by Nella Tyler
"I realize that it's not exactly the type of job that either of us wanted for me, but it served to fill my idle time, and it made me feel useful. My earnings, no matter how small, made me feel as if I was gaining experience, much-needed experience. It doesn't matter whether I got a job as a waitress, a maid, or a nanny, or anything else, Dad, it was an effort for me to give it a try."
He said nothing, and I pressed on. "If I'm going to be a teacher, regardless of the age group I'm assigned, I need to learn how to deal with people. There is no question that I grew up sheltered and pampered, and I appreciate that. At the same time, I realize now, as a young adult, that I need to expose myself to a variety of experiences." I frowned. "And that goes for my choice in boyfriends, too."
Again he said nothing, as if he was going to force me to say everything that was on my mind. I didn't hold anything back – some of the details, yes – but not the important stuff. "I like working for Luke, Dad," I said, and then frowned. "Imagine my surprise when he came back from a meeting one morning and I realized that his meeting was with you." My father shifted in his chair, but otherwise didn't divulge any emotion. "Imagine my even greater surprise when he told me that you had given him an ultimatum – either quit seeing me or lose the benefit of his business relationship with you."
My father’s silence was beginning to annoy me. I grew angry. "I discovered, quite to my surprise and shock, that Luke has been involved with…shall we just say less than legal methods when it comes to stock market dealings, selling and trading. In fact, I called him on it. He gave me a song and dance, told me that he would stop, and foolishly, I believed it."
Again, my father had nothing to say. I pushed on. "Despite my anger and disappointment in Luke, I also realized at the same time that I had begun to develop feelings for him." This, at least, got a reaction of emotion from my father. He scowled. "Let me make this quick because I know you have another meeting scheduled, and I certainly don't want to take up any more time than absolutely necessary.” I couldn’t keep the sarcasm from my voice. The thought that he was timing my visit not only irritated me, but made me feel small and unimportant to him. “So, let me be blunt…what it boils down to, Dad, is that when I demanded that Luke get away from the people feeding him information regarding insider trading, and literally gave him an ultimatum of my own, can you imagine what he told me?"
My father shrugged, a gesture that in the past would have made me smile, but at the moment infuriated me.
"I couldn't even begin to imagine."
With tears in my eyes and my voice trembling with emotion, I asked him right out. "He told me that you were the cornerstone of the insider training ring that he has been caught up in." My father said nothing, but continued to stare at me, unblinking. I snapped. "Is it true?" I demanded.
He remained silent.
"So that's what I wanted to talk to you about today, Dad," I said, growing angrier by the second. "First, I want to know if you're involved in insider trading. Second, I want to know why you gave Luke an ultimatum about seeing me.” To my surprise, right this instant, I felt that the latter was the more important topic to discuss. “What gives you the right to get involved in my relationships? What gives you the right to think that you can control my life and micromanage everything I do?"
His scowl deepened, but I pushed on. "I'm an adult, Dad, and I have a right to see who I want to see, when I want to see them, and where I want to see them. I don't appreciate being followed! I don't appreciate anyone reporting back to you exactly what I'm doing or with whom!"
His hands slammed down on the desk so forcefully that I jumped, startled. He leaned forward in his chair, his expression angry.
"Don't forget who you're talking to, young lady!"
I was startled by the vehemence in his voice. I had never seen my father so angry. His face flushed red, and I saw the throbbing of the vein in his temple. He was outraged!
"First of all, young lady, I am disappointed. How could you think such a thing of me? I deny any accusation that I'm actively involved in insider trading. In fact, I deny all your accusations except one."
I stared at him, wide-eyed with apprehension. Was he telling the truth? Had Luke been lying to me? Oh God, had I just falsely accused my father of one of the most abhorred crimes in the financial industry? My father stood, pushing his chair back and placing his hands on his desk, leaning his body toward me. I had to look up to meet his angry gaze.
