by Lynn Ames
“I should have known there was an ulterior motive in there somewhere.”
When Barbara got outside the room, she put her arm against the wall for support. Even for an experienced doctor like she was, the sight of someone she cared about so banged up was hard to take. It was obvious that Kate had been in a fight for her life, and Barbara was worried that there were scars, both physical and psychological, that would take a very long time to heal.
“You okay?” Peter came up behind her, placing an arm around her sympathetically.
Barbara straightened up automatically, years of training kicking in.
“Fine.”
“It’s hard to see her like that, isn’t it? When I laid her down on that roof, it was all I could do not to scream out loud. She looked so fragile, so helpless. I just wanted to kill somebody.”
“I can understand that.”
“Is she going to be all right?”
Barbara sighed heavily. “I think we can fix her physically. Her wrist may always cause her trouble in bad weather, and her ribs will ache on occasion. Her cheekbone can be repaired without any noticeable scarring, and the effects of the concussion will go away in time.”
“There’s a ‘but’ in there somewhere. I can hear it in your voice.”
“The psychological impact will be harder to gauge. Someone who’s been through something as traumatic as what Kate experienced usually suffers from post-traumatic stress syndrome. From what Jay has described and what little I can read in her expressions, I can already see some issues developing.”
“How can we help her?”
“Be supportive, understanding, and don’t ignore what happened. She needs to honor what she went through—she’ll need to talk about it.”
“I can do that.”
“You know our Kate. She’ll put up a tough front, especially in front of Jay, because she won’t want us to worry. It’s our job not to let her get away with that, but it’s a fine line. She’s going to need a sense of normalcy, a sense of purpose; yet none of us can ignore, or wish away, the feelings that are going to keep cropping up at odd times for her.”
“What do you suggest?”
The Cost of Commitment
“Well, for one thing I’d recommend a good therapist who is well versed with these types of issues.”
“Do you think we can get her to go for that?”
“I think if it were positioned as standard DOCS operating procedure in any hostage situation she’d have no choice. I also think making it seem like it’s less about her personal frame of mind and more about the situation she was in would allow her to frame it in her head in a way she could live with.”
“Actually, counseling is SOP in a hostage situation.”
“All the better.”
“When do you recommend we break that to her?”
“I don’t think we should. She needs to be able to come to us as an escape valve. I would have the governor, or whoever the new commissioner is going to be, do it. She’s less likely to give them trouble about it or see it as helpful meddling.”
“Done.”
“Now let’s see what we can do about getting her out of here and fixing her body.”
The arraignment was a quiet affair. The defendants, dressed in orange prison jumpsuits, were led into the courtroom in arm and leg shackles by a phalanx of sheriff’s deputies. The restraints necessitated them shuffling their feet as they walked. Neither one of them looked at the other. Two reporters in the back of the room recorded the proceedings: Alex Dingle from Time and Wendy Ashton of the Associated Press.
She had been beyond flabergasted to receive a phone call in her motel room that morning from Kate, who had sounded exhausted and groggy.
“Wendy?”
“You got her.”
“Kate Kyle.”
There was a moment of shocked silence on the line. Every reporter covering the story had been trying to find a way to get to the ex-hostage.
They had all been told there would be no news conference and that Kate would not speak with the media.
“How did you know where to find me?”
“I have friends in interesting places.”
“So I’ve noticed.”
“First of all, I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you carried my messages and my ring to Jay.”
Embarrassed, Wendy answered, “It wasn’t any big deal.”
“It was to me.”
Lynn Ames
“Are you going to be all right?”
“I sure hope so. That’s what they tell me.”
“I’m glad.”
“Not as glad as I am. Listen, how would you feel about an exclusive?”
“When?”
Kate laughed. “In a few hours. I’m thinking there’s someplace you’re going to want to be first.”
And that was how Wendy had come to be sitting in the courtroom.
“Gentlemen, I’ll make this very brief,” the judge intoned from atop a massive wooden platform. “There is more than enough evidence to hold you over for trial, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do.” He consulted a calendar on his desk. “I’ll set the trial date for...let’s see...this would be a humdinger to start off a new year, I think. January 3, 1989. A little more than a year ought to give your attorneys enough time to prepare themselves.”
He looked down his glasses at Redfield, Breathwaite, and their respective attorneys. “There won’t be any bail set in this case. I agree with the prosecutor that you both present a significant flight risk. Enjoy your stay. Court is adjourned.”
The sound of the old-fashioned wooden gavel smacking down hard on the desk reverberated throughout the courtroom. The inmates, numbers 4250 and 4251, were herded out of the courtroom and down to the basement of the courthouse building for transport back to the county jail where they would await trial.
Wendy left the courtroom and drove to the AP satellite office in Buffalo. She filed her story on the arraignment in record time and was on her way to Buffalo General Hospital.
When she got off on the correct floor, she was greeted by two hefty state troopers. She produced her reporter’s credentials and was escorted down the hall to Kate’s room.
It was dark inside, long shadows falling lengthwise over the bed where the patient was resting with her eyes closed.
“Hi, Wendy,” Jay called softly from a comfortable chair in the corner.
