by Kit Pearson
“My mother died a long time ago, and my father drowned last year,” Polly muttered. How she hated saying that!
“How did he drown?” Vivien asked.
“Polly doesn’t like to talk about it,” explained Biddy.
“Why not?” asked Vivien.
Polly just shrugged. Was Vivien going to be as bad as Alice?
Vivien came home with Polly and Biddy almost every day. She didn’t have a bike, so she rode on the back of one of theirs. She stayed with them until suppertime, then her father picked her up in his truck.
Vivien always wanted to be the boss. She told them they were too old to play with dolls. She told Polly she should train Tarka not to bark so much and Biddy not to bite her nails. Every day they tried to think of a reason not to have her over, but Vivien assumed she could come, so she did.
After Noni met her parents in church she gave them Polly’s outgrown clothes, because Vivien was a smaller size. Polly thought she wouldn’t like wearing someone else’s clothes, but Vivien held her head high as if she didn’t care, just as Maud had when she’d had to wear second-hand clothes in Winnipeg.
“Are you going to invite Vivien to your birthday party?” Noni asked Polly. Polly didn’t want to, but Vivien had already found out when her birthday was. Polly had no choice but to include her.
The party was so much fun that Polly didn’t mind Vivien being there. Maud was home for the weekend, and she didn’t once talk about religion. Polly liked all her presents, but her favourite was a new box of paints from Noni. As she blew out her eleven candles, she made the usual wish to see Daddy again. This year it didn’t seem quite as desperate. Even though she tried to write to Daddy, it was getting harder and harder to remember to.
I must do better! she told herself. If—when—Daddy came back, he could read the letters and know all about her life on the island.
October 20, 1933
Dear Daddy,
We’re getting on better with Vivien. She’s still bossy, but she’s not mean like Alice. She’s so smart that she helps me with my arithmetic. And she has good ideas. Last week when we were walking Tarka and Bramble, we went deep into the woods behind the church. We came to a clearing with a rundown shack in it. Vivien said we should fix it up and it could be our secret house! We ran back to Biddy’s room and started making lists of all we would need: lumber, hammers, nails, and many other things.
Since then it has rained every day so we can’t start work. But planning is so much fun! Even in school, when we’re supposed to be studying together, we make lists and drawings and whisper about our house. We’re going to call it Oz because The Wizard of Oz is our favourite book. Now we’ll have our own hideout!
Love,
Polly
November 4, 1933
Dear Daddy,
This has been a Melancholy day. (I saw that word in a book.) This morning Noni had a toothache so Aunt Jean and Uncle Rand took her to the dentist’s in Vancouver. I have to stay here alone for two whole days with Mrs. Hooper looking after me.
It was so wet and windy that I couldn’t ride my bike, and Biddy and I got soaked walking home from school. Mrs. Hooper left me a note that she’d gone to visit her daughter. So Tarka and I went over to Biddy’s, but she was helping her mother do the ironing and I was just in the way so I went home.
The house felt so empty! Sometimes Noni leaves me alone in the evenings when she goes out to a musical evening or to play Whist, but the house is always nice and warm and I just go to sleep. Today it was freezing and the wind made the windows rattle. I sat in the window seat with a blanket around me and waited for Mrs. Hooper to come back and light the stove and cook supper.
I felt so sad. I thought about you and how much I missed you and how hard it is not to tell anyone that you’re still alive. If only I could just tell Biddy! I’m sure she’d keep it a secret. But you wouldn’t want me to and Maud would be so angry.
I thought of everything that has happened and I wondered if I would ever see you again. Oh, Daddy, where are you? Sometimes it seems as if you are dead.
Your loving Doodle
Polly and Biddy were in Biddy’s kitchen, tying ribbons around jars of preserves for the church bazaar on Saturday. Biddy’s mother was at the parish hall with Noni and Aunt Jean and the other members of the Women’s Auxiliary, setting up the tables. She’d taken little Shirley with her, but Biddy and Polly were supposed to be looking after the twins.