"I absolutely refute any claims of dealing in the stock exchange or in trading, selling, or being the cornerstone of anything that has to do with insider trading! However, I do not deny that I don't want you seeing Luke Benning!"
“But why?" I asked, my voice a choked whisper.
"The answer is right in front of your face, if you could just get past his looks," he snapped. “Molly, you've always had a good head on your shoulders, but I'm disappointed in you. You're not using the common sense that God gave you, nor are you relying on the upbringing that your mother and I have tried to give you.”
I felt confused, torn. Was he telling the truth? What the hell? "I don't understand," I cried, warm tears swimming in my eyes. My heart thudded dully in my chest. My stomach felt like it had a rock in it.
"The reason I don't want you to see Luke Benning is because his entire family is, and always has been, crooked. Well, except his grandfather. To be blunt, I didn't want you getting mixed up in all of it."
The disappointment I saw in his eyes crushed me. "Dad, I'm…"
He cut me off. "I know you've slept with him," he said bluntly. “I know that you've developed feelings for him, which was what I was trying to avoid all along. I know you're a grown woman, Molly, but you can be so naïve sometimes. You can't let a pretty face influence you like that!"
"Dad-"
"Don't try to deny it," he snapped. "Why Luke Benning? You tell me that. You've had relationships before and they never worked out. Why?" He waved his hand. "Never mind, I don't want to know, but I will tell you one thing. Because of your stubborn headedness and your attraction to Benning, you've now gotten mixed up with this whole sad and sorry business. I'm telling you, you'd better back away now or you may find yourself in trouble."
Chapter 4
I was confused, now more than ever. What could I believe? Who to believe? Of course, I wanted to believe my father, but if he really were involved in insider trading, in any capacity, would he admit it to me, his daughter? It was doubtful. If he wasn’t, then why would Luke say such a thing if it weren't true? At the time he had been given the ultimatum by my dad, he hadn't known exactly who I was. What would he gain by lying to me about my father's involvement?
I had already asked Luke to extricate himself from the situation before he even told me my father was involved. When it came to my relationship with Luke, my own ultimatum had not involved my father in any way. It had involved only Luke. Again, I quickly ran through our previous conversations in my mind. He had nothing to gain by continuing to accuse my father. In fact, in doing so, he could very well risk losing my affection for him.
After several moments of thought, with my father staring angrily at me, I realized, with a sinking feeling and a great surge of disappointment coupled with nausea, that Luke was right. My father must be involved.
"Okay, I'll believe you, Dad," I lied. I wanted to believe him, but I was still processing information. I needed to try to keep the peace, so he would continue to answer my questions. "But at the same time, how do you know Luke’s father was dirty?"
"I've been in this business for decades," he grumbled, waving a hand as if sweeping away a negligible problem. "His father hovered around the edges of the investment world, always trying to make a quick buck, taking the easy way out. Now, his grandfather, he was different. Luke's grandfather made his money the honest way, through hard work, smarts, and a solid investment strategy. Luke's father, on the contrary, was nothing but a lazy bastard."
While I did have to realize that my father would more than likely have come across
Luke's father on occasion, his knowledge about the family was still a curiosity. Then again, every circle had its gossip and rumors, including those in the finance industry.
"I'll tell you one thing, Molly, that when you've been in the business as long as I have, I can almost tell just by looking at people."
I lifted an eyebrow. "Aren’t you the one that always told me not to judge on appearances? Or listen to gossip and innuendo?"
He blustered a minute, got red in the face, and then visibly strove to control his emotions. "Molly, I think I know how you feel about Luke, but-"
"I don't think you do, Dad," I said. "In fact, I think I’m falling for him-"
"But you can't!" he shouted, once again slamming his hand down on the desk. He half rose out of his chair in a fit of pique.
I leaned back in my chair, eyes wide in startled dismay. I had never seen my father get so emotional, not in all the years I had grown up in the house. Sure, we had had our disagreements and arguments, but I had never seen him so vocal, so emotional.
