Staring down at the water, I measured my words, running through a justification I’d given myself a thousand times before. The good was abstract. The good didn’t feel as good as the bad felt bad. It wasn’t the good that kept me up at night.
“You sound so unprincipled,” she said, shaking her head. “Why can’t you find peace in what you and your men sacrificed so much to do? Why can’t you be proud?”
I took sixty-five men to war and brought sixty-five home. I gave them everything I had. Together, we passed the test. Fear didn’t beat us. I hope life improves for the people of Afghanistan and Iraq, but that’s not why we did it. We fought for each other.
I am proud.
AUTHOR’S NOTE AND ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Although the feelings expressed here are mine, I believe that my platoons and our wars are generally representative of the larger Marine Corps. I relied heavily on my patrol logbooks, daily journal, frequent letters home, official histories, and the recollections of my fellow Marines. All events are portrayed honestly and are, to the best of my knowledge, historically accurate.
For further reading about the Marines and the warrior ethos, I recommend Mark Helprin’s A Soldier of the Great War, Michael Hodgins’s Reluctant Warrior, William Manchester’s Goodbye, Darkness, Steven Pressfield’s Gates of Fire, Tom Ricks’s Making the Corps, Jonathan Shay’s Odysseus in America, E. B. Sledge’s With the Old Breed, and James Webb’s Fields of Fire.
A portion of this book’s proceeds will be donated to veterans’ organizations, including the Marine Corps Scholarship Foundation, dedicated to funding higher education for the children of Marines killed in action.
I thank my parents, Niel and Jane, and my sisters, Maureen and Stephanie, for their boundless love and support. In worrying, mailing cookies, and listening, they also served.
My fellow platoon commanders were, and are, comrades in the truest sense. Thank you to Patrick English, Vijay George, Ed Hinman, Ty Moore, Walt Messick, Brendan Sullivan, John Nash, and Jim Beal. My former commanding officer Rich Whitmer taught me more than he will ever acknowledge. Thank you, Oden Six. To Keith Marine, I can only say “Dang.”
I am forever grateful to Mike Wynn, Brad Colbert, Shawn Patrick, Rudy Reyes, Steve Lovell, Tony Espera, Tim Bryan, Mike Stinetorf, Hector Leon, Gabe Garza, Evan Stafford, Anthony “Manimal” Jacks, Walt Hasser, Nathan Christopher, James Chaffin, Harold Trombley, Teren “T” Holsey, John Christeson, Michael Brunmeier, Jason Lilley, Josh Person, Leandro “Shady” Baptista, Eric Kocher, Dan Redman, and A. J. Hull. You had my back. Semper Fidelis.
Writing a book is no more solitary than fighting a war. I thank Bradley Thayer, Jeremy Joseph, Craig Nerenberg, and Frank Russell for planting the idea. Eric Hammel encouraged it, and my agent, E. J. McCarthy, made it real. Callie Rucker Oettinger has been a tireless advocate. Honest readers sharpened the draft in countless ways. Thank you to Austin Whitman, Andrew Hilton, Mark Hotz, Abby Joseph, Jonathan May, Evan Wright, Margaret Angell, Andy Carroll, Mike Hodgins, Al Stam, and Andy Colyer. Finally, Denise Gitsham was with me from the beginning to the end. Thank you.
At Houghton Mifflin, I found people who cared as much about this book as I did. Thank you to Lori Glazer, Bridget Marmion, Larry Cooper, and Barbara Jatkola. Anne Seiwerath answered my endless questions with patience and grace, and Whitney Peeling made the project her own. I reserve my greatest thanks for my editor, Eamon Dolan. With the passion and intensity of a drill instructor, he whipped this book, and its author, into shape.
About the Author
Nathaniel Fick read Classics at Dartmouth, graduated in 1999 and joined the U.S. Marine Corps. He passed officer training and joined a battalion just before 9/11. Fick saw action in Afghanistan, then joined the elite Recon Battalion in time for the invasion of Iraq. Among the first soldiers to enter Baghdad, he left the Marines in 2003 after being promoted to captain. He is now in a joint degree programme at Harvard Business School of Government.
Copyright
Orion
www.orionbooks.co.uk
A Weidenfeld & Nicolson ebook
A PHOENIX PAPERBACK
First published in the USA in 2005 by Houghton Mifflin Company
First published in Great Britain in 2006 by Weidenfeld & Nicolson
This paperback edition published in 2007 by Phoenix, an imprint of Orion Books Ltd, Orion House, 5 Upper St Martinís Lane, London WC2H 9EA
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Copyright © Nathaniel Fick 2005
The right of Nathaniel Fick to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the copyright owner.
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
eISBN : 978 0 2978 5705 1
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