Should I have answered? How could I not, when she could tell my very thoughts?
"I love her, but she has kept her distance from me."
Megaera laughed. It wasn't a pleasant sound.
"Do you have a sister?"
"You know I have a sister. She's the Tyrant."
She was right, but I hadn't known quite what to say. "Is she a mage, too?"
"No. Not many Tyrants have been mages, not since Saryn anyway. She is just the Tyrant. Were you ever close to your sister?"
"I tried to be. But she never wanted to hear what I had to say. She said she had to make her own decisions and mistakes."
Megaera looked away. After a moment, she rose. "Thank you. I'll see you tomorrow." Then she turned and left.
Had my comment offended her, by suggesting her sister had only meant the best for her? Did she react that way to everything, taking even harmless statements as criticisms or as slights?
Megaera said little to me for the next three mornings, only what was necessary to respond to my instructions. She avoided me totally in matters involving the upgrading of the quarters and the keep, or even the duty rosters for the guards. Creslin and Hyel discussed the duty rosters for the Montgren troopers, and Hyel and I worked out the rotations between us.
On the fourth morning, before we began, Megaera looked at me, then lowered the practice wand. "Shierra . . . you meant the best."
"I did not realize that matters were so between you and your sister." I wasn't about to apologize when I had done nothing wrong, but I could say that I meant no harm.
"You could not have known. No one here could have. Even Creslin did not know until I told him. Sisters can be so cruel."
Could they? Had I been that cruel?
Even as we sparred, Megaera's words crept through my thoughts.
XIII
Late one afternoon, Hyel found me in the stoneyard. "We need to get down to the public room."
"Now? We need more stones . . ."
"You know how the troopers and guards don't talk to each other?"
"We talk to each other."
"Our guards don't talk to each other. Even when they're drinking they sit on opposite sides of the room."
I'd seen that. "It will change."
Hyel shook his head. "I told Regent Creslin about it. He's going to do something, This evening. He didn't say what. I think you should be there."
"Frig! I don't need this." But I picked up my tools and my harness. "I'll meet you there. I need to wash up." At least, I needed to get stone dust out of my eyes and nose and hair
I did hurry, but by the time I got to the half-finished inn and public room, the sun was low over the western hills that everyone else called mountains. The windows were without glass or shutters, and someone had propped wooden slats over several of the openings to cut the draft.
Hyel was right. The Westwind guards had taken the tables on the south side, and the Montgren troopers those on the north side. I should have paid more attention, but between keeping things going and the stonework, and the training sessions, I'd had little time and less inclination for the going to the public room.
I eased onto one end of the bench on the leftmost table. "What is there to drink?"
"Some fermented green stuff," replied Fylena, "and something they call beer."
"Doesn't anyone ever talk to the Montgren guards?"
"Why? All they want is to get in our trousers."
"Without even bathing," added someone else.
"There's the regent."
I looked up. Megaera had taken a place at the adjoining table, and beside her was the healer. Across the room, Klerris the mage was sitting beside Hyel.
Creslin walked into the public room and glanced around. He carried his guitar as he made his way to Hyel and spoke. Hyel hurried off and returned with a stool. After a moment, Creslin dragged the stool into the open space and then recovered his guitar.
He settled onto the stool and fingered the strings of the guitar. He smiled, but it was clear he was uneasy. After another strumming chord, he spoke. "I don't know too many songs that don't favor one group or another. So enjoy the ones you like and ignore the ones you don't." Then he began to sing.
Up on the mountain
where the men dare not go
the angels set guards there
in the ice and the snow . . .
I'd forgotten how beautifully he sang. It was as though every note hung like liquid silver in the air. When he finished the first song, no one spoke, but Megaera slipped away from the other table and sat beside me.
Creslin then sang "White was the Color of My Love."
"Has he always sung this well?" murmured Megaera.
"His father was supposed to have been a minstrel, but no one knows for sure."