Tying the slippery ribbons around the rims of the jars was tricky. Fanny kept grabbing the finished ones and yanking off the ribbons. William was playing in the woodbox, throwing pieces of wood around the kitchen for Bramble and Tarka and getting filthy. He ignored Biddy when she told him not to.
“It’s not fair!” complained Biddy. “Luke doesn’t have to help with the bazaar, and he never has to babysit. Fanny, stop that!” She slapped Fanny’s hand and the little girl screamed. Biddy looked close to tears herself.
Polly got up and found two huge carrots. She handed one to each twin. Fanny’s mouth closed on the carrot and William came out of the woodbox and sat on the floor with his.
“Thanks, Polly,” said Biddy. “I shouldn’t have slapped her, but sometimes the twins drive me crazy!” She and Polly carried on tying ribbons and cutting them. The only sound was the twins’ steady munching. Then it stopped.
“Look,” whispered Polly. The twins had fallen asleep on top of each other. The dogs lay beside them, finishing the half-nibbled carrots.
“Whew! It’s okay—we can talk normally. Nothing wakes them once they’re asleep.” Biddy looked hesitant. “Polly … there’s something I think I should tell you.”
“What?”
“It’s about your grandmother. My mum is really upset with her.” How could anyone be upset with Noni? But Polly made herself listen.
“You know Mrs. Osaka, Seiji’s mother?”
Polly nodded.
“Well, she and Mum are good friends, and she asked Mum if she could join the Women’s Auxiliary. Mum asked your grandmother and she said she couldn’t—because she’s Japanese! Mum didn’t say anything more because she’s so much in awe of Mrs. Whitfield. But she doesn’t think it’s right, and neither do I.”
Polly reddened. “I’m sure my grandmother must have a good reason,” she said stiffly. “She’s a good person. She wouldn’t say no just because Mrs. Osaka is Japanese.”
“Well, she did,” said Biddy calmly. “I’m sorry to tell you, Polly, but maybe she’s not as good as you think.”
Polly jumped up. “I think I’ll go now. Come on, Tarka.”
She ran all the way home and waited for Noni. When her grandmother entered the house, Polly said in a rush, “Noni, did you tell Biddy’s mother that Mrs. Osaka couldn’t join the Women’s Auxiliary because she’s Japanese? Biddy told me you did.”
“Oh, hen …” Noni sat down at the kitchen table. “Let me explain. These things are too hard for children to understand. Mrs. Osaka is a very nice woman and I have nothing against her. But she’s not the same as us. She would feel out of place and uncomfortable in our group—that’s why I said no.”
“But she wanted to join!”
Noni’s mouth was set. “Yes, she did, but her request was inappropriate. I decided what was best for everyone. I don’t want to talk about this any more, Polly, and I don’t want you and Biddy discussing it further. I wish her mother hadn’t told her. Do you understand?” She smiled. “Now, tell me how you got on with the preserves. Did you finish them?”
Polly nodded, unable to speak. “I have to walk Tarka,” she muttered, and left the room.
She marched along the beach, wiping tears from her eyes. Her kind Noni had done something wrong! Polly couldn’t bear feeling so disappointed in her.
It was too confusing to think about. Maybe Noni was right; maybe Polly was simply too young to understand.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
“I MISS YOU TERRIBLY”
January 1, 1934
Dear D
addy,
It’s hard to believe that a whole year has gone by! Last Christmas Mrs. Tuttle was here and I found out you were accused of stealing. That was awful, but then things got better.
I’m happy here, Daddy. I have a wonderful dog and two good friends and a loving family. I miss you terribly and I miss Maud, but I see her in the holidays and I know I will see you one day.
We had a very nice Christmas and I got lots of presents. I gave everyone a painting and they said they liked them. The concert and the pageant went very well. We had a delicious roast goose for dinner, just like last year.
I still feel guilty about eating meat, but I don’t think I have the will power to be a vegetarian. I won’t eat venison, though, because I see deer every day. I see chickens every day too, but chickens don’t seem as real. I wish I was stronger, but maybe when I’m older I’ll be able to stand by my principles.
