by Nella Tyler
Case in point, Martha Stewart. Yes, she had gone to jail for her crimes, and she had emerged and tried to pick up the pieces, but you knew, when anyone heard the name, their first thought was, "Oh, she was convicted and sent to jail for insider trading." She could be the greatest designer or cook in the world, or anything else for that matter, but the label would always stick. She, like many others who had been accused of and convicted of insider trading, would carry the yoke of that conviction on their shoulders for the rest of their lives.
I was aware that my father knew someone who had been convicted of insider trading. They had been boyhood friends for years. As far as I knew, they were still friends, but my dad stayed well away from any financial associations with the guy. If my dad even had an inkling that his old friend was involved in any type of business venture in which he was interested, my father backed away. Nobody wanted to be tainted with that label: crooked. Untrustworthy. Trust was a big deal, but even more so in the world of the wealthy, was respect.
"Molly?"
"Luke, I'm going to go home," I said. "I need to process this. I still don't feel as if you're being completely honest with me, but it least you told me the truth, or at least part of it."
"Molly-"
I held out my hand. “No, Luke, it's enough for now, but like I said, I need to think about this. I know it can be difficult to make your own way in this environment, especially when old money and old contracts, old friendships and old obligations are involved. I can even understand how this might have happened to someone who was literally thrown into it without any proper guidance."
"Molly, I'm trying to-"
"I know you are," I said. "The problem in that this kind of hole can be incredibly difficult to dig yourself out of.” I rose from the couch and headed for the front door. After retrieving my purse from the floor, I reached for the doorknob and turned it. "Just give me a little bit of time, okay? You and I both have some serious considerations to deal with. I realize, from what you said, that you’ve made some progress, but the plain truth of the matter is it's not going to matter one iota if you're still involved. If anyone finds out, it's not a matter how much progress you've made in getting rid of your dad's old cronies. The fact that you're still doing it-"
"Are you going to tell?"
I stared up at him, looking at the wary expression he wore. I could tell he was worried. At this moment, I had the power to destroy him, completely and thoroughly. My heart thudded dully in my chest. I shook my head. "No, at least not at the moment," I replied honestly. He made a face. "Look, Luke, as far as I'm concerned, my knowledge about this makes me just as culpable as you. I don't like being put into this position, but as I told you before, we need to be honest with each other. Maybe we can figure a way to get out of this without any serious repercussions or damage to your reputation. But before that can happen, I need to think."
"You'll be back?"
I said nothing, but sighed. "Luke, until you get my notice in your hand, I'll be back – as your maid, okay? I just need time to be by myself for a while. I'll be back at work first thing in the morning, okay?"
"Okay, Molly," he said. His voice was low, somber, and riddled with guilt. "I always thought having money was a good thing, but I see now that it always comes at a cost. I just hope that that cost isn't too great."
I said nothing, but turned and stepped through the door, closing it softly behind me. My head was reeling. Ever since I had met Luke, I felt as if I was riding an out-of-control rollercoaster. These ups and downs in our relationship – were they normal? Was I wishing for something that wasn't possible? Was I expecting too much of him or of myself?
Insider trading! Never in my life would I have guessed that Luke Benning would be involved in such dealings. That he had literally inherited them was beside the point. He should have… Well, maybe that wasn't fair. I had grown up with money all my life. Would I want to suddenly be penniless? No. I didn't imagine that someone who'd grown up without all that money would want to willfully give it up, either.
Tired, my head aching, and my thoughts spinning in my head, I got into my car and drove out of Luke's driveway, heading back to my own condo. I looked forward to going home, surrounded by my things. I needed to do some serious thinking, and I needed to do it now.
*
I had spent a restless night, tossing and turning in my bed. Half asleep, I don’t know how many times I rolled over, expecting to feel my arms wrapped around Luke's waist, but when I felt nothing, I was jarred fully awake, realizing that I was lying in my own bed – alone. Then everything else hit me. The argument. The insider trading. His admission of guilt.
Those thoughts ran through my mind in an endless cycle until dawn brightened the sky and my alarm clock went off. It was time to go to work. I couldn't worry about all this and do my job at the same time. The problem was, they were all interconnected, weren't they?
I would have to focus hard and try to separate my job as Luke’s maid from his…from his what? Lover? Is that what we were? Or was I his girlfriend? I still wasn’t sure where I stood in regard to Luke Benning. Was any man worth all this emotional turmoil? Was any man worth this upheaval in my life? All I wanted was to work, to be a teacher, to find my place in the world. My place in the world where I could count on something, on someone. I wanted a relationship. Who didn’t? I didn’t want to be alone for the rest of my life, but this thing with Luke…there were so many issues, so much drama.
I sat up in bed, the sheets and blankets rumpled around me. I felt lethargic, sore in a number of places that I hadn’t even felt in a long while, which was perfectly understandable, considering what Luke and I had been doing recently. Still, I had a feeling that my lethargy was not merely caused by physical exertion, but by emotional turmoil. I stared out the window, my head spinning. What a way to start the day.
