by Riley Jean
Soft, olive green eyes looked directly into mine. “We’ll never stop falling more in love, Rosie. That’s my vow to you, the day I get to call you my wife.”
Good gracious, I couldn’t wait. Four months to go; four months too long!
Originally I suggested a quick elopement, but Vance was adamantly against the idea. He pointed out that our relationship began in secret, and he wouldn’t feel right starting our marriage that way. (He might’ve also been a little turned off by the thought of following the same elopement plan I had with Miles.)
Thus, we were having a real ceremony in an adorable chapel in the mountains, and the reception at a nearby lodge. At first I didn’t think I needed a huge party and a ton of attention. But Vance was right, we were lucky enough to be surrounded by people that loved us, and the event was worthy of celebrating together.
Meanwhile, there was still one boundary we had yet to cross.
So far, we’d honored our decision to wait until after the wedding to…ahem… consummate our relationship. Some days (or nights, rather) were harder than others. Surprisingly, the wait often seemed more difficult for me than it did for him. We tested and pushed our boundaries, having plenty of fun practicing for the main event. But somehow (Vance) we had successfully evaded home plate.
For the next four months, he and his new puppy, Orion, would be living alone in the cabin, where I was no longer allowed. He said it’s to avoid temptation, but I suspected he’s renovating again. He swore that we’d have the perfect wedding night, and it’d be worth the wait, and everything I ever wanted. And I didn’t doubt that for one second.
This man has proved to me time and again the lengths he will go for me, and I trust him with my life—even if it can be pretty frustrating to hear him say ‘no’ in the heat of the moment. Nevertheless, there’d never been a moment he left me uncertain of his love, his respect, or his desire for me. Not one solitary moment.
We’ll see… This marriage just might get consummated in the car between the chapel and the lodge.
As for after the wedding?
Following a few days secluded in his cabin, the tentative plan was Oregon—a little closer to home, but with actual seasons, known for its beautiful mountains and great fishing. He had his eye on a few houses on the market, ones with big yards for Orion to run around and play. I was happy to find whatever work came along, so long as I had time to keep up with my personal journey blog, Forgiven. Over the last few years, it had gained quite the following.
I loved that we got to finish school in Texas, and I’d miss our church and the band and my book club friends, but we didn’t feel the pull to settle there. I always assumed we’d move back to California after graduation, but after he got out of his comfort zone, my man caught the travel bug. Vance had followed me as I chased my dreams, and I’d do the same for him. I’d follow him anywhere.
“You hear from Anthony and Claire?”
“She emailed me,” I said, lying next to him in the grass. “They made it to Africa okay. Their team will be training for another two days, then they leave for the first village.”
Over these last few years, the four of us had become really close. Claire and I lived together up until they got married. Vance had helped to paint their new place, where they only lived for a grand total of one year—they both joined the peace corps after Claire finished school this last month. It was easy to see they were destined for greatness.
“Think we could ever do that?” he asked, facing me and squinting against the sun. “Move across the world? Give it all up?”
“First of all, I wouldn’t be giving anything up, if you were there with me,” I smiled at him. He grinned back. He loved it when I unleashed my cheesiness on him. “And second,” I said more seriously, “I would support you in anything you felt led to do. I’ve learned to trust that heart of yours by now.”
I watched as he closed his eyes and tilted his face up towards the sun, soaking in its warmth. “Who knows, Rosie? We’ve got our whole lives ahead.”
When I laced our fingers together, the three small, inked stars on my inner wrist aligned with the bow and arrow on his. “We’re going to be something amazing,” I whispered.
Reuniting the old clique for Phoenix’s funeral only lasted one night. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of him, every time I see a surfer or hear a drum solo. Every time I face the choice to either run from life or embrace it.
It was healing to repair those bridges and come together to sing for our friend as one. But in the end, we had grown up, and life moved on. While I’d never forget their friendships and how much they meant to me at that time in my life, our bond was better off left in the past.
Not gonna lie, I got a little choked up when I ran into Nathan last Christmas, guiding his wobbly baby girl by the hand. He gave me a hug and even introduced me as “daddy’s old friend.” He lit up around her. That made my heart happy.
He commented on my ring and I spoke of Vance proudly. It got a little quiet after that, so I asked about the old clique. He filled me in on my time away… Dirk had moved to Colorado and was playing solo gigs in coffee shops. Lexi had finished trade school in massage therapy, and was currently working as a masseuse. Gwen was still scooping away at Mooshi, still waiting on that ring.
