Copyright © Marissa Carmel 2014
Names, characters and incidents depicted in this book are products of the author’s imagination, or are used fictitiously.
Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental and beyond the intent of the author or the publisher.
No part of this book may be reproduced or shared by any electronic or mechanical means, including but not limited to printing, file sharing, and email, without prior written permission from author Marissa Carmel.
All rights reserved.
Cover art by Marisa Shor, Cover Me, Darling
http://www.covermedarling.com
Editing by Jenny Sims
http://editing4indies.com
Interior design by Christine Borgford, Perfectly Publishable http://www.perfectlypublishable.com
Dedication
Prologue
Wicked Games
Dinner for Two
Ever the Same
The Other Side
Carousels and Cotton Candy Dreams
One Nightmare to Another
Scars and Surprises
Summertime Sadness
Mother of Mine
Dog Pound
Freedom
Nothing to Look Forward To, Nothing to Look Back At
One Nightmare to Another
Dark Horse
Birth Day
The Lady Killers
Headliner
Times Are a Changin'
The Kill
You Don't Know Jack
Epilogue: Giving Up On You
Thank You
Playlist
Acknowledgements
About the Author
Author Links
Finding Us by Megan Smith
For MC’s Groupies-
On the days I feel most lost you find me.
And Megan Smith, for just being awesome.
Think I’ll miss you forever.
Like the stars miss the sun in the morning sky.
Later’s better than never
Even if you’re gone I’m gonna drive (drive, drive)
-Summertime Sadness, Lana Del Rey
He is everything my head says is right, my heart says it wants, and my body can’t deny.
I wake up to the reeking stench of alcohol and cigarettes.
Ah, the smell of home sweet home.
I roll over in my twin-size bed, the one I've slept on since I was ten, and check the time on my phone, 9:35 AM. I groan, mustering the little drive I have, I get up and walk through my tiny, two bedroom apartment. There are empty beer cans and vodka bottles scattered all over the kitchen counter and smashed out cigarette butts in the ashtray; a few roaches too.
Just another rockin’ Thursday night at casa del Pierce.
I amble out into the living room and find Sean, my twin, passed out on the couch with his sneakers, jeans, and hat still on. Fuck man, I rake my fingers through my hair then go back into the kitchen, grab a garbage bag from under the sink, and start cleaning up. Just once, it would be nice to make breakfast without the company of Naddy Ice or Popov, if there were any food in the house to begin with. The bottles clink as I dump them into the garbage bag, the beer odor becoming more potent as the cans are contained. I drop the bag on the floor then grab the blue sponge and start scrubbing down the counter. God, how I fucking hate this. Not the cleaning; the cause of the mess.
“Yo bro,” I hear my twin say from behind me as he opens the refrigerator. I wonder what he thinks he’s going to find in there.
“Yo,” I respond plainly as I press harder on the sponge.
Sean picks up the garbage bag next to me, and I catch a glimpse of him; his eyes are bloodshot, and the brim of his hat is pushed upwards on his head.
“I see you and Mom were having your usual fun last night.”
“What can I say? Our mom’s a cool lady.”
I throw the sponge back into the sink and glare at him. “Ghetto fabulous.”
Sean rolls his eyes and crosses his arms, the bag still in his hand. “What are your plans for today?”
“Work. You should try it sometime.”
“Nah, not for me.”
“Obviously.” I glance around the dirty kitchen.
“You need to lighten up brother, have some fun.”
“I have plenty of fun. It just doesn’t involve drunken stupors with our mother.”
“Maybe it should.”
“No thanks. Speaking of mothers, where is she?”
“Probably in bed.” Sean shrugs. “What time is her shift?”
“Not sure, but I think we should wake her up.”
Sean backs away from me. “That’s all you,” he says as he pulls open the front door.
Of course it is, you break the glass, and I pick up the jagged pieces.
I rest my hands on the sink, drop my head, and steel my resolve. I really hope she doesn’t try and hit me this time.
I knock lightly on her bedroom door, “Ma?” I call out before walking into her room. It’s sparsely decorated with just a bed and a small dresser. Dark shades conceal the windows, and the thick smell of cigarette smoke clouds the room. I sit down on the edge of the mattress while she remains asleep. Like this, she looks so young. Well, she is young; she had me and Sean when she was only seventeen. My father left when we were three, and I only have one memory of him. Playing football on the large front lawn of a house. I don’t know whose house it was, but Sean and I were tackling him, giggling our heads off. And then like a blink he was gone. I don’t remember my mother any other way than an alcoholic.
She gets up no matter how hung over she is and goes to work though, if for no other reason than to keep a roof over our heads and full vodka bottles in our cabinets. It’s about all her salary can afford. A waitress in a diner doesn’t make much. So I try my damndest to pick up the slack.
“Mom.” I rock her gently. “Mom, wake up.”
She groans. “Seany?”
“No, it’s Ryan.”
She moans again. “I’m sleeping.”
“I know. What time is your shift?”
“Shift?” she asks disoriented.
“Yeah, you know, at the diner?”
“Three, I think. What’s today?”
“Friday Ma, all day.”
