by Grey, S. R.
“More like annoying.” She rolls her eyes. “But anyway, if you know someone other than Brent on the team, I’m sure whoever it is would love to hang with you while you wait for your ride.”
Ha, do I know any players other than Brent? I certainly do. I know a certain dark-haired, piercing blue-eyed right winger extremely well, like in a biblical sense.
“Yeah”—I nod, not ready to share that much information—“I’m sure I’ll find someone to hang with.”
“Well, like I said, it was really great meeting you.”
“You too, Eliza.”
She takes out her phone. “Do you want to maybe exchange numbers before I go? We can do something some other time. The player butt-ogling, or anything really, would be fun.”
I laugh. “Sure. Sounds like a plan.” I take out my phone and give her my number, and she sends me a text so I’ll have hers too. “There, now we’re all set.”
“Cool.”
After Eliza leaves, I decide to wait a little longer for the crowd to thin out. And for the remaining players, most of whom are doing on-ice interviews, to leave. It’s then that I notice Nolan is one of the players being interviewed, though it looks like he’s wrapping up. I can tell from the way he’s leaning on his stick and shifting his weight from one skate to the other that he’s itching to go.
When he’s finally done with the sports reporter, he skates right by where I’m still seated. Clearly caught off guard by seeing me smack dab in the front row, especially with the game over, his eyes light up.
He gives me a nod, and I wave back. And then he breaks out into a genuinely happy grin. I know then that this is worth pursuing. This…this…whatever it is we’re meant to be. But it can’t be the same as before. I need to own this thing, take charge. No more letting Nolan set all the rules.
Suddenly, I know exactly what I need to do to make this work. What the new rules need to be.
I text Brent to let him know I have a ride home. I don’t yet, but I plan to real soon.
After I leave the arena, I head straight to the players parking lot. The royal blue Mercedes SUV with the tinted windows, parked in a corner spot that should afford us privacy, belongs to Nolan.
When I try the passenger side door and find it unlocked, I let myself in.
“Should’ve locked your doors, Nolan,” I murmur, “because now you’re going to have to let me in to more than just your car.”
Friends? Yeah, I Can Do This . . . Maybe
Realizing Lainey is in my parked SUV fills me with a surprising sense of joy, like I felt when I saw her in the front row after the game. Even though I never expected her to be waiting for me out in the parking lot, I’m glad she is.
The truth is I’ve missed Lainey like crazy these past couple of weeks. I just couldn’t bring myself to seek her out. I’m stubborn like that. But so is she, so she deserves a lot of credit for taking the initiative to put a stop to this stupid avoiding-each-other game we’ve been playing.
I open the back of the SUV and toss my gear inside, and then I go to the driver’s side and gently slide in.
“Babe,” I say real softly, not wanting to startle the crap out of her. “Hey, I’m really glad you’re here. I know we need to finish the talk we started…” I trail off.
And then I have to suppress an outright laugh because, how cute is this shit? Lainey has fallen asleep in my car. With her head resting against the passenger side window, her hair is splayed across her cheek like a dark veil, making her look like a gorgeous angel.
“You really are incredibly beautiful,” I whisper. Reaching over, I carefully brush shiny locks from her face. “Lainey…” I sound shaky. I’m feeling far more emotional than I expected.
Shit, this girl. She has me so twisted and turned half the time.
While I ponder why that is, she stirs. And then she’s awake, but startled, grabbing my hand and bolting upright.
“N-Nolan?” she sputters. “What’s going on?”
“I don’t know,” I say, laughing, my hand caught in her warm grasp and me liking it. “You tell me, seeing as you’re the one sleeping in my car.”
“Crap, you’re right.” She drops my hand. “I let myself in after I found the door unlocked. Which, incidentally…” Narrowing her eyes at me, she continues her admonishment. “…you should keep your vehicle locked at all times.”
“Point taken. And thank you, Officer Lainey.”
