“Darling, we can’t keep this house,” Father says gently, as if he’s scared I’ll snap.
“Why not? Your work base is here, in New York. I know Mother travels frequently because of her work, but that doesn’t mean you can’t live here.” I just don’t understand why they would even consider getting rid of their home. They got married pretty young, at twenty-two. Fresh out of college and still desperately in love, they had me. Three years later, they had Jonah. They practically built this house from the ground up, compared to when it was plain and missing components to be magnificent.
Mother glances at Father before settling her teary eyes on me. “Actually, I’ll be changing my profession.”
My eyes widen, and I grasp for words, air. “You don’t want to be a surgeon anymore?” But it’s been her dream ever since college. She’s worked so hard to become very successful at being a surgeon. And she isn’t the type of woman who just changes her mind without sturdy reasoning.
“I won’t be forty forever, and I want to be doing something I’m passionate about. She shakes her head and glances up at the high white delicately carved ceiling, a soft smile settling on her lips. “Designing homes is my passion. Always has been. I knew it the moment I was picking out decor and deciding on swatches. Not only for this house, but our vacation homes.”
“I understand, I really do.” I’m being honest. She looks happy, relieved even, to talk about it. Like she’s been holding in her admission for too long. “But why can’t this be your base?”
She sighs like she’s getting frustrated and shakes her head. “Too many…too many memories. It’d suffocate me. If I’m being honest…it’s why I never stayed here long after…after…” She trails off, a tear breaking free. My heart breaks for her. I reach over and hold her hand. Her dull blue eyes meet mine, and I nod in understanding. I lived here as they flew around and stayed away like the plague that could wipe out the Earth housed here.
“I get it,” I tell her, tearing up myself.
She smiles widely, and I can’t help but mirror her expression, one I’ve long forgotten, having not seen it in so long. I hate to say it, but she seems more human. I have never witnessed her cry or smile in a little over a decade. I don’t know how she did it, hold in her emotions and appear cool, calm, and collected after a tragedy. I bet it must feel nice to let herself feel now. Let herself heal, as well…finally.
“I’ll be in Georgia, with Grandma Millie,” she informs me. “The houses there are exquisite, and I’d love to design there.”
I nod. “Okay. I’m happy for you, Mother.”
“Thank you, sweetie.” She rubs the back of my hand, and I feel my inner child coo under her touch. She’s missed Mother’s enchanting smile and lukewarm eyes.
“And you, Father?” I turn to my father, who is watching our exchange, looking almost guilty for some reason.
“Elena, do you mind giving us a moment alone?” Father asks, his voice chalky and eyes pleading.
What?
“Why? Anything you need to say, you can say in front of Mother.” I glance over at her fondly, but she slowly lets go of my hand and stands. “Mother…?” I am confused by her sudden mood switch. Her sweet smile is replaced by a melancholy frown and blank eyes.
“No, your father needs to be alone to tell you that he’s been having an affair with another woman for a decade behind my back.”
I gasp and stare wide-eyed at my father, who’s grasping for words, tears filling his brown eyes. But he can’t find any words to save him from the sinking ship Mother dropped a bomb on. My heart grows weak and so does my feet, but that doesn’t stop me from standing up.
Have you ever experienced time slowing down? Felt your heart skip a beat as the world as you knew it slowed down indefinitely? There are moments when this happens, when something you’ve been accustomed to your whole life is violently snatched from beneath your feet, knocking you and your entire resolve over, leaving you cold and confused. I feel every emotion within a mile radius crash through me. Confusion, shock, anger, and dejection are a few that I can pinpoint. I hang onto them and let them build up inside me, balancing me.
“No…no, Father. You couldn’t have…” I stumble over my words.
He’s the reason my parents are splitting up and selling our home, my one and only home of eighteen years.
