I Hate You, Love Me

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I Hate You, Love Me Page 7

by Jamie Knight


  The aftermath was not pretty. I spotted Tina in the parking lot and her dad was yelling, clearly not having it. He was screaming and waving his arms. He must’ve been so pissed. When I got a glance at her, Tina actually looked happy though.

  My dad wasn’t much happier. He went on one of his anti-marriage rants in the car on our drive home.

  Okay-okay, I get it Dad, Mom left you. I remember, well. Stop bringing it up.

  He kept referring to Tina as a “devil woman” that would “trap me”.

  “No woman can be trusted, Seth. None of them,” he preached in the elevator on the way up to our apartment. “Women cannot help themselves. They’re always looking and scheming to trade up. It’s in their DNA.”

  He said this right in front of my stepmother. I mean, we weren’t blood-related, but I felt bad for her. When I was ten, my stepmother moved in with us. She was a quiet, meek woman who never spoke up for herself. I tolerated her, but I can’t say I really liked her. It was probably because I had trouble remembering my mother and having her around wasn’t helping me. My dad would constantly go on these anti-woman rants and my step-mother would just sit there, looking like she was a hostage.

  I had tried to have real conversations about women with my dad, but it was tough. I guess when you get burned so bad in a marriage and divorce you never really get over it. My dad didn’t trust women and yet, he had remarried. Part of that was probably because he felt I needed a mother, but some of it was because he didn’t really hate women. His rants were his way of coping with my mother leaving.

  Don’t get me wrong, my mother’s behavior was inexcusable. The fact that she would just leave without thinking about me is fucked up to the bone. Only her happiness mattered, not her defenseless child’s. Nope. Sorry. Mommy is bored. Mommy needs a new man with more money.

  That’s why I date so many girls. I’m trying not to get too close to any of these chicks. They get their claws in you and the next thing you know, you’re trapped. What’s my longest relationship at this point? Six weeks maybe. And I was still dating two other women at the same time.

  Dad was still lecturing me when he unlocked the apartment door. My step-mother, with her hallow eyes, just took my baby brother to his bedroom and shut the door. After a while, dad lost his train of thought and I was able to wander away to my own bedroom. I took a deep sigh as I closed the door behind my back.

  I sat on my bed, trying to get thoughts of Tina’s lips out of my head. They were so soft, softer than I thought her pink pout was going to be. She tasted a bit like strawberries. Her massive breasts had pressed into my chest—firm, round and soft. I saw myself, naked, squeezing her tits in my hands. Licking her pert nipples, while she moaned my name. My dick twitched in my jeans.

  It was suddenly too hot in my room. I grabbed a blanket. Sometimes, when I wanted to think, I’d climb out onto the fire escape and look at the stars. So, I did that. I figured the fresh air would get my mind off of Tina.

  We were on the twentieth floor, so there was little street noise. Just quiet and the frozen night air. On the fire escape, sometimes I would look down. Watch the traffic move below me. There were few people walking on the side walk, it was late and cold.

  Wrapping myself in the blanket, I leaned back and looked at the stars. It was a clear night and you could see all the constellations. Somehow, looking at all those dots in the sky made things seem small and insignificant. I was small in the Universe; therefore, my problems must be small too, right?

  I heard a window open below me and froze in my spot. Tina’s bedroom was right below mine. I should have climbed back inside quickly before she saw me, but I couldn’t move.

  Then I saw a slim hand on the fire escape below me. She poked her blonde head out of her window and climbed out. She reached back in to grab a blanket of her own and a glass bottle.

  “Tina,” I breathed, looking down at her through the grate below my feet.

  “Oh. Hey,” she greeted looking up, blue eyes blinking at me. Were her cheeks red?

  “Hey,” I said back.

  “What are you doing out here?” she asked.

  “Sometimes I come out here to think,” I explained.

  “Can I come up?” she asked.

  “I guess,” I said.

  She crawled up the fire escape’s stairs and got on the same landing as me. There wasn’t a lot of room, so we huddled side by side. She took a swig from the glass bottle. She offered me a drink. It was whisky. I didn’t want to get hammered up here, but one drink wouldn’t hurt, right? I took a swig.

