“Thank you, Henry,” Saul said. “You were there for her the whole way through, I owe you.”
Henry shrugged. “The way I see it, she’s family now.” He shot a grin at me. “And I’m damn proud to call her family.”
“What do you mean?” Saul asked, looking back and forth between me and Henry. “What happened?”
“Well, to cut an extremely long story short, she claimed to be your mate, proved herself to be unaffected by all vampires, stabbed John in the leg with a pen...”
Saul looked at me in surprise. “You stabbed John in the leg?”
“Yes, she did.” Henry answered for me. “But, believe me, he deserved it. She then shouted at The Sénat and told them she was through jumping hoops and then she stormed out.”
Both of Saul’s eyebrows lifted. “It sounds like quite a show, I’m sorry I missed it.”
“You need to get better control of that temper, brother,” Henry quipped. “Now I should go back down and see if I can help Holt to validate our case.”
I watched Henry leave and, when the door was shut, I turned to see Saul giving me a strange look.
“What?” I asked.
“Did you really say you thought I was your mate?” he asked.
I nodded. Something flashed through his eyes but he closed them before I could read it.
“Do you know what a mate is?”
“Not exactly,” I said. “I remember Holt telling me that it’s like a soul mate but much stronger and that it’s a lifelong bond.”
Saul opened his eyes. “And you really feel that for me? You want to spend the rest of your life with me, even if it’s hundreds of years together?”
I didn’t need Saul’s ability to sense emotions to see that he was worried. He thought I didn’t know what I was committing to. Well, it was time to set him straight.
“If I hadn’t felt one hundred per cent sure that you were my mate, I wouldn’t have said it,” I told him. “The fact is, I knew it the first moment I saw you; I just didn’t understand what it was.”
Saul looked like he wanted to believe it but wasn’t sure if he could so I pushed on, desperate to make him see how I felt.
“That night at the Autumn Ball, it was like... like I didn’t care about anyone else that was there, it was just you. I’ve never wanted anybody like I wanted you and, that day we kissed, I was blown away and terrified by how much you meant to me. It didn’t even matter that I hardly knew you. When I wanted to hate you, I couldn’t. Even when I thought you were just using me, I couldn’t make myself stop loving you. At the time I didn’t know why it was, why I couldn’t stop thinking about you, but now I do. I don’t know much about what a ‘mate’ is but I do know that you’re mine because what I feel for you is more than lust, want or even love; it’s need.” I sucked in a ragged breath. “I need you, Saul, more than I need anything else in the world. It’s like you’re half of me and, without you, I know I just won’t work properly.”
He believed me. He crossed the room and wrapped me in his arms.
“You have me,” he said simply.
“That’s it?” I laughed. “I just poured my heart out and that’s all you have to say?”
I’d meant it as a joke but Saul gave me a serious look.
“I’m six hundred and eighty years old, Faine, but I don’t think I was ever really alive until I found you. You’re like a drug; you’ve heightened my emotions. When you’re mad at me, I drive myself crazy trying to work out how to get you to forgive me, when you’re happy I feel ecstatic, when you cry it breaks my heart, and when you laugh it fills me with joy. I feel like none of my achievements in life mean anything anymore because all that matters is that I make you happy.”
For a moment we just stood there, taking in each other’s words, understanding the weight of them. I knew that this was no everyday relationship; there would be no breaking up every time we had an argument, no cheating, no games, no gradual growing apart. This was being all in, forever.
“What happens if The Sénat decides I should live as a human?” I asked Saul. It was a question we’d been avoiding for weeks but I couldn’t hold it back any longer, not when I’d find out the all-important result by the end of the day. “They won’t like you declaring a human as your mate.”
“I’ve told you, I don’t care about them. All that matters to me is you, so whatever they decide, we’ll deal with it,” Saul said.
He seemed certain that everything would be fine and so I let myself believe it too.
“So you left the trial in uproar then?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said, puzzled by the mischievous glint in his eye.
“So it’s going to be a while before we’re interrupted?”
My own grin grew as I caught on. “At least an hour or two. So why don’t you take me to bed and prove how much you love me?”
The words were barely out of my mouth before Saul had scooped me into his arms and whisked me into the bedroom. His mouth came down hard on mine and his kisses were so urgent that they took me by surprise. I realised that he’d known all along that I was his mate and he’d never said anything. I pulled back.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” I asked.
Saul looked confused.
“You knew I was your mate and you never said anything to me. Why?”
“It doesn’t matter now,” Saul said, moving to kiss me again.
I wriggled further back. “Yes it does. Why didn’t you tell me how you felt?”
Saul gave a small sigh. “It’s very rare for a vampire to find their mate and even rarer for them to find a mate who doesn’t feel the same way. I didn’t tell you because I thought the human part of you might prevent you from feeling the same way as I did, so I figured I’d just wait for you to work out for yourself how you felt.”
Again he tried to kiss me and again I moved away. Saul raised his eyebrows. “Why is it you always have questions? Even when we’re together in bed, and I’m desperate to rip your clothes off and kiss every inch of you.”
