date.”
“A date?” His brow crinkled. “I don’t want to date her.”
“Oh,” I said, confused. What could he possibly want with Lexi other than…? My eyes widened as I realized. “OHH,” I stressed, horrified.
He threw back his head and laughed, deep and rumbly. I was once again caught up in the melodic sound of it. Seeing him so happy always made my heart grow wings and flutter away. For a second I forgot that the man I was falling for wanted to sleep with my best friend.
He looked at me, blue eyes glittering like sapphires. “You silly sausage,” he said around his smile, the warm hint of his accent irresistibly charming. I didn’t understand what was so funny but his delight was infectious. I smiled, eager to go along with whatever he wanted. There was nothing I wouldn’t do for this man. I never had any hope of resisting him.
“Is that what you thought this whole time? That I was asking you to set me up with your friend?”
I blinked repeatedly, trying to clear my head of his raw magnetism. “Um… Yes.”
“And you were going to do it?”
“You said…” I paused, trying to wrap my mind around this turn of events. Could he actually be saying what I hadn’t dared to hope? My heart was teetering dangerously on the edge of total devastation and the slightest chance of bliss. My voice cracked when I admitted, “I thought she was who you wanted.”
His expression sobered. The air between us grew heavier. The way he looked at me stripped me bare, like he was staring straight into my soul. But I couldn’t look away, and I couldn’t hide myself anymore.
At that moment, he had to know. He had to be aware of the way I felt about him, the pain I experienced in misunderstanding his request, and the depth of my feelings in my willingness to grant it anyway.
So he gave me something back.
His fingertips tilted my chin up until I was looking him straight in the eye. “No, sweet Scarlett, she’s not the one I want,” he whispered. “Why would I choose simple candy for the eye, over food for the soul?”
I inhaled, my rib cage expanding to full capacity. It felt like the first un-constricted breath I had taken in days. I could have cried. I could have screamed. I could have jumped on the table and sung the entire Sound of Music soundtrack. My skin was the only thing holding me in one place.
“Then, why…?”
“She’s your best friend,” he explained. “I just wanted to meet her. For you.”
* * *
[Present]
I was storming down Lexi’s driveway when Vance and Summer caught up with me.
“Wow,” Summer huffed beside me. “You really let her have it!”
Adrenaline coursed through my veins with every step. Had that really just happened? Was this some dream or had I—for once—said exactly what I wanted to say without stumbling over my words? I shook out my hands, trying to stop them from trembling under the weight of the moment. For it was truly a life-changing moment. I was no longer Little Scarlett, the doormat. Finally, I stood up for myself. Finally, I told Lexi what I really thought about the way she treated me and her so-called friendship.
Vance put a hand on my shoulder then quickly removed it when I shrugged him off, anxiously rubbing the back of his neck. “You doing okay?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly, turning away from them. A part of me felt really good for standing up to her. But the high was already starting to fade. What was the point? As suspected, she hadn’t taken one word of it to heart. It hadn’t changed anything, except now the bridge was burned. And Lexi was right, too. She was my former best friend, and it was her birthday. She didn’t deserve the entirety of my resentment dropped on her in one fell swoop.
Why was it so hard for me to stay mad at anyone, even when given a very compelling reason?
“I didn’t mean to… blow up.”
“I knew you guys used to be friends but I had no idea there was so much animosity,” Summer noted. “Was all that stuff true?”
I nodded solemnly. “Pretty much.”
“Why did she have your journal? And what happened on Valentine’s Day?” she pressed. “What was that all about?”
Vance looked at me curiously as well. I swallowed and shook my head. “Just… just drama,” I dismissed her questions, all ten fingers tightening on the journal clutched against my chest. I didn’t want to stand around talking about it anymore. I just wanted to be alone and process this by myself. “Sorry guys. Do you mind if I just go home?”
“That’s fine,” Summer said cheerily then turned to Vance. We had reached the truck at this point and he opened the passenger door so we could climb in. “We can drop her off and then head to Honey’s. Ever since you guys mentioned midnight pancakes, I’ve been totally craving them!”
