by Nella Tyler
What the hell? I glanced at the heading, and then at the columns of figures, the notations next to them, and realized I recognized some of the vernacular on the document. I also saw some scribbled writing that was odd in itself because I knew it wasn't Luke's writing. I had seen his style of writing before – he tended to write in caps. Still, I couldn't quite place the author of the notes on the paper. However, the comments, the abbreviations, the notations, and some of the language I did understand perfectly well. My heart sank.
My mouth grew dry and my heart began to pound when I realized, after glancing more carefully at the paper, that not only had Luke been strengthening his dealings and relationships with his father's old contacts, but he was also making a few new ones, if the notations and dates next to some of the potential plans and negotiations were accurate.
I felt cold inside as I carefully placed the paper back in the stack, prepared to bury it underneath the sheaf of papers I still held clutched in my right hand. Then, I halted, my hand frozen in place as I stood with indecision. Why should I hide it? In fact, I didn't want to. Luke had lied to me. Again. He had deceived me! I felt crushed.
I had fallen for Luke's erstwhile declarations of trying to make an honest man of himself. I had bought it hook, line, and sinker. I didn't know who I was angrier with at this moment: Luke for deceiving me or myself for believing it. I shook my head. Why couldn't he just be honest? Why couldn't he just tell the truth? Didn't he realize all I wanted from him was honesty? That if our relationship was going to work, he had to be honest and open with me?
I stood with the incriminating paper in my left hand, a stack of other papers in my right, frozen in indecision. Had everything been a lie? Was all he wanted a good lay in bed? Sex? That didn't make sense. He could get sex anywhere he wanted, even that skanky lady he’d been hanging around with that I’d seen when I initially Googled him. He didn't have to get it from is maid. I wanted to believe that he was fond of me and that he really did want a relationship with me; but what made him think he could get away with lying to me? I wasn't stupid.
I sighed, blinking back tears of disappointment. How many times was this going to happen? How many times was he going to disappoint me? How many times would I forgive him for it? He'd given me a good story about how his father had gotten into it with some less than stellar characters. Luke had told me that he had gotten rid of all but two of them, and I had believed it. I double-checked the dates on the paper. No, these dates were all fairly recent. He had indicated that he had spent some time in getting rid of those old contacts, but from what I could see, these notes defined fresh communication up until the last couple of weeks. Not only that, but some new contacts had been noted as of last week.
I didn't believe for a second that he'd cut ties with these informants as he had told me. And I had believed him because I’d wanted to. Because I liked him. But at the same time, I was right back where I started from when I had first taken a peek at his phone. If Luke was involved with illegal dealings in activity, I wanted nothing to do with him. I didn't care how much I liked him. I didn't need that kind of trouble in my life, and I certainly wasn't going to give my heart to someone who was dishonest. Besides, being associated in any way with insider trading might very well ruin any chances I had of being hired by any school district!
Just then, I heard the door slam downstairs and the sound of Luke calling out the chef's name. I continued to stand in his office in indecision, not knowing exactly what I should do. My heart pounded. Put the papers back? Pretend I hadn't seen them? No. Not this time. I continued to stand where I was by his desk. Several moments later, I heard Luke laugh, and then he was making his way up the stairs. I thought he would come into the office, but he breezed right by it on his way to his bedroom.
I sighed and, clutching the paper in my hand, left his office and followed him. I stood in his bedroom doorway, watching, as back turned to me, he began to shrug out of his short-sleeved button-down collared shirt. He peeled it off, and despite my anger and disappointment with him, my nipples tightened and I felt the tingling of desire low in in my belly when the shirt fell to the floor and I was graced with a view of his naked torso. He reached his right hand into his second dresser drawer, probably reaching for an undershirt. I might've made a sound, I don’t know, but suddenly, Luke turned and saw me standing in the doorway.