Maud acted as if she wasn’t really here and kept looking at us all in a superior way, but Noni said she’s just being normal for her age. I am never going to be like that.
Daddy, I hope that wherever you are you had a good Christmas as well.
Much love,
Polly
February 22, 1934
Dear Daddy,
This month is so cold that I have to take a hot water bottle to bed. Tarka tries to lie over it. There was a layer of ice in my water pitcher this morning. It’s not usually this cold in B.C. The road is too slippery to ride bikes, so Biddy and I have to walk. We wear scarves over our faces just like I used to have to do in Winnipeg.
The boys at school have made an ice slide! They poured water down the hill at the back of the playground and every day at lunch we slide down it on pieces of cardboard. I pretend my cardboard is my old toboggan.
Your Polly
March 10, 1934
Dear Daddy,
Our house (Oz) is finished! I wish so much you could see it. We’ve swept out all the dirt and scrubbed every inch of the walls and floor. We tapped away the old glass in the windows and nailed canvas cloth over them. There are three stumps for chairs, and a table made out of boxes. In another box we keep cups and cookies and a bottle of water and sometimes we have meals there. There’s an old green rug on the floor. Every day we pick leaves and flowers and put them in a jug on the table. As soon as we go in, we pin back the cloth in the windows and it’s nice and bright. We’re hoping that when it’s warmer, we can sleep there. Love,
Polly
In late spring Polly, Biddy, and Vivien got permission to sleep overnight in Oz. Uncle Rand had inspected the house to make sure it was stable. He told them it used to belong to a hermit. “His name was Gus. He built this house a long time ago. We were terrified of him when we were kids. He’d come out of the woods and stumble along the road to the store, his beard almost down to his knees!” He smiled at them. “You’ve done an excellent job of fixing it up—and all by yourselves too! I’m proud of you.”
After they’d eaten the supper they had packed, the three girls and two dogs all piled together on the old mattress Uncle Rand had helped them drag over from the rectory. They huddled under a thick quilt, squished and cozy.
“The dogs shouldn’t be allowed on the bed,” complained Vivien. “Make them sleep on a blanket in the corner.”
“We want them here,” said Biddy calmly. They were used to Vivien now, and had discovered that if they ignored her commands, she usually gave up.
“Has your dad left yet?” Polly asked her.
“He’s going in a week,” said Vivien sadly. Vivien’s father had to leave the island for the whole summer to log on Vancouver Island so he could make some extra money.
“Never mind, the summer will go so fast he’ll be back before you notice,” said Biddy.
At least he’d be back, thought Polly with a pang. She liked both of her friends’ fathers. Biddy’s was easygoing and Vivien’s was tense and quiet, but kind.
If only they could meet her father! Polly’s friends had always liked his joking and his good ideas. One time, when Audrey and another friend had been over, Daddy had shown them how to make an orchestra by filling glasses with water and rubbing wet fingers along the edges. What a commotion they had made, and how they had laughed!
Polly turned over and buried her face in Tarka’s side. Why was she suddenly thinking of Daddy, instead of enjoying this overnight adventure?
“Let’s tell one another secrets!” said Vivien.
“Okay,” said Biddy. “What do you want to be when you grow up? I want to be a vet.”
“An artist,” said Polly.
“An actress,” said Vivien, “but we already know all that. I meant a secret we’ve never told one another.”
Biddy and Polly were silent.
“I’ll start,” said Vivien. “When I was born, I almost died!”
“You did?”
“Oh, Vivien, really?”
“Yup. I wasn’t breathing properly and it was touch and go for a few minutes, but then I took a deep breath and yelled, my mum said! Okay, Biddy, your turn.”
“I can’t think of anything.”
“Think harder.”
“I once …” Biddy’s voice became very small. “I once made Luke eat a slug.”
“That’s so tame! Can’t you think of something that’s more interesting?”
“I’m sorry, but that’s the only secret I have.”
“Oh, well. Polly?”