"Dad, it's not like I did it on purpose," I said, not liking the defensive sound in my voice. “The heart wants what the heart wants," I shrugged lamely. I didn't mean to sound so flippant, but I was trying to find a graceful way out of this uncomfortable situation. The man sitting in front of me was not the man I was accustomed to. In fact, the more he blustered and shouted, the more I began to realize that Luke might be right.
"Look, Molly, I'm sorry I've lost my temper, but this is personal-"
"If you knew what you knew about Luke, or even Luke's dad, why didn't you tell me? Why did you give Luke the ultimatum? Why not just call and ask me to come by so you could tell me yourself?” I shook my head. “You were having us followed, weren’t you? You were spying on me!"
He shook his head, scowling. " I didn't want you going to work as a maid at the Benning estate in the first place."
"How did you find out about that?" He gave me a look.
"You know how fast rumors fly along the grapevine," he grumbled. "What were you thinking, taking a job as a maid? Are you purposely trying to humiliate me? To embarrass the family? You've got a teaching degree, for God’s sake!"
"Was I trying to humiliate you? No, Dad, I was just looking for a job."
"If you just let me get you a position-"
"Don't you understand, Dad, I've got to do some things on my own? I want to earn my way in life. I want to make my own way, make my own decisions, and even make my own mistakes. I don't want you getting me a job as a teacher when it will force someone else out." I was on a roll. "I know the economy is tough. I know they're giving teachers pink slips. I know many of them are losing their retirement benefits. Do you honestly think I would feel comfortable taking a position as a first-year teacher if I knew I was pushing out a teacher who had nearly thirty years on the job?" I shook my head.
"It's business, Molly, just like everything-"
"No, Dad, it's people," I disagreed. "You're so used to working with numbers, I think you might have forgotten that there are people behind those numbers. Do you think I could live with myself if I knew that you had gotten someone fired just open up a position for me?"
"Molly, I was doing it for your own good-"
"And that's exactly why I refused," I explained. "That's exactly why I applied for the job at the bank, at the restaurant, and then as a maid. Don't you see? I don't want you making my decisions for me. I don't want to take advantage of my very fortunate position in life. I'm grateful to you and Mom for everything I've been given, but I also want to learn to stand on my own two feet."
He frowned. "And you're doing a mighty fine job of it aren't you?" he demanded. "Working as a maid, for crying out loud, and then, to make things worse, sleeping with your boss-"
"Dad!"
"Don't you dare take that tone with me," he said. He pointed his finger. "Everyone in town knows about it."
I shook my head, making a face. "You know that's not true." I thought about it. "Oh, wait a minute. I guess it is when you consider the wildfire of gossip floating behind the scenes," I said. At the moment, I didn’t really care. "Look, Dad, I've never done anything to deliberately embarrass you-"
“And what do you call taking a job as a maid?" he said, emphasizing the word as if it was a dirty one. He shook his head. "Scrubbing floors, cleaning toilets…you think I spent all that money on your education so you could clean up crap?"
I felt my face flush with anger. "Dad! It’s gainful employment, and I'm just as willing to work as everybody else. It's nothing I haven’t done before here, helping Mom, or even sometimes helping our own maids. I don’t find anything shameful about it."
"You deserve better than that!" He looked up at the ceiling. "What would your mother think?"
"She doesn't know I'm working as a maid?"
He shook his head. "I'm not going to say anything that's going to get her upset and agitated," he said. "You know about her heart condition."
"It's a temporary position!" I replied. "I've been putting in applications with the school districts. I know that sooner or later, there will be an opening for me, somewhere."
"And until then?"
"And until then, I'll find gainful employment where I can." I stared at him and he stared back at me. I realized that we had gotten off track, so I took a deep breath, exhaled, and then repeated my earlier question to him. "I’m going to ask you again, if you knew Luke was involved in dirty business, or that his father was, why didn't you tell me instead of giving him an ultimatum? He didn't even know I was your daughter!"