Ricky Storm was a different story.
Last anyone heard, Ricky had landed himself in prison.
I couldn’t judge him, I supposed. I wasn’t entitled enough to believe that I had been through worse, or that I deserved better. I understood firsthand the desperate things we do to escape, and that anger and grief could be lethal emotions, if you gave them all your power. The first time I lost someone, I was set on that very same path to destruction.
Not everyone is lucky enough to get second chances, so the important thing is to make it count the first time around. If you’re human enough to mess up, learn from it. And if you’re lucky enough to get a second shot, you best get on your knees to thank the Good Lord.
The way I see it, life gives you two choices: either take control of your circumstances, or let your circumstances control you.
Of course, James refused to tell me much, but he swore on his last dollar he knew exactly where Ricky was, and it certainly wasn’t locked behind county bars.
Hadn’t I learned long ago never to trust the rumor mill when it came to Ricky Storm?
Sometimes I wished that things were different. I wished I had all the answers. I wished I hadn’t made so many mistakes along the way. I wished our love hadn’t hurt Summer, that Phoenix was still here, making music and taking over the world, and that Ricky hadn’t shut everyone out.
But a wise man once told me that people will come and go throughout life, and sometimes bad things happen. That doesn’t mean you can’t hold the good times in your heart, and remember those that made life bearable, even if just for a little while.
So every night, I pray. I pray for those who have hurt me, as well as those I have hurt. I pray that I will never accept grace then turn around and refuse to extend it to others. I pray my gratefulness for all my many blessings. I pray that I will never let excuses become more important than people. I pray continually for the transformation of my heart and the renewing of my mind. I pray that I will never be more motivated by fear than by passion. I pray for strength. I pray for healing. I pray for hope.
Not all my friendships outlasted the test of time. But as seasons change and new ones begin, I found there’s no need to be bitter. It’s okay to smile. After all, directly or indirectly, I learned something from each of them.
Lexi taught me the difference between friendships that are worth fighting for, and those that are better off letting go. To stand up for myself, even if it means going against the crowd. That even the most loyal of people can be pushed so far they no longer gave a damn. And the problem with fair weather friends? No one is there to hold the umbrella when it rains.
Dirk taught me never to settle for less than love.
Gwen taught me that friendship
should be stronger than differing opinions. That love isn’t always logical, until you go back to the basics. That sometimes life is a direct result of our choices. That if you’re not moving forward, you’ll get left behind. How important it is to fight for what you believe, and how to recognize when you love another person more than you respect yourself.
Nathan taught me if you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything. That without the balance of your mind, the heart can blind you. The destruction capable of scorned lovers, and conversely, the power of forgiveness.
Phoenix taught me to live a big life, to embrace every day. That laughter is the best cure for nerves, or anything really. To never waste second chances. That I’m either living my dreams, or I’m living my fears.
Ricky taught me to be fearless. That family means more than blood. That sometimes bad things happen to good people, and what can happen when your demons go unchecked. That being alone is a choice, and pushing people away is perhaps the gateway of all destructive habits. That a lifetime seeking anger and retribution is a lonely life.
James taught me that no one is beyond deliverance.
And Vance taught me many things. To always keep my eyes open. To count my blessings. That sometimes living in the moment gives you more than momentary pleasure. That home isn’t a location, but rather a sense of belonging, which comes from surrounding yourself with people you love. That true strength means being who I am despite my past, not because of it. That life wasn’t meant to be endured, it was meant to be experienced. That the right person is worth the fall, hands down.
But most of all, that the perfect love did actually exist. And it indeed outlasts everything and overcomes all.
Vance ignited my body with a touch. He carried my fears and my deepest secrets without judgment. He lifted my spirit by his smile alone. And above all, he owned my heart. He had taken the black and broken pieces, put them back together and filled the cracks with his endless love. He was my light in a world of darkness. He was the stars in my sky.
Even though I used him and did everything wrong, I was fortunate enough that this wonderful and forgiving man fell truly, patiently, inexplicably in love with me. And because of love, we were both forever changed.
So there you have it. Ours is not a love-at-first-sight, butterflies, and fairy tales kind of romance.
It is a story of betrayal and grief. Loneliness and pain. The development of real friendship. Rebuilding trust. Facing fears and healing. Finding myself again. Discovering hope.
