by J A Heron
I can’t wait to get home and find solace in the bottom of a bottle.
I hand over my afternoon shift to Marnie and Yan, the two bar staff who take over for the night shift. They only work seven until midnight.
I throw my bag over my shoulder and walk towards the door. “Hold up!” Grumpy says, strutting towards me.
“What’s up?” I ask, annoyed that he’s holding me up from getting home to do nothing but drink, moan at my best friend, and sulk because Connor still hasn’t replied to my text.
“I just wanted to say, I’m here for you. You need to talk, you come to me. Anytime.”
“Aww, thanks boss. I really appreciate it.”
“Also, I’ll be taking the money for those drinks out of your wages. Count yourself lucky you’re not jobless. Anyone else and they’d be kicked out of here with their arse on fire and holding their P45. Now, scram. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I leave with my tail between my legs. I guess he did see me taking what isn’t mine, and he’s right, I should count myself lucky.
Grumpy doesn’t miss a trick.
I enter my apartment to the blaring warmth of the central heating, and immediately remove my coat, hat, gloves, and scarf. “I’m home,” I shout out.
“In here.”
I leave the hallway and enter the muted cosiness of our living room. Benny looks all warm and cuddly, as she’s dressed in her pyjamas already. I’m keen to match her, then nurse my favourite drink.
“What a shit day.” I huff as I pour a drink. I really enjoyed the burn of the straight rum I had earlier, so I throw another neat shot back and savour the feeling once more.
“What are you doing?” Benny spots me.
“Having a much-needed drink. What does it look like?”
“You never drink that stuff neat. What’s going on?”
“Ah, nothing much. Lisa decided to show up at Grumpy’s.”
“Oh, crap!”
“Exactly. She was all, I love you, forgive me, you’re my only family. All the usual bullshit.” I’m exaggerating, but I need Benny to feel the clout of the situation I was in. “I told her where to go, obviously.”
“Good for you. Do you think you’ve seen the last of her?”
“Doubt it. She’s back for a reason, but I’m not a sap. I won’t let her worm her way back in my life.”
“Good for you.”
I spend a good ten or fifteen minutes slagging off my loser sister, and feel much better after I’ve got a huge weight off my chest.
“Have you heard from Raven today?” I’m only asking because her phone is rarely silent these days. It’s quiet right now.
“Yeah, he’s been nonstop.” She lets out a teenage girl giggle. “He’s got a gig tonight, so I won’t hear from him until the morning.”
“Did he say why Connor hasn’t messaged me?” I can’t help asking. I’m still thinking about him.
“He didn’t say. He just says it’s none of his business and he doesn’t get involved in his mates’ love lives.”
“Oh, okay. Fair enough.” I sigh deeply and my shoulders sag.
I pour another drink, but add Coke this time. When I take a sip, it just doesn’t hit the spot. I knock it back, then pour a shot of rum, neat. I see the look Benny is giving me. “Save some for me.”
She’ll have to get in quick if she wants some. This stuff is going down far too nicely. The bottle is almost empty. “Do we have more?”
“We drink three or four bottles a week. I think it’s time we slowed down a little.”
“No way. It’s the only thing that keeps me sane.” I can tell she wants to say something to me. The look on her face tells me so. “What’s up? Spit it out.”
“I think you have a drinking problem.”
I burst out laughing. It’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. “I do not. I like a drink. Who doesn’t?”
“But you seem to be drinking a hell of a lot more just lately. The amount of money we’re spending on rum each week is increasing. It’s not just the bottles we buy for home, but the amount we drink at Grumpy’s too.”
“I do not have a problem. I can quit, anytime.”
“Okay. It’s my turn to propose a deal.”
“Oh, yeah. What do you suggest?”
“It’s early December. We have to go two weeks up until Christmas Eve with no alcohol at all.”
“Deal. Starting now?”
“Starting now,” she repeats. I throw the rest of the drink I poured down my throat and put the half full bottle back under the sink.
