by Love Belvin
But I was fine. I sat back, as much as the bodice would allow, and exhaled. My gaze went back to the moonlight sparkling over the water. Movement from the corner of my eye caught my attention. It was a server; one I hadn’t seen before. But that wasn’t alarming. Raj said the yacht came with a crew of over twenty people. It was that type of deal as he rented it from a Swedish family, and they wanted to be the ones operating it. He poured water at the formally dressed table with multiple glasses, plates, and eating utensils. Candles were lit around the room, mostly tea lights. What a romantic setting.
Maybe tonight was finally the night I’d have him. It’d been four days since we left New Jersey, and not one second of sexual release. My body was wound as tight as this girdle made me feel.
“Hey!” he emitted breathily, appearing out of nowhere.
“You run here?” I joked, sitting up.
My hungry eyes wanted to feast on him, but I once again decided for subtle with Ragee. I spaced out the times I peered at him to see his dark slacks, Gucci mules I’d never seen him don, and stark white dress shirt, opened at the neck.
He approached my chair and that was when I realized he wanted to greet me formally. I stood in a rush and hugged him, relishing his enticing scent. My pulse pounded, nipples stiffened.
“I hope that wasn’t too long.” He withdrew after an innocuous kiss beneath my ear that set my damn skin afire. He moved to his seat and I did the same. “That was the energy project I was on a call about. They speak scientific terms I don’t understand, and I end up prolonging the meeting, asking them to speak in layman’s terms. It annoys them and me.” He lay his napkin in his lap.
“Oh. I can only imagine.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “I keep forgetting about that part of your…” I searched for a word, “…enterprise.”
Raj laughed. “I don’t. Especially when there’s money on the table.” He stretched his arms, making the setting look small. “Anyway, what were you up to?”
Small talk…
I shrugged with my lips. “Just catching up with my texts and stuff. Nothing that’s gonna bring in M’s.”
He laughed. “You’re fine and funny. You know that?” His smile was genuine, but I would have preferred coquetry.
My eyes brushed to the fantastic view outside. “This is beautiful,” I whispered. “It’s kept me company while you were away. Thanks for everything.”
“Why do you keeping saying that?”
I swallowed back a sip from my brandy. “Because I can’t even imagine what this is costing you.”
“You don’t think I’ve vacationed before you?” There was a somberness in his auburns.
Food was placed on our table, delaying our chit chat. Seafood. It all looked good. Mussels in sauce, stuffed colossal shrimp, and oysters on the half shell. Raj’s eyes were on me, likely for my approval. Who could say no to this? He’d been on me about laying off the diet, and clearly, it hadn’t ended.
But I’d enjoyed the food since we’d been away. Even the ethnic food we had along the Caribbean, like the carne guisada puertorriqueña we had for lunch yesterday in San Juan. It was a hearty beef stew dish that was deliciously sinful. That and a meat pie called pastelón de carne. As I’d believed, with Raj, I ate well.
“Why you so quiet?” I peered up and found his eyes intently on me as he tossed a mussel in his mouth. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah.” I lifted an oyster and sucked it back.
But Raj pushed. “L.I.T. Music people pushing you? Or have you decided?”
I shook my head, chewing. “Still trying to figure out if it’s the right move for me. I sent them an email on Friday explaining I was going out of town and would have an answer for them soon.”
“What’s the holdup?”
I shrugged, cutting into the jumbo shrimp.
“Gotta be something.” He pushed.
I took a deep breath, dropping my fork in my plate, and going for my glass. “Maybe it’s a McKinnon thing.” His brows knitted. “Maybe it’s the same thing preventing you from signing with them.”
He snorted handsomely, guilt built into that response.
“I still got two albums with my label to live out.”
“L.I.T. would buy you out. I read an article a few weeks ago, saying so.”
One side of his forehead lifted. “An article?”
“Yup. A reputable one, too, not a blog.”
