Dare to Love

by Dixie Lynn Dwyer

  The little money they put aside for her wasn’t enough to help her with school. So she took a job as a secretary in the local college campus and worked as a bartender on weekends. She sold their house and broke even. She rented an apartment and for the first year she just made the payments at the end of every month.

  As Mercedes looked at the beautiful fruit and delicious salad bar, she thought about the many times she went hungry. Having one meal a day and trying to keep up the energy to work, go to school, study, and pass had been difficult to say the least. But she did it for her parents. Her only family. The two people who cried because they believed they failed her as parents.

  She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. That was so many years ago. It didn’t even seem real anymore. Those days, weeks, months of starving, of making ends barely met and then graduating from college.

  Thank God she came to Chance. Thank God for Mrs. Peters. She had been tired of meeting the same types of men. Men that wanted sex and thought that just because they paid for a movie or a dinner date that she should put out. There weren’t any good men or even good people around where she lived. Well, except for Mrs. Peters, who lived in Chance. She had been a professor for years and then she stayed on in retirement and worked in the main office alongside the dean of school.

  Mercedes smiled to herself. Mrs. Peters was the one that told her about the job opening in Chance with the sheriff’s department. When she’d arrived for the interview she was a nervous wreck. Max had been so intimidating. She knew he was a good man, an honest and caring man, but had a role to play and an appearance to keep up to enforce the law. She was thrilled that he and his brothers fell in love with her friend Alicia.

  Mercedes smiled and continued around the store picking up the items on her list. She gathered her coupons and knew she would be right on target to her spending this week. But when she got to the floral section and saw the bright yellow bouquet of flowers and admired them, she felt that instant anxiety in her chest. They were quite beautiful. But not in her budget. She could afford to get them, now that she was working full time, but there was always that fear. That worry that if she was frivolous here and there, it could get out of control and she would be in debt again. She gulped down the lump of emotions. It made her belly ache.

  She looked at the price and cringed. Not this week. She just didn’t spend foolishly and really, what would she do with them? She was hardly home enough to enjoy them. She walked away and headed toward the register. She talked to Lucy, one of the teenagers that worked there, and they chatted about her brother, Gardner, a deputy. They laughed, exchanged pleasantries, and Mercedes once again felt grateful for living in a place like Chance. It was safe, people were friendly and kind, and she felt at ease, not on guard like she did years ago.

  As Mercedes walked out of the store with her bags in the cart and headed to her car, she heard her cell phone ring. Glancing at the caller ID she saw that it was Marlena.

  “Hi, Marlena, how are you?”

  “I’m doing well, what are you up to?”

  “Just finished food shopping and heading home to put it away then get back to the station. What’s new?”

  “You really do like to keep your time organized. I bet you had a lot of coupons. How much did you save today?”

  “About twenty-five dollars. But it wasn’t a big food shopping.”

  “That is great. You’ll have to teach me so that I can be a savvy, smart shopper.”

  “With Danny, Jack, and Mike spoiling you the way they do, you don’t need to worry.”

  “That they do. In fact, I’m calling you to see what you’re doing on Friday night? There’s a comedy show in Wager and I can get great tickets, close to the stage for the four of us to go. Are you interested?”

  “Well how much are the tickets?”

  “I think I’m getting them for free. I’ll know for sure by Wednesday.”

  “Okay, count me in.”

  “Wonderful. I’m going to call the others.”

  Marlena hung up and Mercedes smiled. It would be fun to get together with just the ladies. It was getting kind of depressing being the only one of the four to not be in a relationship. Not that she wanted to be. She’d never had a boyfriend, never had sex, and didn’t know why she was opposed to it. Maybe because she was used to being alone and making her own decisions? Perhaps she felt that a man, or men, would control her or ultimately have control over her? Or it could be the simple fact that she lost her parents when she was eighteen and had always taken care of herself and counted on herself and no one else. To actually let down her guard, or open her heart to another human being so deeply, scared the living daylights out of her.

  It was easier to not make a connection or bond. Then it wouldn’t hurt so badly when they disappointed her, or broke her heart, or left her.

  It wasn’t like she wasn’t asked out. She got asked out a lot, but she wasn’t interested. Funny thing was that she kind of liked Taylor, a deputy in the department. But that wouldn’t be wise to get together with someone she worked with. It could only lead to disaster. Besides that, by the way things worked around here, brothers shared, and that meant a relationship with Kurt and Warner.

  The thought made her nervous and afraid. Kurt and Warner traveled a lot. Both men had that whole bad boy, dark, mysterious look about them, and reputation. People avoided them. That couldn’t be good. Plus they got together with the sheriff a lot on criminal matters she knew nothing about. When there was an intense situation like with Adele and her ex, she overhead Max talking with Warner over the phone and he did something, helped out somehow, and she wasn’t supposed to know anything about it. Max saw her and warned her to not repeat what she heard and then stated that Warner had connections and was involved with the government years ago.

