He waves it off and sighs. “I know why she left. But I think you should find out why he did, ASAP, before things get worse.”
“If only I could find him, Noah,” I tell him with a glum grin. If you look in the dictionary, you will find my face beside the word Pathetic.
A phone ringing punctures the air, ripping me out of my slump.
He pulls out his phone and shakes his head, looking up at me from the screen. “Not me.”
I hold up a finger and rush into the bathroom, heart pounding faster than a mockingbird’s heartbeat. My brain immediately thinks it’s Grey, and I get a shameful shiver crack down my spine. I am quick to slide my finger across the screen, accepting the call as I sit on the bed. I take a breath, two, three—then answer in a calm voice.
“Hello?” I say expectantly. I didn’t look at the ID in all my excitement.
“Hello, is this Olivia Westerfield?” an older man’s voice breaks my hopes.
“Yes…who is this?” I can’t even pretend to hide how disappointed I am.
“This is Officer Jerry Killian, the officer assigned to your case of the arena shooting in August,” he informs me, and my heart hides in her little crevice, frightened for the next words. Have they found Dean? The people responsible for what happened to not only me, but so many others who lost their lives That Night?
“Yes…how many I help…help you?” I breathe nervously, wiggling my toes, sinking my nails into my lower lip.
“Dean Lorenzo has come forth as the main instrument in the shooting and has been detained. He will be put on trial starting November thirteenth…” His words blur together. I drop the phone, unable to hold the light weight. I quickly press speaker and nod and “mhm” to everything he is telling me. I can barely hold back the loud sob when I hang up.
They found him…He’s either going to jail for the rest of his life or will get a death sentence because of the death penalty in Florida. God forgive me for saying this…but I want him to rot in jail. I want him to think about all those people he and his gang murdered in cold blood just because a man wanted a better life other than living like the scum he is.
I just can’t…I can’t believe this is actually happening. They found him! After so much time has passed, they’ve found him, and the survivors and I are going to reap the justice we deserve.
“Liv, what’s wrong?” Noah bursts into the room and scrambles onto the bed, wrapping his long arms around me.
“I—I—they found him!” I hold his shirt and let the relieved, heart-wrenching tears fall. Hot and salty, I lick them off my lip and hold him even tighter. “They…” I try to speak, tell him clearly what’s going on, but I can’t stop crying. I am a blubbering mess and, instead of demanding I tell him what’s going on, he nods and rubs my back soothingly.
He just holds me, and I cry and feel the pain and pressure I have felt in my chest ever since the first gunshot I heard lift off of me. I can breathe now. Finally, finally, I can breathe…
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Grey
The roads are clear as I drive. The illuminated green sign that reads in big bold letters ‘WELCOME TO PENNSYLVANIA’ makes me hum in accomplishment. I tap my fingers along to the frail crooning of David Bowie’s “Lazarus.” Not my preferred artist, but the guy was a fucking genius, and I feel like one at the moment. I whistle and look around at the green surrounding me, the asphalt of black and white stripes flashing like paparazzi cameras. I feel like I am on top of the world, a victor of the century.
Wanna guess why I feel so victorious?
Took too fucking long.
I got Dean to confess to orchestrating the mass murder That Night.
How, you ask? Guess…
Too damn long again. Geez, don’t be so slow.
Oh, I just skipped down to North Carolina, where Sam said he was spotted, recruiting young kids that have no business being with a gang. But that’s what he does—ruin people’s lives. He almost ruined mine. Well, he isn’t going to ruin anymore lives; I’ve made sure of that.
All those years ago when he laid eyes on me at one of the horrible parties I went to where I did drugs and fought and fucked like I was a man—I knew he had ruined my life. Just one glance and my chance at escaping the clutches of whores and blow were shot to the fucking dust. I wasn’t exactly lunging at the church doors to repent my sins or anything, but the door to something better was just beyond the high. I wasn’t ready for it, but I could have been had it not been for his big-ass Cheshire grin and promises of doing whatever the hell I want.
