by Susan Crosby
“I’ll help,” Gavin said, following Joe.
Dixie sent Joe a look of gratitude. He didn’t care what Shana and Gavin thought. He went over to Dixie and gave her a hug. “They’ll forgive you,” he said.
“Does it get tiring being my champion?” she asked, then tried to smile. “How many times have you defended me to them? You can’t imagine how often I wished your parents were mine.”
He didn’t have a response to that. He joined Gavin, and they went up the walkway. He rang the bell. Gavin turned the knob, but it was locked.
“Dad?” he shouted. “Let me in.”
After a minute, Malcolm opened the door a couple of inches.
“She’s gone,” Gavin said. “Joe and I need to get her things. The baby’s things.”
Malcolm opened the door and walked away. Joe felt sorry for all of them. They never talked to each other, never confided, never openly got mad, then made up. Nobody’s family was perfect, including his own, but everyone in his family hugged and teased and supported—and argued and made up. He’d never gotten used to Bea and Malcolm’s coldness.
“We don’t need to take the crib,” Joe told Gavin. “Dixie’s got one.”
They stacked things into baby blankets, tied them up as bundles, then emptied the closets of Shana’s clothes, carried them to the truck and returned. Bea had gathered up Emma’s bottles, formula and baby food from the kitchen and put them in a grocery sack.
“I couldn’t see her face,” Bea whispered to Joe. “The baby’s.”
“She looks like a Callahan. She’s beautiful.”
Bea nodded, then stepped aside.
“Shana’s been through some kind of hell,” Joe added as he passed by her. “My guess? She could use her mother.”
Joe caught up with Gavin, who stood next to his father on the porch, neither of them speaking.
“Merry Christmas,” Joe said, then headed to his truck.
“Yeah, Merry Christmas, Dad,” Gavin said. “I’ll be here until tomorrow evening. You’ve got my number. And, by the way, I’m not taking Shana’s side here. I just want us to be a family, a normal family. I know it’s a tall order.”
He got into Joe’s truck, rested an elbow at the base of the window. “Thanks.”
“Glad I could help. I figure Shana and the baby will be staying with Dixie.” Which also meant he and Dixie couldn’t see each other. “You’re welcome to bunk at my house. I don’t have a spare bed anymore, but the couch is big enough for you.”
“Thanks, again. I’ll take you up on that. I’m tempted to just drive home to San Francisco, but that won’t accomplish anything.” He was quiet for a couple of minutes. “You know why I don’t visit often?”
“You’re always on call?”
A surprised, appreciative laugh burst from Gavin. “You know why I’m always on call? Because coming home reminds me of growing up. I don’t know how Dixie stands it. Never mind. I take that back. She had you and yours.”
“Dixie also puts everyone else first,” Joe said, not caring if that stung Gavin or not. Joe was tired of everyone taking advantage of her—and especially tired of her letting them.
“I get it, loud and clear. I was selfish enough to let her. I’ll bet she always made excuses for why I hadn’t come to some event or another.”
“Yep.”
“For Shana, too?”
“She didn’t have to, not after a few years. Everyone stopped talking about Shana, as if she’d died.”
“Dixie and I would talk about her sometimes,” Gavin said. “Especially when the annual Christmas card arrived with a different postmark. We speculated a lot. And now here she is with a baby, and no father in sight.”
“She says he died, that there are other living grandparents. She just doesn’t talk about the man.”
“Any bets she’ll run off again and we’ll never know the answers?”
Joe considered it. “I don’t know. She seems to be finding a place here. Maybe it’s just financial. She can’t afford to go anywhere else. But she’s also not the angry, scared woman she was when she got here.”
He pulled into the parking lot behind Dixie’s building. “I’m just going to drop off everything and go, Gavin. Come when you’re ready. I’ll leave the front door unlocked.” He squeezed Gavin’s shoulder. “I’m glad you’re here. Your sisters need you.”
“I’m here for twenty-four hours.”
“Better than nothing,” Joe said.