Creslin launched into two humorous songs, and both the guards and the troopers laughed. When he halted, he stretched his fingers, then coughed, looking around as if for something to drink. Megaera left me for a moment, carrying her cup to him.
Instead of thanking her, he asked, "Are you all right?"
"Fine, thank you. I thought you might need this." After he drank she took the cup and rejoined me. For the first time, I saw that she was deathly white, and she held her hands to keep them from trembling.
Creslin sang several more songs, and then coaxed one of Hyel's troopers into singing one of their songs.
Finally, he brought the guitar to Darcyl. I hadn't even known that she played. Creslin turned, looking for a place to sit. Megaera rose, taking my arm and guiding me with her. We ended up at the one vacant table. I did manage to gesture for Hyel to join us, and Megaera beckoned as well.
"I didn't know you could sing." Megaera's words were almost an accusation.
"I never had a chance until now, and you never seemed to be interested," Creslin replied, his voice either distant or tired, perhaps both. His eyes were on Darcyl and the guitar.
No one spoke. Finally, I had to. "Fiera said that the hall guards used to sneak up to his door when he practiced."
For the first time I'd ever seen, Creslin looked surprised. "Fiera? Is she your—"
"My youngest sister." I don't know why I said it that way, since she was also my only sister. "She talked a lot about you, probably too much." I wished I hadn't said that, either, almost as soon as the words were out of my mouth, but I hadn't expected to find myself sitting at a table with just the two regents and Hyel.
"How is she?"
I sensed Megaera bristling, but all I could do was answer. "She went with the detachment to Sarronnyn. She'll be rotated back later in the year sometime. It could be that she's already back at Westwind."
"Where did the guitar come from?" Hyel was doing his best to keep the conversation light.
"It was mine," Creslin replied. "I left it behind. Lydya—the healer—brought it. My sister Llyse thought I might like to have it."
"You've never played in public?" I was trying to do . . . something . . . to disarm Megaera's hostility.
"No. I was scared to do it, but sometimes music helps. The second song, the white-as-a-dove one, probably saved me from the White Wizards."
"You didn't exactly sound scared." Megaera's voice was like winter ice in Westwind.
"That wouldn't have helped much," Creslin said slowly. "Besides no one born in Westwind shows fear. Not if they can help it."
Megaera looked at me, as if she wanted me to refute what he'd said.
"Feeling afraid is acceptable, but letting it affect your actions is not. That's one of the reasons the guards are often more effective than men. Men too often conceal their fear in brashness or in unwise attacks. The guards are trained to recognize their fears and set them aside. Regent Creslin was trained as a guard until he left Westwind."
Hyel raised his eyebrows, then took a long pull from his mug.
For several songs by Darcyl, we just sat there and listened.
Then Creslin rose. He offered an awkward smile. "I'm going to get
some sleep."
At the adjoining table, both Klerris and Lydya stiffened.
"I do hope you'll play again for us," Hyel said. "That really was a treat, and just about everyone liked it."
Everyone but Megaera, I felt, and I was afraid I understood why. I was also afraid I'd just made matters worse without meaning to.
Creslin recovered his guitar and looked at Megaera.
"I do hope you'll play again," I said quickly.
Megaera's eyes fixed on Creslin. "I need to talk to you."
"Now?"
"When you get to the holding will be fine. I won't be long."
Her words told me that matters were anything but fine.
Concern flooded Creslin's face.
"Stop it. Please . . ." Megaera spoke softly, but firmly.
Before Creslin could move, Klerris stepped up to Megaera. "A moment, lady?"
"Can it wait until tomorrow?"
"I think not."
As if they had planned it, the two mages separated Creslin and Megaera, Klerris leading her in one direction and Lydya guiding him in another.
"What was that all about?" asked Hyel. "I thought things were going better between the troopers and the guards."
"Between my guards and your troopers, yes."