Wendy, who hadn’t seen her there, jumped. “Hello, Jay. Is this a bad time?”
“No, you’re fine. She’s in and out. Just give her a few minutes.”
Jay stood and crossed the room, enveloping the startled reporter in a heartfelt hug, tears in her eyes. “What you did meant so much to both Kate and me. I know I must have said it at the time, but thank you, from the bottom of my heart. You gave me hope and something to hold on to, The Cost of Commitment
and you gave Kate a link to the outside world that helped her maintain her sanity.”
As she glanced over at the battered form in the bed, tears welled up in Wendy’s eyes as well. “I wish I could have done more. I kept going over it in my mind, trying to think what I could have done to get her out of that situation.”
Kate’s voice, rough with sleep, came from the shadows. “You did everything you could, and I am so very grateful.”
Jay tugged Wendy toward the bed and indicated the chair next to the side rail.
“How’re you feeling, champ?”
“Like I’ve gone ten or fifteen rounds as a punching dummy.”
“I bet. Are you up for some questions?”
“I’ll do the best I can.”
“Can you recount for me how they captured you, or is that too difficult?”
Kate smiled. “I’ve never been interviewed by anyone who cared if the question was too painful before. I think I like the kinder, gentler interview.”
Wendy smiled too. “Yeah, well, don’t get too used to it. Once you’re back at the top of your game, I’ll show no merc
y.”
“I’ll enjoy the respite while I can get it, then.” Kate looked over to Jay. “Honey, are you okay being here, or do you want to get a cup of coffee?”
“I’m okay for now, if you don’t mind my being here.”
“Never.” Kate held out her good hand for Jay to take as she recounted the events in Times Square.
“Talk about the conditions you were kept in. It’s obvious you were physically beaten.”
Kate described her captivity, the hours of uncertainty she’d spent in Kumar’s cell, not knowing from one minute to the next what her fate would be. Although Wendy asked for details of things she saw and heard that might implicate either the inmates or Redfield and Breathwaite, Kate declined to answer questions that might jeopardize any legal proceeding.
As it became obvious Kate was tiring, Wendy declared the interview over. “Thank you for granting me this time. I know that wasn’t easy for you, and I’m sure reliving that nightmare is the last thing you want to do.”
“I owed you,” Kate said practically. “This is my way of saying thank you.”
“It was my honor to be able to help. What are your plans? Are you going to stay at DOCS?”
Lynn Ames
“Truthfully, I haven’t thought that far. I just want to heal, and then we’ll see what happens after that.”
“Fair enough. I wish you both much peace and happiness.”
“Thanks, Wendy, for everything.”
Kate spent three days in the Albany Medical Center, where she underwent surgery to repair her wrist and cheekbone. She had been flown there via the governor’s helicopter the same day the interview with Wendy hit the newspapers.
While she was healing from her physical injuries, a psychologist worked with her to repair the psychological scars. They spent a long time talking over the course of two days. Despite her reluctance to be shrunk, as she so elegantly put it, Kate seemed to be more settled after the sessions. The psychologist scheduled her for another appointment in her office for the following week.
With much cajoling and a promise from Barbara to personally monitor her, the orthopedic and plastic surgeons released the patient to convalesce at home December 24th. Although they had wanted to keep her another two or three days for observation, it was hard to argue against letting her go home for Christmas.
Jay walked alongside the wheelchair as a nurse’s assistant pushed it toward the hospital exit. “I can’t wait to get you home, love.”
“You’re going to show me how much, right?” Kate smiled up at her, although her eyes betrayed a case of nerves.
Jay laughed, intentionally overlooking Kate’s anxiety. “Easy there, Tiger. I believe the doctor warned you about overexerting.”
Kate pouted. “You know, I remember when you used to be fun.”
“Ouch. I’m still fun, baby. I just don’t want to wear you out on Christmas Eve. Santa’s coming tomorrow and you need to be well rested for that.”
“Oh I do, do I?”
“Oh, yeah,” Jay purred.
“Do I get a sneak preview?”
“No way. Nice try, though.”
Kate shrugged. “Can’t blame a girl for trying.”
Jay regarded her affectionately. Not having Kate in her bed had been torture, especially the last few days. The few miles that separated the house from the hospital room seemed like the Grand Canyon. All Jay wanted to do was to hold Kate in her arms, stroke her hair tenderly, and spend all night wrapped around her.
When they arrived home, Jay helped Kate into bed. Although she argued that she wanted to sit up for a while, it was clear to Jay that even The Cost of Commitment
the effort of getting from the car into the house, combined with Fred’s enthusiastic greeting, had worn Kate out.
“Are you okay, love?”
Kate mustered a smile. “Better than okay, sweetheart. I’m in my own bed, the woman I love is standing by my bedside, and tonight is Christmas Eve. What could top that?”
“I can.”
Jay climbed into bed beside Kate, taking her gently into her arms and kissing her on the temple as they snuggled together.
“Yeah,” Kate sighed contentedly. “I guess you can at that.” Within seconds she drifted off to sleep, her lover joining her in slumber.