“We can do this.” I tell her.
“I can. I’m not so sure about you.”
“Ye have little faith, young maiden.” I giggle, trying to make light of a dark situation. I will prove to her that I do not have a problem.
We sit watching soaps on the TV, all the while Benny keeps picking up her phone. She’s already said that Raven is busy with a gig tonight, so she won’t hear from him.
“Leave your phone alone,” I snap with a chuckle.
I hear a knock on the door. It’s faint, but I heard it. Benny didn’t.
“Who’s that?” I ask.
“Huh?” She looks lost in the world of make believe.
“There was a knock on the door.”
“I’ll get it.” She jumps up, wraps her dressing gown tightly around her and goes to investigate.
I hear voices, but can’t hear what’s being said. The voices get louder and closer. “Hi, Kat.” That slimy voice makes my skin crawl.
“What are you doing here?”
“I’ve come to see my fiancée, of course.”
Ew, yak, puke. All these words come to mind when I lay eyes on the moron, Giles. He’s not a bad-looking guy, but there’s something about him that makes me want to hurl.
He sits down on the sofa next to Benny, and there is an air of awkwardness around us. No one’s speaking. Benny and I continue to watch TV, and when I glance over, Giles looks bored.
Having him in our personal space feels strange, and it makes me uncomfortable. Our apartment suddenly feels incommodious, making it hard to breathe. I want to scream at him to leave, but he’s looking smug sitting next to Benny. Her expression tells me she feels the same as me.
“Would you mind giving us some space?” the little shit asks.
Benny subtly shakes her head, asking me not to go.
“I do mind, as it happens. This is my apartment, and I’m enjoying the show.”
I’m enjoying one of my favourite programs, and I’m enjoying watching him squirm. Fuck wit!
It’s my turn to squirm when he gives me a look. It’s smugness, like before, but this time laced with mirth, and the hairs on the back of my neck stand to attention.
What’s that all about?
“Come on, Bernadette. Let’s go to your room.” It’s an order more than a request. It makes me want to punch him. Hard.
Just the sound of him using her full name makes me angry. How dare he use her name like that. To my surprise, she stands up, runs her hands down her pyjamas, and leads him to her room. I watch as he closes the door behind them, before giving me a sly grin.
I hate that guy.
The weekend arrives, and it’s a few days after Giles showed up at our apartment. I asked Benny what he wanted to talk to her about, and all she told me was that he wanted to make some plans. He wanted to set a date, and although she was reluctant, she told him she’d think about it. She said he’s getting impatient, even though they only announced their engagement a week ago.
“The twelfth of never,” I said to her, when she mentioned setting a date. We both giggled, but her laugh had a heavy dose of sadness mixed in there.
The only time she’s truly happy is when she’s texting or talking to Raven. That girl has got it bad, and it’s not for the snivelling weasel set to marry her at her parents’ orders. Her smile is truly genuine at the mere mention of his name. He calls her, she calls him, and they seem to be getting on as if they�
�ve been in a relationship for many years, although they’re separated by distance.
I can’t help feeling a little stab of jealousy whenever she talks about all the things they’ve been talking about. He’s moving heaven and earth to see her again, and from what I can gather, that day will come very soon. They’ve not made any solid plans, but she’s been talking about going away for a weekend. She wants to run off to London, just to spend time with him. She wants me to come, but I’m not prepared to be a third wheel while they slobber over each other, butt bump, and ignore me. Benny said she’d never ignore me, but once she’s in Raven’s company, they’ll both forget I exist.
Nothing has been finalised yet, but it will happen soon, and I will be roommate-less for a couple of days.
It’s Saturday night, and Grumpy has ordered I come into work. There is some kind of function happening at the bar, and he needs an extra pair of hands. Overtime means more money, and I’m happy to oblige. He’s expecting a packed crowd tonight, so I dress accordingly. I make a little more effort with my appearance than normal, and throw on a black pinafore dress, a white blouse, and my comfy black flats.