Hyel's eyes went to Megaera's back as she and Klerris left the public room. "He was singing to her, and she didn't hear it. Was that it?" asked Hyel.
I shook my head. "He was singing to us, all of us, and she needs him to sing for her."
"She's not that selfish."
He didn't understand. "I didn't say she was. It's different." I tried not to snap at him.
"How's he supposed to know that?"
I didn't have an answer, but I knew it was so, and even Fiera would have understood that.
XIV
After the night that Creslin sang to all the guards and troopers at the public room, two things happened. The first was that Creslin and Megaera begin to call Klerris and Lydya, and Hyel and me, together to meet almost daily about matters affecting Recluce. Creslin laughed about it, calling us the unofficial high council of Recluce. Usually, I didn't say too much, Neither did Hyel.
Mostly, I watched, especially Creslin and Megaera. Sometimes, I couldn't help but overhear what they said afterwards as they left the hall.
" . . . don't . . ."
"I'm sorry," Creslin apologized. "I still can't believe your cousin wants to tax us . . ."
"He doesn't. It has to be Helisse . . . not any better than sister dear . . ."
Creslin said nothing.
"Sisters of Sarronnyn . . . except she never thought of us . . . just of her, of what she thought was best for Sarronnyn . . ."
"Don't we have to think of what's best for Recluce?"
"It's not the same!" After a moment, Megaera continued, her voice softer. "I'm sorry, best-betrothed. You try to ask people. You don't always listen, but you care enough to ask . . ."
Their voices faded away, and I stood there, thinking about how they had spoken to each other and what they had said—and not said.
The second thing was that, not every night, but more and more frequently, Megaera began to sleep in the keep. Then it was every night.
I didn't even pretend to understand all the reasons why she preferred to share my small room at the keep rather than stay in the Black Holding where she had a fine large room to herself. I also understood why she'd married Creslin. What real choice had she had? I could have understood why she'd never slept with him, except for one thing. It was clear to every person on the isle that he loved her, that he would have taken a blade or a storm for her. Yet she ignored that, and she also ignored the fact that she cared for him. That was what I found so hard to understand. But a guard captain doesn't ask such things of a regent, even one who shares her chamber.
Finally, one night, in the darkness, she just sat on the edge of her pallet and looked at the wall.
"It's not my affair," I began, although it was because anything that the regents did affected all of us on Recluce, "but could you . . ." I didn't quite know what to say.
Megaera did not speak for a time, and I waited.
"It isn't your affair, Shierra. It's between Creslin and me." She paused, then went on. "We're tied together by magery. It's an evil thing. I know everything he feels. Everything. When he looks at me . . . or when he feels I've done something I shouldn't . . . or when . . ." She shook her head.
"Does he know what you feel?"
"He's beginning to know that. The . . . mage-ties were done at different times. I had no choice . . . mine to him was done even before we were betrothed. He didn't even know. That . . . it was my sister's doing. My own sister, and she said that it was for my own good. My own good. Creslin . . . he chose to tie himself to me. He didn't even ask. He just had it done." She turned. "How would you feel, to have every feeling you experienced felt by a man you never knew before you were married?"
I was confused. "Didn't you say that you know everything he feels?"
"Every last feeling! Every time he looks at me and wants me! Every time he feels hurt, like a whipped puppy, because I don't think what he did was wonderful . . . Do you know what that's like? How would you feel if you knew every feeling Hyel had for you, and he knew how you felt?" She snorted. "You've at least worked with Hyel. When I started feeling what Creslin felt, we'd met once at a dinner, and we'd exchanged less than a handful of words. Sister dear and his mighty mother the Marshall decided we should be wed, and that was that."
The idea of having every feeling known? I shuddered. I liked Hyel, and we had gotten to know each other somewhat. The idea that a complete stranger might know all my feelings . . . no wonder Megaera looked exhausted. No wonder she was edgy. Yet . . . I had to wonder about Creslin.