  “It’s cold up here,” said Tina.

  Instinctively, I inched closer and shared my blanket with her. I could feel the warmth of her body next to mine. We stared at the stars in silence for a while. The whiskey helped make me feel warm and I could hear her breathing in the quiet.

  “Why did you kiss me?” I suddenly asked.

  “I wanted to make my parents upset,” she confessed, looking away from me. “But, I did like it.”

  “I liked it too.” I took the bottle from her a downed another shot. The whisky burned the back of my throat a little.

  “I just… My parents have always hated your parents. And, I mean, I know we’ve never really been friends, but we are kind of neighbors and go to the same college. And that was my first kiss and I kind of wasted it on a prank against them. No offense. But Lindsay was there with her finance, all engaged, and I couldn’t stand it because my mother is always judging me. And I felt like such a failure when it came to guys because I hadn’t even kissed one until you,” she rambled nervously. “But I did really like it.”

  She turned and looked me in the face. Her cheeks were red, she was blushing. Her eyes sparkled a little.

  “You want to kiss me again?” I asked, my voice husky.

  “Yes,” she said quickly.

  She looked at me with desire in her sky-blue eyes. Her pink lips parted slightly as she moved in towards me. I leaned down to her and our lips met. Hers still had a hint of whisky on them.

  I don’t think I had ever been this excited with a girl. It was weird to be that aroused just from kissing.

  It started to snow gently. The flakes melted on our bodies and on the blankets as we kissed. Some clung to the strands of Tina’s blonde hair.

  She inched closer to me on the narrow grate of the fire escape. I re-wrapped our blankets, so both of them were around our bodies. Leaning back into the building, I pulled her curvy body onto my lap.

  Her lips parted, and I slid my tongue into her warm mouth. Her breasts, hidden behind a hideous Christmas sweater pushed up against my chest as she leaned into me. I moved a hand in between our bodies. I had to touch her. I wanted to squeeze her full breasts in my bare hands. I slipped my hand under her sweater and gently laid it on the smooth skin of her bare stomach. I waited to see if that would be too much for her.

  Tina leaned towards me further. Her breath caught a little at my touch, but she nodded to me. She wanted me to proceed. I slid my hand up her creamy, soft skin, over the lacy confines of her bra, and grazed her breasts with my fingertips. Tina moaned. She sucked on my tongue in her mouth. Desire tightened every muscle in my body and I squeezed her pert breast hard.

  My cock, already sensitive, hardened. Steel-like, it pushed up into my jeans, straining to get to Tina’s body, trapped between our clothes. Tina pulled her lips away from me and looked me in the eyes. She looked a little shocked. She moved her hips a little, feeling my cock beneath my clothes. The friction of her movement caused me to get harder. I hissed under my breath and squeezed her breast again. She put a curious hand between us and felt my crotch, fascinated by my length.

  Her blue eyes were wide, asking silent questions. I used my free hand to pull her closer. I kissed her again, deeply. She shivered in my arms. The snow fall had been steadily increasing. Large white flakes danced around us. It was beautiful, but our blankets were getting damp.

  “Do you want to go into my room?” I asked.

&n
bsp; “Yes,” she breathed.

  I opened the window and dumped our blankets inside. I helped Tina in and then followed with the whiskey bottle. I set it on the dresser and turned back to Tina. She was looking around. We had been neighbors for so many years, but our animosity had kept us from ever visiting each other’s homes. This was her first time in my room. I had to admit, it felt intense.

  I put one arm around her narrow waist and pulled her up into my arms. Her legs lifted and wrapped around my hips. Her lips parted under mine. With my other hand, I ran my fingers through her silky blonde hair.

  I’ve kissed plenty of girls over the years and made out with more than a few. But this was different. Was Kendall right about this? Was this love/hate relationship making this more intense for some reason? I wasn’t thinking clearly. I wanted her so bad.

  “Can I take your clothes off?” I asked, whispering into her ear as I kissed her neck. “I mean, do you want to do it?”