What the hell had happened? Why was it that the one guy that I felt so attracted to had to be involved in illegal activity? Oh, I knew he wasn't trying to hurt anyone and chances were he never would. Still – insider trading? Such an ugly business. If my father ever found out – wait. Could he have found out already? Could this be the reason he had ordered Luke to stop seeing me? I had yet to hear from my dad. Perhaps I needed to call him, get this out in the open. Not the insider trading per se, but the reasons for his wanting me to stay away from Luke. Was it just the insider trading or something else? Something worse?
I shook my head before I allowed my thoughts to run away with me. I had thought that my father would've called me by now. Surely he knew by now that I was aware of what he had said to Luke. Still, I was just as capable of picking up the phone as he was. I could imagine that neither of us wanted to broach this conversation. It was the first time my father had done something like this, maneuvered behind my back without telling me why.
It was all a big mess, and I had no idea of the steps I could take to get it straightened out. With a groan, I heaved myself out of bed, heading for the shower. I felt bad for missing so much work already. I didn’t suppose that Luke would dock my pay, but in many other worlds, I probably would've been fired already. That thought also disturbed me. If I couldn't take my job, no matter how simple, seriously, what did that say about me? About the kind of person I was?
In less than a week after starting my new job, I had allowed myself to become charmed by my employer. Literally seduced, although I had been a willing participant in that seduction. And here I thought I was so grown up, so mature. I shook my head ruefully. I had a lot of growing up to do, a lot of learning.
That learning curve also applied to my up-and-down relationship with Luke. I had what I considered to be half-knowledge of Luke's less than stellar business dealings. Had he really told me the truth? Was there more to it than he had told me? Was there something that I didn't know, other than the name of the two guys he was still dealing with? And what did they hold over his head to prevent Luke from dumping them once and for all? Blackmail? Threats? Danger? My heart skipped a
beat. Would Luke be in some kind of physical danger by dumping these last two contacts? That last contact?
As I showered, I tried to imagine myself in the same position as Luke suddenly found himself in. He was already in a totally different environment, I got that, but did that make it right? He was in a tenuous situation at best. Would I have gone to the police? Would I have been able to report my own father or anyone else I knew for the same actions? I realized that some situations were not just black and white, but filled with shades of gray and to varying degrees. From what Luke had told me, he was trying to extricate himself from this untenable situation, but it was taking time.
My concern was that it wouldn't happen soon enough and that someone, somewhere, would figure out what was happening and report him. Then it would all be over. Would that change my opinion of Luke? As a man? No, I didn't think so. After all, it wasn't money that had attracted me to him in the first place. No, first it had been his good looks. Then, I guess I had felt a bit of pity for him. He was a fish out of water due to the fact that he inherited so much money after not having grown up with it.
Still, was that all there was to our relationship? Sex and pity? No, I didn't pity him anymore. In fact, the more I got to know him, the more I realized that there was a lot more to him that I had ever imagined. I was just beginning to explore this dynamic in our relationship when the discovery had happened.
I regretted snooping. I really did, but how long would I have gone on blissfully unaware and ignorant of his business dealings? How long would he have kept it a secret from me? That thought disturbed me, as well. I turned off the shower and stepped out, wrapping a towel around me. I continue to get ready for work, my thoughts jumbled and still more confused than ever. Would he ever have told me the truth?
I wanted complete honesty in my relationships. The fact that several of my relationships had failed due to lack of honesty didn't bode well for the future. Was Luke just the same as other guys I had dated? Keeping secrets? Playing me for the fool?
For now, maybe putting a little bit of emotional distance between Luke and I was a good idea. I would do my job. I was a maid. I did not want to be defined as Luke's lover, mistress, or plaything – that much I knew for sure. I certainly didn't want to be classified as an accessory to any mysterious wheeling and dealings in the financial world. That wouldn't go over well, not with my friends, my father, nor me. In fact, even being associated with someone who was believed to be, let alone accused of, insider trading could have serious repercussions for my father's business contacts and endeavors – and in turn, my own future.
I knew that within the next couple of days, I had to talk to my dad. I had to find out what was going on. For now, I would continue to go to work. I had to do this for myself. I felt confident that I could do a good job no matter what I did for a living, but one thing was certain. I couldn't work with – didn’t want to work for – someone that I couldn't get along with. Strained relationships, whether in the workplace or in the home, were not conducive to a high quality of anything, let alone life.
I decided that for now, I would give Luke the benefit of the doubt in order to keep the peace between us. I'm sure that we would talk more about the situation later, but for now, I think we both needed time to think about what was going on, what had been discussed, and perhaps come up with some solutions to get him out of this mess as soon as possible.
Then what? Pretend it never happened? How could such dealings be hidden forever? Too many people knew about it – not only his father's old cronies, but possibly my father, as well.
By the time I got into my car and made my way to Luke's estate, I didn't feel much better mentally than I had the night before when I left. Still, I resolved that what I wanted was to be with Luke, to continue growing our relationship and see where it led. It wasn't as if I was going to ignore everything that had happened because that was impossible. But for now, I would put it on a back burner and let Luke try to take care of things on his own. For my part, I would work as hard as I could to do the job I was being paid to do. The job I had been hired to do.