Vance’s gaze flickered from me to Summer. “Maybe another time. I’m gonna head home, too.”
“Oh… we could watch a movie at your place?” she asked, hopeful.
He shook his head. “Sorry Summer. Not tonight.”
Our drive home was completely silent. With three passengers instead of two, the normal tranquility of Vance’s truck was nowhere to be found. The air grew thick with unease and I knew I wasn’t the only one who felt it. My argument with Lexi played on an endless loop in my mind. Meanwhile, the pout radiating off Summer on my left certainly didn’t help.
My head was swimming in so much negative energy, I didn’t even notice when Vance passed my house.
“That’s Scar’s street,” Summer pointed out as we drove past. “She’s the one who wants to be home so badly. You could have at least dropped her off first.”
I peeked at Summer from the corner of my eye. I understood that I cut our plans for this evening short, but that was no reason to practically shove me out of a moving vehicle.
“I’ll come back around,” Vance responded, continuing his drive.
In her silence, I could feel her sulking again. I debated just sucking it up and offering to go with her to Honey’s. But I had come too far tonight to give into my guilt again. Regardless of her moping, I was going to do what I needed to do for me.
* * *
As promised, Vance came back around to bring me home after dropping off Summer. He cut the engine—a clear sign that he wasn’t kicking me out just yet—and exhaled, the heavy sound accentuated in the stillness of the night.
I settled into the bench in no hurry to depart. After tonight’s disaster, I had just wanted solitude to work through it. But the ache to be alone didn’t exist when it was just me and Vance.
There was something about sitting in his truck that had become my safe place. The feel of the fabric seats beneath me, the smell of peppermint and spice. Without Summer’s tension between us, the air had returned to normal, feeling warm and comfortable once again.
“You know, I can’t say it was nice meeting Lexi. But it sure does explain a lot.”
A small smile broke through my vacant expression. Vance almost never spoke a negative word about anyone, not even his ex. It was nice to know I wasn’t the only one who had been pushed to the limit by Lexi. Surely now he had a better understanding of my disconnect with friendships. I couldn’t resist comparing them. Vance and Lexi’s friendships were in such
different realms, they didn’t even exist in the same universe.
“I was proud of you tonight,” he said.
“Oh?” I looked over at him and smirked. I pulled my feet up onto the seat and wrapped my arms around my legs. “You like me being a bitch?” That might have once come as a surprise, but that was before I met his long-time girlfriend.
“Well, no,” he chuckled, shifting towards me. When he spoke again, his tone was serious. “You stood up for yourself. I know that wasn’t easy for you.”
I let out a derisive laugh and shook off his misplaced praise. “I blew up at her, Vance. I totally attacked her. On her birthday.”
“That doesn’t grant her permission to walk all over everyone,” he argued. “Okay. It was bad timing. But you’ve made excuses for her long enough. I don’t blame you for finally showing some backbone.”
“But I should have—”
“Stop right there,” he cut me off. “No should-have, could-have, would-have. What’s done is done. Focus on moving forward.”
I considered this, resting my chin on my knees. “Do you think I should apologize?” I asked.
“Honestly?” I nodded. “No. She needed to hear that stuff. All of it. You’re the one that deserves an apology, in my opinion. This time it’s on her to fix it.”
I glanced out the windshield in thought. I wasn’t going to hold my breath waiting for an apology from Lexi Monroe.
“I’m not saying it was perfect,” he conceded. “Ideally, you wouldn’t have hulked out. On the other hand, ideally she wouldn’t have provoked you. Ideally she would’ve treated you like a friend instead of a minion for the past umpteen years. You’re human—it’s not a crime to have emotions. If she were really your friend, she should understand that.”
Turning introspective, I pondered this. I supposed it could have been worse; there wasn’t name calling or hair pulling and nothing I said was false. It was just emotional. I’d been trying so hard to suppress my emotions that it felt weird and wrong to let them out.