He grinned at me. I stared, my gaze quickly passing over his broad chest, the thin line of hair that threaded its way down toward his hips, and then abruptly jerked my gaze back up to his face. I wasn't smiling. Trying to calm myself, to prevent the tears from brimming in my eyes and to keep my voice from shaking, I spoke in a low tone, although my voice carried a measure of my pain.
"How many times are you going to lie to me, Luke?"
He frowned at me with an expression of surprise as he retrieved the expected undershirt from the drawer. When he recognized my serious expression, he froze and shook his head.
"Molly? What are you talking about?"
His voice was just as soft as mine and I knew it wasn't just to keep the chef downstairs from hearing us. It was as if he sensed danger, and was stepping on eggshells, not sure what was going on. He glanced down at the paper I clutched in my hand. As an afterthought, I lifted it.
"You lied to me. You told me that you had gotten rid of all those old contacts of your father’s…that you only had a couple left. You told me-"
"Molly, I didn't lie to you. I have cut off contact with most of them-"
I continued to hold the paper extended toward him, and then pointed to one of the notations with my right finger. "This notation has yesterday's date on it, Luke."
He acted as if I were mistaken, took a step toward me, and extended his hand, reaching for the paper. He took it, glanced at it, and then tried to shrug it off. "Molly, that notation isn’t what you think it is-"
"How stupid do you think I am, Luke?" I hissed. I blinked back the burning tears in my eyes. "How many times are you going to lie to me and expect me to believe you?"
He glanced from the paper then back to me. "Molly, this isn’t-"
"I grew up around the stock market, Luke, enough to know what those figures and notations mean. I know what most of those abbreviations mean as well as those stock designations."
"Molly-"
"And I also happen to know that it's all false information. Do you think everyone around you is stupid? Do you think that just because I'm a maid or a rich man's daughter, that I wouldn't be interested in reading the business section of the newspaper? Do you think that I'm not aware of negotiations between some of the biggest companies in the United States and around the world?"
He said nothing, but continued to stare at me.
"I happen to know more than you think about the financial district, the workings of Wall Street, indexes, and everything involved in trading," I said, striving to keep my voice calm. I began to shake. I was so angry with him right now; I didn't know what to do. The only thought that kept ramming through my brain was that once again, he had lied to me. He had betrayed my trust. I shook my head. "You lied to me, Luke. You looked me in the eye and lied to me!"
He continued to stare at me, speechless, and then heaved a heavy sigh. He brushed his hand through his hair and extended his arms out to his sides. "Okay, Molly, you win."
"I win? I win?" I emphasize the word, disbelieving. "I don't want to win, Luke. I want to trust you, and every time I turn around, you're lying to me!"
"You're right, you're right," he said.
He took another step toward me as if he was going to reach for me. I pointed my finger at him now, clearly indicating that he was not come one step closer. "I can't believe this. I gave you a chance the other night to come clean, and you swore to me up and down that you were trying to do the right thing. What the hell is going on, Luke? What do you think you're doing?"
"It's true, Molly," he sighed, his voice heavy with regret. "I did lie. My father got in deep, and I'm in pretty deep, too. It'
s just about impossible to extricate myself and right now, I'm smack dab in the middle of a major insider trading ring."
I didn't know what to believe anymore. Even hearing him admit the latest lie didn't take away any of the anger I felt. If the situation hadn't been so serious, I might have laughed at the ludicrousness of it all. My heart felt as if it was going to break in two, and it was at that moment I realized that I had allowed myself to become more attached to Luke than I had imagined. It was bad enough being lied to once, but lied to over and over again? I couldn't deal with it.
I shook my head and took a step back. "I can't work for you, Luke," I said, my voice trembling with emotion.
"Molly-"
"No, Luke, don't ‘Molly’ me. I trusted you. You made a fool of me-"
"Molly, that wasn't my intention at all-"
I strove to keep from raising my voice, not wanting the chef downstairs to hear us even though I wanted to shout and rail at him. "What exactly was your intention, Luke? Was it all just sex to you? All this talk about wanting a relationship? Was any of it true?" A tear, and then another spilled over my eyelid. "I can’t trust you, Luke, and without trust, there's nothing. Don't you understand that?"