By the time I arrived at his house, the chef was already in the kitchen preparing the meals for the day. He nodded a pleasant greeting and I did the same. Then, gathering my supplies, I went about my tasks. I felt pretty good for most of the day and even found myself humming on occasion. I didn't see Luke at all, but I was sure that he had his own work to do. The office door, as usual, was closed. I didn't even bother knocking or testing the lock. If Luke wanted to see me, he would ask for me.
By quitting time, I felt good about the hard day’s work I had put in. I had worked through my lunch hour, trying to catch up on my scheduled tasks that had gotten behind due to all of the stuff that had been going on. After putting away all my supplies, I moved to the cabinet where I kept my purse and my sweater and, bidding a polite goodbye to the chef, I walked down the hallway toward the front door. I reached for the door handle, but just as I turned it, I heard footsteps on the stairs.
"Molly, wait a minute, will you?"
I turned to see Luke. He wore a pair of khaki shorts and an old, beat up T-shirt. He didn't have anything on his feet. I smiled up at him. I was feeling pretty good about today. No major catastrophes, no drama, no arguments.
"I'm sorry didn't get a chance to talk with you today. I've been busy on the phone most of the day."
"No problem, Luke," I said, meaning it. "We both had a lot to catch up on."
"I have a question."
I waited, but he said nothing. "Okay, what is it?" I prompted.
"Would you like to go out with me on Saturday? There's a fair coming to town over the weekend and I thought it might be fun."
I thought about it for a moment and then decided that a fair might be a good place for us to just spend some time together without worrying about finances, fathers, insider trading, or any other negative aspects that had tangled my emotions so drastically all week. "That sounds like fun," I nodded. "I'd love to go."
He nodded and smiled, then leaned forward as if he was going to kiss me. We both heard the clatter of a pan in the kitchen. He decided against the kiss, and I smiled. Then, with a brief goodbye, I turned and left the house, feeling better than I had for several days.
Maybe there was a chance that Luke and I could actually develop a relationship outside of the bed. Not that the bed was bad, but I wanted to see what else Luke had to offer besides his excellent lovemaking skills. I had seen a little bit of his true self at the beach, and maybe a day at the fair would enlighten me still further. As I walked to my car, I began to hum again. Saturday couldn't come soon enough as far as I was concerned.
Chapter 4
The rest of the week went smoothly. I didn't see too much of Luke, but that was okay. I kept busy with my tasks and felt I was doing an excellent job. I had gotten my first paycheck yesterday, and today we'd be going to the fair. I was actually looking forward to it. I couldn’t remember how many years it had been since I had been to a fair. When I was little, my parents took me a couple of times, but it seemed as though my dad never had the patience for it.
I liked the excitement, the cotton candy, the crowds, the noise, and the sounds of all the arcade games. I liked to ride the merry-go-round and the Ferris wheel, but not much else because I always ended up getting sick. Maybe that's why my parents quit taking me. When the fair came to town as I grew up, they usually had something else planned that they offered me instead: sleepovers with my classmates, parties, a weekend trip to the ocean side, anything to keep me distracted from the fact the fair was back in town.
Since Luke knew who I was now, I supposed it didn't make sense for me to keep hiding where I lived. While I was a little anxious, I was certainly wasn’t going to be embarrassed about it. He arrived at my condo at ten o’clock sharp. Actually, I didn't meet him at the door, but at my car, parked close by. I had gone out to the car looking for my sweater when Luke had pulled into the gated community. I had given him my code for the
gate, and as my condo was situated not far from the front gate, he found me easily.
He was just stepping out of his car when I waved at him, locked my car door and made my way over toward him, slinging the sweater over my shoulder before sliding the keys into my purse. It was warm out now, but I knew that as evening came on, it would probably get a little cooler. I opened the passenger side door of Luke's Jeep and climbed in with a smile.
"I've been looking forward to this all week," I said. He grinned in response.
"Me, too."
We both wore casual clothes. I wore a pair of jeans, a button-down, three-quarter sleeved top, and tennis shoes. Luke wore cargo style khaki shorts and a dark blue polo, unbuttoned at the neck, with loafers, no socks.
"I haven't been to a fair since I was a little girl," I commented. "Actually, I think the last time I went I was about ten years old. My parents usually took me." I laughed. "I remember the last time I went. I had brought my best friend along. Although I knew better, she talked me into riding the Tilt-a-Whirl. Big mistake. For the rest of the evening, I felt like I was going to throw up."
He laughed. "I know what you mean. I like roller coasters, but not the crazy ones that go upside down or a hundred miles an hour. In fact, I don't like any rides that spin around really fast. Actually, I'm a pretty big baby when it comes to the rides. I much prefer playing the arcade games, just strolling around, enjoying the food, watching the people, checking out the animals, and the food for sale."
"Perfect!" I smiled.
We made our way through Raleigh toward the county fairgrounds in the southwest portion of the city. I knew it was going to be crowded, especially on a Saturday, but I didn't mind. It would be fun to just be outside, exploring the venues, the booths set up where people sold homemade products, foods, and other goods, as well as maybe even enjoy the petting zoo and viewing some of the livestock.