Polly could imagine how impressed the others would be if she told her secret. What if she just said casually, “My father didn’t drown. He’s alive!” They would be so shocked—and so glad for her. She longed to release what had throbbed inside her for so long.
But of course she couldn’t. What other secret could she tell them? Not about Chester’s kiss! They would tease her, and it was so long ago it seemed unreal. “My secret is pretty boring,” she said. “I wish I could stop eating meat because it seems so cruel to eat animals, but I don’t have the will power.”
“Oh, brother, you two are both boring!” said Vivien. She yawned. “Let’s go to sleep now.”
Biddy was already breathing heavily and the dogs had been still for ages. But Polly couldn’t sleep. She lay awake and listened to an owl. It was such a lonely sound. She missed Daddy more than she had for a long time.
September 22, 1934
Dear Daddy,
I haven’t written to you for so long! That doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten you, but it’s so hard to write when I know you can’t answer.
Today is my twelfth birthday! That means Tarka is two, because I got him when I turned ten. He’s a much better behaved dog than he used to be, although he still barks too much and he steals food whenever he can.
It’s Saturday, so I don’t have to go to school. At breakfast Noni gave me this new fountain pen and some ink, so I’m trying them out for the first time.
This afternoon the whole family is going for a birthday picnic on the Boot. Biddy and Vivien are coming too. Some of us will go in the gasboat and some of us will row. I hope it’s warm enough to swim.
This will be my last year at school on the island. Next year I’ll have to go to St. Winifred’s. Oh, Daddy, I don’t want to go! Especially since Biddy and Vivien will be staying here. I’ve begged and begged Noni to let me stay too and have a governess, but she says I’ll get a better education at St. Winifred’s. She also told me not to worry about it but to just enjoy this year, so I’m trying to do that.
When we went back to school, we found out that Miss Hunter got married! Now she is Mrs. Oliver. None of us can remember to call her that, but she says we’ll gradually get used to it and that she keeps forgetting her new name herself!
I wish women didn’t have to change their last names when they get married—I never want to be anyone but Polly Brown. I told Noni that, and she said that if I became an artist and got married, I could still use my maiden name as my artist’s name.
Maud got her hair bobbed! Her face looks more relaxed with
out her tight braids pulling back her skin, but I told her she shouldn’t have cut her hair, because you liked it long. She could have just worn it loose like I do. She said Maudishly that she was seventeen and could do what she liked. I promise you I’ll never get my hair bobbed, Daddy! Noni trims it sometimes, but it’s still below my shoulders.
Maud doesn’t try to convert me any more. She says that when I get to St. Winifred’s, the Guppy will instead. That made me so mad! I yelled that of course she wouldn’t, but Maud just smiled with that dumb holy look on her face.
Maud is in the upper sixth form now (that’s what they call grade twelve at St. Winnie’s) and she’s head girl! Now she wears an ugly mustard-coloured blazer instead of an ugly maroon one. Noni said Maud was born to be a head girl. Gregor pretends to act scared and keeps asking her if she’ll give him an order mark.
Sadie’s parents let her stay with us almost all summer. Now she and Gregor are engaged! They will get married next summer, after Sadie graduates and after Gregor is finished theology school. Maud and I will be bridesmaids! Aunt Jean is over the moon because she likes Sadie so much. Noni worries that they are too young to get married, but Aunt Jean says that sometimes you find the right person early in life and that’s that. Aunt Jean spent a lot of time with Sadie showing her how to take care of the church—she says she’ll be a perfect minister’s wife.
Alec and Cynthia are still a couple, although they are not engaged yet (Aunt Jean gloats about that). The two of them and Gregor and Sadie spent a lot of time together, and Maud was left out. I asked her if she’d like to have a boyfriend too. She told me there are no boys on the island who interest her, and that if she had a boyfriend he’d have to be the kind of Christian she is. I told her she’d never find anyone if she was that fussy, and she got all Maudish and wouldn’t speak to me for the rest of the day.
Maud has changed so much, Daddy. Sometimes she doesn’t seem like my sister any more. She didn’t even come home for my birthday, because she was so busy at school.