by Rebel Adams
“I can see why you’d come here, Brandon. It’s beautiful and calming.”
“It is. Sorry if I scared you back there. I’ve seen so much death. I don’t like for people to joke about it.”
“It’s fine. I can’t imagine what you went through over there. Come here.” He walks over to me with his hands in his pockets. At this moment, Brandon looks like a little boy. The same little boy I saw all those years ago. I take both his hands in mine.
“Live by your words, Brandon. Don’t be afraid to tell me anything. I’m here and I won’t judge you.” He’s looking down at the ground. “Look at me, Brandon.” I say softly to him. “I’m sure you’ve been through a lot, but you can trust me. It may take a while for you to trust me, but please know I will listen whenever you are ready.” I let go of his hands and press my lips to his. He kisses me back hard and passionately. He eases me to the ground, his hands touching and feeling every crevice of my body. I want him to touch me with every fiber that I am.
“I can't believe you're fucking real; I dreamt of you, and that's all you've ever been until now—a dream. I lie here, touching every inch of your body, and I know you're real, but it feels like a dream. I can't believe how fucking perfect you are, baby; that dream has nothing on the reality of you, Are’,” he says as he kisses down the length of my neck. Am I going to do this? Am I going to give myself to him here on this beach?
“I want you so badly. You’re on my mind every second of every day. I know you want to take things slowly but I have to have you now.” He nibbles down my legs and I’m in pure ecstasy.
“You can have whatever you want, Brandon. I’m yours.” I say barely mumbling the words out. “Take me Brandon, I’m yours.
“Fuck, don’t say stuff like that to me. It’s so fucking hot.”
“Take me, Brandon. You have no idea how long I’ve waited for you.” Wait what? Did I just say that shit to him?
“What do you mean?” he says, huffing as his lips make their way down to my breasts. The anticipation of his lips is setting my insides on fire.
“Look at me for a sec,” I say, lifting his head from my body. I miss him already. “I saw you, Brandon, in a store when we were kids. I never forgot your eyes for one second. You were with, I’m guessing, your mom and you looked at me like you’d known me for years. Like you peered into my soul and I never forgot you. I’ve been waiting for you ever since, and now, here you are.”
“Fuck, were you dressed in some little weird black dress and a white bonnet thing on?” He asks
“Yeah, that was me.” Shit, I don’t want to get into this tonight.
“I remember you now. I knew I knew you. I remember wondering why you had on that weird dress. I hadn’t seen anything like that. My mom slapped my hand for staring at you for so long. I remember your hazel eyes, Are’. I never forgot them either. Come here, please.” I throw my arms around him and kiss him deep and hard. My tongue makes circles in his mouth and he moans, lighting a fire beneath me. “Hold on, baby. I have some blankets in the car we can use. I want to feel only you and not the sand.” As soon as Brandon lets me go, I immediately miss his warmth. He jogs over to the truck and comes back with three blankets. This is going to be a night that I’ll never forget.
Brandon
You have to take it slow with her. You have to take it slow with her, I keep repeating to myself. She is different than any other girl you’ve dated and she wants you. I spread two of the blankets down on the beach. It is the perfect night to make love to her. The air is warm; the water is calm, and the moon stands full and bright. In the moonlight, Are’ looks like an angel.
“Come here. I promise I’ll take care of you.” I eased her down to the blanket with me.
“I know you will. I’m so happy right now. I could cry, Brandon. You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this. Wanted you, the fairy tale of you.” She stiffens at my touch as it slips down her backside.
“Baby, you have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for a woman like you. I won’t take you for granted. I can promise you that.” I kiss along her neck “Fuck, baby, you taste so good. Better than I could have envisioned.” I carefully unzip the back of her dress, pulling it down and exposing her matching lacy black bra and panties. My dick becames hard at the sight of her semi naked body. God couldn’t have created a more perfect creature. I could have died and gone to heaven at the looks of her.
“Do you have a condom?” she whispers to me.
“Of course I do. Let me make you come with my mouth first. Then I’ll make you come over and over again all night long.” I feel her body shiver beneath me.
“Please, Brandon,” she whispers.
“Wait for me, baby. I want to enjoy every inch of you. I’ve been fantasizing about this moment ever since I saw you in the bar. So we’re going to take our time. All night if I have my way.” I want to know what is going on in that pretty little head of hers. What makes her tick and what makes her want me so badly. I know she wants me; her response to my touch tells me everything that I need to know. She leans into my every caress, every kiss. My hearts beats fast every time I lay a sweet tender kiss on her body. She moans and I think I’ve died and gone to heaven. She moves into me and begins to touch me like no other woman can.
“Are you sure you want this Arebella? I can wait” She nods and slips her panties down. How the fuck did I get so lucky? “Arebella, you and only you are the answer to me dreams. Do you know how much I fucking need you?”
“I need you too Brandon. Make love to me.” The rest of the night I make sweet love to the woman of my dreams. We lay there hot, sweaty and breathless underneath the warmth of the moonlight.
“Brandon, that was so amazing. I always wondered what it would be like for you to make love to me.”
“Same for me baby.”