  Sounded like trouble to her, and also like the kind of man that wasn’t the commitment type, and neither was his brother Kurt. She heard through the town gossip that both men had dangerous professions, and no one really knew what they did. Some said they were spies, hit men, mercenaries, whatever. All she knew was it all sounded scary and she’d done scary all her life, she didn’t need it now. Men like that would break her heart.

  But God, the three of them were so good-looking, so intense and fierce they actually oozed masculinity, and made her body yearn to be touched. Maybe that was what really scared her? When Taylor, Kurt, and Warner had to watch over her when Marlena was in danger, she thought she was going to have a heart attack. The way Warner watched her with those deep, dark brown eyes, the hungry expression, and firm jaw, it was unnerving. He had a light beard on his chin and cheeks and his head was practically bald, his hair so short and military trimmed. His muscles? Oh God, he had muscles upon muscles and thinking of him holding her, pressing up against her, made her feel faint. Kurt and Taylor shared similar physiques, but Taylor’s was always hidden beneath his uniform or a dress shirt. Kurt had dark black hair, deep blue eyes, and appeared to not have any hair on his chiseled chest. She took a deep breath and released it. Just thinking about them made her pussy clench. That couldn’t be good. They would hurt her. Maybe not physically, but emotionally. They, like most military types, would expect too much. Their authority, mysterious professions put her on guard. She was tired of feeling on guard, and like everyone was out to get something from her. When she was struggling to make ends meet and take care of her parents, she had met a guy, Dexter. He seemed so sincere, had been a police officer in the neighborhood. He would check up on her and knew her family situation. He felt bad for her, well, more so, took advantage. It wasn’t until he made a move and told her he could make all her sadness disappear.

  At first she thought he cared for her, and actually wanted to help her, but then Dexter touched her, kissed her and told her that making love would ease the loneliness and they would have a good time. He was out for sex and nothing more. She learned fast that men couldn’t be trusted. She also learned that a person’s profession didn’t define who they really w
ere. Dexter was a cop, a man of authority, a peace- keeper, a symbol of honor and helpfulness. Yet he saw her, a young girl in high school losing her parents and being burdened by so much, that he tried taking advantage of that.

  She knew there were bad people in every profession. Mercedes encountered plenty along the way. She didn’t want to associate other officers in Chance with being manipulative or out for something, but she had that inkling of fear, that bit of resistance to accepting any man in uniform, of authority as being trustworthy. That’s what kept her from acting on her feelings for Taylor. Yet she couldn’t stop watching him, observing his character, his demeanor, and wondering if he could be trusted, and if he and his brothers were special.

  She’d seen Taylor in action when he had an arrest. Just last week some drunk guy slammed his car into Billy Sue’s car and sent the girl to the hospital. She had only been driving a year, but it wasn’t her fault. Now the poor teenager feared driving. Taylor had been pissed off, especially since the guy was so drunk he tried to hit Taylor when he uncuffed him to fingerprint him into the system. In a flash Taylor slugged the guy, flipped him onto the floor on his belly, and cuffed him.

  His agility, ability, swiftness, and strength both intimidated her and aroused her. But just like the flowers she saw in the store and didn’t buy, she couldn’t give in to carnal desires and lust. That instant see it, like it, buy into it way. It would only get her heart broken, make her feel like a loser again, and end in a disaster. She’d have to leave the sheriff’s department, hell, leave Chance, because her reputation would be shot and everyone would think differently of her. No. She needed to stand her ground and look for the kind of man that fit into her life, her expectations. That was the safe route. That was the control she needed.

  She swallowed hard and tried to convince herself that none of that attracted her to them. Then she thought about their ages. They were older. Much older. She knew better than to try and compare herself to an experienced woman. She wasn’t.

  What she needed was a guy her age. Maybe one who was soft-spoken, easy on the eyes of course, and not from Chance. She felt the spark of enthusiasm and then came the reality of it all. She never ventured out of town. With thoughts of how lame her life was, but safe, she loaded her car and headed home. She needed to get back to the station in thirty minutes.

  * * * *

  Kurt wondered why Mercedes hadn’t bought the flowers. They were so beautiful, just like her. She hadn’t gone for the red roses, the deep purple wildflowers but instead for the soft, feminine, arrangement of yellow flowers and tiny daisies. But that was Mercedes. She was sweet, kind, soft-spoken, and kind of shy, plus very ladylike. When he thought about the things that he assumed made her smile and made her happy, he thought about walks in the park, dinner and holding hands, candlelight and romance. She deserved it all. He never found it in himself to care about that stuff with a woman.

  His relationships with the opposite sex were cut-and-dry. A few drinks, some small talk, and a sexual release that didn’t leave him feeling guilty about leaving in the early morning hours or even right after the sex. Especially if it hadn’t been good, or he realized he had been wearing beer goggles.

  He shook the thoughts from his head. That was in the past. The last year had been difficult. He didn’t want to be with anyone. He didn’t want to get close or even get touched. He felt on edge, unworthy of connecting with a human being. Funny thing was, Warner was feeling the same way. But watching Mercedes, knowing that she didn’t even notice him sneaking around watching her, made him feel protective. But the way she looked at those flowers, wanting them, had him making a move before he could reconsider and walk away.