I joined the gang and got even worse. I completely blew off school, did lines after lines, fucked without care, wielded a gun around, and stood on corners. I helped terrorized my town and, soon enough, the entire state. I was a fucking monster, a beat—someone Liv would have been too terrified to even glance at, let alone date. She’d run away from me, not to me…and I need to be the person my girl wants to run toward, not run from in peril.
I let out a bundle of sighs and thumb my full bottom lip. I still can’t believe it…I got the fucker to confess and sent to jail. Soon, in a few months, he’ll be starting the rest of his short life in prison. I’m praying to whatever God listens that he drops the soap. Just one slip. Just one, and I’ll be able to rest easy at night, all snuggled up with my girl.’
My girl…
Oh, I bet she’d be proud of me. Not for what I did to make him confess…but that I got him to open up his huge fucking mouth at all.
I can still remember the pure adrenaline coursing through my heated veins when Sam and I began driving out to North Carolina. I was so ready to snap his neck in two and claim self-defense, but then it hit me. He should pay for what he did, rot in jail and suffer That Night, that fucking night that ruined my girl’s life, her innocence.
So I decided, “Hey, wait. Instead of shooting him between the eyes, let’s shoot him between the legs and have his ass raped in prison, where he belongs.” We spun back around, Sam dropped me home, I dropped his ass, and I came up with a game plan. A way that would make him talk, because God knows that the fucker wouldn’t utter a word. He would do anything to keep his ass out of the hands of the lovely men in high-security prison. Like killing every single man that he had shoot up the arena, fearing they would spill and have him arrested. That was why he was looking for recruits; he killed his own members and needed “protection.”
Too bad those scrawny fuckers couldn’t protect our dear Dean.
Having him detained at my expense and bound up, waiting for me, was way too easy. See, being in that God-awful gang got me one benefit that wouldn’t even be considered ethical, if it hadn’t benefitted me so greatly this time—contacts with some very dangerous men. Men who have warrants out for their arrests. They were friends with Dean too, but they liked me better and wouldn’t mind watching his trial with a bag of popcorn.
“What? Because you got some fucking pansies to tie me up with your prissy little rope you’re a fucking man?” Dean had sneered as I strolled up to him, the smell of sea fresh and old crates in the abandoned seaport strong.
“No, I think you’re such a douche that men you once rolled with jumped at the chance to give you a few pretty…accessories,” I snickered, tapping his bruised right cheek. He spat at me. I sighed and wiped the thick substance off my neck and smacked him. Boy did he scream like a little bitch. Oh, I guess I did upset his bruises, huh? My bad.
I walked around him, rolling my shoulders and feeling power trickle down my spine and settle in my balled-up fists.
“See…you caused a great deal of suffering for my girl, and as much as I want to take out my knife and gut you like a fucking fish…” I paused and rubbed my lip, a sinister smile curving my lips. “I want her to reap justice and be able to live, knowing your ass is being taken turns with in a fucking prison cell.”
His face scrunches up in confusion, then he bursts into laughter. “What? You expect me to confess what I did? Okay. I treated you to the consequences of wal
king out of the gang, the very thing that made you who you are today. Without me, you would be nothing but a scrawny little fucking psychopath. So fuck you and fuck your bitch!”
I kicked him in his dick and beamed as he hunched over, groaning like a dying whale.
“My girl wants you put away.” I knelt in front of him, flipping out the knife that gleamed under the fluorescents. I press it to his neck and force his head back, eyes locked with mine. I smiled as his teeth shake with bubbling rage. “And what princess wants…princess gets.”
“Pussy,” he griped.
I chuckled. “Funny. You won’t be getting any for a looooong time after I’m through with you.”
It took days of torturing and ripping his precious gang from its foundation and crumbling his relationship with his acquaintances on both the outside and behind prison walls to get him to cave in like the pussy he is. I had to dig up old friendships with killers and bad guys in general to guarantee that Liv and I would not be harmed as revenge when the fucker is shipped off to Siberia or some shit.