She begins to wiggle from my arms.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
“Umm… to get my clothes. What if someone comes around and sees us naked?”
“They won’t.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because it’s private property.” She’s still trying to release herself from my arms.
“That’s even worse. The owners could come at any moment. Let me go.”
“They won’t and I’m never letting you go. Let me cover us up with the blanket if you’re that scared,” I tease.
“How do you know they won’t?”
“Because, baby, I’m the owner. I bought two acres of this land before I left. I wanted to build a house on it someday.” The shock on her face is priceless.
“You keep surprising me.”
“Good. Now stop wiggling and enjoy the moment.” She finally stops and lays her head on my shoulders; I tighten my grip around her, feeling content. The next thing I know, her breath is becoming shallow. She’s a sleep in my arms. I could stay like this forever.
Arebella
I feel a tightening around my throat. I figure I must be dreaming, but when I jerk my eyes open, I’m terrified. Brandon’s hands are around my throat. It’s like he is in a trance, not the same kind, sweet Brandon I know. This Brandon is laced with anger and a determination to end my life. He’s mumbling something I can’t quite make out. What the fuck is he doing? I try to scream, but the grip is so tight no words can form. Panic sinks in.
My head is beginning to throb and its becoming harder to breath. His body is on top of mine; I’m trapped. I kick and scratch, but there is no moving him, not one inch. Finally, I manage to free one of my hands and slap him across the face. The life comes back into him; he realizes what he is doing. He backs away from me with sadness and fear in his eyes. The instant he lets me go, I get up and run as fast as my feet can carry me. I am stark naked in the middle of nowhere, but I don’t care. All I know is that I have to get out of here as fast as I can.
The sound of footsteps race behind me. No matter how fast I run, he is inches behind me, yelling for me to stop. I can’t; I won’t stop. I
turn my head back to see Brandon reaching out to me. He catches me and pulls me down to the ground, leaving both of us gasping for air. Flipping me over, his body is on top of mine. He’s hushing me, trying to calm me.
“Let me fucking go. You just tried to kill me.” I scream, hoping and praying someone will hear me.
“Listen, it wasn’t me. It wasn’t me.” He voice is in a panic for me to believe him.
“Then who the fuck was it? You’re the only one here besides me. Your hands were around my neck, Brandon. You were choking the life out of me.”
“Baby, please calm down. Let me explain.” He seems exhausted.
“Don’t call me baby. What is there to explain?” I questioned him. My body began to grow tired of trying to fight him off.
“You promised you would always listen to me.” He says.
“That went out the fucking window the moment you put your hands on me.”
“I was having a nightmare, baby. Please listen. I was back there. I’ve had the nightmares for years now. Shit, I didn’t realize… I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. Please, let me take you home. I’ll never forgive myself for this.” He eases off of me. I can see the panic and the truth in his eyes. My heart knows he is telling the truth, yet I am still afraid of him. Afraid of what he might do if he has another flash back.
“I don’t know.” I say.
“I can’t leave you out here in the middle of nowhere.”
“Okay, just take me straight home. I’ll sit in the back.” He reaches out to help me up, but I flinch at his hands coming towards me. He instantly backs off.
“I’ll walk ahead of you to make you feel more comfortable. I’m so sorry. You don’t know how sorry I am, Are’.” What do I say to him? We walk in silence back to the truck, gathering and putting on clothes before getting in. He doesn’t attempt to help me. In fact, he stays a good distance away from me. On the way home, he keeps staring at me in his rear-view mirror, seeing the horror of tonight’s actions written on my face. He sighs, shakes his head and returns his eyes back to the road ahead.
“Are’, please talk to me. I’m sorry. It will never happen again. I promise you.” He’s desperate for me to speak. What can I say?
“You can’t promise that, Brandon. You’ve been through a lot. Maybe we need to just take it easy.” His eyes grow sad and lost.
“Maybe you’re right. I don’t want you getting hurt. I have issues that I need to handle.”
“I would say so.”
“Please don’t be angry and please know that wasn’t me. I would never hurt you intentionally,” he says with pain in his voice.
“I know, Brandon. I know. I’m really freaked out right now, and all I want to do is go home.”
“Then home is where I will take you.” We sit in an uncomfortable silence the rest of the ride. When he pulls up in alleyway next to my house, I jump out and run up the stairs without saying goodbye. I know it is wrong, but I just can’t look at his face anymore tonight. Once I get the door closed behind me, I hear his truck pull off; my heart sinks into the pit of my stomach. On one hand, all I want to do is comfort him, while on the other; I want to run as far away as possible. After standing at my door staring off into space, it is time for me to shower and go to bed.
My phone keeps going off, but there’s not a chance in hell I am going to answer it. Finally after my shower and switching my phone off, I lay in bed, wondering what the hell is going to happen next. Brandon clearly needs some help and I’m not sure I can handle something like this. My first order of business is to research what’s going on with him. The evening was so perfect and I hadn’t slept that well since my mother was alive. That is until the incident.
The sadness in his eyes made me want to cry. I know it pains him that he hurt me. But the fact is he would have killed me if I hadn’t gotten my hand free. My mind is swimming. I am exhausted from the events. I try to turn my brain off and get some sleep.