She smirks. She’s so pretty even with her messed up hair and weathered skin. “Three o’clock.”
“You have time to sleep then.”
“Good.” She rolls over. “Can you get me some aspirin?”
I hold out my hand. “Got you covered already.”
“I love you baby,” she says in her Brooklyn accent before she passes out.
I escape unscathed. This time.
I tidy up the rest of the apartment, take a quick shower, and throw on a white polo and a pair of checkered shorts before I head out.
“Hey Mr. Williams,” I yell to our elderly next door neighbor who does nothing but sit on his porch all day and smoke.
“Morning Sean.” I hear the rocking chair creak.
“Ryan,” I correct him.
He waves me off as he lights a cigarette. I just roll my eyes and smile. It’s the same every time. He always thinks I’m Sean, and Sean is me. It is kind of hard to tell us apart from afar, even though we dress nothing alike. Sean thinks he’s Eminem. I’m more the American Eagle surfer type.
It’s a nice morning, so I unzip the windows of my Jeep; if I wasn’t feeling so lazy I’d take the doors off too, but not today. This car is my prize possession; a gunmetal gray Jeep Wrangler that took me three years to save up for. Sometimes working multiple jobs at a time. But I finally did it, and last year on my twenty-first birthday, I bought it outright. It wa
s October, so I didn’t get much top down time, but there were a few days here and there. Now that it’s summer, and I live minutes from the beach, I’m taking full advantage of every nice day. New Jersey only gets four- five if we’re lucky- good months of warm weather so there’s no wasting a moment.
I turn the key, hit the gas, and drive out of my ghetto ass apartment complex with my shirt rippling in the wind.
I unlock the wooden boards of the bar.
Mac isn’t here yet, so I start setting up by myself. The racetrack is empty, and for a little while it will be peaceful, until the crowds start pouring in, and the first horse race goes off. This job is entertainment, if nothing else, and the money isn’t too bad either. I’ve worked at the track for the past two summers, and it is by far my most favorite job. Where else can you come to work with thirteen dollars in your pocket and leave with three hundred?
And I don’t mean from tips.
I run the lines, releasing the air from the beer taps, fill the ice bins, restock the soda, and stack some plastic cups. By the time everything is finished, Mac is strolling up to the bar.
“Nice of you to show,” I jibe.
He pulls down his sunglasses showing me the bags under his eyes.
“Another late night?” I shove the scooper into the ice.
“Yup and my last early morning.”
“What the fuck does that mean?” I laugh.
“This is my last day. The money bartending at Tradewinds is too good. I don’t need to work this piss poor beer bar anymore.”
“Good for you.”
“Good for you too, because I’m trying to get you in.”
“Oh yeah? You take such good care of me.” I place my hand over my heart.
“Don’t I know it.”
Michael Scott Johnson, otherwise known as Mac, is the son of a fishing captain and has been my closest friend since I was eighteen. We met as busboys at a fancy seafood restaurant. Three weeks later he was a waiter, which is unheard of unless you know someone or do something to seriously impress the managers. I learned quickly that Mac knows how to impress people. He’s a smart talker who can bend almost anything in his favor. So if he says he’s getting me a job, it’s pretty much a done deal. He doesn’t talk shit, and he always makes things happen. And a job at the area’s hottest dance club sounds pretty fucking good to me.
“You have to come in tonight and meet Spiro.”
“Who the hell is Spiro?”
“The GM. He’ll decide.”
“Decide what?”
“If you have the goods, but a pretty boy like you should be a shoe in.”
“Aww, you think I’m pretty?” I bat my eyelashes at him.
“Beau-ti-ful,” he mocks.
I put on my best shirt, a turquoise blue polo I got on clearance at Abercrombie and Fitch, and a pair of white shorts. I run some water through my wavy hair -that really needs to be cut- and swipe on some Axe deodorant.
I look in the mirror, this is about as good as it gets.
Neither Sean nor my mother are home, so I lock the door behind me and hop into my Jeep that now has no doors. What can I say, I caved.
When I pull into the parking lot of Tradewinds, it’s mostly empty. It’s seven o’clock, and the doors don’t open until eight. It won’t start getting crowded until eleven. That’s just how it works. I walk up the front walkway and get a whiff of the salty ocean behind the building. You can’t see it from the side entrance, but you can definitely hear it and feel it. The sound of waves crashing against the shore can give you tingles. I open the door to a huge muscle head sitting on a stool by a cheap cash register.
“Not open yet buddy,” he says rudely.
“Yeah, I know, I’m here to see Mac, or actually Spiro.”
“Well which is it? Mac or Spiro?”
“Both.”
The large black man huffs at me, like he’s annoyed he has to move, but he gets up and walks me into the club.
“Mac!” he yells across the room. “Do you know this chuckle head?”
Mac looks up and smiles. “Yup, he belongs to me.”
“Go on, chuckle head.” He looks down at me and folds his arms, his veins rippling under his skin.
Buddy, you need to lay off the juice.
“Thanks,” I say impassively and walk across the large dance floor to Mac. The club is one big massive space. The back wall is constructed completely of windows and pocket glass doors that lead out to a large back deck. The design makes the room feel open and airy.