His suggestion almost made me forget my question. Almost, but not quite.
“So what would you have done if I’d never decided you were my mate? What if all I’d felt for you was enough to fuel a relationship that lasted a short time?”
Saul ran a strand of my hair through his fingers.
“I wouldn’t have told you,” he said. “I’d have done everything in my power to make sure you didn’t find out. Even if that meant leaving Rillith.”
“Why would you leave Rillith?” I asked.
“You know how territorial vampires are, well that’s nothing compared to how we feel about our mates. It’s why I get so mad when I see you near another male, I just can’t help it. Holt and Henry had already figured it out so I knew that, if you decided you wanted to be with someone else instead of me, I’d need to leave before I killed whoever it was you chose to fill my place.”
I felt my eyes widen. “But that doesn’t make sense. Your whole life is here. Why wouldn’t you just tell me so that I could either keep out of your way or leave? Surely that would make more sense.”
Saul smiled. “You’re my mate. Your happiness is more important to me than my own. If I’d told you, you’d have had to live with the guilt of knowing how much I loved you even though you couldn’t return my feelings. I know you, Faine and I know that guilt would eat away at you.”
I was shocked. Saul was so selfless.
His mouth landed on mine and now I understood his urgency. He’d never known if I’d ever feel for him what he felt for me. This was the first time we’d been together that we both knew that we were on the same page. He was mine and I was his and nothing would change that, ever. I wondered how it must have made him feel to not know if I would wake up one day and leave him. That was why he was so desperate now. I belonged to him and now he knew it.
As promised, he ripped my clothes off and kissed me all over. As his lips trailed along my collarbone I knew what I wanted. I wanted him to cla
im me and I knew he wanted it too.
“Bite me, Saul,” I whispered.
He pulled back to look at my face. “What?”
“Bite me,” I repeated.
“You don’t have to say that. I don’t need to do it; I’m more than happy with this,” he said, but his fully extended fangs contradicted his words.
“I want it, Saul.”
He faltered, torn between the need he felt and his concern for me. I pushed it further, knowing it wouldn’t take much.
“Make me yours. Make it so that everyone knows I belong with you.”
That was it. Saul’s head lowered and his mouth landed on the already jumping pulse in my neck. His left hand found my right and he threaded his fingers through mine. His right hand came to rest gently on the other side of my neck to where his mouth was.
I trembled as his tongue circled my pulse. When his fangs grazed my neck I sucked in a breath and held it. Do it, I willed Saul, please do it. There was a brief moment of pain but, before I could even cry out, it passed and then a tingling pleasure filled my whole body. I went limp in Saul’s arms as my whole body trembled. It was the most glorious feeling I’d ever known.
It seemed to last forever and, when Saul pulled away, I groaned in frustration.
“I love you, Faine,” he said. There was no blood on his lips or teeth.
“I love you too,” I said. “Now get your clothes off.”
“What my mate wants, my mate gets,” Saul said.
He gave me his half-smile and my heart melted. It belonged to him now.
Chapter 65
I awoke to Saul stroking my face and gently calling my name. I was exhausted and made a noise that I hoped he’d understand as “I’m too tired to wake up” and snuggled a little closer to the warmth of his body.
“Faine, wake up.”
His words were still soft but there was an insistence to them that made me open my eyes. As my vision cleared and his face became visible, I smiled.
“You know, if you’d told me what I was missing out on, I’d have let you do that a long time ago,” I said, running my fingers over the place where Saul had bitten me. There were no puncture marks, Saul must have healed them.
Saul smiled at me but his eyes stayed serious. “They just called; they’re ready for you.”
Exhaustion forgotten, I sat bolt upright. “Oh God,” I said. “This is it.”
“It’s okay,” Saul said. He helped me off the bed and we got dressed in silence.
I felt sick. I was about to find out what my future held. If I wasn’t declared a vampire, not only would it make things difficult for Saul, it would mean my chances of being able to change the whole atmosphere of this place would be slim to none.
By the time we got outside the doors of the room where the MM’s were held I was shaking so badly I didn’t think I would be able to make the long walk up to the stage at the front.
Saul moved to block the door and his hands held my face tilted up to his. “I love you Faine. Nothing they say in there will change how I feel about you.”
I swallowed. That was the truth and I knew it. I was more worried about how much grief Saul would get if I was declared human and sent to live with the staff. He would be known as the vampire who claimed a human as his mate, despite that fact that it was very clear I wasn’t an average human.
“I love you too,” I said. “No matter what.”
With that Saul nodded and pushed open the door, holding it for me as I entered. Once again every head turned to watch. I was just contemplating turning and running from the room when Saul’s hand found mine and he gave it a gentle squeeze as his fingers laced their way in-between mine. Suddenly the room wasn’t silent anymore and people’s gazes weren’t on me. They were on our joint hands. We’d walked around Rillith holding hands plenty of times before and while it always drew some attention, it was more serious this time. This was the first time we’d been seen together since everyone had heard us declare each other as mates. This subtle little gesture spoke volumes.