"Molly, please, let me explain-"
"I've already given you a chance to explain," I said, my voice low, yet harsh with anger. "I believed what you told me and all along it was just a lie! What am I supposed to think? That you're going to change? That overnight you're going to be able to fix this?" I shook my head. "The only reason why I believed you before was because you told me that you had gotten rid of most of these criminals that you're dealing with, and here I find out that not only are you still involved with them, but you've added new ones to your list! You don't think I've heard of some of these names before?"
"Molly-"
I cut him off again. "Don't say my name. Don't even try to explain yourself. You're a criminal! And don't tell me that you are innocent in all of this. You know what you're doing. You know it's wrong! It's as plain and simple as that!" I turned and walked to the door. "I quit!"
"Molly, please reconsider," he said, taking a step toward the door.
I held onto the doorknob. "I can’t work for you anymore, Luke, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't try to contact me again." I stared at him as he stood staring back at me in stunned amazement. What was he so surprised about, I wondered. Did he really think this was okay? "My mind is made up. Goodbye."
I quickly turned and left the room, shutting the door behind me. I hurried down the hallway, forgetting the supplies sitting outside of his office door. I rushed downstairs and into the kitchen, trying to hide my distraught expression from the chef as I reached into the cupboard for my belongings. He didn't say anything, and I quickly made my way out of the kitchen and down the hallway, blinking back tears as I hurried toward the front door.
I opened it and left, slamming the door behind me, taking the stone steps down toward my car, blinking back the tears that were now struggling to overflow. A quiet sob escaped my throat as I reached my hand into my purse, blindly seeking my keys. I opened my car door, fumbled with the ignition for a moment, and then got the car started. I glanced quickly into my rearview mirror, but didn't see Luke standing in the doorway as he had before. Damn him!
I needed to get away from here, to get away from anything that reminded me of him. I made my way home, through the security gate, and into my condo, although the journey passed in a blur. By the time I opened and shut my door and leaned against it, the sobs were shaking my shoulders and my face was wet with tears. What a fool I’d been! What a stupid, naïve, fool!
Chapter 6
How many times? How many times was I going to give Luke a chance to be upfront and honest with me? How many chances could I give? I'd been a fool, had my head turned by a handsome face, some amazing sex, no doubt about it, but if he couldn't be a better person than he had shown me so far, I really wanted nothing to do with him. I didn't have trouble accepting people’s faults, as I knew we all had them. I had warts, too, but I didn't willfully and willingly lie to people.
After I arrived home, I had hurried to my bedroom and flopped onto my bed, face down, allowing all my emotions to rush through me unhindered. I had to get it out. I felt hurt, taken advantage of, and most of all, betrayed. Yes, I had begun to fall for Luke, and what I was feeling was the epitome of heartache. Disappointment. It hurt! I had believed him, more than once. And he had replied to my trust with lies!
What was wrong with him? Why couldn't he just tell the truth? What was the matter with being honest? He was the one that had pursued this relationship with me, not the other way around. Yes, I could've put my foot down and refused to give it a go, but he had been so earnest, so serious in his determination to give our relationship a chance. The problem was, my brain and my heart were not able to deal with many more blows. While I didn't want to break up with Luke before I had a chance to give our relationship a better try, I would not condone being lied to.
Honesty and trust was at the foundation of every relationship, and I don't care if it was early in the relationship, midway through, or if someone had spent decades with their partner. Trust was trust. If you didn't have trust, you didn't have – couldn't have – anything. How many times would Luke assure me that he wanted a relationship with me, and then turn around and act like it didn't matter that he was being dishonest?
