She looks the same, she looks so different- she’s the fucking blonde in the gold dress.
She’s also beautiful, hurt and confused, and it’s all because of me. But worst of all? She suddenly just disappeared from my sight.
“ALANA!”
I pack the last box.
I leave for school this afternoon. My first few steps into independence will be ones of heartbreaking agony, because my emotions have been cracked open like a coconut and drained from my body. I’m an empty shell. Which is ironic, because that’s exactly who I was before I met Ryan.
Before he filled my world with light, only to leave me in the dark.
I stare at the little blue sketchbook lying innocently on my bed, next to the box. It’s been taunting me for three weeks. I dare not open it. Not after the last time. Not after that night. Not after those words. Not after he just disappeared.
I’m angry, confused, and hurt, but most of all I feel so stupid. I let him in. I loved him. I served myself up like a sacrificial lamb, and he didn’t hesitate to destroy me. Ryan will own a part of me forever. A part I can never get back, and it kills me every time I think about it. My first time has been marred, and there’s nothing I can do to change it. There’s no way to amend the experience or wipe away the memory.
The thought drains me mentally.
I keep trying to stifle all these unbearable feelings, but the defiant emotions just spring back no matter how many times I shove them away.
I pick up the sketchbook and pluck at the brown leather string keeping it closed. Inside is every picture Ryan drew for the last three months. It’s our story. It was supposed to be a symbol. An indication of support. Something that said I’d be there for him no matter what; whether I was at school, or home, or across the country.
I believed in him. And I truly thought he believed in us.
“Knock, knock,” Emily sings as she pokes her head into my room. “All set to start the big, bad institution that is college?”
“I’m packed,” I say as perky as I can.
“It’s a start.” She stands next to me trying her hardest not to give me a pitiful look. She knows what I’ve been dealing with the last few weeks.
“You doing okay?” she asks delicately.
“Fine,” I reply like I don’t have a care in the world. I take some masking tape and seal the box. I am so ready to get the hell out of here; out of this house, out of this town, and out of this county. For the first time in my life I wish I was going to Yale. That way I could be out of the state too.
“Fine. Ah huh? That’s the thirty-seventh fine this week. Let’s try again, and this time tell me how you really feel.”
I glance up at Emily with only my eyes. I don’t want to look weak. But at this moment, with one of the few people I trust, in the security of my room, I’ll be honest. “Broken,” I whisper.
“Oh.” Emily throws her arms around me. She’s shorter and tinier than I am, but she feels like a giant wrapped around me. “Honey, you’re only broken if you let him break you.”
“I know you’re right.” I take a deep breath. I will not cry. I refuse. I didn’t cry when he left, and I won’t waste any tears on him now, or ever, for that matter.
“Ryan was a jerk. He fooled us all.” She hugs me tighter. “That asshole was after one thing. His balls should be sliced off and fed to ravenous dogs.”
I snicker. Leave it to Emily to paint a vivid picture.
“Well, if you know where I can find him and a few ravenous dogs, I’d be more than happy to enjoy the show.”
“I bet.” She chuckles sadly. “I wish I never encouraged you to go see him that day. I feel responsible.”
“Em that’s ridiculous.” I look her right in her sparkling blue eyes. The ones I have always been jealous of. “I went because I wanted to. Yes, you may have given me a nudge, but I have no one to blame but myself. I chose to let him in. I chose to fall in love with him. I take responsibility for all my decisions.”
She frowns. “I know things haven’t been easy for you. With your mother dying and your father, well, being your father. You didn’t deserve this.”
I shrug. “Can’t change the past. But I did learn something from my mistake.”
“What’s that?”
“My father was right. Emotions are nothing but weakness.”
“No, Alana, no. You can’t believe that. I refuse to let you believe that. You don’t want to end up like him.”
“I don’t think I have much of a choice. We share the same genetic makeup.”
“So do we,” she argues. “And so do you and your mother. You should remember that.”
“How long were you waiting to use that ammunition on me?” My mother is always a soft spot.
“When I needed it most.” She smiles deviously.
“You’re as conniving as your father.”
Emily grabs my face. “And you’re nothing like yours.”
“I’m not so sure.”
“I am. And I’m older so you have to listen to me.”
I actually laugh. She used to say that to me all the time when we were younger. Especially when she wanted me to do something we weren’t supposed to.
There’s a knock at the door. “Alana?” my father calls before he enters.
“Yes, come in.” Emily and I separate as the coldest man I have ever encountered walks into my room. He examines both Emily and me thoroughly before he speaks. “The car is here. I’m going to send up the chauffer for your things.”
“Okay, Daddy,” I respond rigidly.
“Emily.” He addresses her aloofly. “When are you off?”
“Tonight,” she answers.
He nods. “Safe trip.” Then he walks out the door.
Emily shakes her head with a you’ve got to be kidding me expression. “I wonder if we sent him to live in an igloo if he’d notice the temperature change?”
“Stop.” I laugh, and hit her arm playfully.
“What time does your plane leave?” I ask.