“I’m serious. Who knows what kind of lunatic might let themselves in!”
I raise a brow, and she waves me off. “Oh, shut up. I don’t mean me. You know what I mean.”
“I do,” I concede, letting up.
She yawns then, and I notice she looks more tired than usual. “Have you been working a lot lately?”
“Yeah, I’ve been picking up a bunch of extra shifts and working tons of doubles.”
“I was wondering why I haven’t seen you around the neighborhood.”
I throw that out casually, but I know the real reason and it has nothing to do with Lainey always working. Still, this’ll move us along since I want to know why Lainey is in my vehicle.
My tactic works, as she then says, “Let’s be honest here. Not running into each other has absolutely nothing to do with our work schedules.”
I lean my head back against the rest. “Yeah, you’re absolutely right.”
When I glance over at her, she’s brooding, chewing on her lower lip. Finally, she says, “We need to talk about what happened in my bedroom the night of Brent’s party.”
I straighten up, shake my head. I can’t help it. Despite all the arguments I’ve run through in my head and my assertion that I’m ready to move forward, I’m clearly not. It’s like some kind of fucking conditioned response, making it automatic for me to say, “If this is another ‘Nolan, you need to make a commitment’ speech—”
Lainey stops me in my tracks. “Hold it right there, buddy.” Her eyes flash, her ire clear even in the dim lighting. “Not that this is that, but if it were why would it be so freaking horrible? What the hell happened in your past that was so damn terrible that you avoid these types of discussions like your life depends on it?”
“We’re talking now, aren’t we?” I snap.
She stares over at me, and then starts slowly shaking her head, like she can’t believe my response. “I should just go,” she says.
When she reaches for the door handle, I know I have to do something. She won’t play this game forever. Nor do I want her to. It’s just hard to break out of old habits. But I give it a try.
“You’re right, Lainey. There is a reason why I get like this.”
She sits back. “Go on.”
I run my hand through my hair. “It’s not that I don’t want to tell you what the problem is, not anymore. It’s just hard to actually put it into words.”
“Well try.”
“I am.”
“No you’re not. And I don’t understand why that is. You were about to tell me everything in my bedroom that night.”
“I was,” I admit. “But it isn’t that easy. To be honest, it doesn’t feel like the right time anymore, and definitely not here.”
It’s bullshit. I’m deflecting.
Knowing that, Lainey fires back, “How is now any different than in my bedroom? Oh wait, I know. You haven’t just finished fucking me.”
I glare over at her. “That’s not it and you know it.”
I just can’t do this. Not here, not like this, maybe not ever. I was wrong. I’m not fucking ready to talk about my failed marriage, my goddamn cheating wife, and all the humiliation I felt back then…and apparently still feel now.
“So why is now not a good time?” she presses.
There’s no way she’s getting jack out of me now, not in the middle of this argument.
“For one thing”—I wave my hand around—“we’re in the middle of the goddamn players’ parking lot.”
Right, like location is the only thing holding me back.
Lainey s
ighs. “Whatever. Forget it. That’s not why I came here to wait for you, anyway.”
I look over at her and raise a brow. It’s a dick thought, but I’m kind of hoping she wants sex, especially now. I could use a good release to jettison all the fucking crazy shit she’s stirred up.
Lainey rolls her eyes. “I’m not here for that either, you perv.”
“That’s unfortunate.”
Lainey ignores my smartass commentary and goes on, “Actually, though, sex is the reason why I got in your SUV tonight. Not to have it with you, but to talk about it with you.”
“This should be interesting,” I murmur cynically. “Sex talk with no sex.”
We’re going to discuss sex, as opposed to engage in it. Kind of a shame too, seeing as Lainey looks sexy as hell in the ripped jeans she’s wearing. Her pale skin is peeking out the tears like a goddamn invitation to rip them some more. And that off-the-shoulder sweater is just screaming for me to pull it down and devour her luscious breasts.
“Nolan,” she warns, noticing my hungry stare. “Behave.”
