If You're Willing

by Ivy Symone

  They even managed to sneak away for a weekend to Miami. It was her first time ever riding a plane. He was right there beside her soothing the whole flight. They had plans to go other places, which excited her. At this point, she would go anywhere as long as he was with her. But, she was still afraid. She wanted him, but he still had someone. And she hated the idea of giving him so much of herself only for him to abandon her one day.

  It was the Friday before the party. It was lunch hour and she was in a hotel room on her back getting her pussy ate. He exchanged one pair of lips for the other pair. When he kissed her, she could smell and taste herself on him. It aroused her even more.

  She gasped when he entered her aggressively. Sometimes she had to make sure he wasn’t mad at her when he did that. She could always tell by the way his eyes either brightened or darkened. Today, they brightened which caused her to smile at him. He smiled back. Damn, she was loving this dude. But she was afraid to speak it out loud.

  Cassie wasn’t sure why she didn’t notice before, maybe because she wasn’t looking for it, but where his left ring finger had been vacant all this time, now it housed a diamond wedding band. What the fuck was this?

  She had never been turned off when in the act with him, but this right here soured her mood.

  “Get off me,” she said angrily. She pushed him with as much force as she could to let him know she wasn’t playing.

  He looked genuinely confused. “What did I do this time?”

  Cassie hopped out of bed and scrambled for her clothes.

  “Baby, what did I do?” he asked. His voice was pleading.

  “Why you got that on?” she asked pointing to his hand.

  He looked at it and guilt etched across his face. “Let me explain—”

  She saw him getting out of the bed, but she didn’t give him the chance to touch her. She ran to the suite’s bathroom and locked it. She didn’t even have all of her clothes. She had only her pants and one shoe.

  “Will you let me explain?” He was on the other side of the door.

  She yelled, “I don’t care!”

  “It ain’t even what you’re thinking. I promise it isn’t.”

  “It doesn’t matter…” she teared up. Her voice cracked, “This is why I don’t need to be with you.”

  “Baby, open the door.”

  “No! Just go away. Please!”

  “I’m not. I need you to come out. I want you to look me in my eyes and know that I’m telling you the truth. Having this on means nothing to me.”

  “Then why do you have it on?”

  Silence.

  She said, “I’m gonna be late getting back to work. So can you please don’t try to keep me here to feed me a bunch of bullshit.”

  “You’re just gonna be late then.”

  “I hate you!”

  “I love you.”

  She was speechless. Hearing him say it gave her butterflies. She wanted to open the door but it was a trap. He didn’t mean it. She cried, “Don’t do that.”

  “What? Love you? Why are you so afraid of that?”

  “I’m not afraid. You’re lying and you need to stop because I know you don’t.”

  “You are afraid to let someone love you. Let me please.”

  “Go away.”

  “Come out here.”

  “I will when I know you’re gone.”

  “Cassie, you’re the—”

  “Don’t call me that!”

  “It’s your name!”

  “No, not when I’m with you like this. I don’t wanna be Cassie.”

  A few seconds passed before he replied, “If you don’t wanna be Cassie when you’re with me, then I guess none of this is real. And that’s fucked up…because I love you.”

  She could tell he moved away from the door. He was quiet. She strained to hear him moving about. Five minutes passed and she felt the suite’s room door slam.

  She waited about two more minutes before she opened the door. He was gone. She didn’t trust him. He might try to come back. She gathered her things and went back in the bathroom to clean up and get dressed.

  Needless to say, when she got back to the office she was grumpy. She was hungry and pissed off.

  Tanya placed a Snickers candy bar on her desk on passing. “Bitch, eat that. You ain’t yourself when you’re hungry.”

  Cassie laughed and threw her middle finger at Tanya.

  Eli appeared at her desk smelling good as ever. He said, “You’ve been gone all this time and didn’t eat anything?”

  “I was running errands,” she answered curtly.

  “Hmmm,” was all he uttered before walking away.

  Tanya said, “You know, it’s some doughnuts in the break room.”