“Ten.” She picks up the sketchbook and inspects it. “I’m taking the red-eye so I can sleep.”
“Sounds like a good plan.”
“Yeah, after four years of traveling back and forth to Pepperdine you learn a few things.” She smiles.
Emily graduates this year, and I wonder if she’ll make the West Coast her permanent home when she does. I secretly hope not.
“What’s this?” She wiggles the small blue book in her hand. I wilt.
“It was for Ryan. A going away, remember me present of sorts.”
“Can I?” She pulls at the leather string.
“Go ahead.” I shrug indifferently; even though I’m falling to pieces on the inside. I don’t want to be reminded. I want it all to go away. And in that book is the memoir of mine and Ryan’s summer together.
She flips open the cover and reads aloud. “He is everything my head says is right, my heart says it wants, and my body can’t deny.”
I nearly crumble. I wrote those words our last night together. They startled me right out of a dead sleep. They were the words I never thought I’d find. Emily skims through the rest of the book. I know every picture that’s inside; the one of me he sketched on our second date, several of our beach, the sunsets, one of our cars parked next to each other, the city skyline, and a beautiful mermaid with a vibrant blue tail.
“Wow,” she says, after she closes the book. “Ryan has a little bit of talent.”
“A little bit,” I meekly reply. A moment later a man dressed in a black suit and dark sunglasses is knocking on the door.
His presence indicates it’s time to go. I point to the boxes and suitcases I’d like him to take. He gets right to work.
I give Emily a melancholy smile. I always hate this part. Saying goodbye never gets easier.
She hugs me tightly. “I’ll call you when I get in. Check up on things.”
“Yes please.”
“Have some fun. Forget about Ryan. Move on,”
she advises.
“I’ll do my best.”
“For you, your best is the center of excellence.”
I roll my eyes. “Here.” She tries to hand me the book back, but I refuse to take it. “No. Get rid of it for me.”
“What?”
“Get rid of it.” I push her hand.
“How?”
“I don’t know. Throw it away, shred it, burn it for all I care. Just get it out of my sight.”
Emily nods then tucks the book under her arm. I regret giving it to her for a fraction of a second. That book is the only piece of Ryan I have left.
It, and a forced goodbye.
The End
Thank you for purchasing Stripped From You! If you don’t know how Alana and Ryan’s story ends, you can find out in Strip Me Bare. Available wherever ebooks are sold! Also, make sure to check out the first 2 chapters of Megan Smith’s Finding Us after the Acknowledgments!
Note from the author: I realize some of the music in Stripped From You may be a little recent for the timeline. I’m asking for some creative forgiveness. To portray the emotions of the book, I wanted to stay true to what inspired the events and me.
Wicked Game – Chris Isaak
Hold on, We’re Going Home- Drake
The Other Side- Jason Derulo
Demons- Imagine Dragons
Dark Horse- Katy Perry
Say Something- A Great Big World
Summertime Sadness- Lana Del Rey
Royals- Lorde
Applause- Lady Gaga
I have said it before, and I will say it again. If it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a metropolis to publish a book.
To Matthew Taylor, even though you didn’t work on this book directly, I still owe you so much for helping me find my voice. To Jenny Sims my editor (editing4indies) thank you for 2nd read throughs! And for dealing with my neurotic, perfectionist side! I’m so glad I found you and look forward to working together in the future. Marisa Shor (Cover Me, Darling), my amazingly talented photographer and cover artist. I think I fell in love with your work at first sight. Hell yeah, hot pink! And Matthew Todd, my cover model. Thank you for letting me objectify you. To Amy Chris for once again combing through 70,000 words to find every spelling mistake and grammatical error she could. And Kerri Ulrich for being my very last set of eyes. To Christine Borgford at Perfectly Publishable, thank you for making the inside of Stripped From You as beautiful as the out. To my Beta readers, Candy Love, Erica Smith, Ashley Grimes, Amanda Schmolke and Kizeeta Williams, thank you for suffering through a first draft and providing me with invaluable feedback!
To my outstanding team of tour hosts, Amber Garcia (Lady Ambers Reviews) thank you for sticking with me from the beginning. Holly Malgieri (Holly’s Red Hot Reviews) you are my little god sent and yes, our favorite word is asshole. And Ena Burnette (Enticing Journey Book Promotions) this was our first time working together and I’m pretty sure it won’t be our last! To all the wonderful bloggers out there who share, review and support me. If I named you all, there would be another 70,000 words added to this book! Please know I appreciate every single one of you, and without you I’d be nowhere! To Glenda Sue Smith for being my official cheerleader and test subject. Your encouragement means the world. Thank you for stalking me LOL! To MC’s groupies, the smallest, but mightiest street team around. I heart you ladies so hard!
To the readers! You guys blow me away with your messages of love and support. Keep them coming! <3
And last, but never ever least (hear that babe?) to my family who lets me pursue this crazy passion of mine. Danny, you are the most amazing husband and father, and I know it’s not always easy, but hopefully one day I will be able to make it up to you. Thank you for being secure enough to let me write about male strippers and other things.