I just want to make sure she’s safe under my care. I wasn’t able to protect her last time, and I will be reminded of that for the rest of my life…but I want to do everything in my power to make her feel safe to step outside. I want her to breathe again without feeling like she’s buried under dirt. I want her to smile without paranoia that something horrible will occur the next second. I don’t want her to experience night terrors or think fucking blood is on her hands when, in reality, it’s on his hands. I want her to stand in that courtroom and watch as the judge whacks him in the fucking gut with a life sentence.
I want my princess to get what she and all those who suffered That Night deserve—justice.
A grin pops on my face as I near the apartment, then it falters a little. To make this happen, I had to spend a few days away from her. I just left her without much explanation, but I will tell her what she will believe; her poor soul won’t like me for the truth.
I’m just not ready for her anger. I mean, I did accidentally send her a text that was meant for Red. A mistake that could very well cost me my balls. It wasn’t my fault Red’s such a fat-ass she needs to snack every five minutes. I thought taking her with me would help ease me and take my mind off of what I’d had to do, but all she did was complain and eat and lounge around. And she had me drop her off in Washington for some odd reason. She never told me why. I was basically just giving her a fucking ride.
“Asshole,” I grumble and roll my eyes.
I hope Liv doesn’t think I cheated on her or anything. Red is a fucking pig who is too much like me to even admire. The only good thing about her are her tattoos. They’re a little more colorful than mine, but the designs are cool. She actually referred me to her tattoo designer. Anyway, there was no fooling around of any sort.
Why the hell would I when I have my princesa to come back to?
Stepping off the elevator, I quietly take off my shoes and shrug off my jacket, careful not to wake my sleeping princess. I walk into the kitchen and throw open the freezer, searching for my peas that Liv makes me use whenever I come home from a fight. I have a feeling she’ll be utterly pissed at my arrival, hopefully fucking ecstatic too, and will slap me. I guess I deserve it for being an asshole and leaving. I didn’t even answer her calls or texts. I just didn’t want her to get wrapped up in my mess. What I did was too hardcore for my little princesa.
I frown. “Where the hell are my peas?”
I gently close the freezer and begin to walk in the hallway when I spot something out of the corner of my eye. The peas are on the coffee table. I walk over to it and pick it up. The package is warm, meaning someone used it. But who? Liv would never…she’s reserved them just for me.
Hmmm…something smells fucking fishy, and I don’t like it.
Clutching the warm peas, I slowly stalk down the hallway. I gently push the door open and stare at a lump in the bed. I spot her unruly curls peeking up from the comforter and smile. I’ve missed holding her hair, kissing it, tugging at it while I fuck her…oh fuck, it’s been way too long since I’ve last been inside of her. I rub my throbbing front, biting my lip. I bet she’d forget about the anger and be lovely surprised if I went down on her.
I am such an asshole.
I take off my shirt and toss it on the floor. I am undoing my jeans as I walk over to the trunk at the end of the bed when I notice something. A lump in the sheets right next to her. I tilt my head and lean forward. It’s moving up and down, like it’s breathing…wait a fucking minute.
I yank the sheet off the bed and gasp, feeling my blood boil like a fucking inferno.
Noah is next to my girl, their legs entangled, and his arm wrapped around her.
What…the absolute…fuck!
“What the fuck is this?” I bark, slamming the lights on.
Liv wakes up with a gasp, eyes groggy and skin flushed. “Grey…?”
“Wake up, bitch!” I kick Noah’s foot, wishing I still had on my boots so I could stomp his fucking face in with the heel.
He scrambles up, rubbing his eyes. “What’s going on?” he grumbles.
“I should be the one asking that!” I roar, feeling myself slip farther and farther into darkness. “Did something happen here that I should know about, Liv?” I turn to her.
Liv just stares at me, red in the face and hesitant.