  “I’m a virgin,” she said.

  “Oh,” I said, going still. “I’m sorry. I’ll stop. I didn’t know.”

  I went to set her down, but her legs gripped my hips tightly.

  “I want to lose my virginity,” she said suddenly looking up at me with wide eyes. “I’m ready. It’s time.”

  “Are you sure?” I asked.

  In response, she kissed me again. Losing my balance, I stumbled and we both fell onto my bed. Tina giggled a bit, but the feel of her body under mine sent my desires into overdrive. I grasped the hem of her sweater and pulled it over her head.

  Her bra was red lace. The roundness of her full breasts swelled with her breath. Her flat stomach was streaked with moonlight shadows as I kissed her all up and down her torso. She was incredibly sensitive and wiggled beneath me. I reached into her bra and pulled her left breast to my mouth.

  “Oh, my God,” she whispered intently, as I tickled her nipple with my tongue. “Ooo, that feels so good.”

  “One second,” I told her. I pulled away and searched through a bag from school to find a condom. Then I started unbuttoning her jeans.

  Jesus, what the fuck am I doing? I can’t stand this girl and now I’m going to have sex with her. I guess Kendall was right. This is incredibly tense. Why is it that other people could see that we were attracted by one another, but we didn’t? It was crazy.

  I gently pulled down her jeans. Red satin panties covered her virgin pussy. I put my fingers over her satin covered folds and started to rub. With a flick of my thumb, I stimulated her clit a little bit and she shook. Tina moaned under my touch. My fingers, along with her undies were dampened with her juices. I had to go down for a taste of that. I slid the panties down her long, sexy legs. Taking a moment to undress myself, I took in the sight of her beautiful, curvy body.

  She looked up at me with nervous, questioning eyes, as if she was seeking my approval for her form. She was gorgeous. To show her how I felt, I knelt, pulled her legs over my shoulders, and dipped my tongue into the uncharted folds of her pussy.

  Wow. It was amazing. Tina’s pussy was sweet, untouched territory and I was the first guy making the rounds. It was an honor, really. I traced her lower lips with my tongue. Tina was both overwhelmed by the sensations, but at the same time was trying not to cry out too loud.

  “Oh-oh-oh-oh,” she squeaked quietly. “Oh, that feels so good.”

  I had to get my cock inside her. I was ready to explode. I slipped the condom on and set my tip at her entrance. I looked into her eyes, silently asking again if she wanted this.

  “Do it!” Her whisper was hard, a desperate command.

  I parted her folds gently and pushed into her depths. Her pussy was on fire and clamped around my shaft hard. She arched her back and tensed up. God. She was so tight.

  “Oh-oh-oh-oh,” she quietly cried. “Oh, my God. Oh, my God.” Her eyes rolled with pleasure.

  I stoked her gently, but quickly amped up my speed. My cock slammed into her. She started shaking and when I say shaking, this was some kind of Earth-shattering orgasm. I was cumming too, but she was flailing. She actually lifted off the bed and fucked into me from the mattress. It was intense. I pulled her hips down to mine and spent myself into the condom.

  After, I lay down on the bed next to her to catch my breath.

  “Holy shit,” I gasped. “Whoa.”

  “What’s wrong? Did I do something wrong?” she asked.

  “No-no, it was… It was amazing,” I panted. “Oh, my God.”

  We laid across the bed, quiet for a few moments, but then Tina started crying.

  “What? What’s wrong?” I asked, turning to her.

  “What’s wrong? I’m a whore,” she suddenly said, pulling her limbs into a ball and facing away from me. “I can’t believe what I just did. What was I thinking?”

  “But you said... Wait, I don’t understand,” I pleaded. I put a hand on her back and she shook it off.

  Tina got up and started to hurriedly get dressed. In her agitated state, I didn’t want her to leave so I got dressed too.

  “It’s going to be okay,” I said trying to calm her.

  “Just help me back to my room, please,” she said coldly. She wouldn’t look me in the eyes.