“Honey, please—”
“Do not honey me!” I warn him through clenched teeth. I can’t believe this. My mousy father who was sweeter than the candy he brought home to his two loving children, the father who let me have ice cream behind Mother’s back before dinner, the father who bought me my precious bracelet and let me sleep in their bed during thunderstorms—cheated on my mother. For a decade. So, so long. A long enough time to confess to my mother and let her go. Instead, he held her on a string and made her suffer, the both of them.
“After Jonah’s death, we fell apart. I love your mother, but I’m just not in love with her anymore,” he tries to justify his disgusting secret.
“That doesn’t mean you cheat on your wife of twenty years!” I snap. I never have before, and I hate that I am right now. But he has done the most despicable thing. I never ever expected this from him. Ever. I knew they had fallen out of love, but I never thought he’d go as far as cheating on her. He should have admitted his feelings and divorced her, moved on with his life instead of wasting eleven years.
Mother bursts into heart-wrenching sobs that are hard to watch.
“Mother—”
“The house is being checked out before being put on the market,” she cuts me off.
“I don’t care. You’re hurting—”
“If you want it, you can have it. You have until December to make up your mind. Otherwise…” She wipes under her eyes, trying her hardest not to look at Father, who is staring at me with a pleading look, to forgive him for betraying my mother.
“I understand.” My voice is low, the tears forming. Hot and ready to fall. Everything is just falling apart, and it all lands in December, a month I already despised because of one traumatic event—my little brother’s death. December twenty-sixth, the day after Christmas. The day after Grey left me when I needed him the most.
I can’t do this, I decide as I look at the moving boxes. I need to get away for a little while. I can’t stand to be in this room, with my broken mother and the person who broke her in the first place.
“I am so sorry, honey,” my father weeps as I pass him and open the liquor cabinet. I ignore him, feeling my mother’s gaze as I numbly pick up a bottle of expensive bourbon.
“I’m not the one you should be saying that to,” I tell him harshly.
He looks up at me with his teary brown eyes and leans on the dining table.
“I can’t…I can’t be here. My flight leaves tomorrow, and this house…” Mother swipes under her wet eyes and walks over to me. I am holding the bottle to my chest, tears running down the brown glass. “I love you, darling. But I can’t do this anymore. This house, That Night…it’s all been weighing down on me for too long. And I…I took it out on you for so long. For that I am truly sorry.” She cups my face with thin, shaky hands. “I will be paying for the way I’ve treated you, but know I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just—I just didn’t know what to do but put pressure on you, rather than have it sit on me. That was selfish, and I apologize.”
I smile softly, not because her sadness makes me happy, but because she’s telling me what I didn’t know I needed to hear. Her apology. Her admission. Her tears and her sincerity. Despite my weeping father, I appreciate this moment and will cherish her coming back to me as my mother. I have missed her so much.
I wrap my arms around her and let out a sigh of relief that weighed eleven years just sitting on my shoulders. “I love you too, Mother.”
She hugs me back and rubs my back. “I have to go.”
I nod. “I know.”
She pulls away and rubs my flushed cheek, then is gone in a blink of an eye.
“Where are you going?” Father asks, his voice hoarse.
I flinch and look over my shoulder, brown seeping through blue. “To the one person who hasn’t broken my heart in this house.”
He just nods slightly and slowly pads up the stairs. I listen to his shuffling before the soft close of a door. And I know he is packing his study, soon to leave in guilt, soon to run to the woman who stole his heart from my mother’s hands.
How could this have gotten so fucked up?
Chapter Forty-Four
Grey
I buy a bouquet of lavender hydrangeas and a box of chocolates with almond in the center before driving to Liv’s parents’ house. She texted saying she wants me there and to bring a bouquet of flowers for some reason. The chocolates are for her personally, to say I’m sorry for pushing her away and letting her go. I should have called her insane and broke the elevator button and told her everything. But I was such a pathetic loser, that I watched her pack a bag and leave me. Such a fucking idiot.