  “Hey, kid,” he said to the store clerk stocking shelves by the floral section in the store.

  “Yes, sir,” he replied, not knowing who Kurt was. Teenagers were oblivious sometimes. No worries or real responsibilities. Those were the days.

  “I need you to do me a favor,” he said and then explained to the kid what he needed. He passed him a fifty-dollar bill and the kid was shocked and stared at it as if he never saw one before. Kurt had to chuckle inside. He gave him directions of what he needed and the kid agreed. Kurt also threatened him to not tell a soul. The kid took him seriously.

  Smart kid.

  Kurt headed out, paying for his things, and toward the direction of his black souped-up Camaro. He couldn’t help but smile when he was in the privacy of his car and behind tinted windows. He felt good. He felt accomplished. Hopefully it would make Mercedes smile.

  * * * *

  Mercedes walked back into the sheriff’s office after food shopping and grabbing a yogurt and granola bar for lunch. The first person she saw was Taylor and he looked pissed off. She looked away from him and noticed one of the other secretaries smiling wide.

  “Looks like someone has an admirer,” Thelma, the other secretary, said and Mercedes wondered what she meant as she took in the sight of a few other deputies.

  “Who is he and when were you going to tell us?” Deputy Mike Spencer asked with his hand on his hip as he stood next to two other deputies.

  “Tell you what, Mike?” she asked, walking by them slowly and unsure what the fuss was over. Then she spotted the large bouquet of yellow flowers on her desk.

  She gasped.

  “Oh my God,” she said and hurried toward them. She touched the beautiful, delicate flowers and inhaled their scent. She felt so touched, so happy, and then she wondered who sent them. There was a card.

  “Who sent them to you? Are you seeing someone?” Thelma asked, now up out of her chair and right beside Mercedes complimenting the bouquet.

  “I’m not seeing anyone,” she said and looked around her, immediately noticing Taylor.

  “What does the card say?” he asked very seriously. She could tell that Mike was finding Taylor’s reaction amusing. She didn’t know why. Taylor was not pleasant to be around when he was pissed off.

  She opened the envelope, pulled out the card, and read what it said, aloud.

  “Just because you’re as beautiful as these flowers. Hope they make you smile.”

  “Awe how sweet is that? My God, Mercedes, you don’t have a clue as to who could have sent them?” Thelma asked.

  “None,” Mercedes said and then held the card against her chest as she leaned forward and smelled the flowers again.

  “Whoever it was, they know what kind of flowers you like,” Mike said to her.

  “I saw these in the grocery store today when I did a little food shopping on my lunch break. Maybe someone saw me admiring them? But who?” Mercedes asked aloud.

  “Sounds like a mystery, but I think everyone needs to get back to work. Taylor, can you head over toward the new construction site on the edge of town? Seems they’re paving the roads and it’s causing a lot of congestion and drivers are getting pissed off. Maybe some police presence will help people not lean down on the horn so much?” Sheriff Gordon said aloud, breaking up the crowd.

  Mercedes looked at the flowers again and felt so happy inside. It was amazing what getting flowers could do to a woman.

  “Mercedes, those are beautiful flowers. It’s nice to see you smile so wide,” Max told her then smiled at her before heading back to his office.

  Mercedes couldn’t help but feel bubbly inside. She put her password into her computer and began to get back to work. But she couldn’t help but glance at the floral arrangement. She was touched and wished she knew who sent them so she could thank the person. Then she wondered why Taylor was so angry. Could he be jealous?

  She shook her head at the thought. Why would Taylor care? He didn’t like her in that way. And even if he did, she wouldn’t get involved with a coworker. That was a big no-no. She pulled out her phone, took a picture of the flowers, and texted them to the girls. They were going to go crazy.

  * * * *

  “I thought you said that you forgot to take something out for dinner?” Taylor asked as he walked into the house after work.
He was in such a pissed-off mood. He wondered who the fuck sent Mercedes those flowers. They were beautiful and he even went to the store to see if he could find out. When he asked the young clerk who had delivered the flowers, he told him the gentleman that bought them was very nice and not from town. He’d also given him fifty bucks.

  “I picked up some food today and things.”

  Taylor went over to wash his hands.

  “What’s up with you?” Kurt asked him.

  “Nothing.”

  “Bullshit, nothing. You look like you lost your best friend and want to go kill something. What gives?”

  Taylor walked toward the counter and saw the food shopping bag and pushed it to the side to grab a handful of M&Ms that were in a bowl on the counter.

  “Mercedes got a beautiful bouquet of flowers delivered to her today.”

  “What?” Kurt asked and then turned away.

  “Yeah, really fucking nice ones. Some secret admirer or suave asshole. He fucking put a lame note on the card.”

  “What do you mean lame note?” Kurt asked, looking angry now, too. For a second there Taylor had thought his brother really didn’t give a shit.

  “The fucking card said something like, ‘Just because you’re as beautiful as these flowers. Hope they make you smile,’ or some bullshit like that,” Taylor told him.

  Kurt looked like he was thinking about the words. “I don’t know. That’s kind of a nice compliment. They were beautiful flowers, right?” he asked.