  I helped her back onto fire escape. She climbed down and slipped into her window. She didn’t even kiss me good night. She was gone within seconds.

  Shit, what did we do? I knew this was a bad idea. God dammit. Is she going to tell her parents? What have I done? I knew she was going to leave me.

  I stood, shocked, on the fire escape. The snow rained down all around me. Everything had gone quiet and cold.

  Chapter Eleven

  Tina

  At the end of Christmas break, I was packing up my stuff. After my little fling with Seth, I was anxious to get back to campus. Although I realized I’d be seeing even more of him there, I felt like every minute with my parents and Seth nearby, it was just a matter of time before they found out.

  I don’t know how they would, but I was a bit paranoid. It felt like that once we were back on campus, my folks wouldn’t know anything. College was like another country where they didn’t have a passport. Plus, I didn’t trust myself around Seth and my parents. Maybe I’d give the game away somehow with a look or a sound. My mother was like that. She was in my head. If I had spent time a good distance away, surely her power would wane.

  Just as I got most of my stuff packed, my mother called me downstairs. When I got to the dining room, my parents were both there waiting. My mother had this grin on her face that I didn’t like. It wasn’t a happy grin. It was a grin like, “Ha-ha, got you.” It was self-satisfactory and kind of mean. At that moment, I realized that although she looked at me as a daughter, she must’ve also seen me as some kind of rival.

  “Have a seat, Tina,” offered my father in a business-like tone. He was drinking a cup of coffee. “We have to talk to you about college.”

  “What about college?” I asked.

  Mom continued to smile.

  “I’m afraid that Kensington State has upped the fee for your dorm,” explained dad. “We can’t afford it. You’re going to have to live here this semester.”

  “Or you could drop out,” suggested Mom, leaning against the counter. “It would give you more time to do good works for the church and find a husband.”

  “Mom. Stop,” I said. “The commute would be too long. There has to be some way I could stay on campus.”

  “I’m afraid not, Sweetie,” said dad. “Money’s just too tight.”

  “Tina, you’re welcomed here,” said my mother soothingly.

  “Mom, seriously, stop. Okay?” I insisted. I ran my hands through my hair. “I have to be on campus. I have a life there. I love you both, but I need to be on campus. I have to learn to live on my own.”

  “Well, there’s just not enough money,” said my mother, trying to look serious and not smile. It was more like she was saying, “Check and mate. You lose.”

  “What if you gave me
the money you had budgeted for the dorm and I find an apartment?” I suggested. “There’s all kind of student housing around Kensington State. I didn’t look into it before because I thought I’d be in the dorms, but I’ll bet there’s something in our price range.”

  Dad looked at me and Mom looked at him as if to say, “Don’t ruin this for me. Don’t side with her.” But I was still Daddy’s little girl, thank God.

  “Okay, sure,” he relented. “See if there’s something out there.”

  “You’re going to make her live in a drafty apartment?” objected my mother.

  “I’m not making her do anything,” said my father. “This is what she wants to do.”

  My mother, beaten and her ego bruised, started marching away. “Fine,” she said, furious.

  “Can I borrow the car too?” I asked my dad.

  Dad shrugged. At this point, he was in the dog house anyway. He threw me the keys.

  “Thanks, Daddy,” I said, giving him a peck on the cheek.

  ***

  Rushing back to campus, I immediately parked at the student union and went inside. There were always ads and listings for apartments there. However, it quickly became evident that my price range was far too low. I would have to really lower my expectations. I didn’t care. As long as I didn’t have to go home, I’d live in a damned tree house in a blizzard if I had to.

  But there was nothing to be found in the postings and classifieds. And I started to despair. I could not take another day with my parents. Their love was like a pillow over my face, soft, soothing, but suffocating. If I didn’t get out now, I felt like they would be controlling me forever.

  Then one of the slips of paper fell off a bulletin board I was examining. It was for a tiny basement studio apartment and was just barely in my price range. The flyer ad had gotten buried behind the other displays for apartments. With no one watching me, I took the flyer and walked away. I dialed the number listed on it and made an immediate appointment to meet the landlord.

 

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