  “From this morning?” Cassie asked.

  “Girl, they Krispy Kreme. They still fresh.”

  A doughnut sounded good at the moment. Cassie got up and went to the break room. No one was in there and the boxes of doughnuts were stacked up nicely on the back table. She opened one and it was a variety box. She grabbed a chocolate glazed one that seeped yellow custard, and grabbed a cruller while she was at it. The glazed blueberry looked tempting too. She also grabbed a regular glazed. She wrapped all four—because she got that blueberry one too—in napkins and headed out the break-room.

  She got to her office space and before she could get to her chair, she was stuffing the blueberry doughnut in her mouth. Still fresh. She stood right there and ate the glazed one in three bites. She was going to have a doughnut orgasm right there. She ate the cruller next. She was famished. He worked her intensely earlier. She came so many times and he made her squirt twice. That wiped her out and she didn’t get anything to eat. She needed carbs or something to fuel her body.

  She finally took her seat taking a bite of the chocolate glazed with the custard inside, and it oozed its contents on her blouse. Damn! She swiped it up and licked her finger. Then she dipped her finger in the hole to gather more custard and licked her finger again. Then she heard someone clearing their throat.

  She slowly turned around and saw she had an audience. They were standing off to the side dying with laughter. She was embarrassed. She knew her mocha skin was turning a deep shade of cherry. She placed the almost hollow doughnut on her desk.

  “Goddamn Cassie,” Tanya said in disbelief.

  “Fuck ya’ll,” Cassie grumbled playfully. Gio and Eli were turning red, they were laughing so hard at her.

  “Bitch is you hungry or is you hungry?” Tanya asked.

  “She fucked them doughnuts up!” Eli clowned. “Cassie, I didn’t know you could eat like that.”

  “Again, fuck ya’ll,” Cassie said cutting her eyes. “That shit was good.”

  _____

  The 90s party was everything. Cassie didn’t think they could have done a better job with it on such short notice. Everyone dressed the part, the dj had 90s music blaring from the speakers, and everyone was having a good time.

  Cassie wore a pair of acid washed denim booty shorts with a black bra top under an open black leather vest. She had to complete the look with a pair of black Lugz. She had her hairdresser to give her a 90s inspired hairstyle that incorporated the present day look. She had soft waves in the front while the rest had been sculpted into a retro victory roll updo.

  Jazmin wore a champagne colored satin polyester wrap skirt with the matching halter top that tied in the front. She wore her hair with a side swoop in the front for mock bangs that tucked into the high ponytail atop of her head. On her feet were brown blocked-heeled sandals.

  “Where’s Tanya?” Jazmin asked.

  “She’s on her way,” Cassie told her. She asked, “Did Desiree and Damien come?”

  “They’re here somewhere. They’re wearing matching spray painted overalls. They look cute,” Jazmin giggled. She looked over at Romyn with his busy rayon shirt tucked into loose fitting blue pants. She said, “You look nice Ro.”

  “Thanks,” he smiled.

  “Wh
o got Desiree’s baby?” Cassie asked.

  “Damien’s mother. Desiree almost didn’t want to come cause she ain’t been away from the baby more than two hours. Damien, my daddy and Phyllis had to convince her to go out tonight.”

  “Who else is here?” Cassie asked.

  “Oh girl, come look at these fools. Jah, Rock and Ricky looking like they’re extras in Menace to Society,” Jazmin laughed.

  Cassie, followed by Romyn, weaved in and out around the cluster of people to follow Jazmin. She ended up taking them to an upstairs tiered VIP section. It was where their circle was. Cassie laughed as soon as she saw them because Jazmin was right. They all had on khaki colored dickies. Jah’s matching khaki shirt was open exposing the white tee he had on. Rock had on a blue flannel shirt over a white tee. And Ricky paired his with just a black tee.

  “I told you,” Jazmin said.

  Rock acted as if he was excited to see Cassie. He came up to her to give her a hug. “What’s up baby?”