They hauled everything upstairs. Dixie had already made space in her closet for Shana’s clothes.
“Would you like to stay for dinner?” Dixie asked Joe when they were done. “Caroline’s on her way. She’s bringing raviolis.”
“I’ve got stuff to do. Ten days on the road…”
“I forgot! I’m sorry. How’d it go?”
“Very well, thanks. See you later,” he said to everyone.
“I’ll go down with you. So I can lock the door,” she said.
“I’m not seeing progress here,” he said at the bottom of the staircase.
“Plumbing and electrical. Tedious, but not something you’d see right away.” She slipped her hand in his. “Thank you.”
He squeezed her hand. “Your parents will come around.”
“Maybe.” She leaned into him. “Do you remember our first time, Joe?”
“First time? You mean, sex?”
She nodded.
“How could I forget it?” he asked.
They’d reached the back door. She flattened her hands on his chest. “Most people wouldn’t have believed we waited so long.”
“New Year’s Eve. We were twenty. Almost twenty-one, even. We’d been going steady for almost seven years. Yeah, people would’ve been shocked to know that. What’s your point?” He knew his tone was brusque but he was annoyed that he couldn’t come back tonight, sneak into the house, make love to her.
“Remember how, once we’d done it, we couldn’t get enough, and we had no place to go that was private and safe?” she asked, running her fingertips around his ears, along his jaw, over his lips.
Really? She was teasing him when there was nothing they could do about it? “We were both still living at home, Dix. It complicated things.”
“Which was the reason we bought the house together. We needed our own place—”
“So that we could have sex as much as we wanted to. Needed to.”
“Yes. I am reminded of that feeling now, because we’re going to be denied until Shana finds someplace else to live. And now that we’ve…feasted again, I don’t like having to fast.”
“We’ll figure out something. I could rent a hotel room. You could meet me.”
“If I could manage a second of free time, that would be great. When do you leave again?”
“Not until the first Monday in January.” He couldn’t wait a second longer to kiss her. He’d been gone for ten days. He would be home for ten days. But this time, he might be celibate. He didn’t like it. “We could use the backseat of my truck.”
The doorbell rang. They jumped apart, then Dixie laughed shakily. “Caroline,” she whispered. “Dinner.”
He took off his jacket and held it in front of him. Dixie pulled open the door, her shoulders still shaking.
“Here you go,” Caroline said, shoving the insulated container at Dixie. “Hey, Uncle Joe.”
The “uncle” part was a joke between them, since he was only five years older than she.
“Gavin’s here,” Dixie said to Joe’s niece. “Want to come up and say hi?”
“Can’t. I’ve got two more deliveries. Will you be bringing him by Mom’s open house tomorrow?”
“I don’t know if we’re going. Maybe. Thanks a lot for dinner.”
“Thanks for supporting me.” She waved and hurried off.
“I guess I should get this upstairs while it’s hot,” Dixie said.
“Just stick it next to your body.”
She smiled, then went serious. “If I don’t s
ee you tomorrow, I hope you have a merry Christmas.”
“I’ll see you. Somehow. Some way.”
“Gavin asked if we were sleeping together,” she said. “I hedged.”
He gave her a tender kiss, the kind they shared after sex when they were sprawled and feeling luxurious in their satisfaction.
“Sleep well,” he said. “Sleep in. You deserve it.”
“I’ll try.”
“Come to Mom’s for a while tomorrow afternoon.”
“I’ll try.”
He ran a hand down her hair then took off, craving her.
Have a merry Christmas?
Not likely, not with the ghosts of Christmas past keeping him company.
Chapter Fifteen
Through her closed bedroom door, Dixie heard Emma crying. Six a.m.
So much for sleeping in.
On the other hand, Shana hadn’t slipped out during the night and left town. That was progress, and a huge relief.
Dixie tucked her hands behind her head and stared at the ceiling. Even considering the confrontation with their parents, the brother and sisters had enjoyed their evening together. Sometimes their conversation was serious—like how they felt as if they’d been raised by nervous, fearful grandparents instead of parents.