Why am I so fucking hesitant to trust her and tell her what happened? She’s showed me time and time again that she loves me and will never leave me. It was just a little kidnapping, torture, and re-connecting with some of the most dangerous men in the country…so maybe I won’t tell her the whole truth. I still have the instinct to protect my princess. I know I should treat her as an equal partner and not just something to protect like she’s property, but I can’t fucking help it, okay? I love her more than anyone could ever love anything in this world. She deserves to be looked after and preserved, innocent. Well, innocent to my crimes at least…
I sigh as I slow down in front of the intimidating large gates. I lean out the window to type in the obnoxious code to enter but pause in confusion when it doesn’t prompt me for it. I press the Enter button and sit back as the gates open. Something isn’t right here…With a gigantic house like this, the gate should be maintained twenty-four-seven. If I were the fifteen-year-old piece of shit I used to be, I would totally take advantage and rob the place. What? I told you, I was a terrible fucking human being back then. But thankfully, I have changed for the better for my girl, because of her.
I park in the circle driveway and get out. I hold the box of her favorite candy to my chest, feeling like the sappiest motherfucker, using chocolate and flowers to win over my girl and have her forgive me. Normally, I wouldn’t worry about her not forgiving me because she has done it so many times in the past. But she left me without much hesitation. Meaning, she can very well just dump my ass any time she desires. Though I don’t think she ever will. Doesn’t matter if she likes it or not, we’re too connected to part from one another. We tried that multiple times; each time, we end up back in each other’s arms, where we belong.
I press the doorbell and, almost immediately, I get a text from Liv.
It reads,
In the back. Walk around to the gate, it’s unlocked.
I don’t like how somber she sounds, even it’s just words on a screen. I know her well enough to know something is wrong. Even if she doesn’t say it out loud, I can sense it in her tone. In her lack of x’s and cute smiley faces she always makes when texting me. They always make me smile and emphasizes how endearing she is.
I step down from the large porch and walk around back. The white fence is unlocked, so I just waltz through it. Nothing but, like, a thousand square feet of plush green grass and a few patio chairs and umbrellas. The only thing that’s really back here is a ginormous tree that has a kind of short bark but healthy green leaves that hang over like a limp dick.
And sitting on a swing attached to the tree is my girl.
Not to sound like a pansy or anything, but she is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Curly hair loose, bare feet wiggling through the grass, dainty hands holding onto the thick rope, blossom-pink lips drawn into a little pout while her magnificent blue eyes stare up at the bright stars dotting the black sky. She is like a beacon of hope and light and everything good. And I walk toward her, blinded by her beauty, but greedy for her sweet aura. But…by her feet…is that a whiskey bottle?
As if sensing me, her eyes land on me, making my heart stutter beneath my skin.
“You came,” she says, voice slow and dark lashes moving slowly.
She’s drunk.
But why?
“Of course I came.” I offer her a small smile, not wanting to upset her. Liv doesn’t drink unless she’s at a party. So seeing her drunk and alone makes me worry and confuses me all at the same time. Why is she here alone in the first place? Shouldn’t her over-protective bitch of a mother be stomping out here and prying me from her daughter?
She smiles, but it doesn’t reach her big blue eyes, which widen as they take in the flowers and chocolates more specifically. “Those for me?” She nods to the heart-shaped box. I blush. She smiles even wider, reaching her eyes and sparking them up like a carnival game.
“Yeah, they’re your favorite.” I hand her the flowers and chocolate. She takes the flowers, smells them, and holds the box to her chest. Her eyes snap closed and stay that way for a long moment, as if getting herself lost in the dewy scent of earth and lavender. I quickly snap a picture, memorized by how perfect she is. I blush as she peeks an eye open and smiles like I gave her the fucking sun.
“Sit,” she commands like a goddess telling her subject what to do. I eye her in confusion. What is going on with her? She’s acting very weird. Nonetheless, I listen to her and sit on the grass. She looks satisfied and lets out a heavy breath. I can smell the whiskey from here. Her eyes draw upward, and I take the opportunity to pick up the bottle. Bourbon. Oooh, my favorite.