  She could tell he had been drinking, but he was enjoying himself. Everyone was in merriment, and that was the intention.

  Jah was holding an Old E 800 beer bottle in a brown paper bag. Cassie asked Jah, “Is that a prop or is there something in there?”

  “It’s something in here. I’ve been pouring it out for my homies all mothafuckin’ night,” Jah said.

  “He’s stupid,” Jazmin said under her breath to Cassie. “Somebody gon’ come through here and break their neck slipping on that shit.”

  Cassie and Romyn started laughing. As she fell against Rock in mirth, she saw Eli walking over. She immediately stopped laughing. They made eye contact but he looked away first.

  Of course he wasn’t going to go along with that khaki mess. He was looking mighty scrumptious in his all white overalls over a black shirt. On his feet were black boots. There was not a thing about him that was out of place. His facial hair was so precise it looked painted on. He wore a thick white gold herringbone necklace that gave off a shine that matched the twinkle of the diamonds in his earlobes. He had his nose ring in too. One wrist was adorned with a matching herringbone bracelet and the other a white gold diamond Rolex.

  Looking at him made her uncomfortable. She was starting to become aware of her attraction to him once again. And if she didn’t know any better he was giving off some jealousy vibes. He looked bothered that Rock was hugged up with her.

  Cassie was thankful that Tanya showed up to distract her from thoughts of Eli. But he was the first one to blurt out something about Tanya’s choice of attire.

  “Look at Blossom,” Eli laughed.

  Cassie had to laugh. Tanya had on a dress with a denim bodice and floral print skirt, which flowed landing at about her knees. She even had on a denim boat hat adorned with a daisy. On her feet were white classic K-Swiss with thick white socks.

  Jazmin said with hilarity. “Is that what you were going for?”

  “I loved Blossom,” Tanya said in her own defense.

  “We can tell,” Cassie said.

  Tanya looked over at the guys. “Who ya’ll supposed to be? A bootleg version of Bone Thugs-N-Harmony.”

  “Menace to Society extras,” Jazmin repeated.

  “Aight Juicy, and don’t you start Thickumz,” Jah warned.

  While they clowned around, Cassie removed herself from under Rock’s arm.

  “Where you off to?” he asked.

  “Just looking around and to get me a drink,” she said.

  “I’ll go with you,” he offered.

  “Okay.”

  They walked away from the others and headed to the bar on that level. While waiting for her drink, Rock asked, “When can we go out? I feel like you been avoiding me.”

  “I haven’t. I just been busy,” she said. Busy fucking, she thought.

  “Can you make some time for me?”

  Cassie took her drink from the bartender. She said, “I can try.”

  “Ay, I need a favor from you too,” he said.

  “Like what?” She was leery.

  “Can I come by and talk to you about it?”

  He was determined to get back in her place. She gave in and said, “Yeah. Just text me before you come Rock.”

  “I will. I won’t get in between you and your dude,” he said passively.

  “You fishing,” Cassie laughed.

  He was guilty. Smiling, he said, “I am. I know it gotta be somebody.”

  “I don’t know why you think that.”

  His eyes traveled over her hair and down to her face. “Whoever it is got you glowing. It’s something different about you.”

  “Same ol’ Cassie,” she stated matter-of-factly.

  He asked, “What’s up between you and Eli, for real? This ain’t on no jealous type shit but I’m curious. Like, I seen that look ya’ll gave each other.”

  “We’re friends. And Eli’s been acting funny lately. He’s going through some stuff and between me, Tanya, and Jazmin, we’ve been kinda looking out for him. Hell, my brother too.”

  “You don’t think he has feelings for you? He look at you like he wanna fuck you or some shit. And now I mothafuckin’ know I wasn’t imagining things. Plus, he was too quick to come to your defense that night.”

  “Too quick? Maybe he just didn’t approve of you treating me that way. It don’t have to be about anything else but that. Like I said, we consider each other friends.”

  “You don’t like him just a lil bit?”

  “Rock!” she said firmly. “Stop with the questions.”

