‘Mr Manning.’
He quickly opened the car door. ‘Yes.’ He felt a lump in his throat that made its way down to his stomach.
‘I’ve been expecting you.’ She gave a warm smile. ‘Now I don’t usually look out for my clients but Mark certainly emphasised the fact that you’re one of his good buddies and I'm to take good care of you.’
Tony felt ill and a feeling of helplessness came over him, a feeling that he didn’t care for.
‘Would you like to come in, Mr Manning?’ He wanted to say no but the words wouldn’t come out.
‘I’m not going to bite you, Mr Manning, really I’m not.’ Her smile was indeed warm and her voice was somewhat reassuring as she looked directly into his eyes.
‘I know you’re nervous and you’re probably thinking “What am I doing here?” That's normal, but you’ll be fine, I promise. Now turn the engine off, Mr Manning, and we’ll go inside.’ Tara would have been a great sales lady. She could sell an idea to anyone: her calm exterior and composure, her voice which commanded one to obey but yet in an inviting way, her eyes which followed you and never left you. Tara Johnson was indeed incredible.
Tony turned the engine off, and stepped out of the car. He stood up straight, fixed his attire, brushed back what was left of his hair, pointed his keys towards the car and click went the central locking system.
‘Follow me, Mr Manning, and we’ll get you settled.’ She made it sound as though she were getting ready to prep him for an operation and then the anxiety kicked in.
Words came easy to Tony, he was confident, determined, ambitious, active, and famous but right now at this moment he felt lost. It was a feeling from his childhood he remembered only too well. He was three years old when he lost his favourite cuddly toy on a fairground ride. Smurfy had been his friend and his comfort toy. His mother had taken him to the funfair with his brothers and sisters. They all went on a ride and the last memory of Smurf was his cuddly friend being hurled from his lap into nowhere. His brother and sister searched for hours to find Smurf, and his mother even offered a reward for the person who found his little cuddly friend. Smurfy was never found and he remembered feeling lost then and he felt lost now. It was a feeling of not belonging. Tara sensed he was in deep thought and a little nervous. She walked at a steady pace and Tony walked alongside her, still feeling somewhat out of place.
‘Mr Manning, I really admire your work. I think you’re absolutely wonderful.’ Redirecting his thoughts would steer him clear from feeling even more nervous than he did now and so Tara continued. ‘I hear you won the Top Interior Designer of the year award.’
‘Yes well I -’ the tight knot his stomach was still there but the lump in his throat disappeared.
‘In fact Mr Manning, there was a really nice article in the newspaper about you; I mean, you really are something.’ Tony didn’t know what to say. He wondered, was she analysing him, was this all part of the process?
She led him into her office on the first floor and they walked up the stairs. This was another ploy by Tara and one she often used. She could have taken the lift but this may have possibly made Tony even more nervous, being closed in a small space with her. Anyway she wanted him to unwind and sometimes it helped her clients to walk off the nerves.
Mark forewarned her about Tony but he failed to mention how attractive he was. She walked slowly down the hallway that led to her office and took a deep breath then opened the door. Her name was engraved on a gold plaque, which hung above the door and behind her, still very quiet, was Tony looking quite tense.
‘It’s OK, Mr Manning, it’s OK.’ Again her voice was reassuring. ‘Please, take a seat.’
He looked around as designers do and studied every intricate detail; layout, design and colour of the room. Her desk was by the large Victorian-style window and her equally large swivel chair was the main focal point, as was the three piece leather Chesterfield, as were the wall paintings. He liked the biscuit colour on the walls and the pastel green curtains.
‘Have you recently decorated?’
She smiled at the question. ‘Yes, we decorated a week ago. Do you like it? You can give me your honest opinion, I’m sure I won’t feel offended.’
‘Yes I do, I think it has classical undertones but it’s not how I would have imagined it to be.’
‘Oh.’ Tara was intrigued. ‘How did you imagine it?’
‘I thought it might be a little clinical but yes I like it a lot, it’s fresh.’
‘Take a seat, Mr Manning, would you like a cup of tea, coffee, squash, water?’
‘Water please.’
Tara walked over to her dispensable water cooler and filled a crystal class to the brim.
‘You can take a seat, Mr Manning.’ She pointed to the leather Chesterfield chair. ‘You’ll find it quite comfy. Everyone tells me it’s comfy.’
Her eyes continued to follow his every movement. She lowered her head for a moment and jotted down the observations she made in their short encounter. Tony felt uneasy and Tara sensed it. She looked up at him, peered over the top of the glasses that sat perched on her small button nose.
‘Sit back, Mr Manning, you’ll be here for at least the next hour or so and so I suggest that you try and relax.’
Tony sat back although he wasn’t sure if Tara noticed his legs shaking, so he crossed legs and sat forward.
‘Now, I’m going to explain to you what we’re going to do today, how we’re going to do it and what we will achieve, together.’ Again she wrote down some notes.
‘You do a lot of writing, considering I haven’t said anything,’ said Tony.
‘It helps me to recall what we’ve talked about.’