It is the journey of redefining perfect love.
The End
Rosie’s Playlist
“Boulevard of Broken Dreams” by Green Day
“Sidewalks” by Story of the Year
“The Fixer” by Pearl Jam
“Scars” by Papa Roach
“Star Song” by Bowling for Soup
“Face Down” by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
“Save Your Heart” by Mayday Parade
“I Will Not Bow” by Breaking Benjamin
“Learning to Walk Again” by Foo Fighters
“Screaming Infidelities” by Dashboard Confessional
“Come With Me Now” by Kongos
“All That I’ve Got” by The Used
“The Middle” by Jimmy Eat World
“The Brightest Bulb Has Burned Out” by Less Than Jake
“Time of your Life” by Green Day
“Friends O Mine” by Bowling for Soup
“Diary of Jane” by Breaking Benjamin
“Empty Apartment” by Yellowcard
“Swing Life Away” by Rise Against
“Thanks for the Memories” by Fall Out Boy
“Face the Truth” by Rufio
“I O U One Galaxy” by The Ataris
“Runaway” by Cartel
“Fake It” by Seether
“Staplegunned” by The Spill Canvas
“Savior” by Rise Against
“I’ll Follow You” by Shinedown
“Our Time Now” by Plain White T’s
“I’d Do Anything” by Simple Plan
“As Long As it Takes” by Spill Canvas
“Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner” by Fall Out Boy
“Breakeven” by The Script
“She” by Parachute
“Temporary Bliss” by The Cab
“Cross My Heart (Acoustic)” by Marianas Trench
“Let Me Go” by 3 Doors Down
“Push” by Matchbox Twenty
“Stubborn Love” by The Lumineers
“A Drop in the Ocean” by Ron Pope
“Say Something” by A Great Big World
“Animal I Have Become” by Three Days Grace
“Silhouette” by Owl City
“Valentine’s Day” by Linkin Park
“Remembering Sunday” by All Time Low
“Broken” by Seether and Amy Lee
“23” by Jimmy Eat World
“Shake it Out” by Florence and the Machines
About the Author
Life has made me fearless, God has made me strong, and being married to my best friend has made life pure bliss.
By day I am Pepper Potts: executive assistant to the CFO at a Fortune 100 company. By night I am Riley Jean: aspiring author. Use Somebody is my debut novel.
I am a simple, introverted person who grew up in Southern California. I enjoy early evening walks with our Aussie, Delilah, and find joy in music and books. Some may call me the quiet one at first, but until you know I love heart-to-heart convo’s, dancing like a fool, and riding the merry-go-round, you don’t know ME.
I am incredibly blessed.
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Summary
“I could see it in his eyes—he wanted to be the prince who rode up on his horse and saved the day. But I was no princess, and my Prince Charming had come and gone. I couldn’t survive losing another to dragon’s fire. Or to my own poisonous touch.”
Reeling from a traumatic and heart-shattering night, Scarlett Rossi escapes back to her hometown, a place that never changes, though nothing about her is the same. The new Scar is fierce. Untouchable. And resolved to bury the twisted nightmares of that horrible night… the night when everything was stolen from her… the night that divided her life into two: before him, and after.
When do-gooder Vance Holloway makes it his personal mission to cheer up the new girl at work, he has no idea what he’s getting himself into. Scarlett’s tough shell and spicy attitude doesn’t fool him. He knows deep down, that sweet, innocent smile still exists, and he’ll stop at nothing to prove it. Patience, persistence, and a little ice cream pay off. Slowly they become friends. Then best friends. Then more. Only one problem: he was never supposed to fall in love.
So begins an explosive tryst of pull and resistance, between one worthy white knight, and the damsel who doesn’t want to be saved. Scarlett won’t survive another heartbreak, but can their friendship survive a compromise?
If Vance is so determined to break down these walls, he’ll have to learn—just as she did—that when it comes to things like trust and love, there are always consequences.
Because the last man that she loved swore to protect her, then paid with his life. And took with him a piece of her soul.
Now Scarlett must decide if true strength means guarding her heart, or surrendering to it once more. One final secret remains: what really happened the night she swore she’d never love another man, and whose hands are stained with his blood?
An emotional journey of mystery, redemption, and epic romance. Complete stand alone with 250K words. Recommended for mature readers due to some heavy material.
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Riley Jean, Use Somebody