I’ve styled my hair into soft waves, but tied up the long locks into a high pony tail. The voluminous curls swish around my shoulders when I move my head.
I feel pretty.
It makes a bloody change.
I apply minimal make-up and I’m ready to go. “I’m off. See you later,” I shout to Benny as I walk towards the front door.
She pokes her head round her door. “I’ll be about an hour.” The smirk on her face has me asking questions, but I don’t have time to verbalise them or I’ll be late.
“Adios, biatch.”
I take the short walk to Grumpy’s Bar, aptly named, due to the bloke who owns it. It’s bloody freezing, so I pull my jacket around me, bringing the lapels up higher to try and block out the cold. Jack Frost is in the air, and he’s nipping at my nose. I giggle, humming the Christmas song that springs to mind as I go. I’m in a good mood tonight. Let’s see how long it takes for some drunken idiot to ruin it.
So far, Benny and I have stuck to the deal we made, but I think the drought is affecting me more than her. Only a couple of days have passed, but the craving for a drink hasn’t subsided. Perhaps I do have a problem. I shake it off and put the craving down to the alcohol working its way out of my system.
I don’t rely on booze; I can take it or leave it. I don’t need it. I repeat this over and over in my head as I walk towards the entrance.
As soon as I open the door to Grumpy’s, the smell of stale beer and stale cigarettes hits me. It’s been years since the smoking ban, but this place has never been decorated or cleaned up since that ban, so the smell still lingers in the air. I’ve not really noticed it before, so perhaps it’s the lack of drink in my body that’s made me recognise it more.
There are a few people hanging around already, and it’s a good mixture of young and old. I don’t know what they’re celebrating, but it promises to be a good night. Yan is behind the bar, stocking shelves from the lunchtime rush, and Marnie is loving all the attention as she serves a group of men. They’re teasing and flirting with her, and she’s lapping it up.
I throw my bag in the little room off the side of the bar, a little space we use to store personal shit, and then join Marnie. I’m on a mission. There is no way this woman is getting all the attention tonight. Some of these guys are hot, and she’s not keeping them all to herself. I make myself free to serve and a couple of guys break away from the group and place their orders.
“Two bottles of beer, please.” A well-dressed, blonde-haired guy grabs my attention. His blue eyes remind me of a certain rocker who I’ve not heard from, and, suddenly, I feel anxious. The group of guys, on close inspection, are all groomed to a high standard, and that tells me they’re from high class bloodlines. Not my type at all. “I’ll have a side order of kissing, if it’s on offer.”
“No, thanks,” I say, keeping polite when I really want to give him a less well-mannered reply.
“We have one who likes to play hard to get, here.” They all laugh at my expense.
I’ve only been here five minutes and already I want out the door.
“I’ll kiss you,” Marnie says, reaching in front of me to grab a glass. She smiles at the blonde guy, and as she bends down for the glass, he gets an eye full of her cleavage. She’s got a massive chest, and almost all of it is on display for these guys. She flashes him a sexy smile, but he’s not interested.
“No. Okay then. How about you take your drinks and go bother someone else.” They walk away with their drinks and start chatting amongst themselves by the door. “You’re welcome.”
Marnie is a life saver. “Thanks,” I say with sincerity.
They stand by the entrance and exit, and more and more people start to file in. It’s getting busy, and with just three bar staff, we’re struggling to keep up with the orders.
An hour later, Benny comes into the bar. Heads turn as she passes by, and almost every man in here starts to drool as she walks past them. Pheromones are powerful, and she’s emitting them in abundance. A sudden rush of testosterone causes men to do silly things, and each one who has noticed Benny enter the bar is falling at her feet.
She looks stunning in a red dress, her hair styled beautifully, and heels that show off her slender legs. “Wow!” I say as she takes a seat on a bar stool I’ve reserved for her. She sits at the edge of the bar, and I hand her a glass of iced water.
“I know, right?”
“Modest much?” I laugh.
“What’s this?”
“Water. We’re not drinking, remember?”