  “Okay, okay,” he surrendered. He nodded towards where everyone, including their friends, was dancing. “Come out there with me.”

  “Dance?” she asked sheepishly.

  Rock nodded. He didn’t wait for her to respond. He grabbed her arm and started pulling on her.

  “Hold on,” Cassie said as she gulped her drink down.

  They headed down to the main dance floor. They squeezed through the thick crowd of people getting lost in the thick of it. Biggie’s Juicy was playing. As they danced, Cassie was beginning to think Rock only asked her to dance so he could feel her up. She laughed at his blatant attempts to molest her.

  They were so into playing around on the dance floor and being goofy with Jazmin, Jah, Ricky, and Tanya, that it took Cassie by surprise when Gio walked up to her and asked Rock to let him cut in. At this point, Rock had been territorial of her.

  Rock gave Cassie a puzzled look. She looked back at him with a goofy grin. He was hesitant but he backed away. Shai’s If I Ever Fall In Love started playing. Cassie shot Jazmin a wide-eyed look which caused Jazmin to giggle before turning her attention back to Jah.

  Gio pulled her close and smiled like he always have done. “How are you tonight?”

  Bashful, Cassie said, “I’m good. I didn’t even know you would be here.”

  “I had to,” he said.

  She chuckled, “You’re looking very I Wanna Sex You Up.”

  “You like it?”

  She continued to laugh as they swayed. “It’s a good look on you.”

  “I like your look too. Showing this much leg is too tempting,” he said. “You had to know you were gonna get some attention tonight.”

  “Yeah, if I had one of those huge booties and an overflow of breasts,” she joked.

  “You have just enough. I appreciate it at least.”

  “Thank you,” she said. She asked, “Where is the wife?”

  “She didn’t want to come. She’s not into parties and clubs.”

  Cassie nodded knowingly. “That’s why you can go be naughty. Is she aware of that?”

  “She’s aware that I’m involved in activities outside the marriage.”

  She discreetly looked down at his left hand. There was no ring. She asked, “And she’s okay with it?”

  “I think she just don’t care. We live different lives. It’s safe to say we weren’t really made for each other.”

  “It’s a lot of that going on,” she
said. “Makes me almost not want to get married.”

  “You wouldn’t want to?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t want it to end in a disaster.”

  “Well, it’s not like that for everybody. I just feel like maybe if I had met someone like you, before I married her, things would be different.”

  “Like me?”

  “Yeah. Stop thinking you’re not good enough.”

  Cassie grew uncomfortable. She didn’t know she was so transparent. And why didn’t she think she was worthy?

  “Excuse me. Can I cut in?”

  Both Gio and Cassie looked at Eli standing there. Cassie was shocked as her mouth hung open. Gio grinned and handed her right on over and walked away. She was unsure if this was a good idea. She glanced in Jazmin and Jah’s direction, but they weren’t paying attention.

  Luckily Montell Jordan’s This Is How We Do It started blaring from the speakers. She couldn’t imagine herself dancing slow with Eli. However, she found herself having a good time with him. It was one of the things she appreciated about his company; they could be silly.

  Then SWV’s Weak started playing. Before she could escape, he had pulled her in close.

  “Why are you running away? Who said you could leave?” he asked.

  “Because…” she said as she searched her brain for an excuse. But when he started singing the words along with the song, it did something to her. Like a magnet, she literally was drawn into his arms.

  “Sing it to me Cassie,” he whispered to her.

  Her heart thudded heavily in her chest. Why was he doing this? Now? Of all places and times? Now?

  As she softly sung along with the song, the words began to get the best of her. Eli could sense it as her grip tightened on him.

  Sean happened to come along at the right time to cut in. “May I?” Sean asked.

  “What’s up Sean,” Eli greeted. He looked Cassie in the eyes before handing her over. He said to Sean, “You gotta give her back though.”

  She didn’t want to be left with Sean. She groaned in aggravation and tried to walk away. He grabbed her by the arm to stop her.

  “Why are you running away from me?” he asked.