I had been played for a fool. That thought kept running through my mind. I don't think he meant to treat me like a fool, but I felt foolish for believing him. He had wanted me to believe him and I had. Why? Because I was trusting. It was in my nature to trust. Because I wanted to believe the best of him. The fact that he had so easily been able to look me in the eye and lie disturbed me a great deal.
I wanted to talk to Samantha about all this, but there was no way in the world I was going to tell anyone what Luke was mixed up in. That in itself would be a betrayal. If I talked to anyone, it would be to the police. But did I want to? Absolutely not! Not only because I cared for Luke, but also because I didn't want my father dragged into it. Anything that connected Luke with anybody else would be looked into, and that went for his associations, regardless of how superficial or how deep, with my father.
Maybe I needed to call my father, talk to him about all this, and find out what the hell was going on and what he knew about it, if anything. Still, I didn't want him dragged into this any more than he already had been. I didn't want to hear an "I told you so." I still hadn't received any text messages, emails, or phone calls from him following his ultimatum to Luke. Why? At the same time, why was I so hesitant to call him? Communication was a two-way street; I knew that. But still, didn't my father owe me an explanation? Didn't he want me to know the reason he didn't want me dating Luke?
I had fallen asleep on my bed without even changing my clothes. I woke in the middle of the night, climbed off my bed, and gone to the bathroom. Then I had peeled my clothes off, yanked on my oversized T-shirt on, and climbed between the sheets. Lying there, recalling everything, I had cried myself to sleep. I called myself every name in the book, and I deserved every single one of them. I was so stupid. I should've listened to Samantha in the first place. Of course, she had no idea what was going on, but perhaps I should've seen the signs.
From the very first day I met him, Luke had seemed uncertain, as if not quite sure he knew what he was doing. I had perceived a lack of confidence in him, and yet I hadn't questioned anything. Then again, why would I have? I wasn’t his bookkeeper. It was his money. I was his maid! But the minute we had met, that employer/employee relationship had morphed into a personal one.
When I woke up in the morning, I lay in bed for several moments, staring up at the ceiling. The sunlight was bright, refreshing, and lifted my spirits. Then, memories of what happened yesterday crashed down around me and once again, I felt disappointment, discouragement, and yes, even despair. I didn't know what to do. After my initial purging of grief and heartache, I began to gro
w angry.
Where did this leave me? Not only morally, but ethically? I knew now what Luke had been up to, but as of yet, I had not reported it. Would that make me as culpable as he? What would my father think? I wondered once again if I should call and talk to him about it, and then decided that I wasn't ready.
First, I had to get a handle on my emotions regarding Luke. I needed to separate my emotional feelings for him from his business dealings. The plain truth of the matter was that I believed I was falling in love with Luke. At the same time, I didn't approve of the way he was going about his business. How did you separate them? How could I? I lay in bed for quite some time. Normally, I would be up and dressed and getting ready for work. This morning, I felt nothing but lethargy. My limbs felt weighed down by guilt, regret, and depression. I didn't even want to get out of bed.
I fought back the tears that threatened, telling myself that I wouldn't waste any more tears over Luke Benning. I felt like I had been run through an emotional ringer, washed in a tumbling machine and then left to hang out and dry. Where would I go from here? What should I do? I was torn between a sense of loyalty to Luke and also torn between what I knew was right.
By the time nine o'clock rolled around, I finally forced myself out of bed and got dressed. I would most likely spend the day moping, but I wasn't ready to talk to anybody just yet, although I did yearn to call Samantha. I hadn't heard from her for a couple of days and figured she was busy, and she probably figured I was busy pursuing my relationship with Luke. What would she say if she knew the truth? I had a feeling I already knew.
Pulling on a pair of shorts and a T-shirt, I padded barefoot into the kitchen, the tiles cold under my feet. I prepared a pot of coffee and then stared around the kitchen, thinking I should eat something, but the thought of food just turned my stomach. I supposed the first thing I needed to do this morning was go grab a newspaper or get online and start looking for another job.