“Oh, crap. I completely forgot, I could slaughter an R&C.”
“If I’m on the wagon, then so are you.”
“At least put something with some flavour in there.” She points to her glass.
“Ribena.” I giggle.
“I’m not five. How about some lime cordial?”
“You got it.” I add a little of the sweet green liquid and she takes a sip.
“Perfect.” Her eyes light up, and when I look in the direction she’s looking in, I don’t see what she sees.
“What is it?” I ask, looking back and forth.
“Nothing.”
“You are so strange sometimes.”
A new group of customers arrive at the bar, all fresh-faced from the cold outside. “What can I get you?”
The bar is packed to bursting, and I can see Grumpy at the end of the bar, rubbing his hands together. He’ll be dancing with glee when he cashes up this evening. The till has been nonstop. I take a few notes out of the till, put them in an envelope, and hand Grumpy the cash. I’m willing to bet I just handed him a grand, and the night isn’t over yet.
I hear opening bars of music, and I didn’t even notice a band had set up for the evening.
“Good evening, Jersey. We’re Raven and the Blue Bottles, and we hope you enjoy the show.”
Oh, crap! I glare at Benny. She knew they were coming. Then I glare at Grumpy. He booked them. They both grimace at each other and shrug.
“I’m going to kill both of you!” I shout. I’m not sure if they heard me. Benny waves me over. “What?”
“He made me promise. You know I never break a promise,” she says sheepishly. “Raven told me Grumpy had booked them, and he made me promise not to tell you. He wanted to surprise you.”
“Connor?” She nods. “I don’t get it. Why hasn’t he text me? He could’ve been in contact and still surprised me.”
“I guess you’ll have to ask him these questions.”
I storm over to Grumpy and prod his chest with my finger. “When did you book these guys?”
“He came in here last week to see Fred before he left. He gave me a card, offered a fair price, so I booked them. I put flyers out all over the place. I’m surprised you didn’t see any of them.”
Do I walk around with my eyes shut? “I’ve not s
een one anywhere.”
I suppose I’ve been more lost in my misery than I thought. Or it could be a drink-fuelled fog that’s blinded me from seeing Grumpy’s flyers and posters. I never read the notice board in here, mainly because there’s never anything on there of interest. The odd snap of people who’ve come here, got drunk, and posted pictures on the wall. It’s only when I’m told they’re there that I see them.
I keep my head down.
I’m excited, pissed off, and anxious all at once. I try to pick one emotion to hang on to, one to keep me from behaving like a lunatic, so I pick pissed off. I try to sneak a glance, but I can’t see him. I feel eyes on me, so I’m wondering if he can see me. There is no way I’m letting him see I’m bothered that he’s here, especially when he didn’t text me to let me know.
I’ve already got the message anyway. His radio silence speaks volumes. I’m a clever girl and I get it. He’s not interested.
Blonde guy comes to the bar and orders another round of drinks. Most of his order is bottled beers, but he wants a draught lager too. I pour the drink from the tap, and all the while, I feel him watching me. “Are you sure you don’t want that kiss?” He reaches over and strokes my arm.
I pull my arm away and give him a head tilted smile. I don’t know why I’m behaving this way; I don’t even like the dude. “No, thank you.”
He touches my arm again, and I’d rather rip my arm off and hit him with it than feel his hands on my skin. If this guy isn’t careful, he’ll be wearing his drink, and damn the consequences of my actions.
“You’re really pretty,” he says.
“Thanks, but I’m still not kissing you.”
Over all this, I can hear Raven singing one of their covers. A well-known song by Journey. I think it’s called Don’t Stop Believin’, or something. Raven sings it beautifully and it really pumps up the crowd. Once the chorus starts, I can barely hear Raven over the noise of the customers singing along.
Blonde guy gets the message for the second time, and walks away.
Marnie and I stand around, waiting for someone else to serve. I need to keep focussed on working, and not let my eyes wander around the room. If they find their target, I’ll be done for.