If I forgot anyone I’m sorry! A metropolis is a lot of people! Until the next one <3
Marissa Carmel has loved writing ever since a young age. She has a duel degree in History and Political Science, but took as many creative writing classes in college as she could. She spent most of her twenties bartending, which is where she met her husband and a multitude of interesting people. When she’s not reading or writing, she’s hanging out with her family, experimenting in her kitchen or doing yoga on the living room floor.
Other Works
Strip Me Bare
Vis Vires trilogy-
iFeel (Book 1)
Gravitational Pull (Book 2)
Constellation (book 3 Coming soon)
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Chapter One
JASMINE
What is that god awful sound?
Beep, Buzz, Beep, Buzz, Beep, Buzz.
Groaning, I roll over and throw my pillow at my best friend, Summer.
“Make it stop!” I whine.
Summer reaches over to my bedside table and switches on the lamp as I turn and shield my eyes from the light. I keep saying to myself that I’m going to replace that light bulb with a dimmer one but when I’m out I never remember and the one I have now lights up the room like Fort Knox.
It’s sometime on Saturday morning, maybe. Moaning, I think back to how much we drank last night. Summer and I were having a great time. A flash of last night comes into my mind, Summer shaking her ass all over the club and causing too much unwanted attention for us. I like being in the shadows, Summer though, she loves the spotlight. Her motto is ‘Shake what your mama gave ya for all the world to see.’ and that’s exactly what she was doing last night. We are in the city that never sleeps and we live up to it pretty much every weekend. Summer and I moved to New York City a few months ago to hide from them. By moving here I knew they would have a hard time finding me.
I despise the existence of my parents! Michael and Vivian Jennings. Repeat after me, Michael and Vivian Jennings. Just saying their names makes me want to throw up. They’d had control over me until I graduated college and that was the last damn day that I would ever answer to them. I was given access to my trust fund when I turned twenty-two, which just so happened to be the same day I graduated. Before the service began, I had my bags packed in my car and I had no intentions of giving them or my old life a second thought. I swore to myself that I would never let them control me again, and I’m doing a damn good job of it so far.
Dad is loaded. He was handed down the business from my grandfather. Dad is the owner of a huge investment firm back in New Jersey. He’s a straight forward, condescending asshole. People look up to him and want to be him. Who the hell would ever want to be him is beside me. When Dad spoke, people listened. If they didn’t agree with him, Michael Jennings would make them.
Mom is the queen of charity. She’s always working on getting some kind of contribution. Shit, I think the charity came before me most of the time. Vivian’s always proper, one of those ‘never a hair out of place’ kind of people who looked down on everyone around her. Not many people know that she has a drinking problem, she hides it pretty well. I’ve found her a few times passed out drunk in the sitting room with an empty bottle of vodka tucked next to her chair. When Marie, our housekeeper, got sick a few years ago, I was helping her out and was taking the recycling up to the corner and almost the entire can was filled with empty vodka bottles. That’s when I really knew she had a problem. Honestly, I think that’s the only way she can manage to stay with dad.
Thank heavens for Marie, our housekeeper and my nanny. She’s the one who took care of me and understood me better than my own parents. She lived with us since I was born. At least that was the one good thing my parents did for me, the
y hired someone to take care of me so they didn’t have to. They only needed me when it was convenient for them. I was forced to go to charity auctions and act like the doting daughter. Mom entered me into beauty pageants because other women in her circle of fake friends had entered their daughters. She enrolled me in proper etiquette classes so I wouldn’t taint the family name. I was also hired a personal trainer that worked with me from the time I was thirteen until I left for college. Marie would always be there for me though, whether I just needed to cry on her shoulder or yell about how much I hated my parents.
“Rise and shine!” Summer says entirely too loud, shaking me from my unpleasant memories of them. My head is pounding and I feel like I have cotton shoved in my mouth.
I pull the covers down off my head, “What time is it?” I ask while yawning.
“Almost noon, Rex will be here soon.” Summer replies.
Summer and I met Rex at Club Two Twelve when we first moved into town a few months ago. He and his brother owned the place. He’s a good looking guy but not my type. He’s what I would label a ‘pretty boy’ - messy, dark brown hair, about six feet tall, lean and muscular but not cut. Rex is always clean shaven which makes him have more of a baby face and appear younger than his twenty-one years of age, and he has these long eyelashes that make his blue eyes pop. Rex has a cosmic smile and a great personality, which made becoming friends with him so easy.
“Why did we tell him to meet us for lunch again?” I whine, pulling the blanket back over my head.
Summer walks around and pulls the covers off me. She’s all business when she does that. “He takes us to lunch every Saturday, brat. Now get your ass out of bed, Jasmine Jennings, and into the shower.” She throws the covers on the floor at the foot of my bed and leaves the room.
Summer and I found a great two bedroom apartment with a doorman for a decent amount a month. Living in New York is expensive as hell but we wanted to live somewhere with a doorman for extra security. We thought it was a sensible idea seeing as it was just the two of us girls and we didn’t know anyone in this big city.
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