by Regine Abel
Lhor.
He had been dying. I felt it. I knew it deep down. I told Ghan not to let him die because I knew. And yet, in my selfish fear of losing him and losing my mate, I lost sight of what truly mattered.
I couldn’t remember the last time I shed a tear. Even when my parents had died I hadn’t cried. But sitting here, all alone on the edge of my bed, I covered my face with my hands and wept.
* * *
Less than an hour after our ugly fight, Lhor left the estate. That hour had been torture. Even from the other end of the hallway, I felt his emotions like they were mine. They were crushing, debilitating. I could finally think – not that I wanted to. For the next couple of hours, I reflected on Jormhon’s words, the law, my arguments with Amalia and Lhor, the last few weeks since my mating… The conclusion arising from these thoughts shamed me and wasn’t one I wanted to embrace.
Standing in front of the mirror, I pulled off my shirt and examined myself. My skin was flawless, devoid of the blemishes that branded me as a lesser male. I was Prime. A gift from my mate, meant for Lhor, who needed it far more than I ever had.
I didn’t choose you! I chose your name. He was my choice!
There was a soft knock on the door. I put my shirt back on. “Come in.”
To my surprise, Minh walked in. “Hello, Khel. Do you have a moment?”
“Of course.” I gestured toward the seating area, but Minh sat at the breakfast table instead.
I sat across from him and eyed him warily. He stared at his hands, folded on the table before him. “Khel, I’m breaking my professional vows speaking to you right now. But some things you must know.”
I stirred uneasily on my chair.
“Lhor wasn’t going on an impromptu business trip tonight. He was coming to my clinic to die.”
I gripped the edge of the table with both hands.
“We thought he had a couple more days. He wanted to help free the females from the Blood House as his parting gift to you and Amalia.”
“You knew and you didn’t tell me?”
“It was not my secret to tell,” he said with a hard voice. “He’s your Gem. You knew something was wrong with him.”
I cast my eyes down. Yes, I’d felt something was wrong but hadn’t been ready to acknowledge Lhor’s time was near.
“Lhor has been ready to die for a long time.” My eyes snapped back up at his words. “Six years ago, after he vowed never to attend another Fastening, he stopped training so the Taint would claim him sooner.”
I remembered that dreadful day. One alien female started retching when we paraded on our way to the pedestals. It caused a chain reaction, with most of the other females retching as well. All Tainted males were excused from the Fastening, leaving the Norms and Primes for the Selection. Lhor never recovered from that humiliation even though it hadn’t been specifically aimed at him. It had been the final blow in a long string of rejections.
“But I saw him training recently. He was doing the Hunter Program!”
“Yes. He started training again after your family died, so you wouldn’t be alone.”
My throat tightened. I looked out the window at the garden. How had I not realized the depths of his despair? I turned back to face Minh. “Why would he seek death? Why stop training over those blasted females?”
Minh tilted his head. “Why delay the inevitable? No female would ever choose him. Training only meant prolonging his suffering and being a burden to you.”
I slammed my fist on the table. “Lhor was never a parasite!”
Minh raised an eyebrow at me. “I never used that word.”
My face heated. How could I have said that to Lhor? It was always his greatest fear that I would grow to see him as such. I used that word because it would hurt him the most. I’d had the past few hours to think of a way to start fixing this.
“Amalia made me Prime in two weeks. With her season, her hormone levels are high. She’d be willing to let him drink from her wrist until he’s cured as well. Then he can return to the Fastening and get a mate. No female will refuse him once his Taint is gone.”
Minh shook his head with a sad smile. “Lhor will refuse.”
“Why the fuck would he do that?”
“Because Lhor can feel your emotions, Khel. At times he doesn’t know if they’re his or yours. Since your mating, he can feel them more accurately and from a greater distance, just like you sense him better. Before, he could block you off, but not anymore unless I shoot him full of neural-inhibitors. Even that only dampens them.”
I slumped back against my chair. Thinking back on the hour after our fight, I wondered if my emotions hammered at him like his hammered at me. How could he function like that? How long had this been going on? Why did he hide this from me?
I fisted my hands on the table. “Why didn’t he tell me?”
Minh pursed his lips, choosing his words. “The first time Lhor realized he could feel your emotions, he was eight. You broke your arm and both your legs leaping from the treehouse. You were so proud telling him about your exploit… He didn’t have the heart to tell you that your recklessness hurt him.”
My stomach clenched. Lhor had been bedridden for a few days. I was a dauntless child and tried to leap from my treehouse onto a hanging vine. I missed it by a few inches. After they carried me home, I noticed Lhor was paler than usual. I just assumed it was his illness.
Minh’s voice brought me back to the present. “When you joined the military, Lhor spent the first two years of your training on neural-inhibitors because you were so obsessed with the Hunter Program. He didn’t tell you because he knew you’d give up yet another thing you loved for his sake.”
My throat was so constricted, I couldn’t breathe. I went to the balcony and leaned over the railing. Eyes closed, I inhaled deeply. The air was sweet with the scent of ryspak.