‘Please call me Tony. I’d much prefer it if you called me Tony.’
She explained the counselling process and then proceeded to ask him several questions.
‘Tony, I’d like to confirm your date of birth for my records and your full name and address.’ He proceeded to disclose his particulars.
‘Have you lived there long?’
‘Twelve years.’
‘Married?’
‘Yes, 23 years.’
‘Are you happily married?’
‘Yes I am.’
‘Do you have children?’
‘Yes two children, a boy and a girl.’
‘How old are they?’
‘Raymond is 21 and Christine is 19.’
‘Good relationship with them both?’
‘Yes, I think so. I’m a bit tense today.’
‘Why are you tense?’
‘Where do I begin? Today’s a bad day for me – my daughter dropped a brick on my head by telling me she’s moving in with some clown.’
‘If you wish to we can talk about that later?’ Her eyes followed his as she quickly jotted down some notes.
‘Look, I really shouldn’t be here, I think I’ll go.’ Tony leant forward and eased himself out of the reclining chair.
‘Tony, I think you’ve come here for a reason. I understand these questions may seem a little unnecessary to you but I need to know the answers to some things in order to open the door to the things that are going on in your mind. I’ve got to start at the beginning and not in the middle, would you agree?’
He eased himself back into the chair then answered her. ‘I suppose you’re right?’
‘Are your parents alive?’
‘My mother died eight years ago but my father’s alive.’
‘How old was your mother when she died?’
‘She was 64.’
‘Were you close to your mother?’
‘Yes.’
‘OK, so, Tony, why are you here?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Oh, I think you do know.’ Tara peered over her glasses and repeated the question.
‘Why are you here?’
‘I have a little problem.’
‘Yes Tony.’
‘Because, I’ve got a bit of a problem and my friend suggested
counselling might help.’
‘Is that the only reason?’
‘Yes, why should there be any other reason?’
‘I don’t know Tony, that’s why I’m asking you.’
‘You say you have a bit of a problem, what is the problem?’
‘You want to know what the problem is.’
‘Yes, I’d like to know so that I can help you.’
‘Well, umm.’
‘Take your time Tony.’
‘Well … this is really embarrassing.’
‘Relax Tony, we’ll go slowly.’
‘I haven’t been able to have an erection.’
‘OK.’ For a moment there was silence and all that could be heard was the sound of the clock ticking.
‘How long has it been since you had an erection?’
‘Two months.’
‘I gather you’ve been to your GP.’
‘Yes, last week.’
‘What was the outcome?’
‘Routine tests, the prognosis was psychological not physical and before you ask me, no I don’t want to take Viagra.’
‘That’s your choice Tony. Did you have a good sex life before your loss of erections?’
‘It was the best.’
‘Were you adventurous?’
‘Excuse me?’
‘Were you adventurous? Did you experiment?’
‘Yes.’
‘Have you ever been unfaithful?’ Tara’s eyes never left his at this point.
‘No, I haven’t.’
‘Have you ever considered being unfaithful?’
‘No.’
‘You’re an interior designer. Do you find this stressful?’
‘I don’t mean to be rude but are you going to do this for the next forty or so minutes. Are you just going to sit there and ask me a bunch of questions?’
‘I’m sorry if you’re feeling a little uncomfortable. However, as I explained earlier, I’m going to ask you quite a lot of questions. This enables me to help so that you’ll get to the root of the problem. If I don’t ask you certain questions I won’t be able to help you. I need to get to know you, Tony, so can we go ahead and continue. I want you to be able to trust me.’
‘I enjoy my work, it’s my life. It makes me tick.’ Tara nodded as though she understood.
The questions came one after the other but he felt at ease now. He looked around the room and noticed several certificates carefully embossed in frames. Tara Johnson successfully completed a degree in Counselling with honours. She was also a qualified hypnotherapist. Indeed she inherited her ambitious streak from her father and grandfather; both were counsellors.
Her father was a marriage guidance counsellor and her grandfather specialised in bereavement counselling.
‘Were you feeling slightly stressed before your inability to have an erection?’
‘No, at least I don’t think I was.’
‘Has this happened to you before?’ There was no order to her questions and it irritated him.
‘No.’
‘Have you seen your GP?’
‘You asked me this earlier, yes. He conducted a few tests, nothing physical, just psychological. However, he recommended I try testosterone gel and prescribed some anti-depressant tablets.’
‘And will you try the testosterone gel?’
‘I don’t know, maybe?’
‘What about the anti- depressants?’
‘No.’
‘How do you feel most days?’
‘Honestly, I feel lousy.’
‘Lousy.’ She repeated the answer and jotted it down on her pad.
‘Can you elaborate on that?’
‘I feel like crap, I feel as though I’m failing Mary. I don’t feel like a man, strong, dependable. Look, I don’t mean to be rude but shouldn’t you be telling me how to fix things.’ Tara peered over her glasses and then removed them.
‘Tony, I’m afraid I can’t tell you how to fix things, as you put it. I can’t provide any answers to your problem or problems you may have had in the past but I can help you to explore why you feel the way you do so you can begin to address things in an effective yet positive way.’