“Baby,” he chuckled quietly, eyes on his plate. “Doing a deal with L.I.T. would mean me being a slave to another label. I don’t want that.”
“Young Lord isn’t a slave.”
“Not anymore. He was able to finesse himself into an exec. You know how often that doesn’t happen? His whole career has been unusual.” He scoffed, “And I thought mine was.”
I shook my head. “I don’t get it. You write, produce, and record. You’d retain a lot of your profits.”
He sucked on his thumb and I almost rolled my eyes at the fluttering of my groin from seeing that.
“L.I.T. Music would be fair. Jackson’s a good dude.”
“But?”
This time Raj dropped his utensils. He sat back. “But…” He shook his head. “For most my life, there’s been nothing like performing. Singing was an escape for me. I could get lost in anything the song required. My skillset allowed that. Then acting came along and I found out I was a natural. You know why? Because I could get lost in being someone else. It let me forget about my issues…insecurities and demons.”
“Why does it sound like you’re speaking past tense?”
“Because I think I am. I like all the hats I wear. Recording alone doesn’t get those M’s you brought up earlier. Touring gets me something…appearances. But movies, real estate, and my investments have been how I can take my girl on a yacht for a vacation costing a M for the week.”
I sucked in a breath.
“Plus, with your real estate and other businesses you call the shots more. You like being in control of your destiny,” I theorized out loud.
“And my money!” He tossed an affirmative index finger to me while holding a knife. “Dope that you noticed.”
Emptying my lungs, I sat back in my seat. My eyes swung around into the nighttime sky, dotted with starlight.
“I can tell you what else I’ve noticed about you.” I brought my glass to my face for a nip.
“Yeah?” Raj reached for his own. “What’s that?”
“You haven’t fucked me this whole trip.”
I could see his eyes flash wide mid-sip.
~17~
Raj lowered his tumbler slowly, his eyes fixed on me.
“I didn’t think you wanted to,” his tone was so soft, so gauging.
“When do I not want to fuck you, Ragee?” my voice dropped from the emotion in the memory of MaMa’s name for me when it came to mind. I swallowed and licked my lips. “I mean…”
“You had a rough time with—”
“That has nothing to do with you. What she said about me being a…”
“Ain’t true,” his words were matter of fact. “I’ve been with whores. I know a whore when I see one. You’re a woman aware of your sexuality, just like your grandparents taught you to be.”
“She only said that because it was no secret…” my damn voice cracked again. “…what Sheldon and I did. We were caught twice in her house. She doesn’t know anything about me. She doesn’t even know another lover other than you. She’s just—” The waiter returning quieted me.
Raj quickly raised his hand, dismissing him. And without a word, he retreated out of the dining room.
“It wouldn’t matter to me, Wynter. What you did before me wouldn’t change my feelings for you.”
The first tear slipped, and I hated it. I was wearing makeup for goodness sake!
I snorted, needing an escape from this weighty conversation. “You sound like Jesus.”
“‘Cause we stay about our Father’s business.”
He didn’t crack a smile. I
n fact, Ragee’s expression resembled a glower. It made it difficult to maintain eye contact with him.
“Raj—”
The table shifted and the dinnerware on top rattled as he leaped from his seat. My neck swayed back as he neared me, towering me. I knew what he was there for. There was no room for ambiguity. I wanted him. My body craved him. I jumped up to rope his neck with my arms and captured his mouth. My tongue pushed inside his brandy-lined lips and swiped wildly. He joined me in no time and pulled me against his hardness by my ass. The long gown prevented me from wrapping my shaking legs around him. On a flash decision, I dropped my arms, leaving my weight to him so I could gather the material of the gown in my hands. I lifted it over my hips and straddled him.
He fucking moaned. Moaned in my mouth and automatically, my hips began to thrust him. I couldn’t breathe and withdrew on a pained groan. His mouth descended my neck, teeth scraping down my skin, causing a severe shiver down my spine as I heaved. My head rolled back and eyes fluttered. That’s when I noticed we were in movement. Raj’s grip on me tightened familiarly. My hands went to the back of his head and my hungry pussy pushed against him deeper.