Minh’s footsteps approached behind me. “Lhor is ashamed to be in love with your mate. He feels like he’s betraying you. He struggled to rein in his feelings for Amalia, but he can’t when yours constantly reinforce his.”
“So what are you saying, Minh? Are you asking me to consent to a Second Mating?”
“It’s not my place to tell you how to handle your mating, son. I came here because you needed to know some truths. Amalia only granted Lhor a small reprieve. He has one or two days before him, at best.”
I turned back to face him at those words.
“Whatever happened between the two of you crushed him. Don’t let your Gem die thinking you hate him. Let him go in peace.”
Minh gave my shoulder a squeeze then left without another word.
CHAPTER 28
Amalia
Ghan flew us back to the estate. My Rehmannia leaves arriving at long last, enabled me to leave the house. Today’s events shadowed my visit with the rescued females. They were well cared for, though many would take years to recover from the trauma. I reconnected with some of the former captives from The Revenant. They couldn’t believe I’d escaped and assisted in freeing them. It was a bittersweet reunion.
I delayed my return, fearing the moment I would face Khel. I couldn’t believe what I had said. Yes, I chose his name, but I chose him too. He had burrowed his way so deep into my heart, I couldn’t picture a future without him. The hurt in his eyes… I had to fix it. I’d been so angry with his jealousy and insecurity. He loved Lhor and deep down he was happy we saved him. But my harsh words confirmed his fears. I needed him to understand that my feelings for him were real. No matter what I felt for Lhor, nothing would take me away from him.
The shuttle landed. My heart pounded as I walked to the front door. The house was too dark and quiet. I felt Jhola’s hand on my shoulder.
“Fear and anger can make people do stupid things. Khel loves both of you with everything he is.” Jhola kissed me on the forehead then walked away.
With a shuddering breath, I climbed the stairs to our bedroom. Khel was standing on the balcony, staring off into the distance
. I stopped a few feet behind him. He didn’t react to my presence at first. For a moment, I thought he was ignoring me but then he faced me, eyes cast down.
“You’ve returned.”
“I’ll always return to you.”
His eyes, uncertain, connected with mine. My heart contracted when I saw the pain they held. I’m not sure what had happened between our fight and my return from the clinic, but my unbreakable Khel was broken. He looked so lost and vulnerable, I blinked back tears.
I closed the distance between us and carefully took his hand, afraid he would push me away. He looked at our hands but didn’t react. I pulled him into the bedroom and he followed without resistance. Once inside, I faced him again, forcing him to look at me.
“A wise male once told me that mates should never go to bed angry. You’re my mate, Khel. I don’t ever want us to go to bed angry. So we’re going to fix this. We’re going to wash away today’s madness. And while we do, I’ll tell you about a little girl’s dream of escaping fate, okay?”
He nodded quietly, sadness still clinging to his eyes.
I undressed him, before casting my own clothes aside. After leading him to the fresher, I started a lukewarm shower and poured some washing gel onto a body cloth. I began to wash his back.
“When I was fifteen, I escaped during a short stop on Belevar Space Station. Being naïve, I thought law enforcement meant safety and couldn’t be corrupted. I ran straight to the security office of the station. After taking my deposition, the agent asked me to wait. While waiting, I had a vision of the agent leading Doruk and his goons straight to me.”
Adding a bit more gel to the cloth, I moved on to wash Khel’s chest.
“I ran, panicked. While I looked for a place to hide, an alien male asked me if I needed help. At first, I feared he’d hurt me, but then I saw Doruk closing in on me. The male realized I was afraid of them and told me to follow him, he’d protect me. Between Doruk and a total stranger, I chose the stranger. So we ran.”
I started washing his arm. Khel raised it slightly to give me better access.
“My pursuers shot at my rescuer. He shot back and got a few of them. We eventually lost them and he took me to a small bar he owned. He was on his way to open it so it was still empty. He locked us in and that’s when I realized he was badly wounded. He said he came from a planet called Xelix Prime.”
Khel stiffened and I felt him study my face more closely.
“It was my first time meeting a Xelixian. He told me about his home world but very little about the Taint. He’d joined the military like most Tainted males, then became a mercenary. After meeting his mate, he settled on Belevar Station for her with a more respectable job running his bar. She died in an accident a year prior and he’d been waiting to be reunited with her.”
I poured more gel on the washcloth and moved onto Khel’s other arm.
“He said his world had many great warriors. There was no slavery and that females were revered. If I ever managed to go to Xelix Prime, I should attend the Fastening. Many males would be honored to be my mate and keep me safe. The more Tainted they were, the more devoted they’d be. But that if I didn’t want a mate or was too young, I should seek the protection of Dhak Praghan, the greatest noble he’d ever met. I stayed with him until he died. His name was Vahl Stelhan.”
Khel softly gasped when I said the name of his father. And what a coincidence my rescuer should share his brother’s name. Sadness and pain filled his eyes again, but still, he said nothing.
“Doruk found me less than an hour afterwards. In the following years, I dreamt of escaping to Xelix Prime, never quite believing the day would come. And then it did. Except Dhak Praghan and most of his family had passed away, leaving a single son as sole survivor. Providing asylum to some escaped slave would be the last thing on his grief-stricken mind. So I chose the Fastening.”