“Because they brought up teenagers so late in life?” Shana had wondered aloud. “Dad was sixty-five when I left home. Mom was sixty-one.”
The revelation came as a blow to Dixie. She was already thirty, only eight years younger than her mom was when Gavin was born.
Dixie had gone to bed last night thinking about it, had come to the realization she was making a mistake by hanging on to Joe. If she waited him out, let him go do the things he’d wanted to do forever, and he by some chance decided to come home again, how old would she be by then?
“Mom and Dad were old at twenty-five,” Gavin had said at some point the night before. “They would’ve kept us on short leashes even then. It’s just who they are.”
He was probably right, but still…Dixie wanted to have her children when she was young enough to remember her own childhood, to go places and do things with them, to play and hike—
Well, she shouldn’t go overboard. She’d never liked to hike, after all.
A tap came on her bedroom door.
“Come on in.” Dixie saw Emma first, smiling as Shana held her up to the open crack. “Merry Christmas, sweet girl.”
“Merry Christmas, Auntie!” Shana zoomed her in like a plane, landing her on Dixie’s lap. “We made cocoa. Would you like some?”
Dixie ignored the sting around her heart. Cocoa. Joe. Cozy winter evenings by the fire. “I would love some, thanks.”
She played with Emma until Shana came back and climbed under the covers with Dixie. They watched Emma practice her rolling skills, cheering her on. Tears welled in Dixie’s eyes.
“Hey,” Shana said, grabbing Dixie’s hand. “What’s wrong?”
“I want one of those,” she said, looking at Emma. “I’m so busy, Shana. I have the challenge of building a new business, then the scariness of getting it up and running, making it successful, keeping it like that. I have friends and family who love me. But I’m so lonely. It’s selfish, wanting more when I already have so much. So many people have much less.”
“What are you gonna do about it?”
Dixie had expected sympathy, not Shana’s matter-of-fact question.
“The way I see it,” Shana went on, “you have two choices. Try to get Joe back. Or let Kincaid into your life. Both are possible, although you’d have to sacrifice something for either man.”
“Is there a plan C?”
Shana laughed. “Sure. You could adopt one of those.” She nodded toward Emma, who was practicing to become an opera star, testing high notes and giggling.
“What do you think I’d have to sacrifice?” Dixie asked.
“With Kincaid? I get the feeling he’s been storing up a lot for the right woman. He’d probably be romantic and attentive and worship at your feet.”
Except Dixie knew that wasn’t true. “There’s a downside to that?” Dixie asked, playing along.
“Isn’t there always? The downside is that he wouldn’t get that in return from you, which would be unfair to him. Because your heart has always been and will always be in the hands of someone else.”
Which is exactly what Kincaid himself identified, smart man that he is.
“And when it comes to Joe,” Dixie said, “either he would have to sacrifice his chance to fulfill his dream—or I would.”
“Bad timing, huh?” Shana asked, sympathy finally in her eyes. “But if it were me, I’d go for love. Talk about lonely, Dix? Try being a single mom—even with all the willing help, the same as you talked about.”
Dixie rolled onto her side, facing her sister. “Would you tell me about him, Shana?”
She sipped her cocoa first, stalling. Just when Dixie was going to change the subject, Shana said, “His name was Richard. We were both nineteen when we met, living in New York City. He was just like me, Dixie. We weren’t even two halves making a whole, but just one. One. We’d both left home instead of going to our graduation ceremonies. His father was abusive. Richard said he came this close to hitting back, but decided to leave instead.”
“Smart move.”
“He was brilliant, and such a gentle soul. We cared about the same things. We just wanted to breathe our own air. Does that sound silly? I don’t know how else to put it. We traveled all the time, taking jobs to make enough money to live on, and then moving to the next place. We never planned to have children. Weren’t interested in the trappings of marriage. What we had was pure and perfect.”
Which sounded so much like Shana, Dixie thought. She’d always been a free spirit, but had been tied down by their parents’ fears, stifled from being able to breathe, as she put it.