“Right on time man.” Mac clasps my hand over the bar. “Spiro should be here any minute. You want a drink?”
“Nah, I’m good.” I lean against the edge and look behind the bar. There are tons of different alcohols on the speed racks, and three work stations with ice bins, soda guns, and fruit trays.
“Good answer,” a voice suddenly says. I look over to see a slick dressed guy in jeans and black shirt walking my way. He has on dark sunglasses and is carrying a clipboard in his hand.
“Spiro?”
“The one and only, you’re the friend Mac’s been telling me about?”
“The one and only.” I smirk.
He lifts his sunglasses to reveal amused green eyes. “So, you can talk the talk, but can you walk the walk?”
“If you mean can I run circles around Mac here, the answer is yes.”
“I taught him everything he knows,” Mac chimes in.
“Then I’m definitely in trouble,” Spiro quips. “Look, I’ll give you a shot, a trial run. If I like what I see, you’re in. If not, like Heidi Klum says, you’re out.”
“Sounds like a plan to me.”
“Good, because I’m short a bartender. Now get behind there and let Mac show you the ropes. Doors open in twenty for beat the clock.”
“Cool man.” I put my hand out to shake.
“I’ll be watching.” Spiro takes my hand with a small smile.
Beat the clock is fifty cent draft beers in six ounce cups, and every hour until midnight the price increases twenty-five cents. By the time eleven o’clock hits, I have a packed bar and am running around ragged trying to keep up with the demand of the crowd. It’s a thrilling feeling, bartending. Don’t ask me why. Maybe it’s the atmosphere, or the loud music, or the fact everyone in the room is vying for your attention like you’re the most popular kid in school. Maybe it’s the power. You have the one thing everyone wants. Whatever the reason, it’s fun, and I like it.
“Hey! One and only!” Spiro slams on the bar a few times to get my attention. I look up from the cooler with two bottles of beer in my hand. “You got the job, now scram. You start next Thursday. Have a drink before you go,” he yells over the music, then he’s gone.
Mac smiles over at me as I serve my last two drinks of the night.
I hop over the bar and lean against the edge as Mac hands me a gin and tonic. This day has turned out to be pretty good. I won a few races at the track, made some good tips, and just landed an awesome summer job.
Life can’t get much better.
At least that’s what I think right before I catch a glimpse of thick blonde hair out of the corner of my eye. I pause with my drink an inch away from my lips.
My gaze rakes over her long, lean body as she stands at the bar clearly annoyed at her friend. She has a cigarette in one hand and a lighter in another. I can’t seem to do anything but stand there and gawk like a love struck fool. Then she turns, and as her body shifts, one of the strobe lights hits her face at just the right angle illuminating the reddish-brown color of her irises and the shiny pink of her cheeks. For a fleeting second her eyes meet mine, and it’s like a T-K-O.
My entire existence comes to a screeching halt, the feeling in my fingers, the thoughts in my head, the blood in my veins, they all evaporate. Before I can recover, she’s gone.
“Ryan?” Mac’s voice summons me from my daze. “Ryan!”
“Did you see that girl?” I ask automatically.
“Whi
ch one?”
“The blonde?”
“With the short hair? Yeah, she was cute.”
“No, her friend.” I look at him intensely. “Give me a cigarette.”
“You don’t smoke.”
“I do tonight. Give me one, I know you keep a spare pack behind the bar to sell to your customers.”
Mac grimaces then reaches down and pulls out a pack of Parliaments. “You want a light?”
“No,” I say and take off in the direction of the outside patio. I squeeze and shove through the crowd, desperate for just one more look at her. And just as I get to the open glass sliders, I see her. Her head is bent downwards as she lights her cigarette; her pale blonde hair flipping in the mild summer wind. I’m helpless as I stand there staring at her, drinking her in from head to toe. She dressed in little black shorts with a flowing pink top that drops in a low V neckline. Her legs are tan, smooth, and silky, and I have to stop myself from imagining what it would feel like to run my hands all over them.
I snap back to reality when someone abruptly bumps into me. I take a deep breath and start walking towards her, trying desperately to come up with something witty to say. Unfortunately, words are eluding me at the moment. That’s when she’s unexpectedly shoved right into me. She loses her footing and falls clumsily into my arms. I only hold her for a few seconds, but when she looks up into my eyes, all I can see is the rest of my life. Until I feel a burning pain. She gasps while she rights herself. Then she starts patting at my chest, “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, that looks really bad, we should get you some ice,” she rambles erratically, but I can’t seem to pull my attention away from her face. She has completely captivated me.
“Hey?” The blonde goddess waves her hand in front of me. “Are you in shock or something?”
Um, yes, actually, because all I can think about is what you taste like.
I look down to see a hole in my shirt, and my left peck. I put my hand over my chest and order myself to speak. “No, I’m okay, it only hurts a lot.” I smirk.
“I’m so sorry, that girl pushed me.” She looks around for the drunken stumbler, but she’s gone, and if I ever see her again I’m going to buy her a house. “I’ll buy you a new shirt and pay for the ER visit,” she says lightly, and I laugh; pretty and funny.
Stripped From You Page 1