I finished washing his legs and feet and gently pushed him under the spraying water to rinse off. Turning me away from him, Khel swept my hair over my shoulders, exposing my back and slowly began to wash me with the cloth.
“Vahl’s promoting heavily Tainted males only played a small part in me ignoring the Primes. What I saw of the Tainted since arriving on Xelix Prime, convinced me we’d have more in common. Also, I wanted someone who’d need me as much as I’d need him. So I ignored the Primes and Norms who reeked of arrogance and entitlement – then I saw you.”
The circular motion of the washcloth on my back slowed.
“You were magnificent. So tall, strong, and proud. Just being there in your presence, I felt safe for the first time. I thought with a male like you by my side, there was no challenge I couldn’t face, no hurdle I couldn’t overcome. With you, I could be everything I ever wanted to be and our offspring would be strong, loved and sheltered. When our eyes met for that brief moment, I felt an instant connection so powerful I almost approached you right then. But then I saw Lhor.”
Khel turned me around to face him and began to wash my chest and arms. I suspected it wasn’t so much that he was done with my back, as much as he wanted to see my face as I spoke of Lhor. There could be no secrets if we were to fix things. I didn’t intend to hide anything.
“He was the most beautiful male I had ever seen, and he was utterly broken. He had that look I’d seen so often on slaves. The look that said there was no hope for a better tomorrow. In him, I saw a kindred spirit. Someone whom others didn’t look at or treat as a person. He was a Tainted, a walking disease, a ghost. I was a tool to be used at my master’s whim, bred like cattle and disposed of once my usefulness was spent. But I saw the person he was and I believed he’d see me too. I could take away his hopelessness. I could be his light in the darkness and he could be mine. He would need me and want me as much as I always wanted to be needed.”
Khel had stopped washing me at this point.
“Choosing between the two of you was so hard. I hungered for your strength. It was clear you wanted me and that did funny things to me. That second times our eyes met, that look you gave me almost won me over again. You felt like home. And then there was Lhor whose soul called to me. At that moment, I wished I could choose you both. Weighing the pros and cons, as much as it pained me to relinquish you, I knew you wouldn’t break. You were too strong for that. Lhor was already broken, he needed me more and something inside me needed him too.”
I cupped his face with both hands
“That’s when I saw your name, just as I was about to go to Lhor. It was a sign from the Goddess. What were the odds that the last surviving heir of House Praghan would be standing before me on the day of the Fastening? There was no question in my mind then that everything that had happened in my life had led me to you. And every day of our life together since has convinced me that we were meant for each other. I’ll always choose you, Khel.”
He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a long, tender kiss. “I love you, Amalia. You are my heart.”
“I love you too, Khel.”
We quietly held each other. Then Khel turned me away from him and began to wash my hair.
“Do you love Lhor, Amalia?”
I froze for a moment. “Yes.”
“Are you in love with him?”
“Yes.”
His hands stilled. My heart pounded, fearing my honesty had undone what we’d achieved. But there couldn’t be any secrets. I wanted to see his face to have an idea of what he was thinking. His hands resumed washing my hair and I almost cried with relief.
“The Book of Law says a mated female can take a second mate as long as he’s a first or second-degree blood relative of her first mate.”
Shocked, I faced him. He held my stare, failing to hide the insecurity lurking in his eyes.
“I know.” He started at my words. “I’ve known for a while now, Khel.”
His mouth opened and closed a few times. He frowned, confused. “Then why… I thought…”
“Why didn’t I ask Lhor to be my Second Mate?”
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br /> “Yes.”
“Because I didn’t think you’d be ready to accept it. Because I thought Lhor had more time and because he’ll never consent without your express blessing. But why did you tell me?”
My eyes began to sting from the shampoo. Khel pulled me under the raining water.
“Because you should know your rights and exercise them as you see fit,” he said while rinsing my hair.
Turning off the water, Khel dried me and led us back to our bedroom. I thought he was going to dress me in my nightgown but instead, he sat me at the edge of the bed. He fetched a small metal box which he presented to me. I took the box from him with a questioning look.
Inside, three beautiful rings were encased in a velvety cushion. Intricate patterns were chiseled along the sides. They looked like the wedding bands Terrans often wore.
“These belonged to my parents. One was for my father, the other two were my mother’s. Primes are usually the only people who wear these mating bands. It’s a way to tell other Primes that they’re no longer available. Some Norms also wear them but usually only those who could pass for Primes.”
“Why are there two rings for your mother?” I asked, guessing the answer.
“I wondered about that. I doubt even she knew. She inherited them from her mother who also inherited them from hers. I found out today that the second ring is for the Second Mate, should she choose one. Some sets have four rings.”
“Who would ever want three mates?
“According to the law, Primes and Pearls are entitled to up to three mates. Norms are limited to two.”
“Two is more than enough,” I mumbled.
“I’m glad to hear you say that,” he chuckled.
Cradling his face in my hands, I rubbed my thumbs along the ridges of his ears. He closed his eyes and moaned softly. I loved him more at that moment than I thought I ever could.