“He got sick.” Shana’s voice dropped almost to a whisper. “We thought it was the flu. We were working on a farm in Spain. He didn’t think he needed to see a doctor, then his neck started to hurt. I got him to a hospital, but we’d waited too long. He died in my arms. Bacterial meningitis.”
She started to cry. Dixie wrapped her arms around her and held tight, crying with her, feeling her heartache. Even Emma had stopped playing.
“Two weeks later I found out I was pregnant. It gave me purpose. I was so happy, Dixie. The people we’d been working for were wonderful, at first. Then when I wasn’t able to do the work of two people they let me go. I made my way back to the States, lived hand-to-mouth, really, in bus stations and shelters. Had Emma in an emergency room. A women-and-children’s shelter took us in for a few months. It was through them that I got the car, which some kind soul had donated. Then I came home.”
“Why did you leave like you did, Shana? What happened?”
“A lot happened. I’m trying to put it in the past.”
Dixie realized that was all Shana was going to say. Dixie hugged her tighter. “Promise me you won’t leave again.”
“I can’t promise that. But I won’t leave without telling you, and I’ll keep in touch. There’s not much here for me, you know? I need a job. I need to support myself and Emma. This isn’t exactly the job center of the universe. With Christmas done, I won’t even have the part-time work at the tree farm.”
“It’ll work out. Just be patient.”
They spent a leisurely morning together, Gavin showing up around nine o’clock. They opened presents, fixed a big breakfast, then went for a walk, ending up at Aggie McCoy’s for her holiday open house.
“Why, Dr. Gavin, how nice to see you,” she said, pulling him into a huge hug, the only kind she knew how to give. “Doc Saxon’s still looking for someone to take over his practice here so he can retire, you know.”
Gavin laughed. “So I’ve heard.”
“He’s not getting any younger. We’re all starting to worry about our medical care.”
“Doc Saxon is still the sharpest scalpe
l in the operating room, Aggie. But nice try. I like San Francisco.”
Except for that malpractice suit, Dixie thought. Wouldn’t that be something, if Gavin could be talked into moving back to Chance City?
Crazy idea, she thought, dismissing it. He’d hated it here almost as much as Shana.
McCoys surrounded them. Dixie was used to it, and Shana was trying to adjust, especially when Emma got passed around like an appetizer plate, sampled then given to the next person. Gavin retreated to the family room with the big-screen television to watch football and catch up with Donovan and Jake. The three Falcon brothers and their families showed up, too. David Falcon had been Joe’s best friend forever, but since he’d married Valerie, adopted her daughter and had a baby boy of his own last year, David and Joe hadn’t spent much time together.
Dixie knew Joe missed that relationship. It seemed like everyone they’d been friends with was married and had children now. It was probably a big part of the reason Joe had expanded his business, was willing to be gone so much. He’d started to feel like an outsider in his own town. Having his brothers move home helped, except that they both were now married with children, too. It made a difference.
There were babies, toddlers and children everywhere Dixie looked in Aggie’s house. Everywhere. The Falcons alone had eight. Dixie had attended the Falcon wives’ bachelorette parties and weddings, been a bridesmaid in two of them. She knew Gideon’s wife the least and sought her out now.
“I’m so glad you all came, Denise,” Dixie said. “I wasn’t sure you would, given how many of you there are now.”
“We are a small tribe, aren’t we? We don’t match the McCoys yet, but I can see it happening with the next generation. I heard about your spa. That sounds great.”
Shana joined them, looking overwhelmed.
“Yeah, big risk time,” Dixie said to Denise. “But you know all about that. I heard you sold your business in Sacramento.”
“I did.”
“Shana, this is Denise Falcon. She’s married to Gideon.”
“Oh, the celebrity,” Shana said, shaking her hand. “Your reputation precedes you.”
“All in the past now. Gideon and I built a ski resort up north. That’s my life now. That and our baby boy.” She pointed to her husband where he stood holding a one-year-old towhead.