When we got to the front I tried to read the expressions on Holt and Henry’s faces but it was clear they had no idea what was about to happen. Holt stood from his chair and approached me. He pulled me into an embrace and then as he backed away he gave a meaningful look and a nod. I didn’t understand it until Henry, Thomas and Roy all followed suit. It was their ways of making sure that everyone knew what they believed the decision should be and that they were making their loyalty to me known in front of everyone. It brought a lump to my throat that they all cared enough about me to do something that could possibly damage their reputations so much.
I gave them all the bravest smile I could manage and started to climb the steps onto the stage but before I was even half way up Saul yanked me back to him and drew me in for one of his knee weakening kisses. I knew that this was a not-so-subtle version of our hand holding. Judging by the snippets of conversation I could hear; it was working.
One man was saying that The Sénat would have the wrath of Saul on them if they made the wrong choice. Someone else was pointing out that if The Sénat didn’t declare me as a vampire they’d also be implying that they didn’t show much faith in some very respected people’s opinions.
When Saul finally released me I felt more nervous than ever. I was extremely grateful for all these acts of support but the simple fact was that The Sénat had already made their decision. I was almost certain I was about to be sent packing. Seeing the hopeful look on Holt’s face was enough to make me at least face The Sénat with some dignity though. I summoned any scraps of courage that I could and strode up the stairs, coming to a halt in the same spot as before.
I clenched my hands into fists to try and hide the fact that they were shaking. I swept my gaze over every member of The Sénat before stopping at Sénator Aimery as I was sure he would be the one to make the announcement. I hoped it would be quick.
Sénator Aimery stood and my knees nearly buckled. For the first time since I had entered, silence fell throughout the whole room. I wondered if my pounding heart was as deafening to everyone else as it was to me. Sénator Aimery met my gaze with his own and we stood there unblinking for what seemed like an eternity. I could see the hatred in his eyes. At first my heart leapt because I thought it might be hatred that I had gotten what I wanted, but then realised that if he really disliked me that much then surely he would never agree to declare me as a vampire.
“Miss Hawkes,” He said “It’s nice of you to grace us with your presence. After going over all your trial results and the information we have received today we have finally come to a decision. The decision was not a unanimous one and as each Sénat member feels very strongly about their choice, and are therefore unlikely to change their minds, we have been forced to go with the majority vote.”
As this information sank in I scrutinized the other Sénat members trying desperately to work out who voted which way, but they were giving nothing away.
“So with three votes to two, the Sénat officially declare that you, Faine Hawkes...” He paused, prolonging every second of his moment in the spotlight. I stopped breathing. “...are enough vampire to live as one of us here at Rillith.”
A sob of relief escaped me and I brought my hands to my mouth to try and hold back anymore. I wanted to drop to my knees and cry but I knew it would be seen as weak and I was terrified that The Sénat would change their minds.
“We will see to it that you are educated in the rules and lifestyle of our kind. You are permitted to leave Rillith whenever you like but any trips that exceed forty eight hours will need to be cleared with us. We also request that for the time being, you remain living at the same residence as us so that we can monitor your acclimation and behaviour. Anymore outbursts from you will not be taken so lightly. Do you agree to those conditions?”
“Yes I do,” I said, desperate to get this all wrapped up.
Sénator Aimery nodded. “Very well then. I declare that this trial is complete and clo
sed.” With that he turned on his heel and left. The remaining Sénat members all stood and left the room, none of them speaking to me or giving and idea of who had voted which way. As the door swung closed behind them a weight crashed into me, holding me in a hug that almost broke my ribs. I’d thought it was Saul but when the crushing feeling left me I discovered it was Holt. There was a shine to his eyes that made the tears in mine spill onto my cheeks. This had meant so much to him. He had done so much for me and finally I’d made him proud.
There was a chaos as I was passed around in a mass of hugs. I’d just managed to get a hold of myself when I caught sight of Saul. The look of delight and relief on his face brought on a whole new set of tears.
“I can’t believe it!” I said. “They’ve had it in for me from the start; how can they have declared me to be a vampire when I just shouted at them?”
“Actually, I think your outburst was exactly the reason they decided you were a vampire,” Henry said. “Nobody could deny that your behaviour was vampire-like. It’s ironic that, if you’d been polite and submissive, you’d have been seen as weak and most likely you’d have been classed a human. All your test results put you bang smack in the middle. Your stabbing John and losing your temper tipped the scales and, in the uproar you left behind you, the conclusion of the majority was that you were definitely closer to a vampire.”
I couldn’t believe it. Who would have thought my temper have would been my saviour?
As we started to leave I noticed that many of the seats were still occupied. I was still being watched but this time instead of looks of judgement, it was looks of respect. As I made my way up the isle many people gave me a nod or uttered their congratulations. I was blown away. There were still a lot of empty seats who I guessed belonged to people like Monique who’d probably flounced off as soon as she heard the verdict, but all these people here were accepting me as one of their own. It was overwhelming.
Where Loyalty Lies Page 35