Once again, he scowled. He turned to look out the window before looking back at me.
"Because I didn't think you'd listen to me."
I stared at him in disbelief. That was lame. Why would he think I wouldn't have listened to him? I had known nothing about Luke. Why wouldn't I have believed him? The comment made me angrier than ever, so angry that I doubted his lame excuse could be truthful.
"I'm sorry, Dad, but I don't believe that for one minute. When have I never listened to you when you had something to tell me?" Tears sprang to my eyes. We had never argued like this before. It made me feel sick and uncertain. "We've had our disagreements, and I haven't always done what you wanted me to do, but to say that I would not have listened to you? We both know that's not true."
He opened his mouth to say something, but I held up a hand and rose from the chair. "As far as I'm concerned, you could have at least tried." Without waiting for him to say another word, I quickly left the room, closing the door to his office softly behind me even though I wanted to slam it as hard as I could.
As I made my way down the hallway to the front door, I realized how silent the house had become. My mom must've left already. Good. I wouldn't have wanted her to hear us arguing. I didn't see or hear any of the house staff, but because of my upbringing, I knew the walls had ears. I knew without a doubt that that's how my father had found out about Luke and me.
The only problem was I had no idea what to do with my anger, my disappointment, and my discouragement. I felt as if I had lost something important with my father – a connection, a sense of, comradery that I might never get back. It seemed as if I had also lost Luke, or least, I thought so.
What was it with these two? Was money so important that they felt it was important enough to endanger their most personal and trusting relationships with others? I thought about my mom. What would she do if she knew my dad was involved in dirty business dealings? I had no doubt that she knew nothing, as my father kept his business life and his personal life carefully separated.
Nevertheless, as I left my childhood home and made my way to my car, the tears burning in my eyes began to flow and I couldn't blink them back. I felt lost, torn between truth and untruth, innuendos, accusations, and claims of innocence.
On the way home, I felt like my brain was involved in a tug of war with my heart. What to believe? Whom to trust? Could I believe my father who, despite our current differences, I h
ad loved and trusted my entire life? Never in the world would I have thought he would be involved in any kind of underhanded business dealings. Or, should I believe Luke? I hadn't even known him that long. In fact, I had only recently become infatuated with him. Was that all it was? Infatuation? Was I confusing infatuation for love?
I knew that both men had their faults, and they likely shared a lot of the same ones, but that didn't help me at all. I didn't expect either Luke or my father to be perfect. No one was. Look at me. I was trying to do the right thing. But, to be honest, I was deceiving myself. I knew what the right thing was…to report both of them to the SEC, the police, or somebody. The fact that I hesitated didn't say much about my morals or ethics, did it, and only because I felt so strongly about the two men involved.
I couldn't make up my mind, and I doubted I would be able to make any kind of decision regarding whom to believe. My discussion with my father had not ended well. I regretted that deeply. We had never yelled at each other and I wasn't happy that we had done so only moments before. I had left with few answers and even less clarity.
It wasn't exactly as though I had expected him to confess or come clean, but the fact that he had denied the accusations so vehemently made me doubt it. Why? Why shouldn't he defend himself with his fullest passion against the idea of insider trading? I wondered. I hadn't exactly accused him of insider trading, had I? Then again, when I linked his behavior to Luke, his reaction had taken me by surprise.
My accusation, that it was Luke who had told me that my dad was a cornerstone of the insider trading operation, might have been a mistake. Even if it all turned out to be a huge misunderstanding, I had pretty much besmirched Luke's reputation in his eyes. I didn't think my father would forgive him quite so easily, nor me, for believing Luke over him.
The bottom line was that I wanted to know the truth. I had to know the truth. I doubted that he would give it to me, whether he was doing it for self-preservation or to save me from being disappointed in him. The fact that he was involved in some way was obvious to me, as he hadn't called Luke an outright liar or threatened to charge him with defamation of character, which he most likely would have done with anyone else and against any other charge.