Chapter Forty
Liv
My dreams aren’t of blood spraying in the air like mist or the blood-curdling screams that once left me partially deaf. They are filled with relief and smiles and Grey and clear skies. He and I are spread out on a picnic blanket staring up at the blue sky, the sun warm, caressing my bare thighs, and creating spider-like shadows under his dark eyes. I felt as though I could finally breathe, and I could feel it seep into reality. Once Dean is finally put away for good, I will be able to really move on, hopefully with Grey by my side.
I groan in my sleep at the thought of him. I’m still pissed that he’s not here to celebrate Dean being found. He’s gone. Not by my side. Pushing me away and locking the door behind him. I hate that he isn’t letting me in, isn’t trusting me. Instead he runs away with another girl. I bet he expects me to welcome him back with open arms like he hasn’t put me through hell. He might even go as far as to blame his disorder for not answering the goddamn phone. Once. Just once I would have liked to hear his voice and know that he’s okay. Was it so hard to just pick up the phone and text a simple, “I’m fine, alive, and I love you”?
The sun dims in the dream, and he fades away from me. I have every intention to reach out and cling onto him, hold him next to me. I physically can’t find the energy to even lift my hand. A silhouette of blonde hair and blue eyes and colorful tattoos appears behind him, and I find myself hyperventilating. She’s whispering sweet nothings in his ear, and he’s listening to her, not giving me the time of day as I try to talk to him, shutting me out and taking my voice along with him.
A whopping bang against the wall and a familiar voice demanding, “What the fuck is this?” wakes me up in an instant. I sit up quickly, alert, giving myself a headache. I blink slowly, letting the fog around my eyes clear up. My skin feels hot from having something heavy on my back. I wonder what that was. I rub my lower back and blink until I finally see what awoke me so abruptly, and quite rudely, if I’m being honest.
“Grey?” I whisper, taken aback. He’s really here. Shirtless, the top of his pants undone, hair tousled and skin glowing under the cold moonlight and the bedroom light—he looks good enough to eat…raw. I shake away the naughty thoughts roaming my mind and feel confusion and anger seep into my head. Why does he look so pissed at me, like I’m the one who ran away?
“Wake up, bitch!” he growls and kicks the bed, barefoot.
What is he talking about—oh my God.
Noah clambers out of the sheets. Green eyes dark, hair tousled, and clothes rumpled, he turns around and faces Grey. Rubbing his eyes, he sits next to me, too clo
se, and I mentally roll my eyes as Grey’s eyes widen and he visibly grinds his teeth together.
“What’s going on?” He sounds loopy and yawns.
“I should be the one asking that!” Grey roars like a lion. “Did something happen here that I should know about, Liv?” He turns to me, eyes flaming like black coals thrown in the pits of hell.
Did he just…? Did he just accuse me of cheating? I mean, I know how this looks. Not that great. But honestly, we didn’t do anything more than fall asleep. We drank a few glasses of wine to celebrate, however cruel it may seem to celebrate a man going to jail, and fell asleep. Honest to God, nothing happened. Nothing ever would happen. But the fact that he thinks something possibly did breaks my heart and lets me know he doesn’t trust me.
Has he ever, though?
He has no reason not to trust me. The notebook “assignment” aside, I have been loyal to him. He was the one waving Diana around and hinting that they may have done things when we were first introduced to each other’s lives. But each time he assured me that nothing happened, even when he lied and said something did happen, I trusted his word and trusted that keeping his past from me wouldn’t wreck us. I trusted him despite every single obstacle thrown at us.
Hell, I trusted that he didn’t do anything with Red. And they’ve been traveling the fucking world together! Yet he can’t trust that nothing but innocent occurrences happened between Noah and me? He could be in bed, naked, with another woman, and I would trust whatever crazy excuse there was. The question is: is it because I truly trust him with my heart, or have I given too much of it to him, that I don’t know how to rely on my brain anymore…?
“Answer me!” he screams, and I flinch.
Tears welled in my eyes and anger breaking through the dam I put up to keep myself sane all this time. I jump up to my feet and wobble over to him, kind of tipsy from the wine still working its way in my system.
Grey: New Beginnings (Spectrum Series Book 5) Page 26