“Okay, okay.” I force my eyes up to her face. “Go ahead and start your little sex talk.”
Now it’s my turn to roll my eyes. She ignores me and goes on to inform me she’s been thinking a lot lately—about us and what she wants from me. Turns out, it’s pretty simple, and certainly not what I expected.
“Nothing,” she says, throwing me for a loop. “I want nothing from you, Nolan. No commitment, no declarations of exclusivity, nothing at all.”
“Huh?” To say I’m stunned would be an understatement. “What changed?”
I’m shocked, but hey, I can roll with this new development. No-strings sex with Lainey works for me. Maybe it’s not happening tonight since we’re only “talking” about it, but clearly easy sex is what this discussion is about, right?
I guess my sense of victory shows in my smug expression.
Lainey lets out a snort, and snipes, “You can wipe that I won smirk off your face right now, Nolan.”
I school my features to something more neutral. “What smirk? I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
I kind of don’t, seeing as it’s Lainey who’s wearing the smug expression now. And it just grows smugger and smugger, especially when she declares, “I came up with a solution. It’s something that’ll be good for both of us, as individuals and as a…” She waves her hand between us. “…whatever it is we are to one another.”
“Okaaay.” I’m more confused than ever. It doesn’t happen often, except with this woman. She’s the only one who has the ability to mess with my usual clear-headed thinking.
“So,” she goes on, clearing her throat and letting me know things are about to get real serious here. “We both agree there’s something between us, something more than sex, right?”
I concede, “Yes.”
“But where you’re at, and where I’m at—or rather where I was at—they’re two totally different places.”
“This is some fucked-up, confusing female logic,” I mutter. “But yeah, I think I’m following.”
“Good.” She nods approvingly. “I’ve looked at it a hundred different ways, and I think the only chance for us to get beyond where we are now, where we’re stuck, is to go ahead and start hanging out. Like, a lot.”
“This doesn’t sound too bad,” I interject, and she gives me a look.
She then hits me with the bad part—“While we’re doing all this hanging out, we have to agree to totally abstain from sex.”
“What?” I wisely don’t add what I’m really thinking, which is, are you fucking crazy?
“You heard me,” Lainey says, oblivious to my horror at this new condition. “We need to step back and concentrate on being friends, Nolan. And I mean just friends.”
“Just friends, eh?” I roll it around in my mouth, and I don’t like the way it tastes. “Friends with benefits would be much sweeter, Lainey.” I cock a brow, along with a slice of my head her way.
She smacks my arm. “Be serious.”
“Oh, Christ, I am being serious. But I have to tell you that I don’t think I’ve ever been ‘just friends’ with any female, other than those in my family.”
“Well see, this should be good for you.”
“Good for me is a massage after a really physical game, or the team nutritionist giving me a new recipe for a kickass smoothie. No sex is not good for me, Lainey. Not in any way, shape, or form.”
“You’ll live,” she dryly informs me.
“I may not,” I maintain.
“Nolan, come on.” She levels me with a look that says I better knock it the fuck off.
“Okay, okay.” I raise my hands, capitulating to her crazy demand. “As of today, I vow to spend time with you as nothing more than…” I cough out the next part, “your friend.”
Lainey puts her hand on my thigh. A friendly gesture, not a this-is-leading-to-something move.
“Ah, Nolan, don’t look so sad. This’ll benefit us both. We’ve never tried it this way. Ever since the night we met it’s been sex, sex, and more sex.”
“And that was bad?”
She glances away. “No. But we need something…different.”
“Ahh, Lainey, you’re going to be the death of me.”
Since she’s not yet moved her hand, I nod down, trying one final time to avoid the platonic curse of no-more-sex-with-Lainey.
“You sure you don’t want me to fuck you one last time?” My voice is low, edged with the promise of the kind of raw sex I know she loves.
Releasing a stuttered breath, she yanks her hand from my thigh, like I just burned her.