"What about Regent Creslin?" I asked softly.
She shook her head.
Once more, I waited.
"He does what he feels is right, but . . . he doesn't always think about how it affects others. At times, he tries to listen, but then . . . it's as though something happened, and he's back doing the same things." Megaera's voice died away. Abruptly, she stretched out on the pallet. "Good night, Shierra."
Everything Megaera had said rang true, and yet I felt that there was more there. Was that because I had watched Creslin grow up? Because I wanted to believe he was doing the best he knew how? I had watched him both in Westwind and since I had come to Recluce, and I could see how he tried to balance matters, and how he drove himself. But was I seeing what I wanted to see? Was what Megaera saw more accurate?
How could I know?
I lay on my pallet, thinking about Fiera. I'd only wanted the best for her. I'd never even thought of doing anything like the Tyrant had. I wished I could have told her that. But when I left, she hadn't let me. She'd gone off to Sarronnyn, as if to say that she could go where she wanted without telling me.
XV
The warning trumpet sounded while I was just about to begin finishing the stonework reinforcing around the second supply storehouse. I was halfway across the courtyard when Gylara called to me.
"Guard Captain! Ships! At least two warships entering the harbor. They're flying the standard of Hamor . . ."
Hamor? Why were the Hamorians attacking?
". . . Regent Megaera has ordered all squads to the pier! She's left with first squad!"
I should have been the one to issue that order. But then, I shouldn't have properly been doing stonework, except no one else in the detachment had been trained in it, except Doryana, and two stone-masons weren't nearly enough with all that needed to be repaired and built. I was already buckling on my harness and sprinting for the courtyard.
"Second squad! Form up! Pass the word."
Hyel rushed into the courtyard just as we were heading out. I'd hoped we could catch up with first squad. I didn't like the thought of Megaera leading them into battle.
"Get your men! We've got invaders!" I didn't wait to see what he did, bec
ause second squad was already moving. The harbor was close enough that advancing on foot was faster than saddling up. Besides, there wouldn't be enough room to maneuver in the confined area, and we'd lose mounts we had too few of anyway.
Second squad followed me in good order. I didn't bother to count the ships filling the harbor or the boats that were heading shoreward. Counting didn't solve anything when you were attacked and had no place to retreat. The first boat reached the pier before first squad did.
First squad tore into the attackers, but another set of boats was headed toward the foot of the pier. If they landed there, they could trap first squad between two Hamorian forces.
"Second squad! To the boats!"
We managed to reach the rocky shore just as the first Hamorians scrambled from the water. The leading warrior charged me with his oversized iron bar. I just stepped inside and cut his calf all the way to the bone and his neck with the other blade.
After that, it was slash and protect.
Then fire—white wizard-fire—flared from somewhere.
I took advantage of that to cut another Hamorian throat and disable two more. So did my guards.
More wizard fire flared across the sky.
Then the winds began to howl, and the skies blackened. Instantly, or so it seemed. Lightnings flashed out of the clouds. I hoped they were hitting the Hamorian ships, but we weren't looking that way, and the Hamorians who were died under our blades.
"Waterspouts! Frigging waterspouts!"
I didn't look for those, either. "Second squad, toward the water!"
The Hamorians began to panic.
Before long we held the shore to the east of the pier, and the only Hamorians nearby were wounded or stumbling eastward.
"Second squad! Reform on me!"
Only then did I study the harbor. The water was filled with high and choppy waves, and debris was everywhere. Three ships were enshrouded in flames. A fourth was beached hard on the shingle to the east. I didn't see anyone alive on it, but there were bodies tangled in twisted and torn rigging and ropes.
Then, I turned to the pier. The guards of first squad had been split by the ferocity of the initial attack and by the numbers, but they had reformed into smaller groups. They were standing. I didn't see any Hamorians. I also didn't see Creslin or Megaera.
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