Jay woke first, a smile creasing her face as she felt the slow and steady rhythmic breathing of her lover beside her. She spent long minutes reveling in the scent and feel of her, the texture of Kate’s hair and skin sending shivers of pleasure through her body.
Inevitably, her thoughts turned to the unmitigated terror that had gripped her as Kate’s fate had hung in the balance. She couldn’t imagine her life without Kate in it. She could no longer fathom what they had been arguing about less than a week earlier. There was only one thing that mattered: spending the rest of their lives together and making every precious second count.
“Penny for your thoughts, baby?”
“I didn’t realize you were awake.”
“I didn’t want to waste another second asleep alone when I could be spending it awake with you.”
“My thoughts exactly.”
“Yeah?” Kate snuggled a little closer, pillowing her good cheek on Jay’s shoulder.
“Yeah.” Jay gave her a small squeeze. “So I was thinking we ought to do something about that.”
“What did you have in mind, love?”
“Marriage.”
“O-kay. I thought we had that one taken care of.”
“Yes, but that’s five and a half months away. I don’t want to wait that long.”
Kate shifted so she could look into her lover’s eyes. There was a shadow of desperation there. “What do you mean?”
Jay licked her lips and tried to gather her thoughts. “Honey, I know you wanted a traditional wedding because you’re an old-fashioned gal—
and so did I...”
“Did, as in past tense?”
Lynn Ames
Jay took Kate’s good hand into her own. “Katherine Ann Kyle, I love you more than life itself. If there is anything I have learned from all this, it’s that life is too short to waste a single moment.” She brushed her lips against the backs of Kate’s fingers. “I don’t want to wait until May, I want to marry you now. You are my light, my home, and my life, now and forever. None of the fancy trappings are going to change that. I’ve been giving it a lot of thought, and I really want to have the ceremony right here, on Christmas Day, with our closest friends on hand to witness it.”
Kate hesitated briefly. “Christmas Day, as in tomorrow?”
Jay nodded.
“Are you sure this is what you want? After all, I’m damaged goods.”
Kate looked away from her, embarrassed.
Both Barbara and the psychologist had warned Jay that Kate might suffer from feelings of deficiency for a time as a result of the psychological trauma, but she had not believed it possible of her normally strong, self-assured lover. She answered hotly, “Katherine Ann Kyle, you are most certainly not damaged goods. What you are is the woman I love with my entire being and the one with whom I want to spend the rest of my life.”
“But honey,” Kate licked her lips nervously, “it won’t be much of a wedding night or honeymoon.” She looked scornfully at her fiberglass-encased wrist and touched her fingers to her bandaged face.
“Sweetheart,” Jay smiled at her adoringly, “every day with you is a honeymoon. Besides, we can be pretty imaginative when we put our minds to it.” She waggled her eyebrows suggestively.
Still, Kate sat silently, looking unsure of herself.
Jay consciously lightened her tone and batted her eyelashes playfully,
“So, what’s it going to be? You know you shouldn’t keep a girl waiting when she puts her heart on the line.”
“So I’ve heard.” Kate arched up and gingerly kissed her. She pulled back and gazed intently into Jay’s eyes. “If a wedding tomorrow is what you want, a wedding you shall have, sweetheart. I love y
ou so very much, Jay. I can’t think of any better present than being able to formally acknowledge my love for you.”
“You are such a gift to me, Kate—the only one I will ever need or want.”
“Oh,” Kate tweaked Jay’s nose playfully, “then I should take all those other things back?”
“Hey, now, don’t go getting drastic on me. I didn’t say that.”
They both laughed, and Kate brushed her lips lightly against her lover’s. As the kiss deepened, the women let out twin sighs of relief and The Cost of Commitment
contentment, falling back into the soft pillows to celebrate the gift they were to each other.
Lynn Ames
The Cost of Commitment
EPILOGUE
he sun, a brilliant orange ball, gilded the two women in bronze as Tit touched the horizon over the water. The heat of the day had passed, but the fine grains of white sand retained its warmth. Kate was resplendent in a white silk pantsuit, a royal blue chemise setting off the sapphire of her eyes. Jay had chosen a simple but elegant strapless cocktail dress of the palest green. Both women were barefoot.
“Sweetheart,” Kate took Jay’s hands in her own as she turned to face her, “I want you to know that this year has been the best year of my life.
Being married to you...” Emotions threatened to swamp her. “I never really thought much about settling down before I met you, Jay. It didn’t occur to me that there could be someone who could mean everything to me, or that I could deserve the kind of love you give me every day. Jay,”
her voice faltered, “there are no words to tell you how much I love you.”
Jay reached their linked hands up and wiped a tear from her lover’s eye.
“Last year at this time,” Kate continued, “I was battered and bruised, physically and emotionally. You took me as your wife despite all that.”
She shook her head in wonder, momentarily unable to go on.
“Kate, I love you with all my heart. I did then and I do—even more—
now. I married the woman I’d been in love with since my sophomore year in college. You were my hero then, and you still are today. Your strength and bravery give me courage. Your dignity, honor, and grace make me so proud. Your beauty takes my breath away.”