The beating on my door wakes me. Praying to God that it’s not him, I reluctantly drag myself out of bed.
“Who the hell is it?” I scream. My head is still pounding from a lack of sleep. My mind kept reeling over what Brandon did to me.
“It’s me. Open the door, bitch.” I crack the door and Tasha comes barging in.
“What the hell, Are’? Why are you not answering your phone? I was worried sick. It’s not like you not to respond to me.” She stopped and actually looked at me for the first time to see my eyes are puffy. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, just had a late night.”
“That’s the story you’re sticking with. A late night?”
“Yeah. My phone died while I was with Brandon and I forgot to charge it last night.”
“Something is different about you?” She moves in closer to me. “What the fuck happened to your neck? It’s fucking red.” Shit, I forgot to cover it up.
“It’s nothing.”
“Nothing? Are’, it looks like someone put you through the ringer.” Tasha sees me fidgeting and it’s like a light went off in her head. “Oh, my God, did the fucker put his hands on you? I’ll kill him,” she yells. She’s making her way to the door before I yank her by the arm, stopping her.
“Stop. It’s not what you think.” The next hour is spent telling her what happened.
“What are you going to do? He obviously isn’t well and you can’t put yourself in danger like that again,” she tells me.
“I know. I like him so much and he really is a great guy. All guys have flaws, right?”
“Yeah, they do, but not like this. He needs to handle this shit or he could seriously hurt you.”
“I have no idea what to do. I know I can’t talk to him right now. I’m scared of him. I shouldn’t be, but I am and it makes me sick to my stomach. I’ve been waiting so long for him, Tash, and now this. It’s always fucking something. Maybe this is God’s punishment for me leaving my family. Maybe it’s him telling me I need to go back and marry Felix like I was supposed to.”
“Don’t get worked up. That isn’t true and you know it. It will work out. You wait and see. Maybe he needs time to get his shit together. In the meantime, you focus on your art and working. And when you’re ready to talk to him, I’m sure he will be waiting.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“I saw the way he looked at you. It’s the main reason I gave him your number. I can already tell he loves you.”
“He can’t possibly love me. He has no idea who I am and where I come from. I abandoned my family, Tasha. Who could love a person like that?” I say. My vision becomes blurry as tears trickle down my face.
“Don’t you start that shit again. You are the best person I know, and you did what was best for you. You would have died if you stayed there. You are much happier and stronger now.” She engulfs me in a hug and I let the tears fall. The last time I cried this hard was when my mother died, and then again when I left home. People sometimes think I’m stone hard and won’t display emotion. The fact of the matter is that I told myself long ago that crying is a sign of weakness and that I’m not a weak person.
“I know, Tasha. I know. It still hurts like it was yesterday.”
“You have done so well. Don’t go back to that place. Keep moving forward and you’ll see how it works it’s self out. I promise you, it will.”
“Thank you for always being there for me. I don’t know what I would do without you.” I try to fight back the tears that are flowing.
“Oh, shut up. You know you’ll never be without me. Now come on, get dressed and let’s go get some ice cream. We both know it’s well overdue from when Ryan broke up with me.” Tasha always manages to work in ice cream. She says it’s her vice. In her defense, it is a good vice.
“All right, let me go throw something on.” I dress in a pair of jeans, a plain white t-shirt, and my tennis shoes. Tasha gives me a scarf to put around my neck to conceal my red marks. All I want more than ever is for everything to start over—withou
t this incident hanging over us. I know he didn’t mean to do it, but it doesn’t change the fact that it happened. I don’t know if I can get past what happened. Time can only tell.
Brandon
My heart was so sick about what happened the other night with Are’. When she jumped out of the truck and dashed into her apartment, I knew then things would never be the same. She saw a violent side of me, one that no one should ever see. That side is not who I truly am; it’s what the life I lived created. When going through my debriefing, I was diagnosed with PTSD. I often have flash backs of my time in Afghanistan. The slightest thing can trigger it, like a car backfiring or a kid screaming. I am taken back to a time of war and not in reality. Many soldiers suffer from this, and never did I think I’d be one of them. The sad part is, I can’t even remember what was happening when I was choking her. Thank God, she was able to slap me back into reality. The best thing for me to do now is to just stay away from her. Staying away from her is the only way that I will ensure her safety. My therapist told me I needed more help and I didn’t believe him. I thought that everything was fine because I hadn’t had a flashback in weeks. That is what I get for assuming. All I want, more than ever, is to lay my eyes on her to make sure I didn’t hurt her too badly.
“What the hell do I do, Dot?” I ask my sister while we eat breakfast. Yeah, I have stooped to the level of asking a fifteen-year-old for advice.
“Why are you asking me? You hurt her. It’s going to take an act of God himself to fix this one.”
“That’s what I was afraid you’d say. The thing is, I have no clue how to approach her.”
“Don’t. Just leave it alone and move on. You’ve known her what, two weeks? Get over it. You can’t possibly be that in love with her. You had one telephone call and one date,” she says sarcastically.