“No, Nolan, absolutely not,” she states emphatically. “I think you’re missing the whole point here.”
Despite her protests, I can tell she’s weakening. “It’s a definite no, then?”
“Yes. I mean no!” She literally growls in frustration. “What I’m saying is absolutely no sex, okay?”
Lainey’s words, though loud, hold no conviction whatsoever, leading me to retort, “Like that sounded convincing.”
“It doesn’t matter.” She looks away. “We need this. Otherwise, it’s going to have to end.”
“I don’t want that to happen,” I say softly.
“Okay.” Her eyes meet mine as she confirms, “Then we agree to try it my way?”
I nod, acquiescing. “Okay, but what happens now?”
Pointing to the exit, she says, “Just drive us somewhere. Anywhere, I don’t care. Just make sure it’s someplace public. Maybe we could go to dinner. You’re probably hungry, right?”
“Yeah, sure.” I start up the SUV. “I can always eat.” Too bad I won’t be eating her.
I am hungry, as I always am after a game. More than that, I just want to spend time with this woman, even if she is off-limits…for now.
Shit, this is going to be tough.
But for her, I’m willing to try. And who knows? In the end, maybe she’ll be right. Maybe something real and solid will emerge from this no-sex nonsense.
One can only hope.
Do They Make Burlap Sacks in Size Four?
Now that Nolan and I have decided to board the just-friends train, I no longer have to keep him a secret from my sister. She’s still less than thrilled that we’re planning on spending time together. She tells me she doesn’t trust his intentions.
Ha!
Little does she know it’s not only his intentions she needs to worry about. I may have come up with the “just friends” thing, but sticking with it promises to be a challenge for me too.
“We are talking about the same Nolan Solvenson, right?” Aubrey asks one afternoon when she, Brent, and I are out on the back patio, eating a picnic-style dinner.
I’ve just announced that my new bud Nolan and I are catching a movie this evening.
“Yes, the very one, Aubrey,” I say, annoyed, as I scoop up another huge helping of potato salad from a large bowl at the center of the table. “I
believe there’s only one Nolan on the team.”
“Thank God,” Aubrey murmurs.
Brent chuckles, a little too in the know if you ask me. I don’t think he’s buying this friends-only crap for a minute.
Too bad for him, it’s in play and, thus far, is working.
“I don’t understand how you two became friends in the first place.” Aubrey peers over at me from across the table, suspicious. “When did this little friendship start?”
“Yes, Lainey,”—Brent smirks—“when did the sudden closeness with Nolan begin?”
Schooling my face to a neutral expression, something I’ve picked up from Nolan, I reply, “I met him at his New Year’s Eve party, remember?”
Brent, no doubt recalling my walk of shame the following morning, has the decency to lower his head and scratch the back of his neck. He may be a smartass, and he loves to pepper me with innuendo, but he’s not one to tattle to Aubrey. Otherwise, I’d of heard about it.
But even without Brent busting me on spending the night at Nolan’s that night, Aubrey has no trouble recalling the way we flirted with each other at the actual party.
“Wait,” she says, “you and Nolan were all over each other on New Year’s. That looked like a lot more than friendship, Lainey.”
My sister isn’t giving me a hard time to be a bitch. She ultimately has my best interest at heart. She doesn’t want to see Nolan break my heart into a thousand I-told-you-so pieces.
But she needn’t worry so much. “We’re past that,” I assure her. “We decided we work best as buds.”
“If you say so, Lainey.” Aubrey sighs. “I trust you know what you’re doing.”
Crap, I really hope I do too.
An hour later, and with that thought still jangling around in my mind, I walk the short distance to Nolan’s house for our casual friends-only nondate.
I insisted he not pick me up, as it seemed more like what friends would do.
“You live close,” I told him when we were working out the details. “I’ll just bop on down to your place, and we can leave for the movie from there.”
“Whatever, Lainey,” he replied dryly, clearing humoring me.