She’s obviously not right in the head, asshole, my subconscious reminds me, and I clear my throat.
“Liv?”
“Huh?” She looks at me like she’s looking through me.
I lick my lips. “What’s going on? Why are you here by yourself? Where are your parents? Why are you drinking?” I ask all the questions, giving me a headache. She just stares at me, blankly. “Liv, I know I fucked up. I shouldn’t have just left. Especially not with Red by my side…but I had to protect you.”
“How did you protect me, when it seemed you didn’t even respect that I could be there for you?” she slurs, making me question if she’s sobering up already. Then how long has she been drinking? Oh, my heart is breaking. Can you hear the explosion of a million shards?
“I do have respect for you,” I argue.
“Then why’d you leave me?” Her voice breaks, and tears fall down her face. I sit up on my knees, and she clutches the flowers under her chin. “Why does everyone keep leaving me? First Jonah? Then my parents when I needed them most? And now you? Grey, I had faith in you. I put my everything in you. My trust, my heart, my soul—my everything. Yet you act like you don’t care. Do you even love me?”
I pull her into my chest, silencing her with a bone-crushing hug. How can she think I don’t love her? Don’t worship the actual ground she walks in? That I would tarnish my reputation, give up my fighting gloves, and my entire life for her? The adoration I have for this broken girl is insurmountable, it’s insane.
“Of course I love you, and I would never leave you. Even if you kept pushing at me and begging, I would never leave the person who makes life worth living. Liv—” I pull back, and she clutches my shoulders, eyes bigger and glossy with tears. “You are absolutely everything to me. Before you, I was a vindictive asshole that did despicable things. I had no direction and was bound to not make it past eighteen. But then, then I met you, and you changed all of that, Liv. You changed me and for the better. For that, I am eternally grateful.”
She bursts into uncontrollable tears. I smile because she tries to speak but ends up sounding like a blubbering fish. But an adorable blubbering fish. It takes a long while of sobbing and sniffles and mutterings of “same, same,” but she finally gets herself under control and smiles at me, but it still doesn’t fully reach her eyes. Do I have to physically give
her my heart, which she already owns?
She sighs and looks around at the tree. “Jonah and I used to play here. We’d climb up to the top when there were apples and eat them, sometimes fetch some for Mother when she decided to make apple pie.” She smiles fondly of the memory. I rub her cheeks in comfort when her sweet smile turns into a foul frown. “One time he was climbing while I was reading. And Mother always said we either go together or not at all. But this one time…he…he felt adventurous and climbed all the way to the top for an apple he’d been eyeing. He was successful. And I…I remember hearing his screams when he fell. Broke his arm in a lot of places. It was horrible…
“When we were looking at his body in the morgue, I was reminded of that time he broke his arm. His cheeks were so full, I always called him out for stuffing apples in them.” She smiles softly, lashes fluttering. I wipe away a stray tear with my lips. She rests her forehead on mine and continues. “I lost a huge part of myself That Night. But you helped me find myself. You fixed me until I was whole again. For that, I am eternally grateful.”
“Oh, Liv.” I brush my lips against her wet ones, tears coating her bottom lip.
“They’re selling the house, Grey.” She pulls back and stares up at the back of the house like it’s the root of pure evil. “They’re taking away my memories of my little brother, of when my parents were functional and not cheating on each other and leaving their daughter in the hands of another person. They’re taking everything I know away, and I can’t…I can’t. I just can’t.” Tears choke her words, and I wrap her in my arms again.
“Hey, now, don’t cry.” I lift her chin up, and she stares at my lips, hiccuping. “We can make memories of our own.”
“How?” she exclaims, leaning back in disgust. “You don’t want to get married or have children or move out of the apartment. You don’t want change, just fighting and sex and me. But I want more. I want physical things I can look back on. Not wiping your bloody nose and soreness between my legs.”
Grey: New Beginnings (Spectrum Series Book 5) Page 29