There was a rough thump and we stopped. He lifted me more on his torso and his mouth reached to my cleavage. My fingers clamped down on the back of his neck, lifting my heavy breasts up for his feeding. I was hot, mouth salivating from heavy concentration. Damn, I needed him.
Then he dropped back, and I was straddling him. My eyes opened, and I saw we were back in our room. The door was closed, but for the balcony. My hands rushed greedily to the back of my gown for my zipper. I couldn’t get it past a point near my shoulders and was too rushed to fight it. My hands moved to cup him at the beard and pulled his mouth to me. My tongue glided forcefully against his. His hands went to my back to finish the zipper. My fingers went to his waist between us, vehemently detaching the flap and jerking down the zipper.
His hands disappeared, and we lifted from the bed. That’s when I realized he’d pulled down his pants and boxers. I squatted on my feet to assist. That heavy dick jutted out, slapping my bare ass. The metal of his Apa smacked my nail, causing a sting. But nothing could rival the inferno burning in my groin. I fisted him, my breathing crude in his face. His matching mine. He was lost to my touch, leaning back with his eyes squeezed closed.
I positioned him underneath my soaked lips and roved his head around my juices. Then I sat on him. Recklessly, plopping down without fitting him. I bit my lip, feeling the Apa bar pushing against my walls.
“Shit…” I cried.
The pain and incredible sensation couldn’t be alienated in my mind. I lifted then dropped back down, grabbing him at the breastplate. I did it again, ready to ride him. A storm growing already. I swear, he felt so good as I stroked him up and down I wanted to cry. I opened my eyes, ready to tell him I was going to come. But at the same time, Raj roughly yanked down my bodice, exposing my bouncing breasts. The brewing intensified and imploded.
“Fuck!” I screamed, increasing my thrusts.
My dives turned rabid as I bounced on him, dizzied by an all-consuming orgasm I thought would break me. The metal bar banging at that sensitive spot, rendering me unhinged as I bucked over him. Then I was flipped over onto my back. His mouth was on me hungrily, not giving me a chance to catch my breath. Not wanting to. I didn’t want to. I wanted him to devour me, pound into me to the point of breaking. Raj made me feel more than his body. He made me feel real, valued beyond more than I thought I was worth.
“Daughter, even though sometimes it may feel you were brought here by happenstance, God wants you to know each strand of hair on your head was planted by Him…the time for Him to reveal His purpose for your life is upon you.”
His mouth was at my left ear as he drove powerfully into me. “I didn’t tell the truth earlier. Music…” he puffed. “…ain’t all that appealing because…I ain’t gotta hide in nothing no more.” Then his breathing wasn’t audible, his words were crisp. “Now I can hide in you like this. I don’t need to escape my life when I got you in it.”
My spine arched over the mattress and chin lifted toward the ceiling. “Oh!” I exploded all around him.
My eyes flickered open. A deep breath left my lungs and I kicked one leg over the other. I was bare from head to toe and my skin felt amazing against the sheets. My eyes swung ahead and I saw Raj out on the balcony in just lounge pants. He was leaned over the railing in a brooding posture. I wondered how long he’d been out there under the darkened sky.
As though timed, he rose and turned to come inside. When he slid the door closed, his eyes locked with mine. He crossed the room, dropping his pants along the way. I was insatiably happy to see he was bare underneath. Raj shuffled under the sheet but didn’t come as close as I would have preferred, missing the heat of his big frame in the air-conditioned room. He lay on his back with one arm under his head as he stared up at the ceiling.
“Another nightmare?”
Thanks to the streak of light from the bulbs on the deck, I could make out his head shaking. He didn’t communicate much more.
“Please talk to me.” My voice was firm, though soft.
“You.”
I gulped hard.
“What about me?”
“You mean so much. Now.” His voice was as deep as the sea we motored through. “We started off wrong. Something feels so…off.”