Tony nodded. ‘I’m sorry, it’s just that I feel like an idiot.’
‘Why do you feel like an idiot?’
‘Because I’m here sitting on this beautiful Chesterfield chair, talking to you in this office, which I like but yet dislike and I’m answering your questions, which I find just a touch embarrassing.’
‘Why?’
‘Because you’re a woman and I’ve never opened up to a woman except for Mary but I don’t want to bottle things up and go crazy. I’ve seen that happen to many people I know.’
‘Does it bother you that I’m a woman?’
‘Is doesn’t bother me that you’re a woman. I mean you’re a very nice young lady but it bothers me that I’m telling another woman I’m a failure, especially in the bedroom.’
Tara twirled the pen through her fingers. ‘Why do you think you’re a failure?’
‘I can’t please my wife.’
‘Do you think you’re trying too hard to please her?’
‘I don’t know. I guess I’m just so damn frustrated that I don’t know what I feel.’ ‘Are you happy with you?’ There was no answer.
Tara asked the question again. ‘Tony, are you happy with yourself?’
‘No, I’m not happy with myself, I feel old.’
Again Tara jotted down some notes. ‘How does it feel, as you put it, being old?’
‘Terrible, I’m losing my hair. I’ve got wrinkles under my eyes. I wish I could do things differently.’ Tony looked up at Tara. ‘Does that make sense?’
Tara looked at her watch. ‘Tony our session is drawing to an end. I think we’ve got through a lot today.’
‘You do?’ Tony was not convinced. He felt as though he’d been in her office all of five minutes. ‘That went quickly.’
‘Good, that’s a good sign. I’d like you to see me in a week. Our next session will be longer but the question is: would you like to come back?’ Tony smiled.
‘Yes, I think I would like to come back.’ Tara stood up and walked over to him. She handed him two sheets of paper with some exercises to complete. His task was to write down his feelings every day. This she referred to as the beginning of his journey.
‘Is there anything you’d like to ask me, Tony?’
‘How many sessions do you think I’ll need?’
‘It’s hard to say but I’ll be able to answer that after our next session. I want you to be honest and write down a few things, particularly when you feel low or bad about yourself and write down when you feel good about yourself. I also want you to list the people that are important to you and why and we’ll take it from there.’
‘Thank you, Tara … umm, my friend thinks I’m going through the male menopause. Based on what I’ve shared with you today, would you say I am?’
‘What do you know about the male menopause?’
‘Not a lot.’
‘Well, the male menopause – which is also called viropause or andropause begins with hormonal, physiological and chemical changes that occur in all men generally between the ages of 40 and 45, though it can occur as early as 35 or as late as 65. These changes affect all aspects of a man's life. Male menopause is, thus, a physical condition with psychological, interpersonal, social and spiritual dimensions.’
‘It sounds complex.’
‘The most common physical symptoms of male menopause include: taking longer to recover from injuries and illness, less endurance for physical activity, feeling fat, gaining weight and difficulty reading small print. Loss or thinning of hair, sleep disturbances. The most common psychological symptoms of male menopause include irritability, indecisiveness, anxiety and fear, depression, loss of self-confidence and joy. There can sometimes be a loss of purpose and direction in life, feeling lonely, unattractive, and unloved, forgetfulness and difficulty concentrating. The most c
ommon sexual symptoms of male menopause include reduced interest in sex, increased anxiety and fear about losing sexual potency; increased fantasies about having sex with a new and younger partner.’
‘That applies to Martin.’
‘Excuse me?’
‘I’m sorry, Tara, continue.’
‘And loss of erections during sexual activity.’
‘That’s very descriptive. I’m experiencing a lot of those symptoms.’
‘There’s a lot of research on the male menopause. It’s currently being carried out in Japan. Evidently the male menopause is being taken quite seriously. The purpose of male menopause is to signal the end of the first part of a man's life and prepare him for the second half. Male menopause is not the beginning of the end, as many fear, but the end of the beginning. It is the passage to the most passionate, powerful, productive, and purposeful time of a man's life.’
Tony shook her delicately smooth hand and she walked him to the door.
‘It’s been interesting, really interesting,’ said Tony.
‘I’ll book you in at the same time next week, is that OK?’
‘That’s fine with me.’
‘Goodbye, Tony.’
‘Goodbye, Tara.’
Tara sat down and mulled over her notes. She counselled many men with similar problems and although each problem needed to be treated on its own merit she knew through experience that Tony Manning was experiencing a mid-life crisis, synonymous with the male menopause.
Chapter 6- It’ll get better, I hope
It was a beautiful day and Mary's face glowed, as the sun kissed her brow. Whilst taking a gentle stroll around the garden; followed by Rex, Minstrel and Ricochet, she breathed in the summer air and admired her surroundings. Daffodils bloomed and the garden adorned a picture of bouquets, chrysanthemums, orchids, lilies and tulips. Rex ran ahead and jumped up at the water fountain in the centre of the garden and Minstrel and Ricochet were now playing chase.
Those Mid-Life Blues Page 9