I couldn’t find my voice to tell him I knew what he meant. I was too afraid to, needing peace with Ragee. A victorious ally, not a fellow-victim of happenstance. Those haunting words of Pastor McKinnon echoed at the most eerie time, leaving me anxious about its meaning.
“I’m scared.”
“Me, too. But you have everything you need.” Me on the other hand…
“Do I have you?”
“Raj—” My entire frame cringed with an unidentified fear.
“Are you in love with me?”
My back shot from the bed and I straddled him, covering him in all I knew I had. “Shhhhhhh…”
Damn…
I hummed, heart filled with a contentment I never knew. The sun beat down on my skin relentlessly. My oversized sunglasses were no match against its rays. But I didn’t mind. The salted breeze pressed against my dampened frame, the waves of my hair flying in the air behind me. My feet were submerged into the cooled turquoise water. And rivaling the wonder of the serenading ocean were the fluid chords of one Ragee McKinnon.
He galloped in front of me on an all white steed, similar to my CoCo back on Arnie’s ranch. This even-tempered pony I straddled was a rich chocolate hue. We’d been out in the ocean with them for a while now, enjoying the contrast of events.
“You good back there, Blue?” Raj’s neck twisted to his right, but he didn’t turn back.
“What’s that you’re singing?”
He faced forward and his head tilted slightly. “Marvin Gaye.”
“Yeah? What’s the name of it?”
There was another pause. “Falling In Love Again.”
“Is that what we listened to in your tub the other day…in Sparta?”
Raj had turned brooding again. Today was day six of our “getaway” that turned out to be a full blown vacation. Last night, we stayed at a small, exclusive bed and breakfast on a private beach called Long Island, here in The Bahamas. It was strange how we passed this region of the Caribbean only to circle around and end our week-long excursion here. But it was just as gorgeous as I’d seen of the other islands this week.
Raj was up before me, running on the beach with Danny G. Then he and Lil Bruh sparred some out there. I watched from the window of our small, cottage style room. He didn’t have breakfast with me. Once I was done, he came into the dining room area saying he had a call that would take about twenty minutes, so be ready in thirty to go out. This was our out. Riding horses in the ocean.
“Yup. We’re heading in.” He pointed ahead. “You see Ronnie over there?”
“Yeah.” I sighed qu
ietly again, saddened this ride was coming to an end.
I swear this vacation was what I needed. It changed my life goals. Raj was the first to jump into the water then wade over to assist me down. We strolled to the shore with his hand possessively on my ass. There was a lounge set waiting on the empty beach and we each took to a chaise. In an instant, we were being served slushed alcohol I couldn’t get enough of.
As I stretched out, swinging my arm under my head, Raj finally broke.
“I wanna run something past you.”
Squinting, I tossed my glance his way. “I’m listening.”
“For over a year now, I’ve been sponsoring three kids from the state.”
“Sponsoring?”
He nodded. “I heard of a specialty pilot program created to…circumvent the foster care program by taking certain kids into a house in the middle of Nowhere, New Jersey and giving them an education, counseling, and therapy through music and art.” Oh…
“One of the details of the grants is subsidized funding and a three-year-pilot period. I’m paraphrasing, but that’s the gist of it.”
“How’s it been going? What exactly do you do? Just write a check?” I pulled in another sip through the straw.
“It could be that way. I don’t think there are a lot of sponsors—the program’s small. But I specifically chose my three based on their stories.”
“What do you mean?”
“All three are boys and they were molested.”
I turned to find him facing me. Raj always watched me for my reaction. It made me super self-conscious and unfairly gave me little time to adjust. But this time, I rolled with it.
“Okay,” I murmured thoughtfully. “That would make sense. You put your money on things you can relate to.”
“They were all molested by women.”
I nodded, hoping by him knowing I accepted it, it would provide comfort.
Raj looked away, eyes squinting behind his sunglasses as he gazed into the sky. “The program got the ax, thanks to the new governor.”